How Can We Build A Better World -- One Person at a Time?

How Can We Build A Better World -- One Person at a Time?
We look around at the world's problems and wish they would go away, but they stubbornly persist despite our most heartfelt desires. So we end up living in a kind of ethical haze. It seems that everything and everyone is for sale. Nothing remains sacred.

Get Your Future Back by Becoming a Hope-filled Optimist

Get Your Future Back by Becoming a Hope-filled Optimist
Nobody wants to feel hopeless. There are some who attach themselves to it because they know nothing else. Even people who are suicidal don't want death as much as they want the pain to stop.

How's Your Inner Garden and Your Inner Rose?

It's Springtime and The Time of Rebirth: How's Your Inner Garden?
Our subconscious is a truly wonderful partner. It finds many ways to communicate with us. The other morning, I found myself humming "Slow down, you're going too fast..." Now, that was a clear message. Have you ever paid attention to the songs that you find yourself humming, or whistling?

Why Do Kids Lie, And Is It Normal?

Why Do Kids Lie, And Is It Normal?
Children typically begin lying in the preschool years, between two and four years of age. These intentional attempts at deception may worry parents, who fear their child will become a pint-sized social deviant.

Removing Abandonment Masks and Ego Projections

Removing Abandonment Masks and Ego Projections
A consciousness of abandonment may begin in early childhood with the death or divorce of a parent, the father taking a job in another town and seldom seeing the child, or perhaps feeling lost in a large family of brothers and sisters and not receiving enough attention. Other factors to consider...

How Technology Is Changing Sex

How Technology Is Changing SexAs the TV series Westworld wraps up its second season, the show continues to spark discussion about a potential future that involves lifelike sex robots.

Women Show Sexual Preference For Tall, Dominant Men

Women Show Sexual Preference For Tall, Dominant Men
The old cliché tells us the most desirable men are “tall, dark, and handsome” – and scientific research confirms that heterosexual women tend to prefer partners who are taller than them.

Business for Lovers and Authentic Communicators

Business for Lovers and Authentic Communicators
I invite you to extend your circle of authentic conversations to include not just lovers, but people you encounter in situations that appear to be routine, boring, or mundane. A master teacher told me that one of the secrets of success is to “take whatcha got and make whatcha want.” 

Separation as a Powerful Relationship Tool

Separation as a Powerful Relationship Tool
Taking time apart from a loved one is often thought of as the end of the relationship. But after 53 years together, and helping to guide thousands of couples, Joyce and I view separation as a sometimes vital necessity in a relationship...

Repairing Relationships with the Three Keys to Everlasting Love

Repairing Relationships with the Three Keys to Everlasting Love
Some couples seem blessed with everlasting love. Then, there’s the rest of us—who start running into trouble once the honeymoon is over. We encounter differences, disagreements, disappointments. Buttons get pushed. And communication breaks down as issues become increasingly hard to resolve.

Extreme Stress During Childhood Can Hurt Social Learning For Years To Come

Extreme Stress During Childhood Can Hurt Social Learning For Years To Come
Each year, more than 6 million children in the United States are referred to Child Protective Services for abuse or neglect. Previous research on the consequences of early life stress and child maltreatment shows that these children will be more likely to develop a multitude of social and mental health problems.

The Drugs Students Are Taking And Why

The Drugs Students Are Taking And Why
With all the freedoms independent living entails, it’s maybe not surprising then that drug use tends to be much higher among students than the general population.

Why Our Brains See The World As "Us Versus Them"

Why Our Brains See The World As "Us Versus Them"
Anti-immigrant policies, race-related demonstrations, Title IX disputes, affirmative action court cases, same-sex marriage litigation. These issues are continually in the headlines. But even thoughtful articles on these subjects seem always to devolve to pitting warring factions against each other: black versus white, women versus men, gay versus straight.

