A lot has been said about changing your old story. You may have read some of the several books about this, or attended seminars on this topic. Even if you haven’t, you can probably acknowledge that in your past, you held a distinctly lesser image of yourself, and have judged yourself, made assumptions about your worth (or lack thereof), or seen yourself through a dark filter of insecurity, cynicism, or pain. You also have experienced repetitive patterns of limitation and challenge that, despite your seeming best efforts have caught you over and over again and trapped you within them. These patterns became your old sad story, and out of them you developed your limiting beliefs.
For example, you may have found love relationships challenging. They all started out the same way. Both of you excited about each other, but then the first argument revealed that your mate was only thinking of him or herself and willing to manipulate you any way he or she could to get what was wanted. Then you pulled back. You detached yourself emotionally from your partner or else you demanded that your partner be present for you and fulfill your agenda. Your partner pulled back and blamed you for making his or her life miserable, and you fought each other. No one won.
This began to be the common pattern every day until in desperation, you left the relationship. After you separated, you kicked yourself that you didn’t do more, do better, or you continued to blame your ex-partner, considered him or her evil and a bad person, or whatever. After a long time ruminating on what went wrong, you rationalized yourself to be okay, the innocent one, and decided to continue.
Eventually, after a few of these experiences that were remarkably similar with very different individuals, you decided that “men (or women) can’t be trusted,” “it’s better to be alone than go through the pain,” or “I just don’t have what it takes to have a good relationship – there’s something obviously wrong with how I pick my partners or how I develop or build a relationship.”
Now once you see the pattern and own it as normal for you, you begin to expect it. You approach relationships with a lot of caution and tend not to let yourself open up or get involved quickly. You look into your partner’s life suspiciously, looking for the signal that he or she will start doing that selfish or evil thing. Or you demand more loyalty and openness from your partner. No matter what you seem to do as your new strategy, you end up going down the same path. This reinforces the beliefs you have made about you and relationships.
Does this description of a pattern sound familiar to you? You may not have this exact pattern, but looking at your life, where do you find a pattern that has limited you over and over again, just as you seem to be getting somewhere in your life? This pattern is anchored into your subconscious mind along with the image you hold of yourself, and the limitations you feel that you normally and naturally have.
See Your Self-Image, both Light and Dark
Logically, you know that if you only hold dark images of yourself and/or of others, that it’s not going to work for you in creating your Dream Future. Nor will it help the world. As you are a remedy for the world, you need to be free of your old preconceptions, assumptions, and limited ideas about yourself. When you focus on your limits, you are focused on your Lesser Self, the small you.
You could also have constructed a totally positive, fantastic image of yourself, but if you look at your life, you can see that there’s a conflict between the fantastic-ness of that image and the level of joy, happiness, and success you are enjoying in your life. There still are “holes” in your happiness – some area that is not working.
Now it’s good to hold positive ideas of yourself, but they need to be really you, not the success images of your culture! If you only hold positive images of yourself, you’ve been hooked by your negative ego facade. You know this one. It’s the “I’m cool and sophisticated” facade you put on in adolescence as protection from humiliation and ridicule.
And if you don’t have any negatives at all about yourself, or you deny all negative possibilities about yourself to others, it only means you simply have stuffed them deep down into your dark shadow. The Dark Shadow is in the Unconscious Mind – very deep. But putting them “out of sight and out of mind” only refers to your conscious mind. Your story line and patterns are a program that are running no matter what your conscious mind says.
You want to look at your story and find the good and the bad, the light and the dark. You are all, everything. The ideal of perfection is only additional pressure on you to ignore the dark and embrace the light. But you see, being all light doesn’t work. You need to be REAL.
You need to accept yourself as you are, light and dark. And you need to forgive yourself for anything dark that you still feel is dragging on you and keeping you from becoming the spiritual radiance that you actually are or doing the Mission your Soul has called you to.
Stop Identifying with your Old Story
What you want to do, is to release your old, sad story which goes back years – the story of your Lesser Self. Your story holds your beliefs, assumptions, and judgments (both positive and negative) about you, your capability for happiness, love, success, and fulfillment of all your needs.
Since you build up your stories over time to explain why difficult or sabotaging things happened, or why you were successful, you are building your self-image. When you face new options in your life, you assess whether or not you can actually work with these circumstances. How confident are you? Well, you will look at your old story and see if you know how to be successful and confident in a similar circumstance. This uses your Old, Sad Story and shrinks you back into your Lesser Self.
Don’t identify with the self you were, even if that self is only last year. It’s a fall-back self-image to rely on when you are stressed and don’t know what to do, what choices to make, or what direction to go. In the past when you were very young, you had to make choices for yourself blindly, hoping that they would work. You had no experience at that time to know if your choices and decisions and life direction would work, but you had to make them.
But you see, those old choices and decisions were part of who you were, and they were the ones that established the patterns, limitations, and small self-image of you (or the negative ego image/facade of you). If you still identify with your teen self or child self emotionally, and with those choices made then, you will be a victim of life indefinitely. You want to be the powerful reality creator you are and to dream into being the you that is a spiritual giant now.
Think about it. Your life in your youth was taken up with issues on how to cope with peers, how to make choices, had to handle your family dramas, how to compete, and on and on. Where was the freedom to discover who you truly were? Who did you think you had to be in order to survive?
My choice as a teen was to detach from everyone and hide. I denied my feelings and pretended I didn’t have any. I focused on building my skills in music and art, hoping I could somehow make it in either field. But all the stress went deep down into me, creating a story of illness, victimhood, and stifling limitations that blocked my dreams. I suspect a lot of people have similar themes.
