How Can I Love Better, Without Conditions or Expectations?

How Can I Love Better, Without Conditions or Expectations?

Love is enough unto itself. It needs no betterment. It is perfect as it is; it is not in any way meant to be more perfect. The very desire shows a misunderstanding about love and its nature. Love is not a quantity. It is a quality, which is immeasurable.

Love Yourself, Then, Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

Love Yourself,Then, Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

You've been inundated with erroneous information. It becomes terribly hard to try to figure out what's right. You're inundated by all types of moralistic behavior, commandments, church rules, and law. Behavioral modification is probably the most simplistic.

There's No Such Thing As A Failed Relationship

There's No Such Thing As A Failed Relationship

Quite often, I spend time with people who are extremely critical of themselves for having multiple failed relationships. The truth is, they're missing the point: We can't fail, because there's no way to do these things wrong. A failed relationship, if you put it into its proper context, is a chance to...

How To Create a Caring, Nurturing Relationship and Be Cherished

How To Be Cherished and Create a Caring and Nurturing Relationship
Relationships need care and nurturing, and often it's hard to know what to do. You have probably been searching for reasons why your relationship isn't as warm, loving, and compassionate as you'd like. It is natural for relationships to have an ebb and flow, to grow more or less intimate as circumstances shift...

Coronavirus and Sex: Dos And Don'ts During Social Distancing

Coronavirus And Sex: Dos And Don'ts During Social Distancing

Given the common modes of transmission of respiratory viruses, engaging in certain types of sexual activities may risk spreading the virus. However, expecting people to abstain from sex during times of isolation is unrealistic.

Connecting Emotionally: An Essential Part of Happy Relationships

Connecting Emotionally: An Essential Part of Happy Relationships
Whether people are struggling to save a marriage, to cooperate in a family crisis, or to build rapport with a difficult boss, they usually have one thing in common: They need to share emotional information that can help them feel connected.

Most Couples Are Less Satisfied When The Woman Earns More

Most Couples Are Less Satisfied When The Woman Earns More

Women are now the main earners in about one in four Australian households. This increase in female “breadwinner” households challenges traditional expectations of men and women and their roles in family life.

Young Men On Sexting: It’s Normal, But Complicated

Young Men On Sexting: It’s Normal, But Complicated

Concern about the popularity of “sexting” - the sending and receiving of sexually explicit text messages and photographs - among young people has been a frequent point of discussion in recent years.

Notes on Intimacy and Having a Genuine Loving Relationship

Notes on Intimacy
Once you are in a relationship, how can you develop intimacy? One key is honesty. Some people tell little lies about themselves when they first begin a relationship. This is destructive to intimacy, because your partner will never be completely sure if you are telling the truth. It is much easier to maintain credibility if you...

Can Sex Affect Your Risk Of Getting Cancer?

Can Sex Affect Your Risk Of Getting Cancer?
The sex act has many health benefits from reducing stress and tension, to boosting your immune system. It may even affect your risk of developing certain cancers.

Why We Look For A Partner Who Laughs and Makes Us Laugh

Why We Look For A Partner Who Laughs And Makes Us Laugh
Whether we’re looking for love or lust, we look for someone with a good sense of humour. Studies of courtship on Tinder and Facebook show that a sense of humour is the most valued quality in a potential mate.

The Origin And Evolution Of Love

The Origin And Evolution Of Love

Why do we love? At best, it’s a mixed blessing, at worst, a curse. Love makes otherwise intelligent people act like fools; it causes heartache and grief.

Dealing With Love, Romance And Rejection On Valentine's Day

Dealing With Love, Romance And Rejection On Valentine's Day

Take care lovers, wherever you are, as Valentine’s Day is soon upon us. Whether you’re in a relationship or want to be in a relationship, research over a number of years shows that February 14 can be a day of broken hearts and broken wallets.

How China Does Valentine's Day

How China Does Valentine's Day

Americans celebrate love on Feb. 14, Valentine’s Day — a holiday named for Saint Valentine, a third-century Roman clergyman who secretly performed weddings for soldiers forbidden to marry under Emperor Claudius II.

