How To Live a Life True to Yourself with Compassion and Patience by Bronnie Ware.

Making jokes of me had been a family sport for as long as I could remember. I was a swimmer amongst a family of horse riders, a vegetarian from a sheep farming family, a nomad in a family of settlers, and on it went. Often things said were in jest, and the person saying so may not have realized the pain they were causing at the time. At other times, though, too often things said were intentional and just outright cruel.

Consequently, up until this time I had never particularly enjoyed family dynamics. So the easiest way to handle this back then was just to keep living the life expected of me. Eventually, though, I did begin to withdraw and close down around them. It was my own coping mechanism.

Where Do We Find the Courage to Make Life Changes?

Artists the world over are also a misunderstood lot, and I was an artist. I just hadn't realized it yet. All I knew was that selling insurance products to people just wanting to bank their pay cheques was really not up my alley.

They say that we do more to avoid pain than we do to gain pleasure. So it is when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes. Until then, the pain within me was just continuing to fester until it did reach the breaking point.

When I left yet another 'good job' to go and live on the island, confusion reigned. 'Why would she do that? Where is she going to this time?' And through all of this I was just thinking with excitement, 'I'm going to live on an island!' The farther away, the happier I was. My life was my own there, and it was a good life. Any contact I did have with the mainland was to my dear mother, who was my rock and treasured friend.


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Breaking Free of the Pain of Family Dynamics

How To Live a Life True to Yourself with Compassion and Patience by Bronnie Ware.It was during these years on the island that I first dabbled in meditation. Later I found my way to the path that would offer me the opportunity to connect with my own goodness in ways no other had. Through this path, I began to understand and experience compassion.

The pain I had accepted from others had been their own suffering projected onto me. Happy people do not treat other people that way. They don't judge others for living a life true to his or her self. If anything, they respect it.

Recognizing the pain carried into my generation from previous ones, I had the choice to break free of it in my own life. I was never going to be able to control another and had no desire to. People change because they want to and when they are ready.

Learning to View Life Compassionately

Learning to view life compassionately, and accept that I may never have the understanding or loving relationships I had once yearned for, was liberating. It transformed my life on so many levels. Knowing the ongoing pain of my own healing, I accepted that not everyone has the courage to face his or her past, at least not until it becomes unbearable.

To a degree, the same dynamics persisted for some years after, but began to affect me less and less. It took strength and time, but I now saw that it was not about me. It was about whichever person was trying to give me their criticism or judgment.

Choosing Compassion Instead of Rejection

A Buddhist story is that a man came shouting angrily at Buddha, who remained unaffected by him. When questioned by others as to how he remained calm and unaffected, Buddha answered with a question. "If someone gives you a gift and you choose not to receive it, to whom then does the gift belong?" Of course it stays with the giver.

So it was with words that were still unjustly dumped onto me sometimes. I stopped taking them on, and instead I felt compassion. After all, those words were not coming from a place of happiness.

Developing Compassion for Others as well as for Yourself

The most important thing I have ever learnt in life though — the most, most important thing — is that compassion starts with yourself. Developing compassion for others allowed the healing to begin and continue. But learning how to develop compassion for myself was much harder, and though I didn't know at the time, it was going to take years.

We are all so hard on ourselves, unfairly so. Learning to give myself loving kindness and acknowledge that I too had suffered enormously was such a difficult change to make.

With this new intention of self-love, self-respect and self-compassion, the old family dynamics started losing power. I found the strength to speak back, allowing myself to finally be heard, rather than continuing to withdraw. Breaking the patterns of decades took a lot of guts. But I just couldn't carry the pain of silence any longer.

Speaking Up for Yourself with Compassion and Patience

In the end, though, it was really only the desire to be loved, accepted, and understood by each other that was truly fueling the pain in us all. So compassion was the only way forward: compassion and patience. In spite of everything, love, in its own fragile disguise, still existed between us.

After speaking up, things started to change within myself. I grew stronger in self-respect and clearer in self-expression. Some new and healthier seeds had finally been sown. I didn't yet know how to nurture them, but they were planted at least. It was time to start living as who I wanted to be, one small step at a time.

©2011, 2012 by Bronnie Ware. All Rights Reserved,
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Hay House Inc. www.hayhouse.com

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BOOK: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing
by Bronnie Ware.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware.After too many years of unfulfilling work, Bronnie Ware began searching for a job with heart. Despite having no formal qualifications or experience, she found herself working in palliative care. Over the years she spent tending to the needs of those who were dying, Bronnie's life was transformed.

Bronnie has had a colourful and diverse past, but by applying the lessons of those nearing their death to her own life, she developed an understanding that it is possible for people, if they make the right choices, to die with peace of mind. In this book, she expresses in a heartfelt retelling how significant these regrets are and how we can positively address these issues while we still have the time.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying gives hope for a better world. It is a story told through sharing her inspiring and honest journey, which will leave you feeling kinder towards yourself and others, and more determined to live the life you are truly here to live. This delightful memoir is a courageous, life-changing book.

Click here for more info or to order this book.

About The Author

Bronnie Ware, author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly DepartingBronnie Ware is a writer, singer/songwriter, and songwriting teacher from Australia. She also runs an online personal growth and songwriting course, has released two albums of original songs, and writes a well-loved blog called Inspiration and Chai, including articles that have been translated into several languages. 

To discover more of her work, please visit Bronnie’s official website: www.bronnieware.com