Mastering the confidence course on the Royal NZ Navy Adventure Challenge. (CC BY-ND 2.0)
Having supported hundreds of clients in living out their dreams, I have noticed that one of the main things that stops people from bringing their dreams to fruition is a lack of confidence.
When you are confident, you know you will handle whatever comes up in the best way you can and move on. Regardless of what happens, you will still be whole and complete unto yourself. Confidence is also knowing that we were all born with the same inherent worth and that doesn't change based on income, status, or what others might say.
Some people were instilled with a healthy sense of confidence when they were very young; some were not. For some, a healthy sense of confidence endures through the years. For many, it comes and goes depending on the situation.
Often times we project a sense of confidence on the outside, but inside our gremlins are roaring, telling us how much more we have to do to prove we are worthy. Regardless of your upbringing and what has happened to affect your self-esteem along the way, you can learn to increase and enhance your self-confidence in various areas of your life.
Here are ten steps for building confidence. You might want to review them all and choose one to work on this month.
Ten Steps to Becoming More Confident
1) Take extremely good care of yourself first.
Choose one new self-care habit and put it in place this month. Make it doable. Keep this promise to yourself, at least as well as you keep promises to others. This sends a message to your inner self that you are important.
2) Say "Next!"
After each disappointment rather than making the setback mean something about you, acknowledge and allow yourself to feel the disappointment and then be open for what's next. Ask yourself "what is there for me to learn from this?" Then intend that something even better is on the way. Rather than holding on to the way things were in the past, be cognizant of what is so in the present and open yourself to all the opportunities around you. Doing this will put you in the flow and have you attract more of what you want in life. And when you are in the flow, you can't help but feel confident!
3) Ask for feedback on what you are brilliant at.
Ask co-workers and friends for feedback on what you are brilliant at. Write up a commercial about yourself, for yourself, emphasizing what is so great about you. Read it to yourself in the mirror every day, several times a day. Own your greatness! Visualize yourself being that person in your infomercial. See what you look like and feel what it feels like deep inside. Then step into that visualization. This is especially helpful before important meetings or events.
4) Become masterful at something.
Pick something you are naturally good at and enjoy doing, and learn all you can to become even better at it.
5) Choose relationships wisely.
Foster relationships with those who support who you naturally are and what you want out of life -- no pretending necessary. Make sure they are mutually supportive relationships. Create a community of at least five people with whom you feel safe and mutually supported.
6) Set high standards.
Others will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Set high standards for the way you treat yourself, the way you want others to treat you, and the way you treat others. You will be amazed at how differently people will respond to you when you do this.
7) Decide what you want in life and go for it.
Don't settle for less than you really want. Say no to what you don't want and yes to those things/people who are in alignment with you and your values.
8) Accept your body the way it is.
When you look in the mirror, focus on those aspects of your appearance that you like. Smile back at your reflection! Nurture your body with healthy food, exercise, and rest.
9) Take calculated risks as often as possible.
When you are afraid to do something, say "what the heck" and do it anyway. Let the success be in taking the risk rather than attachment to the outcome. If you fall down, pick yourself back up and move on. The more risks you take, the more courage you build, and the more confident you become. Life is abundant. There is no shortage of opportunities.
10) Accept your humanity, and that of others.
"Get" that we all do the best we can in any given moment. Understand that your confidence will be stronger at different times and in different areas of your life than others. Accept this as part of the journey.
Book by this author:
I Can't Believe I Get Paid To Do This!: Remarkable People Reveal 26 Proven Strategies for Making Your Dreams A Reality
by Stacey Mayo.
This book will inspire you even if you only read the interviews. But to get the most value, make the time to answer the coaching questions and then take action based on what you see for yourself. It is great to be inspired by others who are living their dreams—it is even better to be living your own dreams.
About The Author
Watch a video interview with Stacey Mayo: Confidence Tips on the CBS Evening News.