Who Are Our Children and What Do They Need From Us?

Who Are Our Children and What Do They Need From Us?

Our old ideas of parenting usually involve trying to follow some behavior standard to be a "good parent." As you learn to trust yourself and be yourself spontaneously, you may find yourself violating many of your old rules about what a good parent does...

The New Kids Have a Secret

The New Kids Know the Future...For most of my adult life I’ve been asking questions of young people, “What do you want to be when you grow up? Do you see yourself ever becoming a parent?” The usual “I want to be a fireman [or a nurse] and have four kids” abruptly changed in the eighties. From then on, the answers I received came from a decided knowingness about things future...

Avoiding Parenting Pitfalls: Punishment, Accountability and Blame

Avoiding Parenting Pitfalls: Punishment, Accountability and Blame

Don't be hard on yourself or anyone else, but see that some of these games have been handed down for centuries like family heirlooms. Every one of them can be righted, and often the first major step is to recognize them and refuse to...

Communicating With Your Children: Indigo and Otherwise

Communicating With Your Children: Indigo and Otherwise

Children have changed, and that no old model, no matter how well it used to work, is going to work now. The '50s and '60s are now gone, and with them, an old culture of innocence has passed, as well as a world with half as many people. The Indigos are a product of human evolution, and they offer hope to all of us.

ADHD and The Edison Gene: A Problem or a Gift?

ADHD and The Edison Gene: A Problem or a Gift?

As Thomas Edison once said, "The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." Often Edison kids with ADHD — an umbrella term that includes attention deficit disorder (ADD) — quit trying. Typically, these kids are weary of not fitting in or are furious at feeling forced to do so. Self-protectively, they...

The Art of Nurturing... Not Smothering or Controlling

The Art of Nurturing... Not Smothering

Nurturing is not to be confused with smothering. Nurturing helps a child blossom, while smothering leads to behavioral problems. When a parent suffocates a child, the parent's objective is to control...

Co-Sharing: An Alternative to Day Care

Co-Sharing: An Alternative to Day Care

by Francesca Cappucci Fordyce. Parents, single or not, might consider co-sharing, i.e. families helping each other out. Co-sharing works in principle like the adage "it takes a village to raise a child" giving single mothers more time...

How To Help Kids Have a Good Future

How To Help Kids Have a Good Future

The best thing we can do is offer our children a good and protected childhood that simultaneously prepares them for the future they will live in. That means we have to change how we parent...

Want Mandated Paid Maternity Leave? Not in the USA or Liberia!

Certain rights in life are taken for granted. And in most countries, that includes maternity leave. But not in the USA, apparently. There are four countries in the world that do not offer government-mandated maternity leave, and the USA is one of them. That is an honor (NOT!) that we could do without.

Teens! How To Get Them To Adulthood without Parental Trauma

Teens! How To Get Them To Adulthood without Parental Trauma

Older cultures did not have the kinds of adolescent problems we are now experiencing. However, they did have to deal with typical adolescent dynamics. Even in ancient times and primitive cultures, parents wrestled with their adolescents’ moods, desires, and rebelliousness....

Toxins Linked to Autism & ADHD?

Link to Toxins in Autism & ADHD?

What does ADHD have to do with toxins? Well, there have been a number of theories and studies done on the effects of environmental toxins influencing the increase in ADHD in individuals, most notably artificial flavoring, preservatives and coloring...

How To Explain Your Illness to Your Teenager

How To Explain Your Illness to Your Teenager

A teenager facing a parent's illness may go off in all kinds of different directions, and that's okay — that's normal. A parent's grave illness brings demands that most teens don't even begin to know how to handle. As adolescents, they're...

How to Improve Communication with Your Children

How to Improve Communication with Your ChildrenMany parents think they have to protect their children from their (the parents’) confusion or so-called negative feelings. They think that being a good parent means maintaining a certain role — always being patient, loving, wise, and strong. In fact, children need honesty — they need to...

