Can Great Apes Read Your Mind?

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One of the things that defines humans most is our ability to read others’ minds – that is, to make inferences about what others are thinking. To build or maintain relationships, we offer gifts and services – not arbitrarily, but with the recipient’s desires in mind.

Why Don't Feed The Trolls Is Really Good Advice

Why Don't Feed The Trolls Is Really Good AdviceAlmost half the population of the planet now has access to the internet, with about one in three of those people regularly active on social media.

The Relationship Myth: "If You Don’t Have Something Nice To Say..."

Relationship Myth: "If You Don’t Have Something Nice To Say..."Many of us also have a strong tendency to withhold giving input to others that we fear may cause them to feel upset or angry. We are reluctant to say things to others that aren’t “nice.” Consequently, we may adopt some effec­tive ways of discouraging...

How To Say No Without Feeling Guilty

How To Say No Without Feeling GuiltyTo build up your courage for those really difficult "no's," start small. Practice saying no in non-threatening encounters where there isn't much at stake. Little by little, stretch yourself by saying no in more challenging circumstances.

There Are Two Voices In Your Mind—One Is Always Wrong

There Are Two Voices In Your Mind—One Is Always WrongThere are two voices in our minds. One belongs to the ego, the other to the Holy Spirit (you may call this peaceful inner mes­senger your Higher Power or Great Spirit or Universal Source or whatever name you choose). Both voices are always available to us, but one is very loud and generally gets our attention.

To Understand What Young People Think, Speak Their Language

To Understand What Young People Think, Speak Their LanguageAt times, it can feel like adults are speaking a completely different language when talking to young people. Even small generational divides feel like gaping chasms as each party tries to relate their experiences in a way the other will understand.

Truth or Sabotage? The Hidden Value in Direct Communication

Truth or Sabotage? The Hidden Value in Direct CommunicationWe all seek to express our truth. We all must express our truth. There are two ways to express your truth: directly or indirectly. If you do not express your truth directly, it will come out in odd, aberrant, and damaging ways. Self-sabotage or sabotage of others ...

So Long Social Media: Kids Are Opting Out Of The Online Public Square

So Long Social Media: Kids Are Opting Out Of The Online Public SquareWhen my digital media students are sitting, waiting for class to start and staring at their phones, they are not checking Facebook. They’re not checking Instagram, or Pinterest or Twitter. No, they’re catching up on the news of the day by checking out their friends’ Stories on Snapchat, or...

No More Hiding Places in Your Relationships

No More Hiding Places in Your Relationships“What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” How many times have you had this conversation? Something is obviously wrong, but it is not being acknowledged. Hiding places do not work in healthy relationships. Never have. Never will.

Why Is Recognizing Needs and Values Important in Relationships?

Why Is Recognizing Needs and Values Important in Relationships?Needs and values — the things we care about, the sources of our wants — matter because they are the contents of our core selves. They make up much of the terrain of our inner worlds. Needs and values are indeed highly interconnected, but there is an important distinction between the two.

Ancient Knowledge Guidance: New Archetypes For A New World

Ancient Knowledge Gives Guidance: New Archetypes For A New WorldTraditional Native American societies may be the best models of balanced societies in existence today—with only about 500 years of European contact and assimilation, versus 2,000 years. Native people viewed themselves—not their political, social, or reli­gious lives—as individuals. The names that Native groups gave themselves generally translated to “the People” or “human beings.”

You Never Need to Defend or Justify Your Feelings

You Never Need to Defend or Justify Your FeelingsSomeone once gave Barry and I a small yellow button to wear that says, “You never need to defend or justify your feelings.” I love the message on this button and, though I don’t wear it, I keep it in my desk so it is the first thing I see when I open the drawer. This little message has helped me over and over again...

4 Reasons People Can’t Quite Quit Facebook

fac4 Reasons People Can’t Quite Quit FacebookIf you’ve ever thought about quitting Facebook, you’re not alone. Maybe you’ve even shut down your account, swearing never to return, only to log back in a week later.

