Image by Gundula Vogel
Our parents and our relatives are among our most important teachers; they help shape our view of the world, how we understand ourselves, and our relationships with ourselves and with others.
Viewed from a spiritual perspective, they reflect and reinforce the behavioral patterns we bring with us; they encourage or suppress aspects of us to which we need to pay attention. They give us the greatest gift of all—our lives.
We encounter those closest to us repeatedly, interacting with them in many different ways, sometimes challenging each other, sometimes blessing each other or acting as angels of healing. We plan it all together at a higher level and out of love.
We can often experience this in a very different way, of course. For example, I struggled for many years with the fact that my mother had a long-term illness and was often no longer able to deal well with life or to develop her full potential. The life she lived out before me was mostly one of bravery and sacrificial love, and as a result was not an ideal role model for me as an independent, healthy, powerful, dignified woman.
At some point in a therapy session I realized that it was precisely through the way she was that I came to follow the medicinal and subsequently spiritual path, perhaps at first in order to help her, and of course myself, as I had been shaped by her. It was through my mother that I learned compassion and loving care. The realization that she was precisely the right person to direct me to the path that ultimately led to my vocation made me cry tears of liberation and reconciliation.
In such moments, in the sense of radical forgiveness from a higher perspective, we may come to understand that nothing intrinsically “wrong” has happened, however much we may have missed out on events or experiences, or indeed suffered pain.
Parents who have endured difficult times, such as the trauma of war, illness, addiction, or adversity, are often unable to give their children what they most need to flourish and to develop their potential and natural sense of self-worth. However, we often forget that our parents have always done the best they could in the circumstances. We often have a more generous view of our parents once we become parents ourselves and experience how often we are overstretched as a father or mother.
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Carrying Emotional Pain Due To Our Interpretation of Events
People often spend their entire lives with "my parents (father/mother) didn’t love me (enough)" metaphorically stamped on their foreheads. They repeat this narrative of having missed out to themselves again and again.
Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of nonviolent communication, said in one of his seminars that the pain we experience caused by a particular event amounts as a rule to only five percent of the pain we will carry around with us due to that event. The remaining ninety-five percent of the pain is caused by our interpretation of the event and the entrenched beliefs that arise as a result. Examples include: I am not good enough; I am not lovable; I’m not allowed to be me; I must have done something wrong, that’s why they treat me like this.
It is especially difficult to find peace in particular if you keep brooding on old pain and reflecting on absent parents.
The following exercise may help you to reactivate the current of love and gratitude for your parents and make it flow again.
Exercise: What do I love about my mother (my father)?
Spend at least seven minutes telling a person you trust what you like, appreciate, and love about your mother or father. It will be helpful if your companion repeats: “What do you love about your mother?” during this exercise. They should not make any comment on your list of points, however.
Write down the points that you think of, looking at your childhood, your teenage years, and your adulthood.
Here are a few examples.
What I love about my mother:
- That she often sang to me.
- That she was so good at baking.
- That she took me to church when I was very young and that I got to hear that uplifting, beautiful organ music at such an early age.
- The memory of the warm, safe feeling when I crept into her bed after a bad dream and fell asleep in her arms.
- That she has such a big heart.
- That she is so creative.
- That she likes to cook my favorite food when I come to visit.
- That she likes to laugh and have fun.
- That we can enjoy a spa day together.
Then ask yourself what you are grateful to your mother for.
I am grateful:
- That she always sewed us beautiful things.
- That she always magically put a lovely meal on the table, even when she was sick and felt unwell.
- That she so patiently taught me to crochet and knit.
- That she always listened to my problems when I was small.
- That she often helped me to do my homework.
- That I was/am able to talk to her so easily.
- That I have inherited much of her beauty (her eyes, her hair, etc.)
- That I learned to love from her.
I always find it helpful to swap roles at this point. Ask your exercise partner why they love their mother and are grateful to her. They may mention things you have experienced yourself, as is often the case with the law of resonance, and you will be reminded of other beautiful and positive things about your mother (father).
Changing Your View of Your Parents
I have carried out the following meditation on “finding peace with your parents” in my family constellation seminars for many years and have seen how people’s views of their parents suddenly change. Many of those taking part have wept tears of relief as they finally realized just how much love was there. They learned how to recognize the good in their parents and to remember that love was present at the beginning, however complicated the relationship became later.
Take your time over this journey and you will connect with the Archangel Haniel. He will support you in taking on your true greatness and in seeing your parents in all their uniqueness. He will give you the gift of seeing with God’s eyes, in truth and clarity.
If another light-filled companion should appear on this journey, however, trust your inner perception and “go with the flow.”
Meditation: Finding peace with your parents
Make yourself comfortable. Close your eyes.
Take a few deep breaths. Let go of tension on each outbreath and allow yourself to be completely present in the room.
Feel the ground beneath you and your connection to the Earth. Allow yourself to feel the love of the Earth surrounding and spreading through you with its vital force, and providing you with everything you need right now.
