Despite what some may say, and certain texts may set forth as gospel, I can attest to the fact that the sacred journey to Oneness is not all a bed of roses. The peaks and valleys of the roller coaster ride to Realization continued to swerve and dip, even as the exalted state of Beingness seemed to be building to a crescendo. My mood and sense of Self-perception continued, on occasion, to peak and nosedive accordingly.
In the case of the persona named "Rasha," the linear identity was a tenacious character that persisted in trying to run the show until the last gasp. Much of the difficulty seemed to be rooted in the dilemma of the scope of the Oneness identity. It had been pointed out to me by certain Advaita Vedanta diehards in Tiruvannamalai, with no small degree of contempt, that if I had indeed Realized the Self as "Oneness," then I was also responsible for the contents of the book I'd transcribed. Which, surely I was not. And so, the ultimate koan, the convoluted symbolic riddle posed by Zen Masters to their students, presented itself to me in answer to the seemingly innocent question: "Who Am I?"
Oneness Is Not Some Mythical Wizard of Oz
Spurred on to dig deeper, in an attempt to grasp the mind-boggling implications in owning up to who I now by default, understood myself to Be, I got to the core issue: the very nature of Oneness. But in order to untie the knot of the ultimate riddle, I needed first to resolve my own core issue: I had never asked for Self-Realization in the first place. It happened. From the outset, all I had wanted to do was to "serve God" — a larger-than-life God that I like most people, had thought of as separate from myself. Now what? Now I had to deal with the truth. Oneness was not some mythical Wizard of Oz, up there in the sky somewhere. Oneness was real and alive — living within the illusory costume I thought of as "me."
Now having gone the full distance, and having experienced myself as Oneness, there were suddenly profound implications that summoned the reappearance of the small linear identity from time to time. For there, lurking in the shadows of consciousness, was a fragment of identity who persisted in popping up now and then, who felt she was in way over her head and was petrified at the prospect of being forced to take responsibility for the words of Oneness.
Encompassing all of this was the master-puzzle itself. I continued to be baffled by the enormous difference I perceived between my own Self-perception and the magnitude of the Presence with which I had connected all these years — the one who had authored the concepts in the teachings that I'd transcribed. Both expressions of Presence went by the name of "Oneness." But I could attest to the fact that they were worlds apart — which, in fact, they are — literally. It was a level of understanding that was yet to come.
The days have disappeared one into the next. I see that I have not been in communication for weeks now. I'm inclined to offer an apology. But then, to whom would I apologize? I have come to understand that Oneness is none other than my own Self. And yet, the issue continues to arise that I know that the one who walks around in my body is not at the same level as the one who emerges in these sessions of exalted Divine connection and writes these profound pages of wisdom. It goes without saying that the identity I consider to be "Rasha" — my "linear identity" — could never have written these words. She didn't even understand some of the concepts at first. She does not remember having written any of it.
So, ok, Oneness. Here I am, once again, floundering in the seas of self-doubt, rehashing issues that have been addressed who knows how many times. I seem to be back on the roller coaster.
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Maybe, were it not for the memory issue, I might be able to retain the understandings I glean in these sessions. Maybe I wouldn't have to start at square one every day, like I'm playing the starring role in a real-life version of the movie, "Groundhog Day." I know there have been moments of exquisite clarity – moments of unquestionable connectedness -- where all perception of this character called "Rasha" simply vanished into the embrace of something vast and unspeakably magnificent. I know I have not imagined that.
I look at these stacks of notebooks. Thousands of pages have been documented. I've been re-reading my own writings of years ago and reliving them. I know I haven't imagined that either.
AsI write these words, I see that Rasha is marginally present now. A wave of deep contentedness sweeps over me. Your sweet smile spreads over my lips. Oneness is here. I can feel the Divine Presence hovering in the epicenter of my being. So, who is it that documents these thoughts? I do. Who I am now is anyone's guess.
Once again, Oneness is channeling Rasha. Rasha now is nowhere to be found.
Who is this "I" who persists in appearing and disappearing? Who is this "I" who has these thoughts? Where is she now? Perhaps she will go this time, never to return. Perhaps.
Take a moment and breathe with these energies now, Rasha. Let the joys of full connectedness permeate your being once more. In this moment of Divine Unity, there are no doubts, no concerns — no world. The world is a place relegated to a distant dream. Here in this Still place, there is only serenity.
Breathe now. And let the fullness of this Presence engulf your senses. Let the breaths come slow and deep. The illusory world is a world away now. The concerns and aggravations that haunted your mind have given way to a distancing. Here in the center of your own Being there is no such disturbance.
The above article was excerpted with permission from the book:
A Journey to Oneness: A Chronicle of Spiritual Emergence
Rich with Divine insight, A Journey to Oneness gives us a vibrant new vision of the nature of humanness and an in-depth guide to discovering the Divinity within. Here, in one woman's unforgettable spiritual adventure, is the key to the actual experience of Oneness -- the God within us all.
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About The Author
Author of the spiritual classic, Oneness, Rasha awakened to her inner calling as a Divine Messenger in 1987. The profound teachings she transcribes are universal and focus on the experience of the Divinity within us. Rasha has dedicated her life to addressing the unprecedented transformation of consciousness that is the hallmark of these times. American by birth, she now lives in South India.