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In This Article:
- Why does intense infatuation feel like love?
- How does emotional attachment shape our experiences?
- What are the signs that infatuation is not real love?
- How can you navigate and move beyond intense infatuation?
- Can intense infatuation ever turn into something real?
Why Intense Infatuation Feels Like Love And What to Do About It
by Beth McDaniel, InnerSelf.com
You meet someone, and suddenly, they’re all you can think about. Their laughter plays in your head like a favorite song, their texts send a rush through your veins, and even the way they hold their coffee cup feels like a cinematic moment. It’s intoxicating, overwhelming—this feeling of wanting to be near them, to hear their voice, to soak in every word they say. It feels like love. But is it?
Intense infatuation has a way of hijacking your emotions, making it seem as though you’ve found the one person who completes you. It’s a high, an emotional surge that convinces you that life was dull before them. But if love is meant to be grounding, then why does infatuation feel like a storm?
The Chemistry of Infatuation
Our brains are wired for connection, but sometimes, that wiring leads us straight into an obsession. When we experience intense infatuation, our brains flood with dopamine—the same neurotransmitter responsible for addiction. Suddenly, every interaction with this person feels euphoric, and when they’re absent, there’s withdrawal. You crave them, you fantasize, and you replay every moment spent together.
At the same time, oxytocin, the so-called “bonding hormone,” strengthens emotional attachment. The more time you spend with someone, the stronger this chemical reinforcement becomes. That’s why infatuation can feel so consuming—it’s not just in your heart; it’s in your biology.
Infatuation vs. Love: How to Tell the Difference
If intense infatuation feels so much like love, how can you tell them apart? Love is steady, grounding, and secure. It doesn’t send you into an emotional whirlwind of overanalyzing text messages or questioning your worth based on someone's attention. Love grows over time, deepening with shared experiences, mutual respect, and the ability to see each other clearly. Infatuation, on the other hand, is exhilarating but unstable. It thrives on intensity, mystery, and anticipation—on the feeling of wanting rather than having. While love brings emotional security, infatuation often fuels anxiety, making you hyper-aware of every interaction, craving constant reassurance.
One of the most revealing questions you can ask yourself is this: Do you love this person, or do you love the way they make you feel? Infatuation tends to be self-focused—it’s about how the other person makes you feel when they look at you a certain way, when they send a message, when they pull you into their world. It’s about the rush, the fantasy, the excitement. Love, however, is other-focused. It’s about genuinely caring for the person beyond what they provide for you emotionally. Love isn’t just about receiving affection; it’s about giving it, even in difficult moments, without expecting an immediate reward.
Infatuation often revolves around an idea, a projection of what we want someone to be rather than who they actually are. It’s easy to get caught up in a version of someone that exists only in our minds, filling in the gaps with our desires and expectations. Love, on the other hand, requires seeing someone fully—flaws, quirks, and all—and choosing them anyway. While infatuation avoids difficult truths, love embraces them. It doesn’t require perfection, just honesty. Love allows for growth, change, and deep emotional connection, while infatuation tends to shatter when reality fails to meet the idealized fantasy.
Why Some People Experience Infatuation More Intensely
For some, intense infatuation isn’t just a fleeting phase—it’s a pattern. If you find yourself falling hard and fast, it may be worth exploring your attachment style. Those with anxious attachment often seek validation through relationships, mistaking emotional intensity for connection. Others may use infatuation as an escape, a way to fill an inner void with the rush of a new romance.
Society also plays a role. We’re fed stories of whirlwind romances, where passion is mistaken for love. But love isn’t always fireworks—it’s also quiet mornings, deep conversations, and choosing someone even when the initial excitement fades.
Moving Beyond Infatuation
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, don’t worry—you’re not alone. The first step is awareness. Acknowledge that what you’re feeling might not be love but a mix of hormones, unmet emotional needs, and societal conditioning. Give yourself space to slow down, to see the person for who they truly are.
Instead of chasing intensity, seek stability. Healthy relationships aren’t about constant highs; they’re about emotional security. If you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, it might be time to step back and reassess what you truly need.
When Infatuation Becomes Real
Can intense infatuation ever turn into lasting love? Sometimes. If both people are willing to build something deeper beyond the initial rush, a foundation of trust and emotional security can form. But that takes time—something infatuation rarely wants to give.
So, if you find yourself in the whirlwind of intense emotions, ask yourself: Is this love, or just the illusion of it? And if you’re willing to wait, to truly know someone beyond the rush, you might just find something even better than infatuation—you might find real love.
About the Author
Beth McDaniel is a staff writer for InnerSelf.com
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Article Recap:
Intense infatuation can feel like love because of the emotional attachment it creates, often rooted in deep psychological needs. This article explores why some people fall into obsessive, overwhelming feelings and how to differentiate true love from a fleeting obsession. Understanding the science behind these emotions helps in developing healthier relationships and finding true emotional fulfillment.
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