Why Yelling At People Who Aren't Wearing Masks Won't Work

Why Yelling At People Who Aren't Wearing Masks Won't Work

There is strong scientific evidence that wearing a mask reduces the risk of transmitting the coronavirus and cuts down the risk of infection to the wearer by as much as 65%. Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Health Organization recommend wearing them.

How Family and Friends Can Help To End Domestic Violence

How Family and Friends Can Help To End Domestic Violence

Domestic violence disproportionately affects women and girls around the world. In the United States, one in four women and one in seven men experience domestic violence during their lifetime.

A New Golden Rule and The Couple's Manifesto of Love

A New Golden Rule and The Couple's Manifesto of Love

The familiar Golden Rule -- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you -- has analogues throughout the world's cultures. A better version of the Golden Rule for couples -- and one of the secrets to loving in flow -- is to do unto your partner as your partner would like, not as you would like or as you wish he or she would like.

Appreciating Your Partner and Being Mindful of Each Other

Appreciating Your Partner and Being Mindful of Each Other

Do the best couples have any secret strategies for staying mindful and not taking one another for granted? Paying attention each time your partner reaches out in some tiny way, even if you must say, 'Now's not a good time,' shows courtesy and caring, and keeps you both current with each other's lives.

Seeing Our Parents and Our Relatives In A New Light

Seeing Our Parents and Our Relatives In A New Light 

Our parents and our relatives are among our most important teachers; they help shape our view of the world, how we understand ourselves, and our relationships with ourselves and with others.

Relationship Problem? Heal It or Repeat It!

Relationship Problem? Heal It or Repeat It!

Quite often, I spend time with people who are extremely critical of themselves for having multiple failed relationships. The truth is, they're missing the point: We can't fail, because there's no way to do these things wrong. A failed relationship, if you put it into its proper context, is a chance to...

How You Can Learn to Trust Each Other and Negotiate Love

How You Can Negotiate Love

If you're in a relationship and are ready to deal with your conflicts, don't be afraid. You and your partner have the power to share your feelings and needs -- and reach agreement peacefully. Is it possible for you and your partner to resolve smoothly the differences that arise in your relationship?

We Can Learn To Be Love Finders Rather Than Fault Finders

How To Become a Love Finder Rather Than a Fault Finder

Fault finding serves as a means to justify an illusory sense of superiority. To become a love finder requires us to be vigilant and self-realized. Most of us are just regular, ordinary people; therefore, vigilance will be our primary tool for taking note of our blaming and fault finding.

What Should You Say To Someone Who Refuses To Wear A Mask?

What Should You Say To Someone Who Refuses To Wear A Mask?

Multiple studies have shown that masks reduce the transmission of virus-loaded droplets from people with COVID-19. However, according to a Gallup poll, almost a third of Americans say they rarely or never wear a mask in public.

Being Safe Together: How To Know, Respect, and Love Each Other

Being Safe Together: How To Know, Respect, and Love Each Other

Partners sometimes try so hard to protect each other's feelings. They cannot connect, draw close, or touch each other emotionally because of these protective defenses. The object of truth-telling is to break down these defenses -- to stop the protection and tell the truth about how you feel.

Why Humour Matters More Than Good Looks With Online Dating

Why Humour Matters More Than Good Looks With Online Dating

Online dating platforms have witnessed a surge of users and activities during the COVID-19 pandemic. The lockdown restrictions and physical distancing protocols have changed the way people work and live — but also how they date.

The White Supremacist Origins of Modern Marriage Advice

The White Supremacist Origins of Modern Marriage Advice

When I was conducting research for my new book on the destructive aspects of modern heterosexual relationships, I started looking into the archives of early 20th-century books about courtship and marriage written by physicians and sexologists.

You Are Not A Robot or Machine: Become An Authentic Rebel

Become An Authentic Rebel: You Are Not A Robot or Machine

The world tries to mold every person into a commodity: useful, efficient, obedient - never rebellious, never asserting itself, never declaring its own individuality, but always being subservient, almost like a robot.