Kids on Bikes: Building Trust and Responsibility

Kids on Bikes: Building Trust and Responsibility

For parents, cycling with their children opens up a range of possibilities. A bicycle can bring out the kid in a grown-up — and give a kid a chance to show resilience and strength. When those things happen, everybody wins...

Whole Child Approach To Successful Parenting

Whole Child Approach To Successful Parenting

by Dr. Caron Goode. If we knew that our children were our planetary and societal salvation and held the answer to the questions of how to survive and thrive into the next century, how would we treat them? Collectively, the statistics regarding our children's state of consciousness are frightening.

Attention Parents! How to Raise a Loser

Attention Parents! How to Raise a Loser

by Jerral Hicks, Ed.D. If a parent wants to raise a child who is self-centered, uncaring, unable to take care of himself, and most likely to fail as an adult, just do the following...

Once Said, Never Unsaid: How To Talk to Teenagers

Once Said, Never Unsaid: How To Talk to Teenagers

by Tom Sturges. Here’s the problem: If you ever do become unhinged for a moment and say something unkind to your adolescent child, you can never take it back. Once said, it can never be unsaid. Although I am sure that there are more, here are five phrases that should never be spoken to an adolescent or teenager...

Cannabis Is An Herb and a Flower, Not a Drug

Psychospiritual exploration, soul-searching, communing with the self — these are normal and important components of the human experience. Adolescence is a prime time for this sort of exploration, and for questioning, testing limits, and defying both death and authority. The chances that your kids aren’t going to have to...

ADHD, Edison, and Yesterday's Child

The following text, "Yesterday's Child" by Janie Bowman, was originally published in The Missing Piece (Winter 1993), the newsletter of the Learning Disabilities Association of Washington State. "After only three months of formal education, Yesterday's child walked out of his school in a fit of rage. ...Today's child would be in long-term therapy for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder..."

Becoming Parents

For almost every couple, the thought of bringing a child into this world triggers a whole range of emotions. There can be a tremendous thrill of joy, and many couples are aware of this; but all too often this joy is covered by fear, doubt, or...

Elders: The Missing Link

Traditional societies transmitted to the young not only lineage and survival information but also the beliefs and expectations of the culture. This system perpetuated the health, longevity, and survival of the community and its values. To do this, it was critical to have...

Raising An Independent Child

You can provide your child with several essential ingredients for gaining independence. You must give your child love and respect. These expressions give her the sense of security that allows her to explore and take risks. You must show confidence...

Raising a Successful and Happy Child

What do kids really need to be successful and happy people? Parents, educators, and society as a whole couldn't ask a more important question. How you answer this question will determine how you will raise your child, and, ultimately, what kind of adult he will become... 

Children and Verbal Abuse

When a parent faces a stressful situation and their child needs attention, the urgencies of the moment can invite a hasty response. For this reason, it is helpful for parents to remind themselves of the need to treat their child with goodwill and respect, even when they feel stressed...

Birth Without Violence?

For the baby, the world is a terrifying place. It is the vastness, the enormity of the whole experience of being born which so terrifies this little traveler. Blindly, madly, we assume that the newborn baby feels nothing. In fact, he feels . . . everything. Everything, totally, completely, utterly, and with a sensitivity we can't even begin to imagine.

Bonding of Mother and Child

Bonding gives an intuitive, extrasensory kind of relationship between mother and child. Bonding is a felt process, not available to discursive thought, language, or intellect. It is a communion that bypasses our ordinary reasoning mind. The mother senses the infant's need to evacuate the same way she recognizes her own bodily needs, but the communion of bonding goes beyond just physical processes.

How You & Your Child Relate

There are many parents who would never imagine that their child doesn't have the nerve to talk with them. When I first created my school programs more than twenty years ago, I was amazed at how many thousands of children told me they felt this way and hadn't let their parents know. How close do you think your child feels to you?

