Are You Running Your Life on "Shoulds" and Fear of Rejection?

Are You Running Your Life on "Shoulds" and Fear of Rejection?

The bummer about 'shoulds' is that when we are dominated by them, we are also dominated by the fear of being rejected or abandoned in some way, because that's the core emotional fear that activates many of them. These ongoing fears leave many of us drained and exhausted...

Slow Down, Stop Rushing, and Celebrate Life

Slow Down, Stop Rushing, and Celebrate Life

People are in such a rush these days, living on the fast track. Talking fast, eating fast, moving fast. What a difference from sixty years ago. Did you know you'll probably do more in this year with appointments, people to meet, places to go than your grandparents did their entire lives?

How Does Your Brain Wake Up From Sleep?

How Does Your Brain Wake Up From Sleep?

When you’re asleep, you can seem completely dead to the world. But when you wake up, in an instant you can be up and at ‘em.

6 Ways To Reboot Your Brain After A Hard Year

6 Ways To Reboot Your Brain After A Hard Year

There’s no doubt that 2020 was difficult for everyone and tragic for many. But now vaccines against COVID-19 are finally being administered – giving a much needed hope of a return to normality and a happy 2021.

Where Have All the Hunter-Gatherers Gone?

Where Have All the Hunter-Gatherers Gone?

New advances in anthropology and paleontology have answered one of the most vexing questions about the Hunter/Farmer theory: “Why is the leftover Hunter/ADHD gene only present in a minority of our population, and where have all the hunters gone?”

Why Concussion Can Accelerate Ageing of the Brain

Why Concussion Can Accelerate Ageing of the Brain

The serious harm caused by concussion in sport first became apparent among the “punch-drunk” boxers who suffered repetitive blows to the head over the course of their fighting careers.

The Law of Least Effort is the 4th Spiritual Law of Success

The Law of Least Effort is the Fourth Spiritual Law of Success

Least effort is expended when your actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love. When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. But when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy, your energy multiplies and accumulates.

Much Like Dorian Gray's Portrait, Trump Is A Reflection Of America’s Soul

Much Like Dorian Gray's Portrait, Trump Is A Reflection Of America’s Soul

As many have noted, United States President Donald Trump embodies the very worst American traits. If one were to caricature America’s vices, from bombast to narcissism, heartless individualism and toxic machismo, one would come up with someone who looks very much like Trump.

The Sixth Huna Principle: Mana -- All Power Comes From Within

The Sixth Huna Principle: Mana -- All Power Comes From Within

The sixth Huna principle, Mana, states that there is nothing outside us that is more powerful than we are, and there is nothing that can’t be touched by our influence. Every dynamic action that we take contains an inner spark of universal power that spans the galaxies and beyond.

How Successful Golfers Stay Focused On Those Crucial Shots

How Successful Golfers Stay Focused On Those Crucial Shots

Sporting history is littered with tales of defeat snatched from the jaws of victory. Famously, the US golfer Doug Sanders was a three-foot putt away from winning the 1970 Open Championship in St Andrews. He missed.

How To Shift Away from Overwhelm, Burnout, and Self-Sacrifice

How To Shift Away from Overwhelm, Burnout, and Self-Sacrifice

The first step in changing what’s not working for you is awareness — becoming conscious of what you are currently blind to. You simply cannot change what you cannot see. But when you do see what was previously hidden, you gain the power to change it.

Going From Incoherence, Competition, and Chaos to “Holotropism”

Going From Incoherence, Competition, and Chaos to “Holotropism”

The coherence-building process in the universe is a real but subtle process. In the contemporary world it is often diverted and dominated by existential, more directly survival-oriented forces and impulses. These forces and impulses tend to be self-centered and competitive.

Changing...Instantly: It's A Lot Easier Than You Think

Changing...Instantly: It's A Lot Easier Than You Think

Mechanical behaviors are old ways of doing things that once worked, or appeared to have worked, in situations that were stressful or in situations that were actual or perceived as potentially endangering your survival.

During These Weird, Wild and Wonderful Times

During These Weird, Wild and Wonderful Times

How are you doing in this time? My experience is that it’s weird, and wild, and wonderful in certain ways, and really, really challenging in others. Grief, loss, uncertainty. Inspiration, creativity, a feeling of a “pause” that is ongoing. These are some of the things I’ve been feeling, and I’m hearing from many people who are experiencing similar energies and emotions.