What Makes A Good Relationship?

What Makes A Good Relationship?
What makes a good relationship? A willingness to surrender one’s heart—totally and without reservation to your Beloved—and to trust that, when you leap together into the precipice of the unknown, you will be able to reach confidently for one another and find solace or joy in equal measure through that loving communion.

Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?

Where Will We Find The Love We Desire?
We experience repetitious patterns in relationship, work, or health; different actors are showing up to play out the same role. Eventually we recognize that it cannot be an accident that the same type of people keep doing the same things; it is we who have drawn them according to the signals we are radioing to central casting.

Where to Find the Love of Your Life

Where to Find the Love of Your Life
After many years of coaching and leading seminars, I have discovered two areas that most people ask about most frequently: prosperity and relationships. Most people are looking for their love mate, or, if they have one, are seeking a better connection.

Facing Ourselves: The Dynamics of Intimacy and Love

Facing Ourselves: The Dynamics of Intimacy and Love
Despite the degree to which sexuality permeates the culture, the collective guilt of history can still be felt. We have been socialized to be suspicious of pleasure, to live removed from our bodies, and to maintain a tight rein over our feelings. In a culture riddled with guilt...

The Basis For Your Personal Happiness: Owning Your Relationship

The Basis For Your Personal Happiness: Owning Your Relationship
I have asked people to list all of their important possessions, from top to bottom, and they all invariably come up with similar lists. Houses, cars, furniture, stocks... and other material goods usually rank highly. Then I tell them that they have overlooked the number one valuable commodity in their life...

How Young People Negotiate Sex And Safety On Dating Apps

How Young People Negotiate Sex And Safety On Dating Apps
Popular commentary on dating apps often associates their use with “risky” sex, harassment and poor mental health. But anyone who has used a dating app knows there’s much more to it than that.

How Do You Know When It's Time To Break Up?

How Do You Know When It's Time To Break Up? Facing the prospect of spending yet another festive season with their romantic partner, many people start having doubts about their relationship in the run up to Christmas.

Why Having Sex On The Mind Makes People Lie

Why Having Sex On The Mind Makes People Lie
With sex on their minds, people are more likely to change their attitudes and engage in deceptive self-presentation, research on sexual priming finds.

How Do You Talk To Your Kids About Divorce?

How Do You Talk To Your Kids About Divorce?
Here's a stunner: 64 percent of all marriages that began in 1990 ended in divorce by the turn of the millennium.  70 percent of those failed marriages produced at least one child. Roughly half of all children born in this country over the past 15 years have ended up being children of divorce.

Experiencing Tantra: Spiritual Oneness Is Always Accompanied By Deep Love

Experiencing Tantra: Spiritual Oneness Is Always Accompanied By Deep Love
Tantra is well regarded within the yoga tradition as the fastest path to enlightenment. Eastern legend holds that an average human soul takes 100,000 lifetimes to achieve enlightenment, but that with tantra, any person truly committed to this path can gain enlightenment in as little as one lifetime. I soon discovered why this is true.

How Psychology Predicts Where Your Relationship Is Headed

How Psychology Predicts Where Your Relationship Is Headed
Is he or she the one? You know… the one to introduce to my parents, the one to move in with, the one to start a family with, the one to marry? At some point in every dating relationship, you ask yourself some version of these questions.

What Is Sex Really For? It's More Than The Obvious Reasons

What Is Sex Really For?
Few topics arouse as much interest and controversy as sex. This is hardly surprising. The biological continuance of the species hinges on it – if human beings stopped having sex, there would soon be no more human beings.

Being Vulnerable in Relationship

Allowing Yourself to Be Vulnerable in Relationship
The paradox of vulnerability in relationships, the path to connection, is to allow yourself to be both strong and vulnerable at the same time. When you do, it allows your partner to get to see the real you with your defenses down. This means no hiding. Not from yourself, not from your partner and best of all no hiding from the truth.

The Gay Gene Search Reveals Not One But Many

Gay Gene Search Reveals Not One But Many
It has long been clear that a person’s sexual preference – whether they prefer male or female sexual partners, or both – is influenced by his or her genetic makeup.

