Afraid of Dying? How to Move Away from "death-a-phobia"

Afraid of Dying? How to Move Away from "death-a-phobia"

There is much you can do to prepare yourself for the great adventure of death. But it is well to remember that you are alive, and as such, you are meant to live. Avoid the tendency to become preoccupied or obsessed with death. The natural process of life provides time for all things. Keep death in perspective with other major life events.

One of the most important things to know is that you can prepare now for death and you can even enjoy the preparation process. Preparing for death can enrich your living experiences. Once you can look death in the eye and feel nothing but pleasant, yet mild, anticipation, then life becomes much more enjoyable.

This epitaph taken from a headstone in Ashby, Massachusetts, describes the basic truth.

Remember, friends, as you pass by,
as you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so you must be.
Prepare yourself to follow me.

You are well-advised to prepare yourself for death. But whether you are ready or not, when your self-determined hour arrives you will pass to the next dimension. Your hour is determined by you and your council -- not the little you that operates in the conscious mind, but the greater You that operates in harmony with Divine Source. This higher self, as it is often referred to, maintains the direct connection to the Divine Source.

A little preparation can make the death experience more pleasant and thus more peaceful for you as well as those you leave behind. Here are some suggestions for this preparation.


Allow yourself to talk about death as a part of life. I assure you, you do not bring death closer to you by talking about it, and you may make yourself more comfortable with the concept. By avoiding the topic you shroud it in mystery and shame. It becomes one of those topics that we don't talk about in polite society.

 Get The Latest From InnerSelf

Upon death you will create your own death experience based on what you believe. Therefore, the clearer you are about what you want and expect to happen, the better off you will be.

Read and examine the near-death experiences of others. Discuss with friends what you read. Do these books and articles describe a hell? Do you want one? Play with the concepts and words involved with death. This allows you and others to adjust to a death reality.

Talking about your thoughts and concepts helps you to clarify your own views. It forces you to synthesize and articulate your reality. It is at this point that you are able to revise or adjust your own faulty thinking. Even if you do not, at first, have an accurate reality of death, the process of open forum allows you to open to a variety of possibilities.

These conversations help to acclimate people to the transition process. It is important to be comfortable enough with the topic to discuss it when the conversation arises. Often there is an inner knowing and a need to discuss death as the hour approaches, much like the impending birth of a child is discussed.

People have taken the topic of death, and even the words associated with it, and made them naughty -- something we don't speak aloud in public. Children are shushed or quickly diverted if they bring up the topic. Our society is "death-a-phobic" and it's time this is changed.

By becoming comfortable with the words and concepts, when the magic moment arrives and you discover that you are dead, you won't be so shocked. Many people have a difficult time accepting their own death simply because of the shock value of the word. Ignoring and suppressing the idea of death throughout your life actually empowers the word. So take the power away from the words and concept of death by verbalizing and getting comfortable with them. Make the words "death" and "dead" as familiar as the word "birth" and "life".

Birth and death are both times of transition. They imply a change from one dimensional form to another. You don't see people going to pieces because someone gave birth like you do when people (especially themselves) die. Yet birth is much more traumatic and generally unpleasant to the one experiencing it. Death is a much easier transition.


Take a minute to imagine the following scene.

Imagine yourself walking down a path. Create your path; notice the details. Is it wide, narrow, smooth, rough, beautiful, not-so-beautiful, straight, or winding? You decide. After you walk for awhile you come to a wall. The wall can be any form you like, but it must run across your path and stretch so far that you cannot walk around it. Create the wall now!

Now move beyond the wall. What do you see? Take a minute to experience this vision. Relax and play with the images. Don't read on until you have experienced this!

No fudging!

This path represents your view of your life. Was your life easy or rough? Was your path well worn, or are you blazing new trails? Was your path straight or winding? If you did not like your path, know that you have full power to change it any time you choose. You can add plants, flowers -- in short, create any path you choose whenever you choose.

Examine the wall. Was it high and solid or low and insubstantial? What kind was it? How did you move beyond the wall? Was it hard? What were your reactions to moving beyond the wall? What did you find on the other side?

The wall represents the separation of life and death. Beyond the wall is your symbolic subconscious view of the afterlife. Now reexamine your images. If you do not like what you experienced, simply choose a new creation and construct new images.

There are no right answers, yet, at the same time, all answers are right. Your answers represent a combination of what you have been conditioned to believe about death and your personal reality of death. If you are happy with your subconscious death reality, that's great. If you are uncomfortable with your symbolic representation of death, then create a new one as you read on.

Death Need Not Be Scary

In many ways death can be compared to going away to college. It may cause a little apprehension at first. The change may even produce some stress. But after awhile you can actually become excited about the prospect of going away to your great new adventure. There are many who would even say you are lucky to be going. Death is even easier than college because there is no packing to do, no tuition to pay, nor written exams to take.