Speak To Me Of Love - Not Bills and Housecleaning

Speak To Me Of Love - Not Bills and Money

Foreplay is a 24 hour a day affair for most women, in that it is everything that happens between partners during the day. For a woman, foreplay begins when the couple awakens in the morning. From that moment on, everything her partner says and everything her partner does affects how she will feel sexually...

Making Appreciation A Part Of Your Regular Routine... for Kids (and Adults)

Achieving an Attitude of Gratitude... for Kids (and Adults)

How do you help your child achieve a positive sense of worth? By teaching him how to appreciate himself. Do this by: 1. First, no matter how your child is behaving, find something within him to value and be grateful for. 2. Then, point out to your child the specific quality or action you are appreciating about him.

An Affair to Remember: How to Ensure a Committed Relationship

An Affair to Remember: How to Ensure a Committed Relationship

A third party has no power to break up a healthy relationship. No one can come between you and your partner unless something has already come between you. A mate having an affair is not the cause of a breakup; it is a symptom of a breakdown in the fabric of the primary relationship. An affair can be the most valuable wakeup call of a lifetime.

4 Tips To Help Kids To Cope With Covid-19 Anxiety

4 Tips To Help Kids To Cope With Covid-19 Anxiety

The news coverage on COVID-19 is pervasive, persistent, and in my view as a professor of psychiatry, perilous. Sometimes it seems as though the pandemic is all we talk about.

Don't Give Up On Your Relationship

Don't Give Up On Your Relationship

Can any two people create and maintain a great relationship? You may not think so, because in your search for love, you've only met with failure and disappointment. You may have come to expect that any love relationship you have will end up being quite painful...

Children Reveal What They Really Think Of Adults

Children Reveal What They Really Think Of Adults

Every parent knows that sometimes your child says something that stops you in your tracks. Such a moment came for one of us, Emma Maynard, when her son Oscar was approaching his year 6 SATS tests at the end of primary school.

The Empathy of Children: Have We Lost Our Ability To Feel?

The Empathy of Children: Have We Lost Our Ability To Feel?

During the first few months of 2003, I was taught something remarkable by 123 children, from 2 to 13 years of age. There is something remarkable about kids: they experience life in a way that expresses deep and profound wisdom. Their wisdom is born of their own connection to life and to living things.

The Three Requirements of a Human Being

Beloved Friend: The Practice of Gazing at the Beloved

Can a man who longs for a woman to complete him really believe that he needs to do nothing more than lose himself in television sports and drink imported beer while he's waiting for his beloved to appear? If he then walked into a room... would she be attracted to him?

3 Ways To Promote Social Skills In Homebound Kids

3 Ways To Promote Social Skills In Homebound Kids

With the severity of the COVID-19 pandemic getting worse in most of the country, a growing number of school districts from San Francisco to Atlanta have determined that a return to daily in-person instruction isn’t yet safe or viable. 

Share Your Secret and Discover Inner Peace

Share Your Secret and Discover Inner Peace

Quietly, to yourself, think of the one thing you most want no one to know about you. Maybe you had an affair, or a nose job; maybe you stole something once, cheated on your income taxes or had an abortion. Sometimes the dirty deed seems absurd. I had a woman confess to me in tears that years ago she had...

Why Marriage Isn’t A Ticket To Happiness

Why Marriage Isn’t A Ticket To Happiness

How much do love and marriage play into overall well-being? A new study quantifies the happiness of married, formerly married, and single people at the end of their lives to find out.

Who Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

Who Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

What do you see when you see your reflection? Do you see only the physical form or can you look deeper and see the beauty that lies just below the surface?

Cybersex, Erotic Tech And Virtual Intimacy Are On The Rise

Cybersex, Erotic Tech And Virtual Intimacy Are On The Rise

The coronavirus pandemic is affecting sexuality and relationships. The confinement and social distancing measures protecting us are unintentionally exacerbating intimacy-related difficulties and limiting people’s access to partners.

