Editor's Note: Video is a short 4:42 minute recap of the article. Audio below is of the full article.

In This Article:

• Why do we seek others to fix or heal us?
• How does self-empowerment transform your life?
• What role does inner wisdom play in decision-making?
• How can imagining a wise elder help solve problems?
• Why is living your truth essential?

Looking for Someone to Fix Your Life and Make It Better?

by Marie T. Russell.

OK, let’s face it! We probably all fall into this pattern sometimes. We did it as a child… we fell and scraped our knee, and waah… ran to our mother or other adult for them to make it better. And of course as a child, that made perfect sense. We could not be expected to go to the medicine cabinet, find the alcohol, clean the cut and put a bandage on it. We depended on our mother to “rescue” us when we had a problem.

What happens though when we carry that attitude, behavior, and expectation into adulthood? Something happens to us and we expect someone to fix it for us. Or we just go “waah!” and whine about it. If we’re 100% honest with ourselves, I think we’ve all been there. It’s just so much easier to have someone else fix our problems, and not have to work on fixing them ourselves.

But where does that get us? It gets us into a dependent or co-dependent situation. It gets us into a position of weakness, of victimhood -- victim to our fears, to our lack of self-confidence, self-worth, etc.

If we expect our mother (or our mate, our friends, our co-workers, our boss) to “fix it for us” we have given our power away to the other person. And what we will end up discovering is that no one can “fix it for us”. We have to do that ourselves. Yes, I know. It’s much easier to have a “parental or authority figure” fix it for us, but that;s not how we attain our "self-hood".

At some point in our life, we have to grow up and take responsibility for ourselves and for our life. However, the image we’ve been given of growing up may not be a wonderful one. What has been modeled to us is going to a job that is not loved or enjoyed, doing things because we “have to”, and feeling like a slave to the 9-5 job or our family life and "obligations" of adult life.

Gotten Off Your True Path?

Somewhere along our life’s journey, we may have gotten off our true path. And it may be that as adults, our parents -- and other role models -- never stopped feeling sorry for themselves, and never actually took responsibility for creating a life that brought them joy and fulfillment. We got caught up in “have to” and “should” and “got no choice”. We believed in fear and lack and believed that if we didn’t do it the traditional way, or the way that was expected of us by society, it wouldn’t work.

Yet… if we look at our life, we may realize that the way of the status quo...whatever that means in your life… didn’t work either.

There are plenty of people who hate their job, hate their boss, hate where they live, resent who they live with, and generally don’t feel fulfilled by their life. Not you? Wonderful! Congratulations on living your truth 100% of the time.

But I think all of us, even if we are not caught up completely in the rut that society has laid out for us, fall into it sometimes. And we respond either with “why me?” or “poor me” or “I can’t help it! It’s not my fault.”

Yet, on the path of self-empowerment, we must take responsibility for our life, for our actions, for our thoughts.

We may not be responsible for the results themselves, as those can be out of our hands, but we are in charge of our attitude about what takes place in our life. And the easy response is to go the “poor me” route. Poor me, I’m in a job I don’t like, or a job that is going nowhere. Poor me, I’m working with people who don’t “get me” or don’t like me (or I don’t like them). Poor me, I’ve got so much to do, I am overworked and underpaid.

And while some of those things may be true, what is in our “control” is our attitude about it and what we will choose to do about it.

We can whine and complain and let things go on as they are. (Yuk!) Or we can say, OK, what can I do about this? How can I make this better?

Making It Better

We can be our own “mommy” that fixes our booboos, and grit our teeth when the alcohol hits the cut, and do what needs to be done to clean up the situation.

There is no fairy godmother out there who can wave a magic wand and fix it all for us. We do have assistance in various forms, yet we are our own fairy godmother. We are the ones who can fix our life. We are also the ones who can fix what’s wrong on the planet.

We can continue to blame others… my children take up all my energy, my mate doesn’t help around the house, my co-workers are jealous and try to demean my work, my boss doesn’t appreciate me, the politicians are only out for themselves, the corporations are greedy and don’t care about any of us. And again, while these things may all be true, what can we do about it? If we had a mommy or fairy godmother or wise elder to run to, and they were not allowed to fix it for us, only to suggest solutions, what would they suggest?

