Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?

Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?
Image by Gerd Altmann

Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us. All events and experiences in our field of awareness represent the outpicturing of a feeling, belief, or attitude we are holding. Thus we can use every event as a barometer of where we are on our path. "We think in secret and it comes to pass; environment is but a looking glass."

This universal Law of Attraction means that we "hire" everyone in our play to act out the script we have written. This is why we experience repetitious patterns in relationship, work, or health; different actors are showing up to play out the same role. Eventually we recognize that it cannot be an accident that the same type of people keep doing the same things; it is we who have drawn them according to the signals we are radioing to central casting.

The Good News

The good news about the Law of Attraction is that the moment we change our mind, heart, or attitude, the outer world must reflect it, often immediately. We can save ourselves all kinds of pain, and escape the struggle of endless manipulation, by determining what we would like to receive from other people, and then giving it to ourselves.

This all-important shift can be difficult in a world where we are daily bombarded with the notion that we are empty and needy, and everything we want and need is "out there". Out there in a romantic partner; a hit record; a new car; a more prestigious job; a better house.

The funny thing about getting things from out there is that if you did not know you were whole before you got the thing, you will not become whole when you get it; in fact you will feel even more empty and confused. As Buddha asked, "If you do not get it from yourself, where will you go for it?"

You Are Good Enough!

Cool Runnings is a delightful (based on true) story of a group of young Jamaican men who decide they will enter the bobsled competition in the winter Olympics. The team faces and overcomes tremendous odds to make it to the competition.

The night before the big race, one of the team members confides to the coach that he will feel like a failure if he returns home without a medal. The coach has some good advice for this fellow: "If you do not know that you are good enough without the medal, you will not be good enough with the medal."

 Get The Latest From InnerSelf

Our Purpose Is To Express Love

All of us truly want to be in love, for love is our natural state -- literally who we are. The question is not, "Should we love?" but "Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?" If we decide that another person is the source of our love, we set ourself up for a roller coaster ride of heady ecstasy followed by painful frustration. Sometimes our partner will do things that make us feel loved, and sometimes he or she will do things that make us feel unloved. But as long as anything she or he does can make us feel one way or another, we have set ourselves up for a fall; we have given our power away in a most unkind (to ourselves) way, and we become little more than a yo-yo on the string of life.

There is another way to love, far more magnificent, real, and rewarding. This way finds the source of our love, power, and life within us. This way teaches that our purpose is not to import love, but to express it.

Instead of being a love seeker, we become a love finder. We do not wait for love -- we generate it. Then we get to bask in the warmth of our own beauty any time we choose, potentially all the time.

D.H. Lawrence elucidated this principle most eloquently:

Those who go searching for love only find their own lovelessness. But the loveless never find love; only the loving find love, and they never have to search for it.

Book by this author:

Happily Even After: Can You Be Friends After Lovers
by Alan Cohen.

Happily Even After: Can You Be Friends After Lovers by Alan Cohen"Happily Even After", by Alan Cohen shows us how to approach relationship parting in a way that bestows us with strength and empowerment, rather than pain and sadness. If you are ready to move from fear and separateness to mutual empowerment - if you are ready to grow beyond strife - this book offers you a new vision and many tools to live by.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About The Author

Alan CohenAlan Cohen is the author of many inspirational books including A Course in Miracles Made Easy and of the newly-released Spirit Means Business. Join Alan for his life-changing Holistic Life Coach Training beginning September 1, 2020. For information on this program and Alan’s books, videos, audios, online courses, retreats, and other inspirational events and materials, visit www.alancohen.com


follow InnerSelf on


 Get The Latest By Email



A Change Is Gonna Come...
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
(May 30, 2020) As I watch the news on the events in Philadephia and other cities in the country, my heart aches for what is transpiring. I know that this is part of the greater change that is taking…
A Song Can Uplift the Heart and Soul
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I have several ways that I use to clear the darkness from my mind when I find it has crept in. One is gardening, or spending time in nature. The other is silence. Another way is reading. And one that…
Why Donald Trump Could Be History's Biggest Loser
by Robert Jennings, InnerSelf.com
This whole coronavirus pandemic is costing a fortune, maybe 2 or 3 or 4 fortunes, all of unknown size. Oh yeah, and, hundreds of thousands, maybe a million, of people will die prematurely as a direct…
Mascot for the Pandemic and Theme Song for Social Distancing and Isolation
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I came across a song recently and as I listened to the lyrics, I thought it would be a perfect song as a "theme song" for these times of social isolation. (Lyrics below the video.)
Letting Randy Funnel My Furiousness
by Robert Jennings, InnerSelf.com
(Updated 4-26) I have not been able to right-write a thing I am willing to publish this last month, You see I am furious. I just want to lash out.