Forgiving Means Releasing The Pain Associated With An Event

Forgiving Means Releasing The Pain Associated With An Event

Forgiving means "releasing the pain associated with an event. You don't need to forgive the action, just the person. Your reason for forgiving is to heal yourself, not because it is something that you are expected to do."

A New Golden Rule and The Couple's Manifesto of Love

A New Golden Rule and The Couple's Manifesto of Love

The familiar Golden Rule -- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you -- has analogues throughout the world's cultures. A better version of the Golden Rule for couples -- and one of the secrets to loving in flow -- is to do unto your partner as your partner would like, not as you would like or as you wish he or she would like.

Appreciating Your Partner and Being Mindful of Each Other

Appreciating Your Partner and Being Mindful of Each Other

Do the best couples have any secret strategies for staying mindful and not taking one another for granted? Paying attention each time your partner reaches out in some tiny way, even if you must say, 'Now's not a good time,' shows courtesy and caring, and keeps you both current with each other's lives.

Relationship Problem? Heal It or Repeat It!

Relationship Problem? Heal It or Repeat It!

Quite often, I spend time with people who are extremely critical of themselves for having multiple failed relationships. The truth is, they're missing the point: We can't fail, because there's no way to do these things wrong. A failed relationship, if you put it into its proper context, is a chance to...

Why Humour Matters More Than Good Looks With Online Dating

Why Humour Matters More Than Good Looks With Online Dating

Online dating platforms have witnessed a surge of users and activities during the COVID-19 pandemic. The lockdown restrictions and physical distancing protocols have changed the way people work and live — but also how they date.

The White Supremacist Origins of Modern Marriage Advice

The White Supremacist Origins of Modern Marriage Advice

When I was conducting research for my new book on the destructive aspects of modern heterosexual relationships, I started looking into the archives of early 20th-century books about courtship and marriage written by physicians and sexologists.

Speak To Me Of Love - Not Bills and Housecleaning

Speak To Me Of Love - Not Bills and Money

Foreplay is a 24 hour a day affair for most women, in that it is everything that happens between partners during the day. For a woman, foreplay begins when the couple awakens in the morning. From that moment on, everything her partner says and everything her partner does affects how she will feel sexually...

An Affair to Remember: How to Ensure a Committed Relationship

An Affair to Remember: How to Ensure a Committed Relationship

A third party has no power to break up a healthy relationship. No one can come between you and your partner unless something has already come between you. A mate having an affair is not the cause of a breakup; it is a symptom of a breakdown in the fabric of the primary relationship. An affair can be the most valuable wakeup call of a lifetime.

Don't Give Up On Your Relationship

Don't Give Up On Your Relationship

Can any two people create and maintain a great relationship? You may not think so, because in your search for love, you've only met with failure and disappointment. You may have come to expect that any love relationship you have will end up being quite painful...

Share Your Secret and Discover Inner Peace

Share Your Secret and Discover Inner Peace

Quietly, to yourself, think of the one thing you most want no one to know about you. Maybe you had an affair, or a nose job; maybe you stole something once, cheated on your income taxes or had an abortion. Sometimes the dirty deed seems absurd. I had a woman confess to me in tears that years ago she had...

Why Marriage Isn’t A Ticket To Happiness

Why Marriage Isn’t A Ticket To Happiness

How much do love and marriage play into overall well-being? A new study quantifies the happiness of married, formerly married, and single people at the end of their lives to find out.

Cybersex, Erotic Tech And Virtual Intimacy Are On The Rise

Cybersex, Erotic Tech And Virtual Intimacy Are On The Rise

The coronavirus pandemic is affecting sexuality and relationships. The confinement and social distancing measures protecting us are unintentionally exacerbating intimacy-related difficulties and limiting people’s access to partners.

Just What Is This Thing We Call Love?

Just What Is This Thing We Call Love?

From songs and poems to novels and movies, romantic love is one of the most enduring subjects for artworks through the ages. But what about the science?

How Can I Love Better, Without Conditions or Expectations?

How Can I Love Better, Without Conditions or Expectations?