How Science Untangles The Elusive Power and Influence of Hope In Our Lives

How Science Untangles The Elusive Power and Influence of Hope In Our Lives

On Erin Gruwell’s first day as a high school English teacher, she faced a classroom of 150 “at risk” freshmen. Most of these kids, statistically, were going to fail. They were tough, their young lives already defined by poverty, gangs, violence and low expectations.

How Science Untangles The Elusive Power and Influence of Hope In Our Lives
Traditional dancers celebrate Hari Raya, the end of Ramadan.
Photo by Aniq Danial for Unsplash, CC BY-ND

On Erin Gruwell’s first day as a high school English teacher, she faced a classroom of 150 “at risk” freshmen. Most of these kids, statistically, were going to fail. They were tough, their young lives already defined by poverty, gangs, violence and low expectations. These students, she wrote, knew nearly every “four-letter word” except one: hope.

Yet four years later, every one of her “at risk” students at Wilson High School in Long Beach, CA, had graduated from high school. More than half went on to graduate from college. The stories written by Gruwell’s students were published as a book called “The Freedom Writers Diary”. It became a New York Times bestseller and in 2007 was made into a major motion picture called “Freedom Writers” starring Hilary Swank.

Graduation carries many messages of hope.Graduation carries many messages of hope. Photo by Marleena Garris for Unsplash., CC BY-ND

Gruwell taught English but also taught them an elusive trait: hope. Science has, in the past 30 years, documented that hope can serve as a strategy for success.

Teaching hope

Although hope is a common theme in mythology, philosophy and theology, it wasn’t a subject of psychological research until University of Kansas psychologist Richard Snyder began his pioneering study in the 1990s. His work paved the way for science to measure, teach and distinguish hope from other psychological disciplines. His research recognized hope as a cognitive function, an emotional state accompanied by action.

Goals are basic to human behavior, Snyder noted, whether they are long- or short-term. They are the first step in imagining future achievement. Being successful, he writes, requires a way to pursue a goal and the will not give up – will power and way power. Snyder and social scientist Shane Lopez confirmed that hope can be taught and learned and that it provides benefits in the public sphere.

What kids need to excel

I am a professor of practice and clinical director for Arizona State University’s Center for the Advanced Study and Practice of Hope. The center’s team is made up of researchers, practitioners and graduate students who are advancing the understanding, strategy and practice of hope.

Other academic institutions including the University of Oklahoma’s Hope Research Center are committing resources to better understand the dynamics of hope. In 2014, the John Templeton Foundation funded The Hope and Optimism initiative, a $4.5 million, four-year grant at Notre Dame and Cornell. The project explored hope from various lenses including religion, medicine, sociology and psychology.

Kids thrive with an adult in their court.Kids thrive with an adult in their court. Photos by Kevin Laminto for Unsplash., CC BY-ND

There is a new generation of hope scientists emerging on university campuses around the globe dedicated to further unraveling hope’s potential. These research topics include coping skills, depression, aging, social justice and creating communities of hope.

It is my long-standing belief that society often defines children and their future by disproportionately identifying and focusing on risk and trauma but ignoring hope.

Applying hope to life

To better understand how hope theory could be translated into practice, in 1993 I enlisted a group of seven researchers, practitioners and graduate students to participate in a seven-year literature review. In 2000, our team shared its conclusions, launching a new initiative called Kids at Hope. The Kids at Hope strategy, at its core, promotes the practices and belief that all kids are capable of success – no exceptions.

These findings informed the design of a framework that teaches hope as a cognitive skill. Teaching hopefulness begins by believing in all kids, connecting with young people in meaningful ways and teaching children how to imagine their goals, a process called mental time travel, that encourages the brain to plan for future opportunities and challenges.

The ability to mentally time travel is the process of remembering the past to draw from those memories and construct a future. Recalling past events is a great advantage in determining who and what to trust, and what works and what doesn’t. Through past experiences, people are able to picture where they would like to be and how to get there.

A central part of this work focuses on teaching the science of hope so that it can flourish in communities — whether that is the juvenile justice system, education, child welfare, behavioral health or youth development systems. The science is clear. Hopeful people are happier, healthier and achieve more of their goals than those who lack hope.