And this can be a great way to find our way out of whatever situation we are feeling is not bringing us joy and fulfillment. Ask your imaginary wise elder – this can be a person you’ve read about and admire -- what would be a way to resolve this issue you are facing. Imagine a super-wise person sitting in front of you, or on the phone if that works better for you, and ask them what they would do in your situations, or what they would recommend as options for you.

Let the wisdom come through… Is it coming from that person, or from Life itself, or from your Higher Self or inner guidance? It doesn’t really matter where it’s coming from as long as it is a source of Good and of Love. What matters is that you are asking for solutions or suggestions from a source of wisdom, and then you get to make your own choices and decisions as to how to resolve the points of imbalance in your life.

Seeking Wisdom

The wisdom we need is always there… The thing is, we may have forgotten to seek it. Maybe we were told that now that we are adults (or teenagers) to “suck it up” and accept that life sucks. No! Life does not have to suck! It only does if we choose that path. And there is always an alternative path to choose – one that is filled with Love and Purpose.

And yes, the path of fulfillment and joy is not always the easiest one. It is the path less travelled. It doesn’t have a beaten track that you just follow without question, just following in the footsteps of those who came before you. The path that leads to inner joy and peace is one that is to be travelled by you alone. It is your path, and it won’t look like anyone else’s. And it may require some hard decisions.

It always seems easier to “go along to get along” but what that ends up doing is sucking the joy out of your life. If you are living according to someone else’s rules and someone else’s vision of what is best for you, you are giving up. You are giving up from being the unique being that you are. You are giving up on expressing your unique self and sharing that gift with the world.

And this is not the time to give up. This is time to get up and shout (at least internally) “I’m sick and tired of this and I won’t take it anymore!” And then ask your wise elder or wise counsel what would be the best course of action… and step forth with love for yourself and for others.

Make your choices and changes with respect for yourself and for others. Make sure you are not seeking revenge for past hurts. Make sure you are choosing out of a perspective that seeks the Highest Good.

Following Our Inner Truth

What I’ve found in my life is that when I chose to be true to myself and make those hard choices, even if I thought it was not what other people wanted, that it became clear further along the way that the actions were the best not just for me, but for others as well.

Sometimes, we tend to want to protect the others in our life from being hurt “by ourselves or by others”. We don’t speak our truth or live our truth because we don’t want to hurt them. But all we are doing in this instance is taking away their own power to face their own choices on their own path.

We cannot “fix” anyone else’s life. We can not protect others from the challenges and life lessons that are uniquely theirs. We can only face our own with courage, and live our truth. We can be true to who we really are (our inner self), and trust that when we are true to our Self, we are also helping others discover their own truth so they can also live up to it.

We are all in this together. But that doesn’t mean that our role is to rescue others. We are here to rescue ourselves and be a role model for others as to how to rediscover wisdom, peace and joy from within our own being and live it in our own life. The more we do that, the more our “vibes” can affect those around us. And, the more we model living our truth to our children, the more we show them that victimhood does not bring true joy and lasting happiness, the more we will help make the world a better place.

So, if you’re feeling sorry for yourself in any part of your life, ask yourself what a really wise person would do in this situation. And take a deep breath, and go for it! We are all really wise people. We have to claim it and live it. And, once we do so, the world around us will be much better for it.

Related Book: Presence Activism

Presence Activism: A Profound Antidote to Climate Anxiety
by Lynne Sedgmore.

In this book, author Lynne Sedgmore integrates presence, climate activism, and the alleviation of climate anxiety in an innovative and unique synthesis and new term - Presence Activism. By offering a profound solution with new perspectives, Presence Activism: A Profound Antidote to Climate Anxiety is steeped in a presence that moves activism beyond metaphors of war, enemies, and destruction, as well as the illusion of separation, into the visceral knowing of presence and interconnection, thereby making presence an important part of the way forward for current and future activism.

This book is a compendium of different perspectives and experiences of presence, as well as a powerful conceptual and thoughtful analysis of the fields of presence, climate anxiety, and climate peril.

Click here for more info and/or to order this paperback book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com

Article Recap:

This article delves into the importance of self-empowerment and finding inner wisdom to navigate life’s challenges. It highlights the pitfalls of seeking external fixes and emphasizes taking responsibility for your attitude, choices, and actions. By tapping into your inner guidance and envisioning wisdom from a trusted source, you can make decisions that align with your true self. Living authentically not only empowers you but also serves as a role model for others to do the same.