It's Weeding Time: "I Don't Care What They Say"

I Don't Care What They Say: Opinions and Beliefs
Image by Yogendra Singh 

How many times have you been hurt by what someone said about you? How many times have you doubted your self-worth because someone criticized you, either to your face or 'behind your back'?

Why do we react with such self-doubt or indignation when someone criticizes us, or says negative things about us?

I believe that our reaction reflects our negative and limiting beliefs about ourselves. If someone said something 'bad' about you and you knew completely within every cell of your body that it was untrue, it would not bother you. You would simply shrug it off and it would roll off of you like water on a duck's back. The reason criticism upsets us is that we also, somehow, somewhere, deep within us believe it to be true -- or at least we wonder if it might be true.

Now your mind (ego) may rebel at this thought. Of course you don't believe such nasty things about yourself. But think back... How many times have you called yourself names when you made a mistake? Do you recall telling yourself how stupid you were? I know that on occasion when I have made an error, I have heard myself muttering to myself, 'You're such a idiot!'

The Other Person's Opinion Does Not Matter

So when someone says something 'negative' about you, use the opportunity to eradicate the same (or similar) belief you have about yourself or others. The other person's opinion does not matter in itself. It may simply reflect whatever judgments and feelings they have about themselves. But that does not concern you. Your only concern need be with how their statement reflects sub-conscious beliefs you have about yourself.

What I feel we need to do when someone 'badmouths' us is to first look at our reactions. That is what matters here. Not what the person said, not why they said it, not what we can say in our defense. What is important is our reaction. Does it anger us? Does it hurt us?

If your reaction is one of anger or hurt, be aware that anger and hurt are the ego's way of defending itself. So ask yourself, "Where in my past have I heard this statement about myself? Where does this hurt come from? Who can this belief be traced back to? What belief do I carry that resonates with what this person has said about me? What belief has my subconscious accepted about me?"

Uprooting Old Deeply Hidden Beliefs About Yourself

Whatever negative statements someone makes about you may connect to some deeply hidden feelings of guilt that you have. Only you can uproot the beliefs you have formed and accepted throughout the years.

Ask yourself again and make a list: "What are the things, even the tiny things, in my past or present that I feel guilty about?" And then write whatever trivial thoughts come to mind.

Do not judge the thoughts that come up. Write them down even if you think they're stupid, silly, or inconsequential. It may be even some tiny thing like, "I took some candy from my friend when I was little and I pretended someone else stole them." That small action may have translated in your belief system into something like 'I am not trustworthy", "I am greedy", or "Friends can't be trusted". 

In somewhat the same way, the thousands of commercials you have seen throughout the years of slim, sexy women (or men) may have translated into a belief that "I'm ugly if I'm not shaped like them." Life's experiences also form our beliefs. A divorce or relationship breaking up may have become a belief in being a failure and being undeserving of love.

What Beliefs Have You Accepted Based on Old Guilts?

I Don't Care What They Say Once you have your list of guilts, big and small, ask yourself and write down what belief you have formed from each one. You may be surprised at the results. Be willing to be 100% honest with yourself. The purpose is to look at the beliefs that you have formed throughout the years so you can transform them.

Once you have the list of negative beliefs you have formed, then write the most positive belief you can think of to replace or reprogram each limiting belief. Be willing to accept a new truth for yourself.

Then really reflect and meditate on these lists. Look deep within and dig out any other beliefs and programs that are supporting those negative statements. Many times, these beliefs were implanted by parents, teachers, or siblings. We blindly accepted them as the truth, since they came from someone older and 'wiser' than us. Yet, it is time to acknowledge the real truth about ourselves and reject any beliefs that deny our true nature as children of the Light.

There is no need to create situations of unworthiness and unhappiness for ourselves. We can take every challenging experience as an opportunity to look within ourselves and clear out old limiting beliefs. Whatever we see 'out there' in the world is a reflection of what is 'in there' within our mind.

If you see anger around you, ask yourself what you are angry about. If you see judgment and condemnation, look within and see how you also judge and condemn others (and yourself). It's not about the other person. It's about our own perspective and beliefs.

It's Weeding Time!

Dig deep, and you'll find those belittling beliefs and attitudes — then pull out the 'weeds'. You deserve to have a Garden of Eden within yourself and around you, not the weeds of judgment, disharmony, and self-condemnation. Love yourself and pull out the weeds, otherwise they may pop up at the most unexpected times and sabotage the most beautiful situations.

People often wonder why relationships start out so harmoniously and lovingly and then seem to sour as time goes by. A very simple explanation is that any relationship starts out with a clean slate. Then, as two people spend time with each other, each starts to become aware, consciously or subconsciously, of the other's 'weak points' and negative beliefs.

Any situation or belief that brings up low self-esteem and self-judgments in one partner will be felt by the other. After a time, the second person starts to believe these untruths as well. For example, the husband may feel he has a very wonderful wife. Yet, if she constantly is putting herself down for being sloppy, ugly, unlovable, etc., then eventually the mate also starts believing these things. Thus, the relationship starts deteriorating because of one person's self-evaluation and judgments.

The partner's attitude becomes a reflection of the self-hate and low self-esteem of the other. Beliefs become stronger when reflected in another's eyes, and thus the "new reality" becomes stronger and can therefore destroy the beauty and love that was there at the beginning.

So, here again, the key is to dig up the limiting beliefs and eradicate them. They are poisonous and can poison relationships, job situations, and life itself. Take matters in your own hands, and only accept and nurture those beliefs that support your perfect health and happiness.