Aloneness and Relationships: Accepting Life In All Its Dimensions

Aloneness and Relationships: Accepting Life In All Its Dimensions
It is beautiful to be alone, it is also beautiful to be in love, to be with people. And they are complementary, not contradictory. When you are enjoying others, enjoy, and enjoy to the full; there is no need to bother about aloneness. And when you are fed up with others, then move into aloneness and enjoy it to the full.

Why Certainty Is Good For Romance

Why Certainty Is Good For RomanceUncertainty about a potential romantic partner’s interest in you may lead you to see the person as less sexually attractive, according to a new study.

How You Can Take Your Power Back After You've Given It Away

Take Your Power Back
We have all given our power away to something -- many things -- and our lives have sucked for it. We have bestowed undue power to lovers, money, bosses, addictive substances, fame, etc. You give your power away when you make someone or something outside of you more important than what is inside of you.

How Long Term Separation From Parents Harms Kids

Why Long Term Separation From Parents Harms Kids
As a society, we often wax eloquent about how important it is to nurture, support and protect our children. The sad reality, however, is that all too often major, life-changing decisions are made without any consideration of their potential lifelong and devastating impact on kids.

Reimagining and Recreating Your Friendships Fearlessly

Reimagining and Recreating Your Friendships Fearlessly
Whether your relationships are as wonderful as you wish them to be or you feel that there is room for improvement, using metaphysical methods to manage and sustain them is as rewarding as is it empowering.

100 Practices For Great Relationships

100 Practices For Great Relationships
When my husband Charlie and I conducted our study, Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples about Lasting Love, these are the practices that respondents told us had held them in good stead to grow their exemplary relationships.

Why Only 1 In 4 Women Who Have Been Sexually Harassed Tell Their Employers

Why Only 1 In 4 Women Who Have Been Sexually Harassed Tell Their Employers
Studies suggest few women formally complain about sexual harassment in the workplace. Based on experience litigating sexual harassment cases as well as my research, I have determined there are three legal barriers that stand in the way of workers filing complaints – a critical step to rooting out harassment and protecting employees.

Do You Feel Lonely? Here's How Not To Fear Being Alone

How Not To Fear Being Alone
Do you feel lonely because you do not have family around you? Let's put loneliness and being alone in its proper perspective. If you have a need for a family then the relationship you have with your family is based on fear and not love.

What We Can Learn From The World's Oldest Population

06 03 older population
Japan has long been known for its widespread respect for its seniors and a powerful sense of obligation to care for them. Yet as the demographic structure of society has changed, and the population has progressively aged, the provision of care is increasingly seen as a social (and not exclusively a family) concern.

Finding Your Perfect Partner: Two Key Ingredients

Finding Your Perfect Partner: 2 Key IngredientsSharing your life with a loving partner is very rewarding and meaningful. Since we work with couples, we often ask them how they met. Often they will respond that they met online. Typically, they are somewhat embarrassed when they reveal this, thinking that it should have been a more natural and romantic way of meeting. But...

The Four Communication Rules and Four Main Violations

The Four Communication Rules and Four Main Violations
After thirty-five years in private psychotherapy practice and decades of studying and teaching, I've found all good communication boils down to just four simple rules. Whether it's with our spouse, our kids or our boss, mastering these concepts will have us communicating with anyone about any topic, effectively and lovingly.

To Bond With Your Kids, Turn On Some Music?

To Bond With Your Kids, Turn On Some Music?
Young adults who listen to music with their parents during childhood—and especially during adolescence—report having better relationships with their moms and dads as they enter young adulthood, according to a new study.

Aging In Your Own Home... Does It Take A Village?

Aging In Your Own Home... Does It Take A Village?
Statistics show that the average yearly cost of an assisted living facility ($49,635) or a nursing home ($131,853) makes these options financially prohibitive for many. The viable alternative is to safely age in place. The psychosocial benefits of remaining in their own home, continuing to be socially active in their community, and maintaining established rela­tionships are priceless.

We Tell These Lies When Looking For Love Online

We Tell These Lies When Looking For Love Online
Lying about availability is a common deception online dating users tell potential partners, according to a new paper. “Until now, it has been relatively unclear how often mobile daters use deception in their messages before they meet the other person,” says Markowitz.

