What Works For Me: What Do I Really Want More?

What Works For Me: What Do I Want More?
Creating a tapestry, one thread at a time. Image by VIVIANE MONCONDUIT 


Audio read by Marie T. Russell

Video version of this article

The reason I share "what works for me" is that it may work for you as well. If not exactly the way I do it, since we are all unique, some variance of the attitude or method may very well be something that will work for you.

As the publisher/editor of InnerSelf, I read a lot of material dealing with personal empowerment. And some of the things I read really resonate  with me, and I end up adopting them. It's sort of like creating a tapestry using threads coming from various sources. 

What Do I Most Want?

One thing that resonated a lot for me was the use of the question: What Do I Most Want? This can be applied to so many things. I have found this tool to be extremely helpful, not just in keeping goals, but also in staying calm or returning from a place of confusion and stress. Now, I reworded it to feel more like me, as "most want" seemed too formal... I use the question: What do I want more? Whichever format feels right for you is the one that is best for you. You could use: What do I really want?

To give you an example of using this question in the world of goals. Let's say my goal is to be healthier, which is actually my ongoing goal. So part of the way to attain that goal is to eat healthier, to exercise more, go for walks, etc.  So let's take food for example. Like many of us, I do experience cravings for sweets loaded with sugar. Now, in that moment, what I want is sugar (in whatever form it is presenting itself). So as I have my internal "to eat sugar or not to eat sugar" debate, my inner child may be whining... BUT I WANT SOME! I want a cookie, or ice cream, or pie, or even all of the above one after the other.

But then the question arises: But, what do I want more? Ah, well I want to be healthy, and full of vibrant energy, and healthy. I said healthy already -- but it bears repeating. 


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So the question, What do I want more, helps me refocus on what I REALLY want... not the temporary giving in to a craving, but the long-term result of health and even a shorter-term result of not crashing from a sugar overload later in the day.

Overcoming Resistance with Clarity

Another example: This year, for the first time in many many years, I am spending the winter in Canada, rather than Florida. And I am blessed to be in the countryside with lot of unpopulated land and untraveled roads to walk on. So my intention or goal  is to go walking outside every day. And of course, there often is some resistance to that... too busy, too cold, too late, too early, too tired, too much trouble, ... whatever the little self comes up with to say, nah, don't bother.

Yet, when I ask myself: What do I want more? I realize that what I really want is to be energetic, fit, enjoying the beauty of nature, get some fresh air... and that helps me get mobile, put on my warm layers of clothes and head out the door. And once I'm out there, I'm so happy I did not listen to the "nah, don't bother" voice.

Not More Stuff, but More Quality of Life

This also applies in other settings. A lot of us have partaken in what is called shopping therapy. And these days with many of us restricted closer to home, it's actually easier to do shopping therapy because everything is there online right at our fingertips. 

So there again, we can apply the "What do I want more" question before filling our cart and purchasing a lot of things we don't really need, and maybe can't really afford, and won't probably use more than once, or twice. What do I want more? A clutter-free environment at home, a less-polluted environment on the planet, not supporting sweatshops in third world countries. etc. etc.

Your Own "What Do I Want More" Answers

Everyone will have their own "what do I want more" answers. This can apply to relationships (joy rather than anger), work (fulfilment rather than boredom), diet and exercise (health rather than illness), creativity (joy rather than fear of rejection and doubt), etc.

All it takes is a bit of honesty with ourselves. When we find ourselves pulled this way or that by emotions, or cravings, or "needs", or fears, we can step away from the needy inner child that is clamoring for attention (yes, we all have one), and access our wiser inner being and ask ourselves: What do I want more? This helps guide us to the path that we truly desire to be on, and not step off into the ditch of cravings, neediness, fear, doubts, and spiraling emotions.

What do I want more? Peace, love, joy, health, cooperation, togetherness, communication, well-being... the list can go on and on. And it can be more specific too: I want to lose 20 pounds, or I want to lower my blood pressure or cholesterol, or I want to increase my muscle mass, or I want to stop taking so many pills, I want to have more energy, etc. etc. It can be applied to relationship, job, anything that is part of your life.

Your "What I Want More" list will be specific to you. There is no right or wrong, only what truly resonates with you. 

Related Book:

Scripting the Life You Want: Manifest Your Dreams with Just Pen and Paper
by Royce Christyn

Scripting the Life You Want: Manifest Your Dreams with Just Pen and Paper by Royce ChristynFrom small dreams to lifelong goals, this book gives you the tools to put your thoughts into action and finally close the gap between where you are and where you want to be in your life.

Info/Order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition and as an Audiobook.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com

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