©2007 by Marie T. Russell

Related Book:

Five Steps to Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt
by Wyatt Webb.

book cover: Five Steps to Overcoming Fear and Self Doubt by Wyatt Webb.Drawing from his 20-year career as a therapist, and his unique ability and willingness to examine his own fears and doubts, Wyatt Webb explores the process of fear, its many voices, and all the programming that causes humans to doubt themselves in the first place. Using his simple five-step process (Acknowledge the Fear, Quantify the Fear, Imagine the Worst-Case Scenario, Gather Information and Support, and Celebrate), you’ll learn how to walk through fear and self-doubt and arrive at that hoped-for place of freedom—the joy that is your birthright. This book shows how every one of your fears and self-doubts can be overcome.

For more info or to order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com


 


 Get The Latest By Email

Weekly Magazine Daily Inspiration

More Articles By This Author

You May Also Like

INNERSELF VOICES

full moon over Stonehenge
Horoscope Current Week: September 20 - 26, 2021
by Pam Younghans
This weekly astrological journal is based on planetary influences, and offers perspectives and…
a swimmer in large expanse of water
Joy and Resilience: A Conscious Antidote to Stress
by Nancy Windheart
We know that we're in a great time of transition, of birthing a new way of being, living, and…
five closed doors, one pained yellow, the others white
Where Do We Go From Here?
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com
Life can be confusing. There are so many things going on, so many choices presented to us. Even a…
Inspiration or Motivation: Which Works Best?
Inspiration or Motivation: Which Comes First?
by Alan Cohen
People who are enthusiastic about a goal find ways to achieve it and they do not need to be goaded…
photo silhouette of mountain climber using a pick to secure himself
Allow The Fear, Transform It, Move Through It, and Understand It
by Lawrence Doochin
Fear feels crappy. There is no way around that. But most of us don't respond to our fear in a…
woman sitting at her desk looking worried
My Prescription for Anxiety and Worry
by Jude Bijou
We’re a society that likes to worry. Worrying is so prevalent, it almost feels socially acceptable.…
curving road in New Zealand
Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
Life consists of choices... some are "good" choices, and others not so good. However every choice…
man standing on a dock shining a flashlight into the sky
Blessing for Spiritual Seekers and for People Suffering from Depression
by Pierre Pradervand
There is such a need in the world today of the most tender and immense compassion and deeper, more…
The Silver Lining: Reflecting on 2020's Challenges and Opportunities
The Silver Lining: Reflecting on 2020's Challenges and Opportunities
by Ora Nadrich
We all can't wait to be done with the year 2020. Looking back over all the challenges this year…
The Two Parts of a Successful Relationship
The Two Important Components of a Successful Relationship
by Barry Vissell
A successful relationship has two very important components: learning to love yourself first, and…
Angels on the Road: Trust Me, I Have Your Back!
Angels on the Road: Trust Me, I Have Your Back!
by Joyce & Barry Vissell
If we only knew how many times we are rescued by divine intervention, we would completely trust…

MOST READ

How Living On The Coast Is Linked To Poor Health
How Living On The Coast Is Linked To Poor Health
by Jackie Cassell, Professor of Primary Care Epidemiology, Honorary Consultant in Public Health, Brighton and Sussex Medical School
The precarious economies of many traditional seaside towns have declined still further since the…
How Can I Know What's Best For Me?
How Can I Know What's Best For Me?
by Barbara Berger
One of the biggest things I've discovered working with clients everyday is how extremely difficult…
The Most Common Issues for Earth Angels: Love, Fear, and Trust
The Most Common Issues for Earth Angels: Love, Fear, and Trust
by Sonja Grace
As you experience being an earth angel, you will discover that the path of service is riddled with…
Honesty: The Only Hope for New Relationships
Honesty: The Only Hope for New Relationships
by Susan Campbell, Ph.D.
According to most of the singles I have met in my travels, the typical dating situation is fraught…
What Men’s Roles In 1970s Anti-sexism Campaigns Can Teach Us About Consent
What Men’s Roles In 1970s Anti-sexism Campaigns Can Teach Us About Consent
by Lucy Delap, University of Cambridge
The 1970s anti-sexist men’s movement had an infrastructure of magazines, conferences, men’s centres…
Chakra Healing Therapy: Dancing toward the Inner Champion
Chakra Healing Therapy: Dancing toward the Inner Champion
by Glen Park
Flamenco dancing is a delight to watch. A good flamenco dancer exudes an exuberant self-confidence…
Taking A Step Toward Peace by Changing Our Relationship With Thought
Stepping Toward Peace by Changing Our Relationship With Thought
by John Ptacek
We spend our lives immersed in a flood of thoughts, unaware that another dimension of consciousness…
image of the planet Jupiter on the skyline of a rocky ocean shore
Is Jupiter a Planet of Hope or a Planet of Discontent?
by Steven Forrest and Jeffrey Wolf Green
In the American dream as it's currently dished up, we try to do two things: make money and lose…

follow InnerSelf on

facebook icontwitter iconyoutube iconinstagram iconpintrest iconrss icon

 Get The Latest By Email

Weekly Magazine Daily Inspiration

AVAILABLE LANGUAGES

enafarzh-CNzh-TWdanltlfifrdeeliwhihuiditjakomsnofaplptroruesswsvthtrukurvi

New Attitudes - New Possibilities

InnerSelf.comClimateImpactNews.com | InnerPower.net
MightyNatural.com | WholisticPolitics.com | InnerSelf Market
Copyright ©1985 - 2021 InnerSelf Publications. All Rights Reserved.