Narrated by Lawrence Doochin.
“They must often change,
who would be constant
in happiness or wisdom.”
When we resist change, we will be fearful. When we judge ourselves, we will also be fearful. Thus we must accept ourselves as we are right now in this moment, while desiring to improve ourselves and make changes.
It sounds very paradoxical, doesn't it? Well, existence is one big paradox. Nothing is outside of unity, and even the things we deem as "negative" like fear are contained in the whole and must be seen from that perspective.
Being a fully self-aware individual is actually pretty simple. It just means that we have no self-judgment, and since we won't be projecting self-judgment outwards, this also means we will have no judgment of others.
The paradox was one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp, as it’s not something we can understand with our mind. It has to be experienced to be understood. I always wanted to veer to one side of the paradox or the other, but I finally figured out that I had to energetically balance myself in the middle.
In Order to Heal...
In order to heal, we have to look at ourselves and recognize what we believe to be our shadow or “darkness.” But we can’t stay there forever, and some use ongoing therapy or other healing practices to justify their state of victimhood and why they refuse to claim their power. The shadow is actually part of the light, and until we see it that way and see it beyond the field of duality, we will be forever trapped in trying to heal it.
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Psychology is very important when we are in the self-discovery phase, since we are unaware of our beliefs and how they affect us. There is something to “fix.” But eventually we have to rise above the belief there is something to “fix.”
The more we believe in the shadow, the more we energize it, and the more we think we have to work on it. Because we are looking at it wrongly, we can never reach the goal and this engenders fear. Although we start out seeing the shadow as we unwind our false beliefs, eventually uncovering our belief that the egg is cracked leads us to see that the egg was never cracked. This is the unity and wholeness to which we eventually return.
To come into a full awareness of who we are and let fear go for good, we have to eventually stop seeing ourselves as separate parts, such as our “inner child” or our ego. These exist in the same way that our liver or brain exist and interact as part of an integrated whole in the body, but they cannot exist separate from the whole body.
With fear, the vast majority push it off because it doesn’t feel good, which is a natural response and the same one I had. But the way to “get rid of it” is it to accept it as a part of ourselves and to welcome the lessons it’s trying to teach us.
I went through a lot of therapy for my abuse, and this helped me to see the false beliefs and shadows I was suppressing and hiding behind, which was a tremendous blessing. But at some point, I recognized that everything I deemed as “negative”, and tried to distance myself from, was actually part of me.
My judgment of these patterns and parts was causing me to see myself as fractured. Only through a recognition of my unity, even while still holding old patterns and beliefs that didn’t serve me, could I come fully into who I am meant to be, which includes having no fear.
I may always be affected by my abuse and it may cause me to initially have thoughts or even to react, but I can quickly recognize these and not allow them to take hold of me, and I can always choose not to act like a victim.
My abuse is no different than my propensity to hypertension. Having certain experiences and certain genetic patterns is part of our wholeness, not something which prevents us from being whole.
I have seen many people in denial, and I caution you not to take the above words and think you have worked on yourself if you haven’t, as some try to spiritualize everything or say that what happened to them was not that bad or that it didn’t affect them. These are just forms of defense that many use to fool themselves so they can avoid actually looking at their shadow and suppressed beliefs.
It’s the same collectively with our shadow. Helen Keller stated,
“It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.”
What We Energize...
What we energize, we bring to us, and it’s often what we fear. Our collective shadow comes out in society through marketing, pop culture, and movies, as well as areas like sports where violent sports such as MMA and pro football continue to rise in popularity.
The paradox shows us we must accept things as they are, not fight against them, while wanting and implementing change. When we fight against something that is false, we give it energy and make it appear to have validity.
Change within both the world and ourselves is the only constant. We must feel comfortable with it or it will overwhelm us. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “Change alone is unchanging.”
The weather changes every moment. We accept this and we don’t judge it. Yet we resist and judge the changes that happen with us, even though we are like the weather.
Fighting the Current?
Change happens whether we want it or not, so we might as well flow with it as it will make the change much easier. This lesson has been brought to us in a big way with the coronavirus. We can float down the river of life effortlessly, allowing the current to take us where it wants us to go, or we can fight the current and be bashed against the rocks.
Most of us fight the current because we are in fear. We don’t trust, and we try to control the outcome of a situation. When we resist, we suffer.
In everything in life — our individual relationships, groups or communities, and businesses and ventures — flowing with change is critical, or the relationship, community, or business will eventually decline. This means having no immutable plans or expectations of where a situation needs to go.
Being accepting of change comes from having a strong faith. This is especially important around the journey that we are now on with the coronavirus, as we don’t know where this journey is taking us. But we can have faith that individual and collective changes are in our highest good and will bring something better, maybe something we can’t even yet envision.