Love is enough unto itself. It needs no betterment. It is perfect as it is; it is not in any way meant to be more perfect. The very desire shows a misunderstanding about love and its nature. Love is not a quantity. It is a quality, which is immeasurable.

Love Yourself, Then, Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

Love Yourself,Then, Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

You've been inundated with erroneous information. It becomes terribly hard to try to figure out what's right. You're inundated by all types of moralistic behavior, commandments, church rules, and law. Behavioral modification is probably the most simplistic.

How To Create a Caring, Nurturing Relationship and Be Cherished

How To Be Cherished and Create a Caring and Nurturing Relationship
Relationships need care and nurturing, and often it's hard to know what to do. You have probably been searching for reasons why your relationship isn't as warm, loving, and compassionate as you'd like. It is natural for relationships to have an ebb and flow, to grow more or less intimate as circumstances shift...

Coronavirus and Sex: Dos And Don'ts During Social Distancing

Coronavirus And Sex: Dos And Don'ts During Social Distancing

Given the common modes of transmission of respiratory viruses, engaging in certain types of sexual activities may risk spreading the virus. However, expecting people to abstain from sex during times of isolation is unrealistic.

Connecting Emotionally: An Essential Part of Happy Relationships

Connecting Emotionally: An Essential Part of Happy Relationships
Whether people are struggling to save a marriage, to cooperate in a family crisis, or to build rapport with a difficult boss, they usually have one thing in common: They need to share emotional information that can help them feel connected.

Most Couples Are Less Satisfied When The Woman Earns More

Most Couples Are Less Satisfied When The Woman Earns More

Women are now the main earners in about one in four Australian households. This increase in female “breadwinner” households challenges traditional expectations of men and women and their roles in family life.

Young Men On Sexting: It’s Normal, But Complicated

Young Men On Sexting: It’s Normal, But Complicated

Concern about the popularity of “sexting” - the sending and receiving of sexually explicit text messages and photographs - among young people has been a frequent point of discussion in recent years.

Notes on Intimacy and Having a Genuine Loving Relationship

Notes on Intimacy
Once you are in a relationship, how can you develop intimacy? One key is honesty. Some people tell little lies about themselves when they first begin a relationship. This is destructive to intimacy, because your partner will never be completely sure if you are telling the truth. It is much easier to maintain credibility if you...

Can Sex Affect Your Risk Of Getting Cancer?

Can Sex Affect Your Risk Of Getting Cancer?
The sex act has many health benefits from reducing stress and tension, to boosting your immune system. It may even affect your risk of developing certain cancers.

Why We Look For A Partner Who Laughs and Makes Us Laugh

Why We Look For A Partner Who Laughs And Makes Us Laugh
Whether we’re looking for love or lust, we look for someone with a good sense of humour. Studies of courtship on Tinder and Facebook show that a sense of humour is the most valued quality in a potential mate.

The Origin And Evolution Of Love

The Origin And Evolution Of Love

Why do we love? At best, it’s a mixed blessing, at worst, a curse. Love makes otherwise intelligent people act like fools; it causes heartache and grief.

Dealing With Love, Romance And Rejection On Valentine's Day

Dealing With Love, Romance And Rejection On Valentine's Day

Take care lovers, wherever you are, as Valentine’s Day is soon upon us. Whether you’re in a relationship or want to be in a relationship, research over a number of years shows that February 14 can be a day of broken hearts and broken wallets.

How China Does Valentine's Day

How China Does Valentine's Day

Americans celebrate love on Feb. 14, Valentine’s Day — a holiday named for Saint Valentine, a third-century Roman clergyman who secretly performed weddings for soldiers forbidden to marry under Emperor Claudius II.

What Makes A Good Relationship?

What Makes A Good Relationship?
What makes a good relationship? A willingness to surrender one’s heart—totally and without reservation to your Beloved—and to trust that, when you leap together into the precipice of the unknown, you will be able to reach confidently for one another and find solace or joy in equal measure through that loving communion.

Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?

Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?
We experience repetitious patterns in relationship, work, or health; different actors are showing up to play out the same role. Eventually we recognize that it cannot be an accident that the same type of people keep doing the same things; it is we who have drawn them according to the signals we are radioing to central casting.

