More heterosexual couples today meet online, research finds. In fact, matchmaking is now the primary job of online algorithms.
In the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, sociologist Michael Rosenfeld reports that heterosexual couples are more likely to meet a romantic partner online than through personal contacts and connections. Since 1940, traditional ways of meeting partners—through family, in church, and in the neighborhood—have all been in decline, Rosenfeld says.
Rosenfeld, a lead author of the study and a professor of sociology at Stanford University, drew on a nationally representative 2017 survey of American adults and found that about 39% of heterosexual couples reported meeting their partner online, compared to 22% in 2009.
Rosenfeld has studied mating and dating as well as the internet’s effect on society for two decades. Here, he explains the new findings:
Q
What’s the main takeaway from your research on online dating?
A
Meeting a significant other online has replaced meeting through friends. People trust the new dating technology more and more, and the stigma of meeting online seems to have worn off.
In 2009, when I last researched how people find their significant others, most people were still using a friend as an intermediary to meet their partners. Back then, if people used online websites, they still turned to friends for help setting up their profile page. Friends also helped screen potential romantic interests.
Q
What were you surprised to find?
A
I was surprised at how much online dating has displaced the help of friends in meeting a romantic partner. Our previous thinking was that the role of friends in dating would never be displaced. But it seems like online dating is displacing it. That’s an important development in people’s relationship with technology.
Q
What do you believe led to the shift in how people meet their significant other?
A
There are two core technological innovations that have each elevated online dating. The first innovation was the birth of the graphical World Wide Web around 1995. There had been a trickle of online dating in the old text-based bulletin board systems prior to 1995, but the graphical web put pictures and search at the forefront of the internet. Pictures and search appear to have added a lot to the internet dating experience.
“Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how you met your significant other, the relationship takes a life of its own after the initial meeting.”
The second core innovation is the spectacular rise of the smartphone in the 2010s. The rise of the smartphone took internet dating off the desktop and put it in everyone’s pocket, all the time.
Also, the online dating systems have much larger pools of potential partners compared to the number of people your mother knows, or the number of people your best friend knows. Dating websites have enormous advantages of scale. Even if most of the people in the pool are not to your taste, a larger choice set makes it more likely you can find someone who suits you.
Q
Does your finding indicate that people are increasingly less social?
A
No. If we spend more time online, it does not mean we are less social.
When it comes to single people looking for romantic partners, the online dating technology is only a good thing, in my view. It seems to me that it’s a basic human need to find someone else to partner with and if technology is helping that, then it’s doing something useful.
The decline of meeting partners through family isn’t a sign that people don’t need their family anymore. It’s just a sign that romantic partnership is taking place later in life.
In addition, in our study we found that the success of a relationship did not depend on whether the people met online or not. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how you met your significant other, the relationship takes a life of its own after the initial meeting.
Q
What does your research reveal about the online world?
A
I think that internet dating is a modest positive addition to our world. It is generating interaction between people that we otherwise wouldn’t have.
People who have in the past had trouble finding a potential partner benefit the most from the broader choice set provided by the dating apps.
Internet dating has the potential to serve people who were ill-served by family, friends, and work. One group of people who was ill-served was the LGBTQ+ community. So the rate of gay couples meeting online is much higher than for heterosexual couples.
Q
You’ve studied dating for over two decades. Why did you decide to research online dating?
A
The landscape of dating is just one aspect of our lives that is being affected by technology. And I always had a natural interest in how new technology was overturning the way we build our relationships.
I was curious how couples meet and how has it changed over time. But no one has looked too deeply into that question, so I decided to research it myself.
Source: Stanford University
Books on Couples from Amazon's Best Sellers list
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert"
by John Gottman and Nan Silver
This best-selling book offers practical advice and strategies for building and maintaining a strong and healthy marriage. Drawing on decades of research, the author outlines seven key principles for creating a successful partnership, including improving communication, managing conflict, and fostering intimacy.
Click for more info or to order
"Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love"
by Sue Johnson
This book provides a step-by-step guide to improving communication and strengthening emotional bonds in romantic relationships. Drawing on the principles of attachment theory, the author offers practical advice and exercises for couples looking to deepen their connection and build a more fulfilling relationship.
Click for more info or to order
"The Love Dare"
by Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick
This popular book offers a 40-day challenge to help couples strengthen their relationship and grow closer to each other. Each day presents a new "dare," such as expressing gratitude or practicing forgiveness, designed to deepen the connection between partners.
Click for more info or to order
"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex"
by John Gray
This classic book offers a humorous and insightful look at the differences between men and women in relationships. The author offers practical advice for bridging the gap and improving communication between partners.
Click for more info or to order
"The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"
by John Gottman
This book provides a research-based approach to improving relationships of all kinds, including romantic partnerships. The author outlines five key steps for creating stronger and more fulfilling connections with others, drawing on his extensive experience as a couples therapist and researcher.