Share Your Secret and Enter the World of Inner Peace

Share Your Secret and Enter the World of Inner Peace
Quietly, to yourself, think of the one thing you most want no one to know about you. Maybe you had an affair, or a nose job; maybe you stole something once, cheated on your income taxes or had an abortion. Sometimes the dirty deed seems absurd. I had a woman confess to me in tears that years ago she had...

Saints and Soulmates: Francis and Clare of Assisi

Saints and Soulmates: Francis and Clare of AssisiAs we write in The Shared Heart, "The real soulmate is a state of consciousness, not a person." That being said, there can also be an outer soulmate, or life partner, an ancient connection with another soul where the primary purpose is serving together, blessing the earth together, more than simply loving one another.

What I Love Most About You...

What I Love Most About You... How often do you tell the special people in your life exactly what it is that you love most about them? How often do you identify what's good about your spouse, lover, children, sisters, brothers, dad, mother, uncles, aunts, friends, and colleagues -- and actually put it into words so there can be no doubt?

Who's Avoiding Sex, And Why

Who's Avoiding Sex, And Why

Sex has a strong influence on many aspects of well-being: it is one of our most basic physiological needs. Sex feeds our identity and is a core element of our social life.

Leave Your Cover Behind and Live Your Truth

Leave Your Cover Behind and Live Your TruthBeyond all of the material gifts we share, the greatest gift we can offer each other is the truth of who we really are. While true love invites us to come out and stand naked in the sun, fearful "love" asks us to hide who we are for the sake of holding on to a person or relationship. When you think about it, how valuable can a relationship be if you have to live in the dark to keep it?

Empathy and Attunement in Healthy and Successful Relationships

Empathy and Attunement in Healthy and Successful RelationshipsThe development of trust in a relationship is highly depen­dent upon two core concepts: empathy and attunement. Attunement is about being deeply aware of yourself and others. It is also about being receptive to information you get from others.

The Mystery Of Stay At Home Dads

The Mystery Of Stay At Home Dads

The picture of a dad with a toddler in his arms happily waving as mum heads off to work is attractive – it suggests a more equal, sharing and caring type of world.

Lascivious Virgins And Lustful Itches In Early England

Lascivious Virgins And Lustful Itches In Early EnglandIn the 18th and 19th centuries, masturbation was thought of as a “disease”, capable of causing psychological or physical damage like blindness or insanity. This medical and moral panic surrounding masturbation can still shape beliefs today.

Why We Need A New Philosophy Of Sex

Why We Need A New Philosophy Of Sex

A number of years ago, I found myself at a public sex beach in southern France for research purposes. Unsurprisingly, I experienced some ethical dilemmas.

The Secret To Ovulation Is In Women's Faces But Men Can't See It

The Secret To Ovulation Is In Women's Faces But Men Can't See ItIt’s not difficult to tell when a female chimpanzee is in heat. As she nears ovulation  — the point in her cycle when she’s most fertile  –  her bottom swells up like a balloon and turns bright pink. Humans are obviously different. We don’t make a show of how fertile we are. But does this mean that women have evolved to conceal ovulation?

Why Our Relationship With Dick Pics Is Complicated

Why Our Relationship With Dick Pics Is Complicated
Why do men send dick pics? Some research and popular commentary suggests it is for reasons of narcissism and over-confidence. Some men no doubt send them in the hopes of receiving a nude photo in kind, or because they genuinely believe that’s what women desire.

Is Love Losing Its Soul In The Digital Age?

Is Love Losing Its Soul In The Digital Age?
Instagram users have taken to issuing “weekiversary posts,” where they diligently mark the duration of their romances. This phenomenon makes some doubt the intensity of their own relationship.

You Need More Than Just Testes To Make A Penis

You Need More Than Just Testes To Make A Penis
In prenatal ultrasounds or at delivery, many new parents look between their baby’s legs: the presence of a penis is taken as a strong sign that it’s a boy.