Where to Find the Love of Your Life

Where to Find the Love of Your Life
After many years of coaching and leading seminars, I have discovered two areas that most people ask about most frequently: prosperity and relationships. Most people are looking for their love mate, or, if they have one, are seeking a better connection.

Facing Ourselves: The Dynamics of Intimacy and Love

Facing Ourselves: The Dynamics of Intimacy and Love
Despite the degree to which sexuality permeates the culture, the collective guilt of history can still be felt. We have been socialized to be suspicious of pleasure, to live removed from our bodies, and to maintain a tight rein over our feelings. In a culture riddled with guilt...

The Basis For Your Personal Happiness: Owning Your Relationship

The Basis For Your Personal Happiness: Owning Your Relationship
I have asked people to list all of their important possessions, from top to bottom, and they all invariably come up with similar lists. Houses, cars, furniture, stocks... and other material goods usually rank highly. Then I tell them that they have overlooked the number one valuable commodity in their life...

How Young People Negotiate Sex And Safety On Dating Apps

How Young People Negotiate Sex And Safety On Dating Apps
Popular commentary on dating apps often associates their use with “risky” sex, harassment and poor mental health. But anyone who has used a dating app knows there’s much more to it than that.

How Do You Know When It's Time To Break Up?

How Do You Know When It's Time To Break Up? Facing the prospect of spending yet another festive season with their romantic partner, many people start having doubts about their relationship in the run up to Christmas.

Why Having Sex On The Mind Makes People Lie

Why Having Sex On The Mind Makes People Lie
With sex on their minds, people are more likely to change their attitudes and engage in deceptive self-presentation, research on sexual priming finds.

How Do You Talk To Your Kids About Divorce?

How Do You Talk To Your Kids About Divorce?
Here's a stunner: 64 percent of all marriages that began in 1990 ended in divorce by the turn of the millennium.  70 percent of those failed marriages produced at least one child. Roughly half of all children born in this country over the past 15 years have ended up being children of divorce.

Experiencing Tantra: Spiritual Oneness Is Always Accompanied By Deep Love

Experiencing Tantra: Spiritual Oneness Is Always Accompanied By Deep Love
Tantra is well regarded within the yoga tradition as the fastest path to enlightenment. Eastern legend holds that an average human soul takes 100,000 lifetimes to achieve enlightenment, but that with tantra, any person truly committed to this path can gain enlightenment in as little as one lifetime. I soon discovered why this is true.

How Psychology Predicts Where Your Relationship Is Headed

How Psychology Predicts Where Your Relationship Is Headed
Is he or she the one? You know… the one to introduce to my parents, the one to move in with, the one to start a family with, the one to marry? At some point in every dating relationship, you ask yourself some version of these questions.

What Is Sex Really For? It's More Than The Obvious Reasons

What Is Sex Really For?
Few topics arouse as much interest and controversy as sex. This is hardly surprising. The biological continuance of the species hinges on it – if human beings stopped having sex, there would soon be no more human beings.

Being Vulnerable in Relationship

Allowing Yourself to Be Vulnerable in Relationship
The paradox of vulnerability in relationships, the path to connection, is to allow yourself to be both strong and vulnerable at the same time. When you do, it allows your partner to get to see the real you with your defenses down. This means no hiding. Not from yourself, not from your partner and best of all no hiding from the truth.

The Gay Gene Search Reveals Not One But Many

Gay Gene Search Reveals Not One But Many
It has long been clear that a person’s sexual preference – whether they prefer male or female sexual partners, or both – is influenced by his or her genetic makeup.

Saints and Soulmates: Francis and Clare of Assisi

Saints and Soulmates: Francis and Clare of AssisiAs we write in The Shared Heart, "The real soulmate is a state of consciousness, not a person." That being said, there can also be an outer soulmate, or life partner, an ancient connection with another soul where the primary purpose is serving together, blessing the earth together, more than simply loving one another.

What I Love Most About You...

