It took me 21 years to hit rock bottom. I found myself all alone, stranded, penniless. Thinking back, I remember life was so easy when I was a child; and my parents took loving care of all my needs. Breakfast was on the table, so were lunch, dinner, and innumerable snacks. Most of my sentences began with the words, "Mom, can I..."
But these are the 90's now, and life is challenging. I am homeless, jobless and most of all, hungry.
A Homeless Stand
I stand at the I-95 exit, clinging to my sign as if it were a meal ticket. Some days are better than others, but I am performing odd jobs and getting by.
If I could relive my life, I would have stayed in school, just said "no" and became a productive member of society. My conscience is torn with criminal-like thoughts. If the odd jobs dry up, I may have to rob a convenience store. I honestly do not think I can live with myself taking this path in life.
However, things are so difficult now; my mind is confused due to my not having eaten in two days. But even on a park bench, sleep is a blessed thing, and I know I could not relax enough to fall asleep if I had committed a crime.
I know that life could not get worse than this as my existence is robbing me of my pride, dignity, and will to live. Last week, I stood in the rain for six hours only to be offered two cigarettes, a bag of potato chips, and 55 cents. It is very frightening not knowing where my next meal will come from or what I will have to do to receive it. I am sure it was not meant to be this way....
God, if you are listening, please give me the strength to go on. A wise man once said, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade", and that is exactly what I did. Let me explain how my life has changed.
Turning It Around
Almost every day, I had to construct a new sign because mine had been ripped up, blown away, stolen or ruined by the weather. All bums carry the same sign begging passersby's to help. However, I decided to make a unique, heartfelt sign which would not capitalize on guilt.
In my nicest writing I wrote, 'We are all brothers' and drew men with their arms outstretched, standing in a circle. On the day of my sign's debut, a man driving a blue Volvo, with license plate, ENV 55W, rolled down his window and said "You have the nicest penmanship I have ever seen. I can use your talent in my business."
That was three years ago, and I am a different person today because of that man. He owned a small company which produced hand-made signs locally, but due to my hard work and successful designs, our signs now are mass produced.... nationwide!
Had I not suffered and stuck with groveling all those horrible years, I would not have all the luxuries and power I do today. It was my determination to never return on foot to that I-95 exit that drove me to excel at my job and my life. I gave 100% to the hand-made signs for all occasions, and today... I drive a blue Volvo.
Recommended Book:
Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the...Second Half of Life
by Robert A. Johnson and Jerry Ruhl.
About The Author
Adam Thilem was in the 10th grade and only 15 years old when he wrote the above story as part of a school assignment. He earned an AA degree from St. Petersburg Junior College in Florida in 1999. Adam committed suicide on November 2, 2001.
[Editor's Note: We are sorry Adam left us so early in life, and we are grateful for his contribution to the lives of the people around him, in part through this article in InnerSelf.]