The Benefits of Choosing Celibacy for a Few Months or More

The Benefits of Choosing Celibacy for a Few Months or MoreWhat brings a person to consider celibacy for a few months or years cannot be easily explained. It will take some time to reap the results of greater tolerance for sexual feelings without needing to act on them in conventional ways. Sex will become more of a choice than a need.

Embracing Nature: Gazing and the Dance of Touch

Embracing Nature: Gazing and the Dance of Touch The practice of looking into someone’s eyes and holding his or her gaze stimulates the sensations and presence of the body so strongly that it can almost be thought of as touch at a distance. The primary reason that many people find gazing into another’s eyes so challenging and daunting...

Why Older Adults May Need The Sex Talk Even More Than Teens

Why Older Adults May Need The Sex Talk Even More Than TeensHumans are sexual beings. This urge does not stop when the clock strikes 60. Or even 90.Young adults may deny older relatives are having sex, but sexual activity is a strong indicator of healthy aging and vitality.

Accepting Homosexuality: From Shame to Acceptance

Accepting Homosexuality: From Shame to AcceptanceI feel that now is the time to take a completely different look at Homosexuality! With modern science suspecting the causes of same-sex orientation to be genetic, it is time to dispel the myths of choice. When people are born a certain way through no choice of their own -- such as race, or looks, or handicaps -- should they be penalized by society? Is that fair?... I think not.

The Secret to the Love and Joy of our 50-Year Marriage

The Joy and Secret of a Long LoveDecember 21, 1968 was our wedding day. It was the happiest day for me. After four years of loving Barry and having people tell us that a Jewish/Christian marriage just cannot work, we were actually doing it. I was marrying the love of my life, the man foretold to me by an inner voice when I was nine years old...

Do You Want A Better Sex Life?

Do You Want A Better Sex Life?

One in 3 American adults do not get enough sleep. Sexual issues are also common, with as many as 45 percent of women and 31 percent of men having a concern about their sex life.

How To Tell If You Are Dating A Psychopath

How To Tell If You Are Dating A Psychopath
It may sound like a scene straight out of a horror movie, but statistically you are not that unlikely to end up on a date with a psychopath. It is estimated that about 1 in 100 people are psychopaths. The majority of psychopaths aren’t actually criminals, but live fairly ordinary lives in our midst. So how do you know if you happen to be dating a psychopath and what should you expect? Luckily, there’s research on the topic.

How To Know If You Are An Extrovert?

How To Know If Are You An Extrovert?When it comes to socializing, is your philosophy "The more, the merrier?" If so, you definitely show qualities associated with the trait known as extroversion...

Freud Versus Jung: A Bitter Feud Over The Meaning Of Sex

Freud Versus Jung: A Bitter Feud Over The Meaning Of SexOn 27 February 1907, at Berggasse 19 in Vienna, Sigmund Freud fell in love. The object of his affection was Carl Gustav Jung: 19 years younger than Freud, the young psychiatrist was already the clinical director of the prestigious Burghölzli Hospital and a professor at the University of Zurich.

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FROM THE EDITORS

Why Donald Trump Could Be History's Biggest Loser
by Robert Jennings, InnerSelf.com
Updated July 2, 20020 - This whole coronavirus pandemic is costing a fortune, maybe 2 or 3 or 4 fortunes, all of unknown size. Oh yeah, and, hundreds of thousands, maybe a million, of people will die…
Blue-Eyes vs Brown Eyes: How Racism is Taught
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
In this 1992 Oprah Show episode, award-winning anti-racism activist and educator Jane Elliott taught the audience a tough lesson about racism by demonstrating just how easy it is to learn prejudice.
A Change Is Gonna Come...
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
(May 30, 2020) As I watch the news on the events in Philadephia and other cities in the country, my heart aches for what is transpiring. I know that this is part of the greater change that is taking…
A Song Can Uplift the Heart and Soul
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I have several ways that I use to clear the darkness from my mind when I find it has crept in. One is gardening, or spending time in nature. The other is silence. Another way is reading. And one that…
Mascot for the Pandemic and Theme Song for Social Distancing and Isolation
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I came across a song recently and as I listened to the lyrics, I thought it would be a perfect song as a "theme song" for these times of social isolation. (Lyrics below the video.)