As you get comfortable with the concept of death, then you can begin to let go of any fearful notions of death. Allow yourself to have a variety of death options, all pleasant. This allows you to stay open and receptive to your own unique death adventure when it occurs, which may be different from the one you have created.

If, however, the concept of death still makes you tremble with fear, and you can't leave it in such an unformed and unpleasant condition, then take a few moments to create your own picture of what death will be like for you. Play this image over and over until it becomes your new reality of death. Thus, when you die you will automatically create this familiar reality. Eventually the actual reality will pierce your awareness, but this created reality will be a pleasant first encounter, certainly much better than fear or panic.

Remember, your thoughts have power. If you believe that there is a hell and that this is what you deserve, presto! you create it for yourself. If, on the other hand, you think there is a heaven with streets lined with gold and angels floating around and that this is your reward for living the good life, then that is what you will experience. Eventually, when (and if) you settle down, you will learn the truth about death. But why risk having a terrible time and perhaps have some less-than-enjoyable experiences while you are figuring it out? Better to create a death reality you wish to experience; after death and whenever you are ready, you will know the truth.

Just create in your mind a picture of your most desirable place. This image will be different for everyone. Do you want perfect peace or high adventure? How about a party with all your old friends and relatives, or a quiet talk with God? Would you like to experience the loving light that so many speak of? You decide, then create that reality. Thus when you die, this will indeed be what you experience immediately upon your death. This familiar scene will calm your fears and lessen your shock at finding yourself dead. It can even create a mild sense of anticipation.

Keep in mind that there is no hell, except to the extent that you create it. But, just because you have created a wonderful death experience, this does not mean you will escape responsibility for all your Earthly actions. As someone once said, "Paybacks are hell," and you will feel the need to payback or bring balance to this life. So continue to live a responsible and enjoyable life and no hellish paybacks will be necessary.


While preparing for death it is well to remember that these lower frequency emotions do not serve you. They create panic and chaos during your life as well as after. It is best to rid yourself of them now so they cannot affect the rest of your life or death. These energy stealers rob you of your joy for living and have no redeeming features.

One of the easiest ways of eliminating them is to ask for assistance from the Heavenly Helpers. Once you recognize the negative force that fear and worry are, simply decide that now is a great time to free your life from fear forever. Ask for Divine help in ridding yourself of your fear. God, the universe, Buddha, Jesus, or the angels, depending upon your beliefs, are willing to help you. But you must be willing to let go of your fears. Ask for help and then follow your inner guidance.

Another technique involves visualizing. See all your fears, worry, etc. take physical form. Then dissipate the forms. Burn them, zap them with love, disintegrate them with light. Be creative, but see yourself doing it. Know that once you have willed them to be gone, they must leave. Act on one issue at a time. As you give it form, pay special attention to it. Really experience it and notice all its attributes. Then when you eliminate it from your life know that it is gone, unless your thoughts invite it back. As you eliminate each less desirable emotion, replace it with something desirable (love, trust, courage, faith etc.).

As your mind dwells on a topic, it is manifest in your life, not immediately but definitely! Each new thought can be an invitation for these nonproductive emotions to rejoin you. During life your thoughts and words have creative power, even though it is a slow process, eventually these become your reality. In the beginning, while you are unaware, it is a slow process. This is a safety device meant for our protection. The more aware you are of this truth, the faster the manifestation.

After death these same thoughts become your instant reality. Therefore, if you move into the death process filled with fears and guilt, you will torture yourself until you release them from your existence.

Native Americans had a special technique for releasing their emotional garbage. They would dig a hole and speak into it all their negative experiences, thoughts, and/or feelings. When they had given it all to Mother Earth they would fill the hole. Often they would plant a seed, knowing that Mother Earth would use their emotional garbage for fertilizer from which something beautiful would grow. I love this ritual, and have used it on many occasions. I choose to plant a tree. Our planet needs more trees, and humanity has plenty of emotional fertilizer to give them a healthy start.

Whenever you experience fear, guilt, or any negative feelings, dig a hole and put your emotional dung into the hole. Then plant a tree in the hole. Ask Mother Earth and the spirit of the tree to help you move into a peaceful, loving existence and to use your fertilizer for the highest and best good for all concerned. If you are unable to do it for real, do it in your mind. You may have to plant many trees to get rid of it all of your garbage, but you will feel wonderful.


Prepare yourself for death by allowing the actual or ultimate reality of death to enter your consciousness. This can happen as you learn the truth about it. No one can teach you truth; it must be allowed and recognized through your inner knowing. You can speed the process by asking the God Presence to help you learn the truth about death. As you read or listen to others, ask for the ability to discern truth. As you make death a topic of conversation, listen for truth. Learn to trust your inner knowing.