If it “takes a village to raise and educate a child,” I believe hope theory should be part of that strategy. As Gruwell and her students discovered, hope is a gift that can positively change lives.The Conversation

About the Author

Richard Miller, Professor of Practice, T. Denny Sanford School of Social and Family Dynamic, Arizona State University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

How Introverts and Extroverts Working Together Create Balance and Innovation

How Introverts and Extroverts Working Together Create Balance and Innovation 

In the rapid-fire of the modern day workplace, teams with diverse perspectives can produce unique solutions to problems while generating fresh and creative ideas. This powerful perspective is often evident when introverts and extroverts work together in harmony appreciating the rich difference in style and energy.

 

Taking the Plunge: A Rite of Passage

Taking the Plunge: A Rite of Passage

Near our little house in the woods runs a lovely rushy stream, Clove Creek. While it’s often brisk and prosperous, it takes a huge spring thunderstorm to understand how such a modest flow could carve out the dramatic and beautiful area known locally as The Gorge.

What Do You Want?

What Do You Want?

What do you want? This is a question that is asked of us throughout our lives. "What do you want?" We ask this question of babies when they are crying and we can't figure out if they're hungry, wet, or what… What do you want? We ask this question of the child who is seeking our attention. We ask this of a...

Are You Soul Conscious...or in Trance?

Are You Soul Conscious...or in Trance?

Any moment in which we are unaware and out of balance and harmony, then we are in trance. When we are feeling superior and feel justified in our judgments, we are in trance. When we feel inferior or unworthy, we are in trance. Streams of past, future, or worrisome thoughts that surface...

What Do I Do If I Sense Trouble?

What Do I Do If I Sense Trouble?

One reason the story of the Titanic disaster has such enduring appeal is that it is an object lesson in the need to question perceived reality, trust our gut, and when necessary, act on our own personal authority to save others and ourselves.

The Dangers of Indifference and Cynicism

The Dangers of Indifference and Cynicism

Words which contain a reference to good and evil have become degraded, especially those which refer to the good -- not only courage but also effort, patience, love and hope -- are met with cynicism and indifference. Unless we boldly confront cynicism and indifference, we cannot make fundamental and effective responses.

Leprosy Of The Soul? A Brief History Of Boredom

Leprosy Of The Soul? A Brief History Of Boredom

We all respond to boredom in different ways. Some may find a new hobby or interest, others may instead rip open a bag of crisps and binge watch a new Netflix show.

I Am Safe! You Are Safe! We Are Safe!

Bashing Down Barriers and Flying Freely

Sometimes when things don't go the way I want, rather than letting things go their own way, I start pushing and forcing and trying to make things happen. Can you relate to this one? We start insisting on things going our way...

Eight Thinking Traps and Biases to Guard Against

Eight Thinking Traps and Biases to Guard Against

Being aware of these common thinking traps allows you to get them under control. Realize that you tend to rely more on these biases when you are more emotional, when in a rush, fatigued, or anytime you lower your mental guard and let your mind run on autopilot.

The Sequel's Not Equal: Being a Copy or an Original?

The Sequel's Not Equal: Being a Copy or an Original?

The thing about sequels is that they rarely measure up to the original. Like movies, there are two ways to live a life: hiding out in history, or dancing on the cutting edge. History is safe, but reeks of regularity. The cutting edge seems scary, but it bestows life...

5 Activities That Can Protect Your Mental and Physical Health As You Age

5 Activities That Can Protect Your Mental and Physical Health As You Age

No one is immune to developing chronic illnesses such as heart disease, cancer or arthritis as they get older. But research shows social activities, like joining clubs, interest groups or volunteering, are linked to better mental and physical health and a longer lifespan.

Taking The Next Steps: So Many Possibilities, So Many Choices

Taking The Next Steps: So Many Possibilities, So Many Choices

It can feel like this time we're living in and all the stresses of navigating it are doing the opposite of bringing us closer. The feelings of isolation and separation are real. The divisive tools being used against our greater good are real. There's a lot at stake and there are complex challenges facing us...

Emotional Suppression Causes Serious Damage to Body, Mind, and Spirit

Emotional Suppression Causes Serious Damage to Bodies, Minds, and Spirits

Emotional suppression sometimes serves a useful, even essential purpose. When suffering a severe traumatic injury, for example. Yet while emotional suppression may sometimes serve a useful purpose, inhibiting the free flow of emotional energies over the course of a lifetime causes serious...

