Image by Vlad Bitte
Soon after we found out Anthony had died I was getting ready to drive two hours to the south valley to go tell my boys and my parents that our beloved Anthony had passed to spirit. I was showering and could hear him screaming at me... I’m OK, Ma! I’m OK!
The shock hit me. A glass wall separated us and he was screaming for me to hear him. I could only cry, “How can this be!!!” I was so distraught -- even breathing came with difficulty. He was trying to tell me he was OK but my inner ears only heard the dirge.
I was trying to hear him and understand but I just couldn’t contain myself. My heart never felt such pain, and my brain said “nope,” it would not process what had happened.
How Can This Be Happening?
The memories are a blur -- most of them are forgotten. At one point I felt myself leave my body. A piece of me protecting me from this immense trauma. Trying to understand the words... your son is gone, deceased. Trying to stay in a space of being able to communicate with him. But I was having a hard time understanding this myself.
I could hear him yelling intermittently at me but I was not fully understanding yet. How could this be occurring? My son... gone? It was too much to bear.
On the car ride down, my husband drove and I connected with Anthony and asked him to show me how he died. I needed to know if he suffered if he had been in pain. Little did I know that this feeling would encompass my entire being.
It wasn’t like a typical medium session -- for many years I had been a medium, and this time it was my child, my flesh, my blood. Nothing could prepare me for how overwhelmed I would become.
Get The Latest From InnerSelf
I asked Archangel Michael to surround us both with light and protection. I felt urgency from Anthony, wanting to connect with me. He knew I would be a mess. I had just re-experienced the same stupendous loss of a loved one as I had in a previous lifetime, and in that life I decided to exit rather than bear the pain.
As I arrived at my sons’ home and at my parents,’ I would have to repeat the words again and again, “Anthony is dead.”
These words still torture me. The worst feeling in the world coursed through me like a song looping back to the beginning as I was forced to repeat the words to my family. The news shocked my sons Erich and Tyler so hard they stood frozen as I tried to console my mother and father. My husband was at a loss. He felt helpless. Again I left my body, a piece of me floating separately as I tried to process all that was happening to our family.
Are You OK? Are You Really OK?
I needed to know he was OK. I heard him say it, but was I really? Or was it wishful thinking? My mind playing tricks on me? My psychic senses blared “full alert!”
Everything was happening too quickly for me to comprehend. I knew I needed to text my psychic co-workers at Sedona Soul Sisters, Rozlyn Reynolds, and Ivory LaNoue, for them to confirm that he was indeed OK -- it wasn’t just something I wanted to believe.
I am very blessed to have such amazing people in my life. I was guided to Sedona Soul Sisters while meditating at the Airport Mesa in Sedona, and a few months later we began working together. Looking back now, I see a piece put in place for me to bear what was to come. The soul contract between Anthony and I included other souls who also agreed to be part of it. Roz and Ivory became part of my life just in time. It’s no coincidence.
Roz and Ivory both confirmed with me that indeed he was OK and he easily crossed over. Although it was a complete surprise for him to be out of his body, once he crossed he felt at home. He said to Ivory, “I didn’t see this shit coming.” This was the message I had gotten as well. Just before he died he thought he just had a stomach bug. He visited an urgent care and was sent home with a stomach bug diagnosis.
Trying To Understand
Anthony’s presence remained with us while we gathered everyone and tried to understand what was happening. Our entire family congregated in my parents’ home as we began to plan for what was to come. All I wanted to do was to hold my baby boy. But I couldn’t. The morgue wouldn’t let me see him until they released him to the funeral home. I was desperate -I would not believe he was gone until I could see him.
A disjointed feeling hovered with me as the hours passed with my family after first hearing of Anthony’s passing. In two places at once, somewhat here and somewhat there. Two worlds, one for the living on Earth, the other for the living in spirit. I felt Anthony come into my presence again. It engulfed my being. For my child to be communicating with me as a spirit overwhelmed me.
I begin to cry out for him.
And he begins to speak to me....
Ma. I am so so sorry that you are hurting. I am so sorry that I left.
I was just as surprised as you were. I was not sure what was going on. One minute I was in the room in severe pain and not being able to breathe, and the next minute I was being lifted out of my body. I was semi-floating in the room watching the paramedics work on my body. I felt as if I was still there yet I was not.
I watched and watched in dismay as I could hear them calling the time of my death. I was confused. Dan (Anthony’s roommate) was there and he was extremely upset. I kept calling to him, “Dan I am not dead, I am right here.” He could not hear me.
That’s when everything changed. I was moving again toward a beautiful platinum bright light, floating away through a massive tunnel of light. I kept looking back to what was happening on Earth, but I was so mesmerized by this amazing light that I was fixed on following it.