Why More Young Adults Live With Their Parents

Why More Young Adults Live With Their Parents
Economic tumult in the early 2000s persuaded many young people to keep living with their parents, but their reasons differ starkly by race, a study concludes.

You’re Teaching Your Kids These Relationship Lessons

You’re Teaching Your Kids These Relationship Lessons
Nurturing parents may pass along strategies for building and maintaining positive relationships to their kids, setting them up for healthier, less-violent romantic relationships as young adults, according to new research.

How To Tell If Your Kid's Fussy Eating Phase Is Normal

How To Tell If Your Kid's Fussy Eating Phase Is Normal
Almost half of all children will go through a fussy eating period in the early years. Rest assured, refusal of foods by young children is a normal stage of development.

How Same-Sex Couples Divide Housework

How Same-Sex Couples Divide Housework
Housework is often understood as a gendered negotiation based on the traditional roles of homemaker (feminine) and breadwinner (masculine). While gender norms have shifted dramatically in the past few decades, theories of housework are still stuck on this 1950s model.

How To Get Into The In Crowd

the in crowd
In high school I looked up to my classmate Rick Brown, the quintessential cool guy. He was the good-looking captain of the football team and president of the student council. He had a cheerleader homecoming queen girlfriend and was liked by everyone. I envied Rick because he was at the epicenter of the in crowd, and I saw myself as a distant outsider.

8 Things That Should Be Included In Screen Guidelines For Students

8 Things That Should Be Included In Screen Guidelines For Students
One of the biggest issues modern schools and parents have to encounter is how to manage students’ electronic use. The guidelines state students aged five to 18 shouldn’t be spending more than two hours per day engaged in electronic media for entertainment. Yet the recommendations have even been challenged as being “virtually impossible” for students to meet.

Why Free Preschool Makes The Most Economic and Social Sense

Why Free Preschool Makes The Most Economic and Social Sense
As an economist at the University of Toronto who has researched child-care policy for the last 30 years, and the main author of a new study — “Affordable For All: Making Licensed Child Care Affordable in Ontario” — let me try to explain why free preschool really does make the most economic and social sense.

Does Age Difference Matter In Relationships?

Does Age Difference Matter In Relationships?
Romantic couples with a large age gap often raise eyebrows. Studies have found partners with more than a ten-year gap in age experience social disapproval.

Why Humor Is Good For You If You Do It Right

Why Humor Is Good For You If You Do It Right
Humor isn’t always useful or beneficial for reaching our goals, new research suggests. Research from the UA's Eller College of Management suggests that humor is a good thing in certain situations, but its effectiveness depends on your end goal.

The Unseen Impact Of Domestic Violence

The Unseen Impact Of Domestic Violence
The statistics are terrifying: In Canada, one woman is killed every week by her partner; globally, one third of women will suffer violence at the hands of someone they love in their lifetime. But what if survivors like Susan are also dealing with the effects of a traumatic brain injury along with the fear and trauma of finally having escaped a long-term abusive relationship?

Why People Who Live In Diverse Neighborhoods Are More Helpful

People Who Live In Diverse Neighborhoods Are More Helpful
Whether or not diversity is a good thing is still a topic of much debate. Though many businesses tout the benefits of diversity, American political scientist Robert Putnam holds that diversity causes people to hunker down, creating mistrust in communities.

The Busy Race and the Price of Your Pace

The Busy Race and the Price of Your Pace
You are living a life, not running a race. Slowing the pace so you’re not racing and constantly playing catch-up begins one step at a time. And the first step is to understand what motivates your behavior and the comfort the behavior provides you.

The Power of the Circle Improves the Quality of Our Connections

The Power of the Circle Improves the Quality of Our Connections
Most people would agree that connection is a basic human need. Yet these days, it can be hard to come by. Vivek Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States from 2014 to 2017, claims that “Loneliness is a growing health epidemic.”

