Before & After: Foreplay and Afterplay

 While in close sexual embrace, meditation is both natural and empowered with primordial energy. 

A common mistake that occurs during lovemaking is an intense outpouring of attention and energy up to the time of orgasm, followed by disinterest or apathy once it has been achieved. Generally the man is responsible for this, as he tends to come to climax quickly, often without fully satisfying the woman.

Love-making should not be treated as a "hundred-yard sprint" ending in total collapse. This tends to create feelings of emptiness or resentment in the partner -- the phenomenon known as post-coital depression. When a couple become familiar with each other's sexual needs, mutual adaptation is natural and easy.

Everything that is sexually stimulating is part of foreplay and effectively harmonizes the physical and subtle natures of the couple. Eastern teachings state that woman, like water, is slow to come to a boil and slow to cool down afterward. The reverse is true of man, who is compared to fire, which is quickly ignited and speedily extinguished. However, if the two are correctly balanced, one will transform the other. Fire and water in balance produce steam, which naturally rises upward. This movement is analogous to the ascent of vital energy through the subtle channels and centers. During sexual union, this ascent takes place spontaneously when there is harmony and consideration in the love-play.

If passion is bubbling over in one but just beginning to stir in the other, then the couple should try to blend and harmonize these two states rather than going their separate ways. Love-play should always be undertaken with an earnest desire for the other's absolute fulfillment rather than for selfish gratification. Foreplay should be mutual to create total harmonization of mood and bodily elements.

Afterplay is equally as important as foreplay. The fruit of love will only ripen with careful nurturing of the tree on which it grows. After the couple has reached climax, they should continue to remain in close union for some time. This allows for the mutual exchange of subtle energies and the absorption of vital juices, which revitalize them. This is the time when the couple can come to know each other better in a non-verbal, mystical way. Having shared an ecstatic experience, they have much to digest. Meditation is completely natural when lying in close embrace, the Lingam within the Yoni.

After the intense physical exertion of lovemaking and the release of orgasm, the body finds itself in a unique state of relaxation. This state is highly conducive to meditation and mutual absorption. Lying together, immobile, limbs entwined, the sexual organs remaining in union, the couple can experience a complete blending of their separate identities. Use this time to focus the mind with a Mantra and allow the waves of ecstasy to continue flowing.

Try to avoid sudden entry without foreplay. The ancient texts insist that the partners' bodies need to become gradually harmonized; otherwise complications can develop, especially in the case of older people. Sexual union affects all organs of the body. Correctly accomplished, it is truly invigorating, but if abused, it leads to debilitation.

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Avoid jumping up immediately after orgasm and rushing off to the bathroom for a bath, douche, or shower. Lie together and savor the touch, taste, smell, and sight of each other. Try to consciously blend your sexual secretions and absorb their full potency. Caress each other, play, talk, laugh, or meditate, and you will suddenly feel ready for another shared ecstasy. Above all, try to permeate the experience of sex with love; bring out love from the depths of your being and offer it to your partner. In the Temple of Love there is no before or after, only the Eternal Now.

Try to empower the partner with intuitive initiation. Allow spontaneous feelings to be expressed by ritual acts of endearment. 

Correct love-making should not culminate in total physical exhaustion. When a women is tired, she should place her forehead on that of her lover and should take rest, without disturbing the union of their sex organs. When she has rested herself, the man should turn around and begin to make love with her again. If the lovers spend time playing with and caressing each other both at the beginning and at the end of their loving, then their ecstasy and confidence increase. Love-play enhances pleasure.


beforeThis article is excerpted from the book Sexual Secrets: The Alchemy of Ecstasy, by Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Destiny Books - Inner Traditions International, Rochester, Vermont, USA.

For more info or to order this book, click here.



About The Author

NIK DOUGLAS studied Oriental art, philosophy, medicine, and related sexual practices while living for eight years in the Himalayas. He studied with Indian physicians, adepts of Tantra, and Tibetan lamas, at the same time mastering Sanskrit and the Tibetan language. He has organized numerous exhibitions of Eastern art and is called upon by leading museums and private collectors to authenticate Oriental art and writings. PENNY SLINGER is an honors graduate of the Chelsea College of Fine Arts and one of Europe's leading erotic artists. Her work has been exhibited widely and hailed as "dynamic progressive eroticism, an exploration of female sexuality". Her illustrations for Sexual Secrets evoke and represent all the major cultures of the East and are inspired by centuries of artistic achievement.


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