Faith assures us that change brings renewal, and this is what happens in nature, which is our perfect teacher. Everything dies to become sustenance for the next cycle.
Winston Churchill stated,
“To improve is to change;
to be perfect is to change often.”
Nature Changes Often
Nature changes often, which is the natural cycle of life. Change always appears messy as there are no clean delineations between the old and what becomes the new — just look at what the caterpillar becomes in the cocoon.
I always get a chuckle out of seeing so many people try to keep perfectly manicured yards, as this is completely against the natural flow of life and we have to use major hacks such as poison. Have you ever seen anything like this in nature?
Just look at a forest where everything is constantly decomposing to create the new. It’s very messy. When we allow ourselves to join the natural flow of life and accept the messiness of life changes, surrendering to them, the most amazing things happen. We become the butterfly.
This is what the Universe presented us in the form of the coronavirus, as individually and collectively we were placed in a state of shock where everything we knew and believed was uprooted. If we are planting a garden, we have to first uproot the weeds before we can plant something new. The dying off of the old that does not serve us and the coming in of the new can feel scary because we have to trust in the process, knowing that we will harvest a bountiful and healthy crop.
The coronavirus has proved fearful for most — not just the fear of being exposed and getting sick, but also the fears that arise from experiencing emotions, attachments, and false beliefs about ourselves that have been buried for a long time. This has been a messy time emotionally and energetically, but again this is how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly — if it doesn’t resist the process.
Acceptance of Ourselves and Change
Acceptance of ourselves and change also means being present with our emotions, honoring them, and having compassion for ourselves as we allow what comes up to be felt and released without judgment. For we will not change these patterns overnight, but having compassion on ourselves, while we are working to change them, is the most important thing we can do to change them because this takes us out of self-judgment. This leads to great wisdom and internal peace. It’s the Dalai Lama who said,
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world
until we make peace with ourselves.”
-- The Dalai Lama
When we accept ourselves as we are, we will accept others as they are. Fred Rogers tells us our task:
“To love someone is to strive to accept that person
exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
-- Fred Rogers
Accepting someone as they are means looking with non-judgment and seeing beyond the appearance of dysfunction to the spirit within. Paradoxically, when we accept others as they are and don’t try to change them, this often creates change in them, because if we see them as the spirit they truly are, this lights the way for them to recognize this within themselves.
Seeing others as they truly are doesn’t mean that we always approve of their choices, but we recognize that they are also going through great changes and have the right to make their own choices. This doesn’t change who they fundamentally are.
Certainly, we may be in a setting such as a business, where someone is not doing their job. Or we may be in a family where the behavior of one spouse is harming the children. We can be compassionate and kind while being firm about changes that are needed in their behavior.
We must accept who we are in this moment and accept who we are in the next moment, for we are constantly changing and constantly being renewed in mind, body, and spirit. By accepting the “new” you in each moment, you are affirming the real you that is behind all appearances.
There is a tremendous amount of change happening in the world right now, and this can be good. Change can be our friend if we allow it to be. In order to not be in fear, we have to really let go and trust that a higher power has us, our life, our loved ones, and really everyone on the planet.
We can’t change anything until we first accept it as it is.
What change do you fear most?
Why do you fear this particular change?
Copyright 2020. All Rights Reserved.
Publisher : One-Hearted Publishing.
A Book On Fear: Feeling Safe In A Challenging World
by Lawrence Doochin
Even if everyone around us is in fear, this doesn't have to be our personal experience. We are meant to live in joy, not in fear. By taking us on a treetop journey through quantum physics, psychology, philosophy, spirituality, and more, A Book On Fear gives us tools and awareness to see where our fear comes from. When we see how our belief systems were created, how they limit us, and what we have become attached to that creates fear, we will come to know ourselves at a deeper level. Then we can make different choices to transform our fears. The end of each chapter includes a suggested simple exercise that can be done quickly but that will shift the reader into an immediate higher state of awareness about that chapter’s topic.
For more info and/or to order this book, click here.
About the Author
Lawrence Doochin is an author, entrepreneur, and devoted husband and father. A survivor of harrowing childhood sexual abuse, he traveled a long journey of emotional and spiritual healing and developed an in-depth understanding of how our beliefs create our reality. In the business world, he has worked for, or been associated with, enterprises from small startups to multinational corporations. He is the cofounder of HUSO sound therapy, which delivers powerful healing benefits to individual and professionals worldwide. In everything Lawrence does, he strives to serve a higher good. His new book is A Book on Fear: Feeling Safe in a Challenging World. Learn more at LawrenceDoochin.com.