Things don’t always turn out for the best. You can cross all of the t’s and dot all of the i’s and still things don’t work out. Two days ago I was six weeks pregnant. Today I am not.
Miscarriage is the absolute antithesis to things working out. A pregnancy promises joy, laughter and love, and during a miscarriage life itself falls away from you. For me it was a slow trickle, a gentle waning from full to empty.
Yesterday was the worst; every hour announcing in slow unwavering progress the inevitability, the finality of death. And how undignified to experience this misfortune in the realm of the toilet bowl! It all seemed so wrong. Yes, I cried. I had all the normal emotions we go through when in grief. Most of you know what I mean because things don’t always work out.
It can’t be denied, this is very dark territory; but I’m intrigued by the notion that we can move through dark moments in perfect peace, though we may experience a torrent of emotions in the process. That is because life is not about what’s happening around us. It’s about what’s happening within us. So, yes, we may not get our dream job or our kids might not get into their chosen college.
What’s important, though, is how we move through these struggles. It’s not that we should persevere or bear our crosses bravely. However, in happy times we can cultivate peace of mind and strength. Then in darker times, we can lean on these steadfast pillars.
I’ve worked out a method towards that end. Part one – allow your life to unfold. My goal with my spiritual practice is to develop a state of mind that is always allowing. In resistance, I don’t only push away the bad. I stand in opposition to life itself. Life is ups and downs. There is no avoiding that; but you can avoid the emotional eddies.
We get stuck, thinking things must be just so or we’ll be unhappy. This is a weak position. No one can conquer the unconquerable. You won’t always avoid suffering. Yet we persist in our techniques to manifest abundance, health and wealth in our lives, never recognizing the blunder: that attempting to manifest is attempting control and attempting control is resisting.
With our constant outward focus, we remain unconscious of the vast and potent energy that courses through all of us. Why not let this divine intelligence take over? Can we find the courage to experience life without meddling in the outcome? It takes a great deal of trust - things might not work out. True! They might not. Or they might work out far better.
Last night I was talking to my husband about this very subject.
“How do you know that things will work out in the end?” he asked.
“I don’t know that they will.” I said. “What I do know is that I am always cultivating peace and working towards an attitude of allowing. So, I hope that ‘in the end’ I have developed this attitude to such a degree that it is a habit. Then, no matter what happens, I can approach it with equanimity. I will always see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
If we can manage to do this, through meditation and spiritual practice, then even as we move through painful situations, we will have a wonderful foundation upon which to lay our sorrows. Peace will be our companion. Sadness might be there too; or anger or guilt. But remember, and here’s part two, we are not our emotions.
Emotions are transient. They come and go. Some stick around longer than others, but eventually everything passes. Knowing this, we can find the courage to move through any situation with peace in our hearts, even as we experience grief, anger or fear.
Last night I had a dream. I was propelled into the clouds from a vast and chaotic ocean. As I broke through the surface, all was white and peaceful. Resting on one of the clouds was a little gray teddy bear. I reached for the toy and gently returned to a green and luscious earth.
When I awoke in the morning, I knew: there will be other babies. Life is wonderful. We can revel in its splendors and rejoice in its beauty. Do it when you can; and when happiness eludes you, remember: all things pass. We will find our way again. I just know it.
*subtitles by InnerSelf
The Healing Curve: A Catalyst to Consciousness
by Sara Chetkin.
Sara Chetkin was born in Key West, Fl in 1979. When she was 15 she was diagnosed with severe scoliosis, and spent much of the next 15 years traveling around the world seeking healing and spiritual insight. These travels and explorations are the basis for her first book, The Healing Curve. Sara graduated from Skidmore College in 2001 with a Bachelor of Arts in Anthropology. In 2007 she earned a Master of Science in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine from the New England School of Acupuncture. She is a Rohun therapist and an ordained minister with the Church of Wisdom, Delphi University. Visit her at thehealingcurvebook.com/
Watch a video with Sara: Journey Along the Healing Curve