This book and all other books share their authors' truths. Their truths may or may not be your truth. This book can be a catalyst in helping you become aware of your own truth if you allow it. Facts and opinions are given to you or gathered by you, but truth is a gut-level recognition. This internal knowing can never be given by others, and certainly can never be taken from you. Your personal truth will lead you to the ultimate truth about life and death. At the introductory level, there are many truths, but eventually, all lead to the single ultimate truth. It is an inward journey.

Open your mind and let your intuition bring you truth. Relax and let your mind float. Don't try to force information; instead let your imagination gently guide your thoughts over and around the thought of death. Do this for as long as you feel comfortable with it. A few minutes can be just as productive as a half hour. A relaxed mind is much more receptive to Divine inspiration. You may not receive profound thoughts at this moment, but you have begun to make your mind more receptive to Divine insights. Keep your mind in a relaxed state as you continue your daily activities. Trust, knowing that at the right time you will know the truth about death (or any other topic you choose). Watch for your own change of feelings and attitudes, and for "messages" that may come in the form of comments from others, intuitive thoughts, or passages from written material. The Bible tells you to ask and you shall receive. If you ask to know the truth, you will be given truth. But this requires you to keep your mind open to it. If your mind is closed down to all but your current beliefs, it will be harder for you to know truth and more disturbing for you to accept.

Ask for the ability to discern truth, then learn to trust this ability, knowing you have it. Keep check on your gut feelings as you read this book and experience other material. Eventually your created image of death will be replaced with the true reality of death.


The secret to an easy transition into the next dimension is found by living life in a way that eliminates any loose ends that entangle you to this life. This means that you must make peace with life, which automatically eliminates any loose ends. These unresolved issues can and do affect your life, but for now we will focus on how they affect your death.

To make peace with life, you must make peace with all experiences and people in your life. Begin by making peace with everything and everyone around you. When you make peace with life, you will automatically find peace in death. A state of serenity during the death process helps determine your transition experience. Therefore it is important to spend time making peace with people, issues, and emotions. Time and effort invested now can pay off big later on.

If you are angry at someone, this irritation plays over and over in your consciousness and can keep you Earthbound. Carried to an extreme, this negative frequency will keep you from moving on spiritually. There are people who die, yet refuse to move on to their higher good. They become trapped at this lower vibrational frequency and are unwilling and/or unable to move on. There are many accounts of dead people who linger around the house where they died, especially if they died violently. They are trapped because their mental state has not allowed them to move on. Being murdered can tend to spoil your day, but there is no sense in allowing it to spoil your eternity!

I am sure you know people who became angry over some little incident and stayed angry for years or even decades. These are prime candidates for getting stuck. If you happen to be one of these emotional flytraps, you'd better start releasing now. Release old hurts, old wounds, old issues, and old feelings. There is no magic trick; just do it.

Article Source:

Exploring Life's Last Frontier by Dr. Heather Anne HarderExploring Life's Last Frontier: The World of Death, Dying, and Letting Go
by Dr. Heather Anne Harder

Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Channel One Communications, Needham, MA 02192. ©.

Info/Order this book.

Book also available from the author's website:

About The Author

Dr. Heather Anne HarderDr. Heather Anne Harder is a Professor of Education at Governors State University, Indiana. She is the author of Interdimensional Communication : The Art and Science of Talking to Ghosts, Spirits, Angels and Other Dead People, Perfect Power in Consciousness, and Many Were Called-Few Were Chosen : The Story of the Earth-Based Volunteers. Dr. Harder travels worldwide lecturing and sharing the Light. She was also a candidate in the 2000 elections for U.S. President. To receive information on her speaking engagements, visit her website at


follow InnerSelf on


 Get The Latest By Email



InnerSelf Newsletter: September 6, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
We see life through the lenses of our perception. Stephen R. Covey wrote: “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” So this week, we take a look at some…
InnerSelf Newsletter: August 30, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
The roads we are travelling these days are as old as the times, yet are new for us. The experiences we are having are as old as the times, yet they also are new for us. The same goes for the…
When The Truth Is So Terrible It Hurts, Take Action
by Marie T. Russell,
Amidst all the horrors taking place these days, I am inspired by the rays of hope that shine through. Ordinary people standing up for what is right (and against what is wrong). Baseball players,…
When Your Back Is Against The Wall
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I love the internet. Now I know a lot of people have a lot of bad things to say about it, but I love it. Just like I love the people in my life -- they are not perfect, but I love them anyway.
InnerSelf Newsletter: August 23, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
Everyone probably can agree that we are living in strange times... new experiences, new attitudes, new challenges. But we can be encouraged in remembering that everything is always in flux,…