Befriending the Shadow
by Robert Ohotto
 We've discovered
that when we don't recognize or accept certain parts of our own nature -
positive and negative - we'll project these qualities onto others. It's through
the dynamic of projection that we initiate a shadow dance with other people until we integrate what we're
denying back into our self-concept.
Projection is an
important component of shadow dancing because it sets up the dance itself.
There's a Buddhist teaching that those who anger, irritate, frustrate, and even
consciously attempt to sabotage us are our greatest teachers. Buddhists call
them noble friends, because they
mirror back to us the very things we most need to learn about ourselves. Always
remember that in shadow dancing, the
other person is you!
In other words,
we're attracting into our lives individuals who hook us into a shadow dance in
order to see ourselves more clearly.
If, for example, you're incapable of owning your need to be assertive and
self-directed, the chances are that you'll draw someone to you who bosses you
around like a tyrant - or in extreme cases, who gets aggressive or abusive to
motivate your inner warrior to surface. Or if you can't acknowledge that you're
a narcissist and like to be the focus of attention, you'll attract friends who
always want you to make them the center of your universe, without giving much
regard to your needs.
Once we
understand shadow dancing, it's difficult to continue doing it, because we can
no longer claim the privilege of being a victim and blame someone else. When we
catch ourselves caught in such a dynamic, we're ready for - and required to
accept - a new level of self-mastery and responsibility.
As a shadow
dancer, you must assume that your dancing partner is teaching you something
very important about yourself. This takes fearlessness, honesty, and
accountability seldom found in our culture of blame, litigation, and hypocrisy.
And I've watched many people focus far too much on the teacher in front of
them, forgetting to concentrate on the lesson. They opt to resent and blame the
one who's instructing them, instead of learning what they need to - sometimes
for the span of their entire adult lives.
When we focus on
blaming our noble friends, we miss the opportunities they bring for us to
acknowledge the lesson and reabsorb the projection and help us transform our
Self Fate into Destiny. This doesn't mean that our dance partners don't possess
some measure of the quality we're
projecting onto them. But shadow dancing is really about self-discovery -
leading us to the parts of ourselves that we don't know very well.
However, I want
to be clear on something here that's very critical in how to deal with the
negative aspects of yourself that you discover through this process. As you
begin to recognize and identify unpleasant things, it doesn't mean that you
should stop loving yourself. In addition, it doesn't mean that you should act them out. Venturing into your shadow
and perhaps learning that you can be intolerant, judgmental, rude, and
impatient or identifying that you're capable of violent thoughts doesn't mean
that you should externalize what you find. (Did I just describe a day in city
traffic, or what?)
Rather, the
potentially harmful qualities that we find down in the shadow must be held in
our awareness with compassion. And we'll uncover more than just the "bad stuff"
through shadow dancing. We'll also discover what we need to express in order to
feel whole as individuals, which we may project onto others to act out for us,
fating ourselves to dependency.
Befriending the
Shadow
"Within everyone there is light and shadow, good and evil,
love and hate.
In order to be truthful, you must embrace your total being.
A
person who exhibits both positive and negative qualities,
strengths and
weaknesses is not flawed, but complete."
-
Deepak Chopra
Befriending the
shadow is a terrifying notion, for we know that what we discover deep down in
our darkness may conflict with our carefully constructed self-concept. As a
consequence, the ego resists this kind of integrative analysis. It's so much
easier to keep projecting our darkness onto others. Venturing into this
territory will require a new level of self-responsibility that most of us
resist.
So why do it?
Not only does knowing our own darkness allow us to see another's with
compassion; it also opens us to all of the creative aspects of the soul that
are hidden within this part of ourselves. Therefore, to befriend the shadow is
to befriend the soul.
Paradoxically,
when we manage our own darkness and own it, the purest light is able to shine
through us. This means that not laying claim to our capacity for negative
action and thinking that we're only good
will inevitably own us, shoving our soul out of our life.
It's said that those closest to the light cast the biggest
shadows, meaning that as we move toward the sacred - our soul - we gain power.
And if we only see ourselves as good, we've just unconsciously animated a
polarity within us and empowered our own "evil" - our shadows - as well. The
more we move toward our soul and power, the greater responsibility it becomes
to manage our own shadows - especially if we want to transform darkness into
light and Fate into Destiny.
 Excerpted with permission from:
Transforming Fate Into Destiny: A New Dialogue with Your Soul
by Robert Ohotto.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Hay House, Inc. www.hayhouse.com. ©2008.
Info/Order this book.
About the Author
Robert
Ohotto is a writer, teacher, intuitive consultant, and practicing professional
astrologer based in Chicago. He has a diverse background of study in mythology,
Christian mysticism, Kabbalah, Jungian psychology, Eastern philosophy, and
Western Hermetic teachings. For more than 15 years, he's been a pioneer and
new voice within the field of intuitive astrology and human consciousness. He's currently founding his own institute of intuitive and
astrological studies. For more information on Robert's work and
lecture schedule visit him at his Website: www.ohotto.com
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