What I Love Most About You... How often do you tell the special people in your life exactly what it is that you love most about them? How often do you identify what's good about your spouse, lover, children, sisters, brothers, dad, mother, uncles, aunts, friends, and colleagues -- and actually put it into words so there can be no doubt?

Who's Avoiding Sex, And Why

Who's Avoiding Sex, And Why

Sex has a strong influence on many aspects of well-being: it is one of our most basic physiological needs. Sex feeds our identity and is a core element of our social life.

Leave Your Cover Behind and Live Your Truth

Leave Your Cover Behind and Live Your TruthBeyond all of the material gifts we share, the greatest gift we can offer each other is the truth of who we really are. While true love invites us to come out and stand naked in the sun, fearful "love" asks us to hide who we are for the sake of holding on to a person or relationship. When you think about it, how valuable can a relationship be if you have to live in the dark to keep it?

Empathy and Attunement in Healthy and Successful Relationships

Empathy and Attunement in Healthy and Successful RelationshipsThe development of trust in a relationship is highly depen­dent upon two core concepts: empathy and attunement. Attunement is about being deeply aware of yourself and others. It is also about being receptive to information you get from others.

The Mystery Of Stay At Home Dads

The Mystery Of Stay At Home Dads

The picture of a dad with a toddler in his arms happily waving as mum heads off to work is attractive – it suggests a more equal, sharing and caring type of world.

Lascivious Virgins And Lustful Itches In Early England

Lascivious Virgins And Lustful Itches In Early EnglandIn the 18th and 19th centuries, masturbation was thought of as a “disease”, capable of causing psychological or physical damage like blindness or insanity. This medical and moral panic surrounding masturbation can still shape beliefs today.

Why We Need A New Philosophy Of Sex

Why We Need A New Philosophy Of Sex

A number of years ago, I found myself at a public sex beach in southern France for research purposes. Unsurprisingly, I experienced some ethical dilemmas.

The Secret To Ovulation Is In Women's Faces But Men Can't See It

The Secret To Ovulation Is In Women's Faces But Men Can't See ItIt’s not difficult to tell when a female chimpanzee is in heat. As she nears ovulation  — the point in her cycle when she’s most fertile  –  her bottom swells up like a balloon and turns bright pink. Humans are obviously different. We don’t make a show of how fertile we are. But does this mean that women have evolved to conceal ovulation?

Why Our Relationship With Dick Pics Is Complicated

Why Our Relationship With Dick Pics Is Complicated
Why do men send dick pics? Some research and popular commentary suggests it is for reasons of narcissism and over-confidence. Some men no doubt send them in the hopes of receiving a nude photo in kind, or because they genuinely believe that’s what women desire.

Is Love Losing Its Soul In The Digital Age?

Is Love Losing Its Soul In The Digital Age?
Instagram users have taken to issuing “weekiversary posts,” where they diligently mark the duration of their romances. This phenomenon makes some doubt the intensity of their own relationship.

You Need More Than Just Testes To Make A Penis

You Need More Than Just Testes To Make A Penis
In prenatal ultrasounds or at delivery, many new parents look between their baby’s legs: the presence of a penis is taken as a strong sign that it’s a boy.

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FROM THE EDITORS

InnerSelf Newsletter: September 20, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
The theme of the newsletter this week can be summed up as "you can do it" or more specifically "we can do it!". This is another way of saying "you/we have the power to make a change". The image of…
What Works For Me: "I Can Do It!"
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
The reason I share "what works for me" is that it may work for you as well. If not exactly the way I do it, since we are all unique, some variance of the attitude or method may very well be something…
InnerSelf Newsletter: September 6, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
We see life through the lenses of our perception. Stephen R. Covey wrote: “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” So this week, we take a look at some…
InnerSelf Newsletter: August 30, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
The roads we are travelling these days are as old as the times, yet are new for us. The experiences we are having are as old as the times, yet they also are new for us. The same goes for the…
When The Truth Is So Terrible It Hurts, Take Action
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com
Amidst all the horrors taking place these days, I am inspired by the rays of hope that shine through. Ordinary people standing up for what is right (and against what is wrong). Baseball players,…