Don't Follow Me: Take the Road with Your Name On It

Don't Follow Me: Take the Road with Your Name On It
I saw a bumper sticker proclaiming, "Don’t follow me -- I’m following my bliss." Good advice! How much more creative and successful would your life be if you remained true to your own inner guidance rather than imitating the paths chosen by others?

Pediatricians Aren’t Sure If Your Kid Is Just Being Crabby

Pediatricians Aren’t Sure If Your Kid Is Just Being CrabbyPrimary care providers and pediatricians may be less confident than child and adolescent psychiatrists in their ability to tell whether irritability in young patients is normal or could be linked to deeper mental health issues, a new study suggests.

How To Talk About Politics With Your Family

How To Talk About Politics With Your Family

Talking politics with people who you disagree with is always tricky, but it’s especially hard when those people are your family or closest friends.

Things - and Beliefs - Hiding in Plain Sight

Things - and Beliefs - Hiding in Plain Sight
As the subconscious mind takes in information from the outside world, things that tend to consistently happen in a particular way begin to form into beliefs. Then these beliefs can become “truths” to us - something we know to be true and don’t question anymore. In many cases these “truths” can be helpful...

A Child's Future is Now and Not Tomorrow

A Child's Future is Now and Not Tomorrow
It is one thing to read (or write) about bringing up children, and quite another to actually do it. Words are easy to come by; so are anecdotes and suggestions. Yet without deeds, the soundest educational theory is useless...

Why Is It So Stressful To Talk Politics With The "Other Side"?

Tomb of the Ribaudo family, monumental cemetery of Genoa, Italy, famous for the cover of the single of the English band Joy Division's " Love will tear us apart".
People disagree all the time, but not all disagreements lead to the same levels of stress. Even though people can be passionate about their favorite sport teams, they can argue about which basketball team is the best without destroying friendships.

The Long Tradition Of Women Being Told To Shut Up

The Long Tradition Of Women Being Told To Shut Up
Professor Mary Beard’s latest book Women & Power: A Manifesto is a short, sharp analysis of women in the West and their ongoing struggles for a voice in the public domain.

Twenty-Four Ideas About Creating a Happy Home

Twenty-Four Ideas About Creating a Happy Home
Ask your children two simple questions: "What is a happy home like?" and "What makes our home feel good?" The answers are usually about small, everyday things. Almost never have children mentioned exotic trips, pools, large houses, or expensive clothes or toys.

Why It's So Hard For Women To Leave Abusive Relationships

Why It's So Hard For Women To Leave Abusive Relationships
In a widely read blog post, Jennifer Willoughby wrote this phrase after each of the many reasons she gave for enduring what she described as her abusive marriage to former White House aide Rob Porter: “And so I stayed.”

Just How Long Does It Take To Make A Close Friend?

Just How Long Does It Take To Make A Close Friend?
It takes more than 200 hours before someone can be considered a close friend, according to a new study that explores how long it typically takes to move through the deepening stages of friendship.

5 Tips To Help You Make The Most Of Reading To Your Children

5 Tips To Help You Make The Most Of Reading To Your Children
Reading to your child is one of the most successful ways of instilling a love of reading in them. Children typically enjoy being read to, and there are educational, social and emotional benefits to the practice. But families are busy, and finding time to read aloud can be eaten up by the demands of everyday life.

If You Cared About Me, You'd Read My Mind

If You Cared About Me, You Would...
We're programmed to have unrealistic expectations from movies and TV, from romance stories promising wonderful experiences with people who anticipate our every wish. We want someone to be always caring, always considerate, always loveable, always giving. But these romantic illusions too often leave us feeling cheated...

Connecting with Love and Consciously Choosing to be Loving

Connecting with Love and Consciously Choosing to be Loving
We live in the age of connection. Through the wizardry of personal computers and the Internet we can come into instant, even intimate contact with others throughout the world. We live in a worldwide web, truly, as every living thing connects to every living thing. Yet when it comes to a typical relationship between two or more people...