Now today, I’m no longer a victim. I acknowledge that I am a powerful being, luminous and caring. But unacknowledged pieces of that victim story and its dark, intense emotional pain still remains, embedded deep within my psyche and my body today. I am making it conscious, and now that I see it for what it is, I can go deep within and find a new Vision for myself AND for my body.
Recognize the Old Story's Compensations
So I ask you, think back to your puberty days, your adolescence. Where did you experience shame, suffering, and emotional rejection? What did you choose to do and be after that? What was your compensation strategy?
Did you hide away and protect yourself with “armoring?” Did you become the class clown, always being funny with self-deprecating humor? Did you step into a facade of perfection, confidence, and being right? Did you attack others or bully? Did you become studious or develop a skill that could make you money and insure your independence?
There certainly are many more options that what I suggest in the above questions. So what were yours? And how did you see yourself then? Did you take the judgments of others into yourself? Did you fight? Did you run away? What did you think you had to do with your body and your life then?
Discover The Purpose of all that Suffering
So now look at all the suffering and struggle you have done to date. What good did that do for you? Be the devil’s advocate here and find the positive purpose of your suffering. Using myself as an example, since I took everything into my body and emotions, I got into the healing arts for my body and became a psychologist to handle my emotions. I wanted to feel good, be happy, regain my energy, and have a good constitution again like I had as a child before the shame and pain descended upon me at puberty.
I got into healing through diet, supplements, herbs, energy healing, meditations, and vibrational resonances (through various frequency emitting gizmos). Most importantly, I learned how to process and heal my emotions, including shame. You see, emotions, beliefs, attitudes, and self-image are all stuck in the body and can cause dis-ease.
All of these avenues improved me, but I never got “there” to total physical, emotional and mental health. Only now, am I understanding why. First, I had to accept that my shame and shutdown was a gift given to me so that I could find my life direction that was true for me. I began to see how my life unfolded in new and different ways as I learned how to heal myself and set me on a spiritual path that I am still on. In others words, suffering and its consequences gave me my life direction. I accept that now. Along the way, I have experienced much magic and many miracles. Life is getting better and better.
So what has your adolescent suffering brought you, positively? Here’s an example. I had a friend back in Florida who loved to dance and was intending to become a professional dancer. In her adolescence, however, she developed a severe scoliosis and had to have surgery. Two or three of her spinal vertebrae were fused, and her dancing days ended. While she was devastated, this made her seek another outlet for her life force, another direction. After a few years of wandering around looking for a focus, she found it in marriage and being a mom. Then she began to work on expressing herself in art.
My husband offers another example. As a child, he was always sickly and weak. He had polio at 2 and after that, he became a mother’s boy, coddled and protected by her against his domineering father who wanted him to be a tough and strong man. In childhood, he was picked on and beaten up a lot. He had a lot of shame about his weaknesses. At 11, he got TB and spent some time in a sanitarium in the mountains.
At one point, he got tired of always being the one picked on, the weak sickly one, and the mamma’s boy. So he made a decision to be healthy. First, he stopped himself from crying by deliberately falling on his nose, breaking it. This worked. His crying stopped. Then he took the “primal” cure of gnawing on bones and going to local quarry to slam rocks and break them. Within a couple of years, he began growing tall and no longer succumbed to every virus that came around. He became healthy. And he has remained healthy to this day. While I get sick from toxic air pollution, he feels better and better, even though he is breathing the same air. The contrast is amazing!
I recognize that I still, in my body, harbor feelings of victimhood to my environment and am changing my story, creating a new Vision for my Future. I can see positive personal health coming. I hope you can too.
Get The Latest From InnerSelf
No matter what area of your life is your “Commission of Challenge,” whether it’s about money, love, or health, the secret to healing your story and getting a new one is to reverse the choice you made way back in your adolescence as you reeled from the impact of puberty on your life.
Choose Your New Story
This New Story has to be one of choice. There are several factors that need to be in it, no matter what the details are.
Here’s a list of what I think can NOT be in your New Life Story or part of your Personal Vision or Global Mission, or even your career and Destiny paths:.
Victim consciousness, always at the mercy of anything that comes along
Resentments and bitterness, with desire for revenge or punishment
Feeling powerless with the environment (pollution, politics, and relationships)
Fear and anxiety, with safety/security as principles
Feeling separate from others, separate from love, and from life’s flow
Always worrying about money, the safety of your family, and any other worry
Denying yourself to fulfill duties and obligations, carrying burdens, and in general being a slave to others’ interests and not your own
The Ego need to be better than others and show them how to do it right
The need to control things and people to make reality consistent and orderly
Change Your Perception, Change Your Story, Change your Reality
Changing your Future is all about determining a Life Track that heads towards happiness, joy, love, freedom, fulfillment, and celebration. Once you set your foot on that Path, you will experience more magic and miracles. You will begin to see that reality isn’t a set-in-stone kind of thing but something flexible and fluid that you can play with and create for you, your loved ones and your world.
Now of course, you won’t be able to immediately manifest your Ideal Future. That Future is your world’s change too. But the self that you are in that Ideal Future holds a very high frequency you can grab on to now. And when you grab it and move towards that Greater Self, you can count on the Universe becoming more visibly supportive of you, and your life will have more joy and laughter in it – more lightness, more healing, more freedom!
This article is being published
with permission of the author.
Lightworker: Understand Your Sacred Role as Healer, Guide, and Being of Light
by Sahvanna Arienta.
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About the Author
Ginger Chalford Metraux, Ph.D., is the channel for Galexis. (A person who enables another being to speak to others through them is called a medium or "channel.") Galexis is a group of beings who speak as One through Ginger. Type in "GalexisSpirit" on YouTube and watch the video on how to connect with us. For more information on Galexis, please see http://www.GalexisSpirit.com.