Hints On Raising Children

How you ask your children to listen, and what you choose to see in them will help determine their response to you. Don't allow your ego to make you feel guilty for not doing it perfectly. The myth of the perfect parent is as much a myth as that of the perfect child...

Building a Foundation

The first few days of a baby's life can bring a deeply spiritual opening between parent and child. The sheer mystery of birth and the vulnerability of this tiny being you hold in your arms are truly awe-inspiring. Many mothers and fathers have told me that they had no way to predict the powerful emotions that poured forth during those first days of parenting. In some cultures, the time immediately following birth is sacred and protected for both mother and child.

Forward Into The Past

The interesting question is whether those of us who were successful students achieved this success by memorizing an enormous number of words without necessarily understanding them or caring about them. Might we have spent a good chunk of our childhoods doing stuff that was exactly as pointless as we suspected it was at the time?

Fathers Must Face Their Fears

It's pretty hard dealing with the idea of really being a father. Scary feelings come up about accepting it, getting involved, learning what to do and how to participate in family life. The commitment part is a heavy thing for me right now. The dramatic lifestyle changes that accompany the entry into fatherhood bring up fears of all sorts.

Fatherless Boys

Just because a father lives at home, does not mean he is available to his son or daughter. Fathers often overbusy themselves, so they don't have to deal with their own responsibility and subliminal pain from their childhood. A parent has to resolve his own issues before he can completely be present and mindful of his children.

Empowering Children to Find the Answers to their Problems

Empowering Children to Find the Answers to their Problems

by Alina Guiterrez. The most important job a person can have is to teach another. Educators have a great responsibility toward those they teach, because everything they do and say has a lifelong impact upon their students. For this reason, it is very important that the children and youth be empowered by allowing them to make their own decisions...

Dissolving Power Struggles

We all know that it's best to avoid getting into control struggles with our kids -- battles over going to bed on time, cleaning up rooms, getting homework done, completing college applications when they're due. Yet power struggles are not so easy to avoid. What parent doesn't at times feel locked in a battle in which no one wins and no one surrenders?

Are You a Depressed Parent

The number of children on Ritalin is rising at a truly alarming rate. At the same time, the incidence of clinical depression among adults -- including parents -- is almost epidemic, and continues to rise. We need to understand the connection between...

Dating with Children: Feel the Guilt and Do It Anyway

Dating with Children: Feel the Guilt and Do It Anyway

Some of you might be thinking, "I'd love to start dating, but who would want to date someone with four children, a dog, and two parakeets?" Don't assume just because you have children, you're less desirable. There are plenty of people who like children and who want to date someone with children.

Cross My Heart

When I was little, my mom and I used to have a lot of fun turning old ideas around and changing the meaning into something we enjoyed more. When we heard someone say, "I'm going to kill two birds with one stone," we changed it to "I'm going to feed two birds with one seed!

Communicating With Your Unborn Child

Communicating With Your Unborn Child

In pregnancy and in some cases even before, quite a high proportion of mothers believe they have been in contact with their unborn children. Some of the women studied found their bodies picking up their unborn babies' feelings. "Every once in a while, I have a feeling but I don't know where it comes from. And then I realize that I am not the one having the feeling."

Children and Money

Every generation of parents dreams, works, and saves so that their children experience greater personal prosperity than they. Until the last few years, the steady advances in purchasing power of the average American has made this dream attainable by most. Nevertheless, financial instruction continues to be neglected in school systems and in most families. Perhaps for the first time in American history, better money attitudes and management skills will be required curriculum for the next generation.

Childbirth A Celebration of Life

Birth can be scary, and it can also be glorious. Fear of the unknown causes anxiety in many expectant parents. Empowering yourself with information, knowledge, and the support of experienced people can turn fear into joyful anticipation. It can mean the difference between being a passive recipient of health care services and becoming an active participant in the experience of welcoming your child into the world.

Child Care

How your young children spend their time out of your care will have an enormous impact on how well they perform, both socially and academically, in the future. The following are a few suggestions about choosing daycare and how to ensure your child is getting the most from a childcare situation.