I felt surrounded by familiar beings but not sure who they were yet. As I began to slow in my movement the light dimmed a bit. I could see a doorway of sorts. A beautiful gateway to the oneness I was becoming.
I felt like a feather and in no more pain, but I mourned what I was leaving behind. I could still feel an immense connection to all of you, and yet I wasn’t sure where exactly I was. You see, Ma, I was loving the feeling of the light but sad for leaving you all. I knew you needed me to be there, but I couldn’t stay with you.
We agreed to this before we became me and you. Some things are just too hard for you to understand right now. There is an innate process that you will come to understand when you leave your human form behind. On the Other Side I was met by beautiful light beings and familiar faces. Great-grandpa and Benny are here with me. And grandma too. They were waiting for me. Many beings. All sorts of energy that felt familiar. I felt safe and secure as I made my way home.
I know this is a lot for you to comprehend at this moment but I want you to know that I am OK right now. I didn’t mean to leave you, Ma, I could never leave you guys behind. Please tell everyone that I love them and I am always going to be there for them. I promise to connect with you often, and I will make my presence known to all of you as much as I can. Please do me a favor and let Dan know that it’s OK. He did what he could.
This message would come through again later, repeated by a medium I used to work with in a small boutique in Sedona. Dan was Anthony’s roommate for many years after they met in college. During the time of Anthony’s passing Dan expressed his concern for Anthony, but neither of them thought his “stomach bug” was anything to worry about. At age 27, who thinks they are going to die?
Back at my parents’ home, we began to talk about the plans that we would have to make. My husband Tim took the reigns and immediately began calling around and connecting with people in Flagstaff. Word spread quickly. Erich decided it would be best for him to go up and stay with Dan, considering Anthony died in their apartment. Dan was very distraught and we knew he needed us there with him as well.
The time raced by as we had some heavy decisions to make concerning the arrangements and how we were going to handle everything. Erich really stepped up for me. I could not have done this without him. He knew everything about what Anthony would want, and Erich and Tyler discussed funeral arrangements. Anthony was very particular about many things, but if anyone knew him best it would be his brothers.
The police detectives were very helpful, explaining how the system works as they tried to unravel the last few days of Anthony’s life. A detective in Flagstaff intuitively felt Anthony’s death was related to a medical condition, and that’s also what I felt. The coroner’s office in Flagstaff was also very supportive.
I wasn’t really there during this whole process -- part of me had floated away as an act of self-preservation. I shut my-self off from the details. The officials explained things as best they could, but this is my son they were speaking about. I just could not understand how all of this was happening.
Something in me broke and I wasn’t myself. I knew it, but I couldn’t stop from being taken over with dark thoughts and evil forces.
I was going to join my son. I could not bear the pain.
There was no doubt in my mind where I was heading. I began to hear thoughts about wanting to kill myself, and malevolent entities laughing and taunting me.
I would cry and scream for the son I had just lost and the voices would get louder. I would get myself so worked up I could not breathe, and then my son would step in. I would feel love and peace encompass my entire being and my breathing would slow. He was there every single time I felt I couldn’t go on without him. His spiritual presence would enter my space and I would hear his voice coming from outside my body:
Ma, under no circumstances, are you to follow me. The trajectory of a disaster would be great. Many lives would be affected. You cannot follow me. No matter what. Trust me on this. You must stay behind, no matter how much it hurts!
His strength got me through that moment...
©2020 by Terri-Ann Russell. All Rights Reserved.
Excerpted with permission. Publisher: Lisa Hagan Books.
From Death To Life: The Incredible True Story of Anthony Joseph
by Terri-Ann Russell
Terri-Ann Russell takes us on a journey of loss, love and finally acceptance of the death of her treasured son, Anthony Joseph in her debut book. She leads us on a voyage of self-discovery, as she can now understand and feel what her clients have experienced for decades.
For more info, or to order this book, click here. (Also available as a Kindle edition.)
About the Author
Currently the owner and founder of Sassy Soul Energy Healing in Sedona, Arizona, Terri-Ann Russell was guided to the area while meditating on a hiking trip to the famous Airport Mesa Trail. She soon found herself guided to the Sedona Soul Sisters, an organization of gifted professional psychics who “welcomed her home” with open arms and with whom she is now associated as a member of the staff. Considered a multi-dimensional healer, Terri-Ann works through angels such as Archangel Michael and Mother Mary, as well as with other galactic beings. Her training is extensive in Usui Reiki and Karuna Reiki, Theta healing, Quantum healing, and Energy Transfer Reset, as well as her own modality: Soul Matters Activations.