Image by Silviu on the street from Pixabay

In this Article

• How honoring differences can strengthen relationships.
• Practical ways to embrace diversity in everyday interactions.
• How can commitments to avoid divisive topics preserve friendships?
• What lessons can be learned from relationships that bridge significant differences?
• How can recognizing common humanity foster deeper connections?

How to Honor Differences and Strengthen Relationship Bonds

by Joyce Vissell.

It is important in life to honor differences, whether these be friends, coworkers or family members. So much can be learned from this practice.

When Barry and I wanted to get married, not one person thought we could make it as a couple. Yes, the love was there in abundance, but we were different religions. Barry was raised in a traditional Jewish family and attended the temple with his family. I was raised in a Christian family and attended church twice a week.

At that time in 1968 on the east coast, people with this difference in religion did not get married. It was unheard of. Everyone thought we should break up and find someone else.

We tried to break up, but it did not work. We came back together and decided to get married, but no one would marry us, especially not Barry's childhood rabbi.

An Open Mind and an Open Heart

Finally, my mother set up an appointment with the minister at her church near the University of Buffalo. This man, the Reverend Davis, was a Godsend. He told us he could see that we loved each other very much, but he would marry us on one condition: we must promise not to try to change the other.

He told us that the differences within us could complement and strengthen our union. If we honored these differences, they would bless our lives. And true to our promise to him, we have honored our differences, and they have indeed blessed us. We now have a shared spirituality that is perhaps our deepest strength as a couple.

Allowing Our Differences to Be Silent

I swim every day at a club near our home. I often go at the same time and so does another woman. We have gotten to be friends. I really like this woman. She is the friendliest person at the club, treating all people with love and respect. She also has very interesting tales of growing up in Europe after the war ended.

While we are getting dressed after our swim she shares these stories. We both know that we have very different political views, and we both know that we vote very differently. Many months before the election, we promised each other that we would not talk about politics. And we honored this commitment.

She was very happy on the day after the election. I was not. But we never talked about it. We maintained our commitment.

I believe that if we would have talked about politics, we might have lost our friendship. I saw that happen to someone else at the club. But we did not, so our relationship is still strong and I am still enjoying her stories. I feel blessed to know her.

Allowing the Love to Be Present

My older brother is very different than me both in politics and religious views. He has very strong opinions. We are the only children with the same great parents and yet we turned out very different.

And yet I love him very much and we have a similar commitment to never talk about politics or religion. If he forgets, and he sometimes does, one of his four children reminds him right away.

We have been able to maintain a good relationship regardless of our differences.

A Mother's Love: Connecting from the Heart

Barry's mother grew up in a Jewish neighborhood in Brooklyn. Her first language was Yiddish. She took Judaism very seriously. It was a shock to her when Barry started dating me and an even greater shock when our relationship became more serious, and we became engaged.

Barry's mother lived in a Jewish world, and she was surrounded by Jewish family, neighbors and friends. For her oldest son to be marrying a non-Jewish woman (a shiksa!) was almost too much to bear. Even after we were married, there was a slight distance that she kept from me, and I could tell that she hoped our relationship would not make it.

Then we had our first child and she asked, "What side of the family does she resemble?"  Barry answered wisely, "She looks just like Joyce." And that comment blew open her world.

Barry's mother heart opened wide and fully accepted our daughter, her grand-daughter, and her world opened up as well. She began having close non-Jewish friends and she and my mother developed a close and deep relationship all the rest of their lives. And she grew close to me as well.

She enjoyed lighting the Hanukkah candles, and at the same time enjoyed our Christmas tree and my manger scene on the mantle. She and I grew so close that she truly became a second mother to me. She had learned to honor our differences.

Finding Common Ground

Perhaps there is someone in your life where differences keep you separated. Perhaps you also could honor these differences and find the commonality between the two of you, the place where you can meet in the heart.

And though you will never change that person, you can find ways in which you can connect deeply.

Book by this Author: A Couple of Miracles

A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles
by Barry and Joyce Vissell.

We write our story, not only to entertain you, our readers, and certainly you will be entertained, but more so to inspire you. One thing we have learned after seventy-five years in these bodies, living on this earth, is that all of us have lives filled with miracles.

We sincerely hope you will look at your own lives with new eyes, and discover the miraculous in so many of your own stories. Like Einstein said, “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Click here for more info and/or to order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About the Author(s)

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors, near Santa Cruz CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books, their latest being A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles.

Visit their website at SharedHeart.org for their free weekly 10–15-minute inspirational videos, inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart, or to book a counseling session on-line or in person.
   

More books by these authors.

Article Recap

This article emphasizes the importance of embracing diversity within relationships to cultivate deeper connections and understanding. It highlights personal narratives where differences in religion, politics, and cultural backgrounds are acknowledged but do not hinder relationships. Instead, these differences are viewed as opportunities to learn and grow together, fostering unity and enriching lives through mutual respect and love.