Just What Is This Thing We Call Love?

Just What Is This Thing We Call Love?

From songs and poems to novels and movies, romantic love is one of the most enduring subjects for artworks through the ages. But what about the science?

Healing The Split Between Conscious Self and Shadow Self

Facing Your Shadow: Healing The Split Between Conscious Self and Other Part of You

As a child, I was afraid of so many things. I was terrified during my parents' violent arguments. I was afraid of my mother's rage and my father's simmering undercurrents. My childhood was defined by my fears. As I grew up, I suppressed fear and denied its existence. But it shaped my life in hundreds of ways.

3 Ways To Teach Kids Storytelling

3 Ways To Teach Kids Storytelling

During this unprecedented era of separation and isolation due to coronavirus, all people, particularly children, urgently need to build relationships, connect with community and foster a sense of self.

In Case They Don't Live Forever

In Case They Don't Live Forever

Why do we hold back from telling our loved ones that we love them? Why do we procrastinate, waiting for the "right" time ... later ... when it may be too late? But life goes by in a heartbeat and, before we know it, the ones we love are gone, and we may be left with the regret that we never spoke our deepest truth.

Empowering Children to Find the Answers to their Problems

Empowering Children to Find the Answers to their Problems

The most important job a person can have is to teach another. Educators have a great responsibility toward those they teach, because everything they do and say has a lifelong impact upon their students. For this reason, it is very important that the children and youth be empowered by allowing them to make their own decisions...

How Can I Love Better, Without Conditions or Expectations?

How Can I Love Better, Without Conditions or Expectations?

Love is enough unto itself. It needs no betterment. It is perfect as it is; it is not in any way meant to be more perfect. The very desire shows a misunderstanding about love and its nature. Love is not a quantity. It is a quality, which is immeasurable.

Remember: It's Never Too Late To Belong

Remember: It's Never Too Late To Belong

Have you ever forgotten something – a name, a place, an event – and struggled to remember, finally giving up, only to have an "ah ah" moment some time later, suddenly recalling what evaded your recollection, maybe in the shower, or driving, or daydreaming by the window, watching the rain?

Daily Joy Practice: Embracing A New You Every Day

Embracing A New You Every Day

As they grow older, many people constrict their boundaries; they often seek what is comfortable, familiar, and safe. Life becomes a matter of focusing on the petty rather than...

Becoming an Ally to People of Color

Becoming an Ally to People of Color

I grew up in Buffalo, New York and, from the time I was just a little girl, my parents, without even knowing it, started training me to become an ally to people of color. I shall be forever grateful to them. My mother emphasized that all humans are created equal and that all, regardless of skin color, are children of God.

How Do You and Your Child Relate?

How Do You and Your Child Relate?

There are many parents who would never imagine that their child doesn't have the nerve to talk with them. When I first created my school programs more than twenty years ago, I was amazed at how many thousands of children told me they felt this way and hadn't let their parents know. How close do you think your child feels to you?

An Open Letter to the Entire Human Family

An Open Letter to the Entire Human Family

This is the moment of truth for humankind. Critical choices must now be made in order to protect the continued existence of human society and the earth itself. This letter is not a political appeal, although the message in it certainly extends to...

The Simple and Effective Way to Resolve Differences

The Simple and Effective Way to Resolve Differences

It’s not just intimate partnerships that are destroyed by not being able to resolve conflict. Business associates, neighbors, friends, and colleagues are affected as well. In each case we have a choice when conflicts arise. We can fight, give in, deny, and avoid, or we can cooperate, collaborate, negotiate, and accommodate.

Truth in Dating and in Relationships as a Journey toward Consciousness

Truth in Dating and in Relationships as a Journey toward Consciousness

Truth in Dating is about using honesty as a "practice." A practice is a discipline that you take on intentionally in order to expand your awareness and enhance your capacity to experience life to the fullest. Telling the truth is not easy. Yet when you do allow yourself to be real and spontaneous, you're more radiant, alive, and attractive.

