I believe that as a man becomes initiated into deeper levels of manhood, he is faced with the challenge of rescuing the Inner Lover or Goddess, his Feminine Self. This quest is very risky and a man must be deeply grounded in his masculinity in order to step into the caldron with the inner woman. This is where my story begins...

Over the past five years, I have completely dedicated my life to experiencing myself as a mature man. I have empowered myself through my passions which included writing a book, and recording original songs documenting my journey. As a result of this work, I became stronger in my awareness as a man and healed many inner wounds related to my masculinity. As I came into my manhood, I finally had the strength to begin facing what I call this Shadow Feminine within me.

Looking Deep Within

I grew up in a time when the women's movement was blossoming across the country. My mother was very active in N.O.W. and, during most of my adolescent years, she was always having meetings at our home and/or scurrying off to rallies throughout the country. I completely support women in finding their wholeness, yet, when I was growing up, anger seemed to be the dominant emotion women were expressing. Although this had to happen in order to release the years of suppressed feelings, I did not realize the impact this energy had on me.

Men and women
can build bridges together
as we dance our shadows
of the opposite gender within us.

As I grew older I began looking deeper into myself. I eventually began to sense a very dark and deep wound within me. The anger that was being expressed towards men and their oppression of women left me feeling a real lack of pride in being a man. In other words, I received the subconscious message that it was not safe to be a man...so I did not want to grow up and become one.

What this created in my psyche was what I now call my inner witch or hag. This was the part of me which wanted to keep me a `little boy'...that never wanted me to mature into a man because men are 'no good'. With this inner program, I could never be in control of my life as an adult. In her words I received the message, men are bad, I hate them all for hurting me and I'll do anything to keep you a little boy so you don't turn into one of them.

Obviously I had to face this voice, this feminine shadow, and ask her what she was so afraid of. Her response was that if she gave up control, she would be lost and never heard from again. She would fall into the hole of oppression and never be found again. At this point, my first task was to reclaim the power that I had given her, which I did by dancing and actually acting the 'witch out' in the company of men. It was amusing to others as I paraded around telling all these men how much I hated them.

As the energy was defused and put into its proper perspective, the hag eventually became my ally. She is always there to protect me whenever I am attacked by anyone who lumps me together with all the other men who have oppressed women for generations. This was very freeing for me and I could begin to feel a sense of genuine pride begin to lift me up and hold me stronger in my manhood.

The Quest Continues

Today, as I continue my feminine quest, I am beginning to feel that men and women can build bridges together as we dance our shadows of the opposite gender within us. Men can begin to own the controlling witch or hag, and women can begin to own the oppressive warlock or patriarch within themselves. When this takes place, both men and women can begin opening doors to new adventures and experiences as whole human beings.

I have found a greater peace in myself through confronting this aspect of my feminine shadow and I am excited about what else still remains to be seen and healed before I truly rescue my Inner Goddess. As I continue this work, I also feel a greater appreciation for both women and men in their attempt to acknowledge a deepening sense of compassion for all of humanity. May we all continue to clear away the inner wounds we may be carrying and access the Light of Divine Love within.

Recommended CD:
I Choose Love
by Shawn Gallaway.

Shawn has completed writing and recording his story, a project that includes his words, art, and songs in a multi media experience entitled, I CHOOSE LOVE

Info/Order this CD on Amazon

About The Author

Shawn Gallaway is a critically acclaimed guitarist, author, songwriter and performer who creates emotionally charged songs that invite the listener on a healing journey deep into the masculine soul. His release "Freedom Cries" sets forth his exploration for masculinity in song and music. Visit his website at www.shawngallaway.com