The Irony of Thanks: If You Want To Be Happy, Be Grateful

The Irony of Thanks: If You Want To Be Happy, Be Grateful
illustration by Airman 1st Class Oleksandra G. Manko, U.S. Air Force.

Being grateful seems like something you do for others, but it is a wonderfully selfish act as well. For years now, books on mental health have been touting the benefits gratitude offers, and the same benefits—increased productivity, connection, energy, health, and motivation—leak into our business lives. So although saying thanks has positive effects on those who hear it, it turns out that those who are thankful have lots to gain.

After more than two decades of global research, authors of The Power of Thanks, Eric Mosley and Derek Irvine, have revealed several scientifically proven benefits of gratitude, saying that people who are grateful achieve more success, sleep better, are more optimistic, are better leaders, and are good corporate citizens. Further, their research observed that grateful people burn out less, create positive feedback loops, experience less stress, and have moral and social awareness.

Why is the simple gesture and act of gratitude so powerful? Some experts believe gratitude to be a great social movement, something so transformative it can create a global network of peace. In his Ted Talk, Brother David Steindl-Rast says "If you want to be happy, be grateful," and adds that gratitude is the great connector because "all of us want to be happy." How we imagine our happiness differs, but what we all have in common is the desire to be happy.

According to Steindl-Rast, there is a connection between happiness and gratefulness, except most of us get the connection backward. He cites a common example that we are all familiar with: people who have everything that it takes to be happy, but are not happy, versus the people who suffer great misfortune, but are deeply happy. "It is not happiness that makes us grateful, it is gratefulness that makes us happy," he says.

Gratitude Is Your "Real" Job

I once knew a singer-songwriter who quit the road (and his dreams of getting signed) for a "real" job. The job happened to evolve into a successful career at a corporate music label, where he was able to work with other writers, artists, and producers. He eventually rose to the executive label and led his team to sign some of the most exciting new international artists.

When I asked him how he avoided becoming bitter over not being as fortunate as the artists he was now discovering, he told me he was so grateful every day to have the opportunity to be making a solid living in an industry he adores. Although his capacity might not be what he imagined, opportunities to create and do inspiring things appear every day, and that is what he is most grateful for. That gratitude and the enthusiasm for the opportunity to do good work infects those who work with him. This, says Steindl-Rast, is what we mean by gratitude.

He explains, "When something of value is freely given to us, gratefulness arises … spontaneously. …We cannot just have grateful experiences; we have to live gratefully. … We do this by becoming aware that every moment is a given moment, it's a gift. … this moment with all this opportunity makes it a gift." [ Want to be happy? Be grateful (with David Steindl-Rast)]

An Attitude of Gratitude Is More Than Good Business

In your business, are you grateful for the customer who walks in the door, or the opportunity you have to meet and greet that customer day in and day out? That distinction is what separates an act of gratitude from an attitude of gratitude. It is not enough to offer end-of-year bonuses or discounts to loyal customers on Thanksgiving. As employers, service providers, and colleagues, we need to understand that every moment is a new gift, and if we miss the opportunity of this moment, another moment is given, and it must be seized. Steindl-Rast says that those people who avail themselves of this opportunity are the ones who enjoy true happiness.

This sounds so painfully easy, yet we know as we balance our books, take inventory, miss an important business call, or botch a delivery, gratitude is not our first reaction. When difficult things occur to us, it is a challenge to rise to that opportunity that Steindl-Rast says we are to be grateful for, however, we can rise to it by learning something from it. As he says, "The ones who avail to these opportunities, are the ones who make something of their lives."

Stop and See and Go Take Action

In business we must find great opportunities, but the currency of kindness shows that once the opportunities are in front of us, we don't just seize them, we thank them. How to do this when there aren't enough hours in the day, says Steindl-Rast, is very simple: "We have to build stop signs—the things that make us stop and see the wonderful richness."

In your business, maybe it is the customer who comes in every Monday without fail. Do you stop to notice the pattern and how your business is on that person's agenda? Maybe it's the referrals you keep getting month after month. Maybe it's the great testimonial someone just gave you on your website.