How Do Babies Experience Pain?

How Do Babies Experience Pain?
Before the 1980s, clinicians actually performed surgery on newborns without giving them anaesthetics or pain medications.

How Young Children Can Develop Racial Biases

 

How Young Children Can Develop Racial Biases
Race-based conflicts and prejudices are common. The persistence of such attitudes has led some to ask whether we are naturally inclined to like those who are like us and dislike those who are different. One way to investigate that is to do experiments with babies and young children.

6 Ways To Get Teenagers More Active

6 Ways To Get Teenagers More Active
The UK department of health recommends that young people (aged five to 18) should get at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day. But not enough teenagers actually do.

Embracing Uncertainty -- Even in the Face of Doubt and Fear

Embracing Uncertainty -- Even in the Face of Doubt and Fear
Certainly, in our role as parents, teachers, or care-givers, we watch as our children are shaken up by the inescapable barrage of scary news involving death, bombs, enemies, and the like. They are frightened and confused...

Is Loneliness Our Modern Malaise?

Is Loneliness Our Modern Malaise?

Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy says the most common pathology he saw during his years of service “was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.”

Practicing The Art Of High-Quality Connections

Practicing The Art Of High-Quality Connections
Practicing the art of connection in small, seemingly insignificant everyday actions is the key to being able to utilize it when you’re confronting a challenge with someone at work or a crisis in any relationship. As you explore building rapport with cashiers, waiters, and others, you’ll be setting the stage for greater skill in building the relationships that matter the most...

Being Safe Together: How To Know, Respect, and Love Each Other

Being Safe Together: How To Know, Respect, and Love Each Other
Partners sometimes try so hard to protect each other's feelings. They cannot connect, draw close, or touch each other emotionally because of these protective defenses. The object of truth-telling is to break down these defenses -- to stop the protection and tell the truth about how you feel.

Why People Have Affairs, And How To Deal With Them

Why People Have Affairs, And How To Deal With Them
Infidelity highlights the potential fragility of our closest and most important of relationships. But despite the blunt belief infidelity is the result of immoral and over-sexed individuals wanting their cake and eating it too, the reality is far more nuanced.

I See Myself in Everyone! Everyone Is My Mirror

I Married My Mirror by Marie T. Russell
Relationships are funny... You go around searching for the 'perfect' mate, and of course, the 'perfect' mate turns out to be not so perfect. What happened? Since everyone is your reflection, you ended up with the perfect reflection of yourself. And of course...

7 Steps To Help Children Create A Fulfilling Life

7 Steps To Help Children Create A Fulfilling Life
As parents, our desire and role is to have children who have a positive sense of self, feel fulfilled and can lead a positive life with the ability to thrive on their own after leaving the nest. We want to give them necessary tools to move easily through challenges in life and create the best life they can.

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FROM THE EDITORS

Why Donald Trump Could Be History's Biggest Loser
by Robert Jennings, InnerSelf.com
Updated July 2, 20020 - This whole coronavirus pandemic is costing a fortune, maybe 2 or 3 or 4 fortunes, all of unknown size. Oh yeah, and, hundreds of thousands, maybe a million, of people will die…
Blue-Eyes vs Brown Eyes: How Racism is Taught
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
In this 1992 Oprah Show episode, award-winning anti-racism activist and educator Jane Elliott taught the audience a tough lesson about racism by demonstrating just how easy it is to learn prejudice.
A Change Is Gonna Come...
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
(May 30, 2020) As I watch the news on the events in Philadephia and other cities in the country, my heart aches for what is transpiring. I know that this is part of the greater change that is taking…
A Song Can Uplift the Heart and Soul
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I have several ways that I use to clear the darkness from my mind when I find it has crept in. One is gardening, or spending time in nature. The other is silence. Another way is reading. And one that…
Mascot for the Pandemic and Theme Song for Social Distancing and Isolation
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I came across a song recently and as I listened to the lyrics, I thought it would be a perfect song as a "theme song" for these times of social isolation. (Lyrics below the video.)