Five Ways to Cope with Stress, plus Ten Ways to Relax

How to Cope with Stress with Ten Sure Ways to Relax

Stress comes from anxiety, fear, guilt, and pressure. Stress causes headaches, earaches, toothaches, chest pains, palpitations, skin rashes, and butterflies in the stomach. Stress makes us hold our breath or breathe unevenly, gives us indigestion and diarrhea, or causes constipation. Stress leads to...

Getting to Yes and the Energy of Aliveness

Getting to Yes and the Energy of Aliveness

When we do not acknowledge our feelings, we may reactively eat for comfort. Not facing tensions in a relationship can lead to fear of arguments or anger at disagreements. Seeking escape from the discomforts of life may trap us in patterns of...

Eleven Laws to Set You Free

Eleven Laws to Set You Free

If we want to grow inwardly we must find new ways to learn about ourselves. These higher discoveries call for higher learning. Think of each of the following eleven laws as individual magic strands of a flying carpet. Make it your aim to weave them together in your mind. Then watch how these lessons combine to effortlessly lift you to...

Experiencing Moral Injury In The Face of Violence, Indifference, and Confusion

Experiencing Moral Injury In The Face of Violence, Indifference, and Confusion

Moral injury is a wound to the soul. It happens when you participate in or witness things that transgress your deepest beliefs about right and wrong. It is extreme trauma that mani­fests as grief, sorrow, shame, guilt, or any combination of those things. It shows up as negative thoughts, self-hatred, hatred of others, feelings of regret...

What's It All About?

What's It All About?

Have we not all asked ourselves this question at one point or another? "What's it all about?"  Since to every question there is an answer, I asked my inner Self to provide an answer. The answer I heard was "It's all about you!" Well...

The Road Ahead: How You Can Stretch Time

The Road Ahead: How You Can Stretch Time

On one hand, we need to keep pace with new developments and stay on top of our careers. On the other hand, we need to meet the demands of our personal life. Result? We are on overload.

Even One Is Enough... What Would Love Do?

Even One Is Enough... What Would Love Do?

We live in a world of extremes. Extreme wealth, extreme poverty. Extreme hedonism and joy, and extreme fear and pain. Extreme religious devotion, and extreme hatred. And as with everything, the microcosm and the macrocosm are reflections of each other. In each one of us there resides these extremes, or at least a presence of these realities -- though maybe not in the extreme.

After All... Tomorrow Is Another Day!

After All... Tomorrow Is Another Day!

One of my favorite lines in the movie "Gone With The Wind" is when Scarlett says "Tomorrow is another day". This line has given me hope many times when the skies of my life were bleak and I couldn't see around the corner of whatever challenge was facing me at the time…

Complicated, Complex, Or Both—Critical Distinctions in a New World

Complicated, Complex, Or Both—Critical Distinctions in a New World

In the mid-1960s, Bob Dylan’s song, “The Times They Are A-Changin,” became an anti-establishment anthem for frustrated young people.Fifty-plus years later, the times are no longer “a-changin;” the times have changed—radically. In fact, rapid, continuous, unpredictable change is the “new normal.”

Roadmaps of Living: Are You In A Rut?

Snap Out Of It! Put Your Genie in a Bigger Bottle

Humans are creatures of habit, and sometimes we get stuck in a rut. Sometimes we're overwhelmed. We face a simple daily task and spin into panic or just plain freeze. Neither opens up our hearts or minds to the real challenges or pleasures at hand. We need to snap out of it and get back into living again. But how?

It's All In How You Look At It

It's All In How You Look at It

When Dee and I grew a family of dogs, we decided to feed them meat. That was a big decision for us, since we had never had meat in the house. But we love our “kids,” and we want them to be happy. Why impose our diet on them? So we buy them canned dog food and cook meat for them.

Releasing the Divine Capabilities of Our Species: Creativity Brings Hope

Creativity Brings Hope: Releasing the Divine Capabilities of Our Species

Where does our hope lie? Where shall we ground ourselves for continuing on and changing our ways radically? Creativity can redeem and save our species. I agree with Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés that all women and men are born gifted. All we need to do is release this creativity, get out of its way, as M. C. Richards used to say.