Strategies To Cut Down On Fighting and Headache-Causing Strife

Strategies To Cut Down On Fighting and Headache-Causing Strife

What you say and how you say it certainly matters, and I'll focus on ways to talk more effectively later. First, though, I want to emphasize that you can cut down on headache-causing strife using any number of strategies, most of which don't involve struggling for the right words.

The Long-Lasting Importance of the Bonding of Mother and Child

The Long-Lasting Importance of the Bonding of Mother and Child

Bonding gives an intuitive, extrasensory kind of relationship between mother and child. Bonding is a felt process, not available to discursive thought, language, or intellect. It is a communion that bypasses our ordinary reasoning mind. The mother senses the infant's need to evacuate the same way she recognizes her own bodily needs, but the communion of bonding goes beyond just physical processes.

Here's How To Stay Connected When You're In Lockdown

Here's How To Stay Connected When You're In Lockdown

We know positive social support can improve our capacity to cope with stress. But right now we’re being asked to keep our distance from others to minimise the spread of the virus.

Here Are 7 Ways To Help Young People Navigate A Changed World

Here Are 7 Ways To Help Young People Navigate A Changed World

As we start to think about rebuilding our lives in the midst of an ongoing pandemic, we need to be clearer than ever about what kind of Australia we want to live in, what counts as progress, and how we measure how well we’re succeeding.

Loving All Parts of Yourself, the "Good" & the "Bad"

Emotional Elbows: Loving All Parts of Yourself, the Good & the "Bad"

My thoughts and feelings have a lot to do with how I do or don't love myself. Imagine learning to love every part of your Self, the good stuff and the 'bad.' It has been a big project for me. Some years ago, a wise teacher told me emotional balance was key to knowing the higher levels of my Self...

How Sharing Your Dreams Could Help To Improve Your Relationships

How Sharing Your Dreams Could Help To Improve Your Relationships

When you wake up from a strange or particularly memorable dream, how likely are you to share it? Maybe you might tell your partner about it over breakfast or text a friend to tell them the details and ponder over its meaning.

I Seek to Understand: The Power of Truly Listening

I Seek to Understand: The Power of Truly Listening

Have you ever listened? I mean truly listened? Qui­eted your mind and surrendered all self-concern and given yourself completely to another person so that he or she is fully heard? If you’re really honest, the answer is likely no.

Changing Your Self-Image Changes the Mirror of Your Experiences

Changing Your Self-Image Changes the Mirror of Your Experiences

The image you hold of yourself determines your success or failure in everything. Ponder it for a moment. What do you really think about yourself? Do you like you? If you have accepted an idea of inferiority, then you better stop and rethink your position.

"Gifts" From Your Family of Origin: Beliefs, Attitudes, and More

"Gifts" From Your Family of Origin: Beliefs, Attitudes, and More

Your life journey began with your parents or primary caregivers, and your childhood experience of gifts, hurts, and disappointments: these became the very foundation of your ideas about love and pain.

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FROM THE EDITORS

InnerSelf Newsletter: September 6, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
We see life through the lenses of our perception. Stephen R. Covey wrote: “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” So this week, we take a look at some…
InnerSelf Newsletter: August 30, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
The roads we are travelling these days are as old as the times, yet are new for us. The experiences we are having are as old as the times, yet they also are new for us. The same goes for the…
When The Truth Is So Terrible It Hurts, Take Action
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com
Amidst all the horrors taking place these days, I am inspired by the rays of hope that shine through. Ordinary people standing up for what is right (and against what is wrong). Baseball players,…
When Your Back Is Against The Wall
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf
I love the internet. Now I know a lot of people have a lot of bad things to say about it, but I love it. Just like I love the people in my life -- they are not perfect, but I love them anyway.
InnerSelf Newsletter: August 23, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
Everyone probably can agree that we are living in strange times... new experiences, new attitudes, new challenges. But we can be encouraged in remembering that everything is always in flux,…