What To Do If You’re Around Blamers and Criticizers

What To Do If You’re Around Blamers and CriticizersChances are you’ve seen and heard an emotional manipulator at work. Perhaps you even live or work with someone who regularly pulls out their blame gun and sprays accusations on everyone but themselves. They get angry and indignant and go on and on about how stupid, ineffective, or lame others are.

Mastering The Art of Learning To Communicate Effectively & Consciously

Mastering The Art of Learning To Communicate Effectively & ConsciouslyI don’t believe we ever “master” the art of learning to communicate effectively. But we do get more skilled at witnessing ourselves and making new choices. One note of caution: Speaking your truth does not mean you always say everything you are thinking.

Shyness Reduction Techniques: Give Yourself the Gift of Human Interaction

Shyness Reduction Techniques: Give Yourself the Gift of Human InteractionStatistics show that people who live solitary lives don’t live as long as those who enjoy deep and meaningful connections with family and friends. Each step you take to vanquish the fear that is holding you back will add more years to your life, and perhaps, more life to your years.

The Great Quest for Truth: Seeing Beyond Appearances

The Great Quest for Truth: Seeing Beyond AppearancesWhat keeps us prisoners of our illusions? Our assumptions—the things we believe are true that really are not. For example, on my way to work during rush hour, a guy in a Lexus speeds by, cuts in front of me, then weaves in and out of traffic at a hundred miles an hour. My first reaction is...

How to Listen: Ask... Then Listen

are you listening?When you ask someone a personal question, do you sit back and listen to their response without any interruptions? Or do you fill in the waiting period with more questions and other talking? Most of us would right away say that we are like the first type of person or at least we want to be. Oddly enough, most people are like the second and don’t realize it.

Taking Inventory of Your Communication and Control Patterns

Taking Inventory of Your Communication and Control PatternsIt’s really important to be able to name your control patterns and fear buttons and accept them as part of the human condition. Each item in the list below describes a behavior. Identifying the behaviors that you exhibit will help you notice when you are using a control pattern. Then you can choose your response rather than reacting automatically.

How Talking To Yourself Can Save Your Marriage

How Talking To Yourself Can Save Your MarriageFor a good marriage, who is the most important person with whom you should be communicating well? If you think it’s your spouse, think again. The most important person to converse with constructively is yourself! You need not try to resolve every situation by talking it over with your partner.

The Secret to Good Relationships is Healthy Boundaries

The Secret to Good Relationships is Healthy BoundariesIf we want to make the world a better place, we need to work on having healthy boundaries! And by this I mean… we understand that I am me and you are you and that each of us has a right to be here and to choose and experience the consequences of all our thoughts, words and actions.

Babies Know A Bully When They See One

bullies-vs-niceIn the social world, we are constantly gathering information through visual cues that we use to evaluate others’ behavior. Babies do the same thing. Babies as young as 13 months know how people should treat each other—and recognize when nasty replaces nice.

Can You Communicate with Honesty to Yourself & Others?

Can You Communicate with Honesty to Yourself & Others?

You need to be 100% genuine with yourself. If being completely connected and honest with the way you feel about everything sounds stressful to you, then I’m sorry. Sweeping things under the rug is not allowed...

How to Speak Up about Anything: The I-5

How to Speak Up about Anything: The I-5

Asserting yourself may not come as naturally to you as it does to others. I know, I know. You're saying it's not that simple to do, especially when emotions are maxed out, the topic is super-sensitive, and you're strung out beyond belief...

Ten Truth Skills: Essential Communication and Life Skills

Ten Truth Skills: Essential Communication and Life Skills

by Susan Campbell, Ph.D. Honesty does not come naturally to most people, but it is a skill that can be practiced and learned. I feel a deep sadness when I hear people tell me how much they have been hurt in their dating relationships and how this has caused them to approach each new relationship with fear or to give up on relationships altogether.

Do Not Underestimate The Power of Words: To Heal or To Hurt

Do Not Underestimate The Power of Words: To Heal or To Hurt

Our words have a tremendous power to bring healing and strength to another person or to hurt in a very deep way. We should never underestimate the power we have to use our words for a positive effect on a person’s life or, in some cases, a lasting negative effect. When I was growing up...

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