Confronting Forgiveness

My mind is racing -- I'm unsettled. At times my mind's stillness is as elusive as the blur of hummingbird wings. Aurora's voice echoes in my head, "Focus, try to focus." I hear him, but instantly my mind returns to scanning my precious past events.

Now Aurora is even more emphatic: "One way to focus is to open up and radiate pure love; announce your love to whomever is out there. Just fill them with love. This creates an immediate opening in which to flow -- of course, this is attempted only after you have affirmed your intentions."

I follow Aurora's instructions, radiating out love. Quickly I project into space. Many beings enter my arena. Eventually, one area draws my attention. A slow-moving tornado of energy spirals into an opening. I gravitate towards the powerful force -- I'm surrounded. A voice, seemingly at my side, signals me to close my eyes.

The powerful energy has vanished. I feel a warmth beating down. I open my eyes to another planet, which seems quite similar to Earth. Wisteria-like trees line the landscape, sending gorgeous lavender-pink blossoms lunging groundward in graceful cascades. Their fragrant bouquet lingers in the air. A small stream trickles through the grove of trees at a leisurely pace. The sun is so unrelenting -- I head towards the trees to avoid the intense heat. 

Once I am in the grove, my attention is drawn to the stream. I bend down, hanging my head over the water -- a marvelous miniature wonderland comes alive under the glassy rivulets. In a bed of blackish rocks, orange-hued, translucent pearls are nestled into rough pockets. Each pearl emanates a cosmic, dazzling fire, illuminating its immediate vicinity. Surprisingly, the rocks also transmit a glow, but not nearly as vibrant. Around the rocks, rich, deep-blue grasses undulate and shimmer through the water, adding to the intrigue and aquatic charm.

I submerge my hand into the cool water -- the grass is velvety to the touch. My hand roves through the miniature grottos, eventually seeking the cosmic pearls. Right as I pluck one from the stream, I feel a tapping on my shoulder. It jolts me out of my fantasyland. I look up. 

Astonished, I'm face to face with a stunningly beautiful woman. Vibrant orange hair "neons" her strong presence, resembling sirens of mythical proportions. She is adorned with the splendor of a fanciful cape, comprised of petite golden feathers. The feathers begin at the crown, sculpting a phoenix-like headdress, then sumptuously drape over her shoulders, beautifully defining her shapely bust and torso. She is a goddess stepping out from the corridors of time, possessing a beauty with which I'm completely unfamiliar, presenting a sexual purity that is alluring, yet not seductively arousing.

I'm transfixed. She gracefully bends down to sit beside me. Her hand reaches out, touching my hand. It is smooth, transmitting a gentle, loving vibration. Instinctively I understand that she would like me to give her the pearl. I place it in her hand. We both gaze at it intently. Slowly it magnifies its glow, melting from orange into pale green, to pale blue, to lavender. I determine that its color changes as she alters her thoughts; effortlessly she manipulates the form. 

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The pearl is practically alive, absorbing her every thought and feeling! The pearl appears naturally to receive her intent, then to alter its internal chemistry. I intuit that the pearls are linked to the planet's nature spirits. When they are touched a connection is made with the devic realms of the planet. It is at this moment that they are activated and begin collaborating with the intent of a signaler.

She states, "The pearls act as messengers, passing on thoughts to the one who holds possession. Our culture's teenagers use them as love letters, secretly encoding their love in the pearl's molecular structure for their sweethearts to unlock. I refer to them as life forms, but in reality they are merely inert elements of the mineral kingdom, brought to life by the intention of a conscious signaler.

"There are much larger pearls than the one you were holding -- spheres which possess the same qualities as these little pearls -- but they are rare and difficult to find. We use the large spheres as healing vessels, directing healing energies and thoughts into the internal molecular structure of the sphere to assist a person in unfolding the secret to their healing. Wouldn't it be nice if we could transport these objects to Earth? What healings you could perform!" she says with delight.

With this she casually scoops up a handful of grass from the stream and swallows it. The velvety grass becomes a quick, nutritious snack. "We are non-meat eaters, subsisting primarily on fruits, vegetables, nuts, and underwater grasses. The grasses are quite similar to your kelps and other seaweeds -- extremely rich in essential vitamins and minerals. Would you like to try some?"

"No, thanks," I say, not enticed in the slightest by the prospects of grass.

While enjoying the grass, she reaches into her pocket, finding a pouch. In the pouch there is a much larger sphere similar to the ones she just described. It is a three-inch-diameter glassy sphere with a portion of the globe sliced off, much like our paper-weights. Inside the sphere a mysterious orange substance appears to be breathing. It swells and subsides like the beating rhythm of a simple organism. She extends it towards my ear and asks me to listen. 