Connect with the heart of God, with the source of all being; allow divine love to surround and fill you from above, in love and protection, anchoring you in love from Heaven and Earth.
Now call the Archangel Haniel to your side, the angel of clarity and truth who helps us see the world through God’s eyes. Allow Haniel and the angels of healing who have now gathered here to lay their hands on your body and to flood you with golden light, letting the healing and love required for this inner journey flow into you.
Your vibration will increase, and Haniel will help you see things in a new light, as if seeing through God’s eyes, without being influenced by the stories, ideas, and memories that you carry within yourself.
Haniel is now touching your Third Eye and gifting you the memory of your soul, allowing you to see your parents lying in an intimate embrace and the colors of their aura change in the act of love that caused your soul to incarnate with these two people. You will feel that there was love and ecstasy at that time and that the dance of your parents’ energies was the invitation your soul accepted and through which you said yes to them.
Haniel is now helping you to recognize, from a higher perspective, why they were the perfect parents for you, despite any difficulties you may have encountered later, and why these challenges were important for your development. You can see the riches that have come into being through this intimacy.
Now let go of it again.
Once again Haniel touches your Third Eye and gifts you an image of your mother as a young woman, and you see her with her dreams and desires; you are looking deep into her heart as if through the eyes of God. You can see what lit a spark inside her heart and what was really important to her.
And now in your mind’s eye you see the central theme in your mother’s life playing out before you. You see her potential, the positive legacy you inherited from her, regardless of whether she was able to live this potential completely in beauty, or only partially or in a distorted way. Or perhaps she has forgotten it completely. You both see and sense this positive legacy.
And Haniel now touches your Third Eye and your heart, gifting you a memory of the very special moment when your mother first held you in her arms after you were born, and when you met, soul to soul, looking deep into one another’s eyes, as she realized the miracle to which she had just given birth.
Now allow yourself to accept completely the gift of life from your mother. Then this image recedes again.
And Haniel touches your Third Eye once again and gifts you the image of your father as a young man. You see him with his dreams and desires; you are looking deep into his heart as if through the eyes of God. You can see what lit a spark inside his heart and what was really important to him.
And now in your mind’s eye you see the central theme in your father’s life. You see his potential, regardless of whether he was able to live this out in beauty, or only partially or in a distorted way. Perhaps he has forgotten it completely. You both see and sense this positive legacy.
And Haniel once again touches your Third Eye and your heart, gifting you a memory of the very special moment when your father first held you in his arms after you were born, and when you met, soul to soul, looking deep into one another’s eyes as he realized what a miracle he had conceived and that it came about through his love of your mother.
Accept the gift of life from him completely too. Then let it go again …
And Haniel touches your Third Eye once more, and you look at yourself and see yourself as God sees you. You recognize how the central themes running through the lives of your mother and father intertwine in you, creating something entirely new and uniquely valuable that is you.
And now a path of light unfolds before you. A shining symbol that represents the highest potential of your soul appears before you. Haniel now helps you to understand what this symbol means. Feel and experience how this light symbol moves toward you to become one with you in your own way in your own time.
Allow the benevolent power of your highest potential to permeate you, taking up ever more space inside you with each breath in a way that feels exactly right for you.
Feel once again the blessing of your parents upon you and your path, the blessing of their souls that you may become as God intended, independent of their personal expectations and wishes.
And now this blessing flows like a shower of sparkling light from Heaven and Earth into you, allowing you to be yourself entirely and so that what you have to offer can make the world a more beautiful place.
Open your heart as you would open a door and allow the power of this light symbol, representing your highest potential, to shine out into the world. Touch every person who is important to you with this light, in the full knowledge that you are sharing the beauty of your heart with those you love and with all of Creation.
Now bring yourelf very gently back into the room where your body is resting. Start to breathe in and out a little more deeply to return to yourself fully. The moment you open your eyes, you are awake and refreshed.
©2020 by Jeanne Ruland and Shantidevi. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, EarthDancer,
an imprint of Findhorn Press. www.findhornpress.com.
Ancestral Healing for Your Spiritual and Genetic Families
by Jeanne Ruland & Shantidevi
Knowing your ancestral lineage is not only a matter of curiosity, your life path will unfold with much more ease if you are aware and in harmony with your origins. Exploring the heritage of your bloodline as well as the energy of your spiritual family, which we are often less aware of, opens you up to enormous potential for healing and self-development. Drawing on the Huna Hawaiian shamanic tradition as well as other shamanic and energetic practices and rituals, the authors show how to connect with our Aumakua, which includes our close relatives, ancestors stretching back thousands of years, and our spiritual ancestors or karmic family, for healing and self-development.
About the Authors
Jeanne Ruland is trained in Huna (Hawaiian shamanism) and has worked with the spirit kingdom for many years.
Shantidevi is experienced in alternative psychotherapy, systemic family work, reincarnation therapy, and trauma healing as taught by Peter Levine.