Care and Upbringing of Children

A child will learn ethical philosophy by observing how you treat others around you. Severity is sometimes necessary, mercy is sometimes necessary, and mildness is sometimes necessary. Use your head. Think things out before overreacting to situations. Do not moralize with the child. Speak of actions and behaviors in terms of real consequences.

Broken Wings Can Learn to Fly

Parenting is the most difficult job there is because of the immense responsibility of shaping another human being. A child's character and inner structure are like putty in the hands of his parents. Parents hold the power to shape and mold a child's vulnerable constitution. With such big stakes...

Broken Parents Broken Children

When parents have a baby, they unwittingly have to deal with their own brittle past. At every new stage, memories sneak up. A parent recalls what happened when they were that age. Just as we cope with unfulfilled expectations, the most effective way to avoid recalling childhood memories is to keep moving. There is a syndrome of "running parents", always on the go. The neurosis of running becomes a family affliction, parents insist that their children remain busy as well.

Being Oneself

The most important decision faced by a modern household with children is how to harmonize the time and energy invested in satisfying financial needs, career ambitions, parental responsibilities, sexual urges, and intellectual and recreational cravings...

American Children

Each of us as parents must identify the values we have intentionally taught and displayed to our children. But, we must also ask ourselves another question: What values have we as a society taught our children? Every morning when we pick up our newspapers we see more and more of the consequences of this "education". We know that our kids are in deep trouble because of what we as a society have done.

Adolescents Have Needs Too

Parents of teenagers, take heart! There is affection after adolescence. Even friendship. For those of you who’d like to deep-freeze your teen till twenty-one — you’re not alone. It’s a toss-up whether puberty is tougher on the kids or the parents...

Fostering Courage, Strength, and Compassion in Adolescent Girls

Positive role models are critical to a child's development. Girls need adults in their lives who model assertiveness, strength, caring, and responsiveness. We need to empower them to make decisions and solve problems within the safety net of our love and guidance. Girls need to see us working to continually improve our ability to communicate our needs, hopes, and concerns so that we nurture others but don't lose ourselves.

Community Service Schools

by John Taylor Gatto. For a while I think we need to make community service a required part of schooling. Besides the experience in acting unselfishly that it will teach, it is the quickest way to give young children real responsibility in the mainstream of life.

Adoption in China

by Susan Winston.

Twenty-four of us sat nervously on unforgiving wooden benches. It was a day of mixed emotions. We all knew that behind our own personal happiness was a deeply disturbing practice here in China, a quiet genocide that yearly claims the lives of thousands of female babies and children. This was the day my husband, Jim, and I were to adopt our daughter, Nikki Kate Winston.

Children and Sex

by Morton & Barbara Kelsey

Let's look at some concrete examples of how parental attitudes tend to shape children's sexual identities. Certainly the lack of emotional affection and touch in many homes causes some youngsters to fail to relate sexuality and affection and such parental modeling can cause later sexual confusion. How parents treat the sexual interests and play of children can also have a profound effect upon the adult lives of those children.

Great Expectations

by Johann Christoph Arnold.I have always been regretting that I was not as wise as the day I was born. Vast numbers of children are endangered by a one-sided approach that sees them solely in terms of their ability to be fruitful -- that is, to achieve and succeed.

Cultivating Awe and Wonder Begins by Keeping Our Eyes Open

Cultivating Awe and Wonder Begins by Keeping Our Eyes OpenChildren seem able to find wonder in the simplest of things -- an unusual bug on the sidewalk, a puddle that is particularly deep, a small paper airplane. As we age, somehow our capacity for awe and wonder is diminished, just as our skin loses its elasticity. So how do we recapture the experience of wonder?

Parenting Without Anger

We use anger in disciplining our children because we become upset by what they do, and we then become angry. But when we mix the 'lesson' with our anger, we end up teaching our child that it's okay to respond with anger to things that upset us. When we respond with anger, the child learns anger.

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