As I put my head next to the sphere's surface, a pronounced heartbeat pushes and pulses into my ear; then surprisingly it shifts, and the sounds of a synthesizer piano pound out a zippy melody. How fascinating -- it appears it can capture the tonal quality of any sound. Now the sound comes to a rest, and absolute stillness ensues. In a split second there is another shift -- the sound of the sea swells and rushes into my ear. It's so strong, as though the sea is actually surging through my ear. I pull back a bit startled -- it feels as though the sea is sloshing right inside my head.

"See if you can let the sea wash through you -- allow yourself to merge with its energy completely," she encourages. I close my eyes, with my knees pushed against my chest. Her hands are resting on my knees, holding the beautiful sphere against the side of my head. Wave after wave of energy comes over me -- it is so strong the water seemingly rushes through my body, penetrating every cell, cleansing away the impurities and negativity. I acquiesce, collapsing my barriers, laying bare my soul. I feel so exposed. Somehow I sense deep emotional traumas loosening, unearthing; secrets long buried, not even privy to Gary, begin to break up. I'm feeling buoyant -- an internal brightness intensifies, expanding and expanding to the point of bursting. Wow! I feel a release -- a renewal. There is a stirring of the bottom of the pond taking place, events of the past are rising, but the clarity is still a bit abstract.

Suddenly I feel a hand touch my head. How can this be? Both of her hands are holding the sphere out in front of me -- I'm perplexed! Again, I hear her voice gently massaging the inside of my head, "You are experiencing my other body of awareness. Don't be alarmed. Focus on the energy washing away the traumatic events of your childhood. Let go of the pain, the helplessness, the fear you felt and still feel. This energy can draw out the hurt and harm. Allow it to cleanse you -- allow yourself to be vulnerable. Feel the love radiating from my hand, filling your body. Feel it replace the anguish with serenity; feel the love of all those who love you so deeply; let their love fill and overcome you." I see Aurora, my Mom and Dad, my brothers, Gary, and Jesus all beaming out their love to me. It is wonderful!

"Let go! Let go! It is not in your best interest to hold on, clinging to these past events. They inhibit your freedom and pure expression of light -- let go, be free! You no longer need their story."

A beautiful blue emanates up and out of the sphere, surrounding and pouring into my soul. It is so blue, my skin radiates blue-bright blue. Her love penetrates deeply, soothing the inconsolable, accepting the unbearable -- I'm overtaken. My shame loses its power, diluted in her bounty. I open my eyes and tears are streaming down her face, such love and compassion. Her eyes gently open, and a heart-warming smile spreads through her radiant beauty. My tears flow unrestricted, unashamedly. The unbearable has peeked out around my shadows, just momentarily, but now I know its form. I know she has tapped the very depths of my soul, revealing childhood wounds never fully acknowledged, opening festering emotions that have been casting menacing shadows unknowingly into the present. I, like many young girls, became the fixation of a demeaning tutor. I was so petrified at the time that even to this day I don't know exactly what happened when we were left alone. I experienced so much fear, powerlessness, and humiliation that I blocked out the actual encounters. But clearly I was sexually abused in some fashion and have struggled to break free from my inhibitions, shame, and pain.

This experience has reconnected me to my trauma -- beginning the exorcism of my personal demons and the release of the sullied feelings that have tainted me. The love transmitted by this gracious being, who exudes such a pure and healthy sexuality, has provided me with the impetus to heal. I now feel opened and ready to face the process of healing. A feeling of gratitude and intimacy fills me, but I realize I don't even know her name. Instantly, the name "Soul" illuminates my inner screen. We lock in an eye-beaming embrace -- diving deep, deep down through the canyons of our beings. The feelings... uncontrollably ecstatic; my spirit dances wildly, irresponsibly, like a bursting, mischievous sparkler -- waving a glimpse of the mystery in the Jubilant hand of a child. Shining for all it's worth. I feel so refreshed, elated -- a fullness I haven't experienced since I was a child.

We both stand up. I don't want to leave -- I'm so grateful. She puts her hands on my face and kisses me tenderly on the side of my forehead, saying, "You will heal, of that I am sure -- Oway, oway, sweet one."

I float off, lifting back into space.

This article was excerpted from the book:

Portals & Corridors: A Visionary Guide to Hyperspace
by Monica Szu-Whitney & Gary Whitney.

Info/Order this book

About The Authors

Monica Szu-Whitney started to experience inner visions in the mid eighties and began to develop as a spiritual healer and psychic artist in the following years.
Gary Whitney
has been involved in the consciousness movement since the mid-seventies and has worked with several personal growth organizations. Now he acts as a personal coach, teaches creativity, and runs his own graphics and interior design firm. This article was excerpted with permission from their book: Portals & Corridors: A Visionary Guide to Hyperspace, published by Frog Ltd., dist. by North Atlantic Books The authors can be reached by email at [email protected]


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