How Your Circadian Rhythm May Keep You Sane And Healthy

How Your Circadian Rhythm May Keep You Sane And Healthy

Social distancing and washing hands have become the frontline in the fight against COVID-19, but there is another powerfully protective resource immediately available to all: your circadian rhythm.

What Works For Me: Asking Why

What Works For Me: Asking Why

For me, learning often comes from understanding "why". Why things are the way they are, why things happen, why people are the way they are, why I act the way I do, why other people act the way they do. Once I understand the "why" of a situation, I can then understand how I need to respond both now and in the future.

The Art of Believing and Holding On To Your Vision

The Art of Believing and Holding On To Our Vision
Oftentimes, in life, we have doubts about the outcome of a situation... whether the doubt has to do with our own capabilities, or someone else's. Yet faith in ourselves is an integral part in succeeding... When we give up believing in ourselves, we give up trying.

Rewriting the Script: From Separation to Symbiosis

Rewriting the Script: From Separation to Symbiosis
The irony of anyone standing firmly resistant to change is that we awaken into a brand new world every day. We call it the universe, and it’s never the same place twice. In our universe, though, the changes happening all around us are either so constant we take them for granted or so slow and imperceptible we fail to notice them.

7 Steps to Get Out of the Quicksand of Procrastination

7 Steps to Get Out of the Quicksand of Procrastination
Almost everyone procrastinates. We usually do it to avoid a task that's unpleasant or daunting. When procrastinating starts to interfere with our quality of life by causing us to feel worried, fearful, lazy, or irresponsible, then it's time to get on with it.

Great and Noble Things: Leaving Our Children A Better World

Great and Noble Things: Leaving Our Children A Better World
We all want to leave our children a better world than the one we found. The greatest legacy you can bestow is joy, which is a choice you can make right now. If you wait until the world changes to let your light shine, your dream will wither and die. Make your joy conditional on nothing outside you and on everything inside you...

Depression, Anger, and Sadness as Related to Yang Body Types

Depression, Anger, and Sadness as Related to Yang Body Types
We all have a unique path in life that, if traveled, brings out the best in us. Yet no path is ever forged for us, and we may have to bushwhack our way through unchartered wilderness when our navigation equipment fails. Depression is an emotional state that all of the body types are capable of experiencing when they feel stuck...

Should You Listen To Music When You Work?

Should You Listen To Music When You Work?

Do you like to listen to music when you work? Pose this question at a party, and you’ll probably get some polarizing responses.

How To Thrive In A Stressful Grade 12

How To Thrive In A Stressful Grade 12

Research shows anxiety levels are high for many students in year 12 as they focus on academic goals that may determine their future.

Speeding Through Time: How Computers and Impatience Warp Our Sense of Time

How Computers & Impatience Warp Our Sense of Time
When I began using computers during the 1970s, I noticed they were influencing me in unexpected ways, especially with regard to my sense of time. In a matter of days I went from marveling at the speed with which the computer could complete bookkeeping tasks I used to labor over, to snarling at the stupid...

Our First Responsibility On The Path to Self-Awareness

On Responsibility and The Path to Self-Awareness
As we journey forth on our path to self-awareness, we need to begin to take responsibility for who we are, what we stand for and where we are going. This sounds easy enough, but to accomplish it isn't always that simple.

6 Curious Facts About Smell

6 Curious Facts About Smell
Don’t underestimate the power of your nose. It makes our everyday eating experience pleasant and interesting and it warns us of spoiled food, corked wine and the dangers of gas and smoke

Where Is This Coming From? What's The Bottom Line?

Where Is This Coming From? What Is The Bottom Line?
When something is taking place and you don't feel in harmony within yourself, ask yourself one simple question: "Where is this coming from?" Keep repeating the question and take it step by step until you get to the "bottom line" -- a basic belief you hold which is instrumental in creating your reactions (and your reality).

Why You're Probably More Susceptible To Misinformation Than You Think

Why You're Probably More Susceptible To Misinformation Than You Think

Online misinformation works, or so it would seem. One of the more interesting statistics from the 2019 UK general election was that 88% of advertisements posted on social media by the Conservative Party pushed figures that had already been deemed misleading by the UK’s leading fact-checking organisation,

How Explicit Instruction Help Children Learn

How Explicit Instruction Help Children Learn
Explicit instruction is a term that summarises a type of teaching in which lessons are designed and delivered to novices to help them develop readily-available background knowledge on a particular topic.

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