The "look" phase requires that we open up our senses and our hearts to that opportunity; to experience the joy. That's when the opportunity invites us to do something—to go. At the "go" point, we can be creative with the opportunity, spin it into something greater, or take a deep hard lesson from it to ensure it never happens again, all the while being grateful that the opportunity has presented itself in the first place.

The moment is valuable beyond compare and has been freely given, and those opportunities, says Steindl-Rast, are abundant. "If you're grateful, you are not fearful, and you act out of a sense of enough, out of surplus and not scarcity, and you are willing to share.”

The Gratitude Journal With a Business Twist

A plethora of research in the positive psychology field points to the benefits of making a practice out of being grateful by keeping a gratitude journal—a designated place, whether on a computer or in a notebook, where you write down five things you experienced throughout the day or week for which you have been grateful. While you can certainly write these gratitude moments down every day, research says that entries can be a bit more explanatory and even done a few times a week to reap the benefits.

Because humans are wired for negativity bias—the propensity to remember the bad things in life over the good things—journaling about what we have found to be blessings each day, no matter how minor, keeps us in the positive frame of mind, but also helps us practice mindfulness to be aware of the opportunities that David Stendl-Rast spoke of in his TED talk.

The entries can range from the ordinary (“eating breakfast") to the private (“the email exchange with an old colleague”) to the timeless (“the beach”). When you can't think of anything to be grateful for, breaking things down by these categories can really take the pressure off and make you realize how much worse things could be.

You can also take the approach of imagining how scenarios would play out without the people, places, and things in your life. For instance, for anyone who has had an air-brain assistant, imagine how your day would go if nobody was manning the desk at all. Taking the negative approach is a good last resort for those bad days when nothing can make you feel grateful.

Keep your gratitude journal near your workspace or start one online (I like http://thnx4.org/), be sure to set an alert either daily or a few days a week to remind you it's time to reflect on the good things in life. Do it after the day is through, but before you head home for your next shift.

Keep the room quiet, and remember: no need to rack your brain. By using the three categories as guides—ordinary, private, and timeless—you will see how blessed your business life is in no time. What's more important is you will start to adopt an attitude of gratitude that is sure to be contagious to those who work with you.

Check out the following list for ideas of what to be grateful for on those tough days. They've been a helpful go-to for me during my worst times.

* Quick line at the coffee shop
* The check was actually in the mail
* Health
* The nice exchange with the UPS person
* Laughing with my biz partner
* Rent didn't go up
* Finishing up the loose ends on a lingering project
* The prospect that emailed me back
* Books
* The cancellation of a lunch date that was keeping me from a deadline
* A surprise thank-you card
* The Internet
* The surprise endorsement I received on LinkedIn
* A repeat customer who is sending "everyone" to me
* My customers

Providing Meaning: The Real Bottom Line

The bottom line is: We all want to feel as if we matter to others. We want our lives to be meaningful, to have meaningful exchanges and relationships, and know that we are investing time into doing something that is bigger than ourselves. We want to connect and bond, because those things give us meaning.

Gratitude is the way in which we tell others they are living lives that matter and it is the way in which we can practice living to remind us that every moment counts. Whether it's in the form of a written thank-you card, a journal entry, a prayer or mantra, or giving public praise or private recognition, our gratitude serves as a lasting acknowledgment.

©2017 by Jill Lublin. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, The Career Press.
1-800-CAREER-1 or (201) 848-0310.  www.careerpress.com.

Article Source

The Profit of Kindness: How to Influence Others, Establish Trust, and Build Lasting Business Relationships by Jill Lublin.The Profit of Kindness: How to Influence Others, Establish Trust, and Build Lasting Business Relationships
by Jill Lublin.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book.

About the Author

Jill LublinJill Lublin is an international speaker on the topics of radical influence, publicity, networking, kindness and referrals. She is the author of three best-selling books including Get Noticed...Get Referrals and co-author of Guerrilla Publicity and Networking Magic. Jill is CEO of a strategic consulting firm and has over 20 years experience working with over 100,000 people plus national and international media. She teaches Publicity Crash Courses as both live events and live webinars and consults and speaks all over the world. Visit her at JillLublin.com.
 

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