Four Steps to Radical Forgiveness

Four Steps to Radical Forgiveness

This adaptation of a three-step process taught by Arnold Patent, serves as a reminder of our power to attract the events and people we need to feel the emotions we have around a particular issue. This process takes only a few moments but it is one that literally could save you from getting totally caught up in the drama of what is happening and going to 'Victimland' for an extended stay!

Until these principles become firmly anchored in our minds our tendency is always to default to victim consciousness whenever our upset creates a lot of emotional turmoil. The problem is, once there, we tend to hang out there for a very long time. The way to stop this roller-coaster is to use the 4-step process before you have to book yourself a room in victimland! So, as soon as you find yourself getting upset over something, or even if you find yourself making judgments, feeling self-righteous or wanting to change something about a situation, use this process to bring your consciousness back into alignment with the principles of Radical Forgiveness.

Step One: "Look what I created!"

This first step reminds us that we are the creators of our reality. However, we create circumstances for our own healing, so do not assume guilt for what happens. Being quick to judge, we often use this step as a way to beat ourselves up. We say, "Look what I have created. Oh, it's terrible -- I must be a terrible person, a spiritual failure." Please do not fall into this trap, for if you do, you buy into the illusion.

Step Two: "I notice my judgments and love myself for having them."

This step acknowledges that as humans we automatically attach a whole string of judgments, interpretations, questions, and beliefs to situations. Our task involves accepting the imperfection of our own humanity and loving ourselves for having these judgments, including the one that says we must be a spiritually-moribund person for creating this reality. Our judgments are part of ourselves, so we must love them as ourselves. This connects us with what actually is happening in our body and mind and brings us into the present through our feelings. Our energy then shifts quickly and allows us to go to the third and fourth steps of this process.

Step Three: "I am willing to see the perfection in the situation."

The willingness step represents the essential step in the Radical Forgiveness process. It equates to a prayerful surrendering in the moment to the Divine plan and the willingness to love ourselves for not being able to see this plan directly.

Step Four: "I choose the power of peace."

This fourth step represents a consequence of all the previous steps. By accepting that Divine purpose is served in this situation and that what appears to be occurring may be illusionary, we choose to feel peace and to use the power of peace in whatever actions are required of us. The power of peace is found when we are totally present in the moment, acting with clarity and focus to do whatever may be required and totally aware of our feelings.

Practice this four-step process as often as possible. Make it a part of your awareness. It gives you a way to be in the moment throughout your day. To help you make this your practice, it is a good idea to put these four steps on a business size card for your purse or wallet, or on a 3" x 5" card to keep in your car or on your refrigerator.

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Applying the 4 Step Process to 9/11

The 4-Step process is the tool that we use to help us stay out of victimland. When something 'bad' happens we use the process in the moment to prevent ourselves from being pulled into the drama of what is happening so deep that we forget the truth. I will begin each step here with a brief explanation before going on to provide the kind of self-talk that a person might engage in during each of the four steps. (The self-talk is italicized).

Know that even as you read this the energy will be shifting. You may or may not feel it, but I guarantee that you will be contributing to the healing of the world by choosing to remain present to the process and to your feelings. Thank you for being willing to do so.

STEP # 1: "Look What I've Created!"

It is a spiritual principle -- adequately backed up by quantum physicists and other scientists I hasten to add -- that what occurs out there in the physical world is an outpicturing of our own consciousness. So when we say to ourselves, "look what I've created," we are opening up to the possibility that we had a hand in creating what is occurring and that it is for our own healing or spiritual growth. It is our first step in owning some measure of responsibility for what is happening in our own lives.

"Oh my God. Look what I've created! Could it really be that I had a hand in creating such a horrible event? It must be so, for I believe that we all are complicit in creating our reality -- but this? Surely not. Oh dear! It would be so much easier to blame Osama bin Laden for everything and accept no responsibility whatsoever for having created this terrible situation myself. After all, I am not a terrorist. At least I hope I'm not. I don't think like a terrorist. I wouldn't hurt anyone! I think I'll go into denial about this and stay in victimland, seek revenge, blame anyone and anything, including America. Yes, that's not a bad idea -- shift the blame onto America. Lot's of ammunition there of course. But that's copping out isn't it? Yes, it is. And blaming America is no different to blaming bin Laden. Darn! But everyone else is in denial -- why should I be the only one to stay conscious? Oh, alright, alright! I'll stay with this for a while. I know it's true. I created this -- along with everyone else, of course -- and I know there's a reason for it. Doesn't alter the fact that I feel terrible though -- scared, sad and angry."

STEP # 2: "I see my judgments and love myself anyway!"

This step allows us to acknowledge and lovingly accept our humanness. As human beings, we will automatically attach a whole string of judgments and assessments about what happens out there. However, being aware of them allows us to stay conscious and serves to connect us with our feelings and our authentic selves.

"I am outraged! How could anyone do such a thing? Scum! Fanatical religious zealots! They are evil pure and simple. We must bring them to justice -- or better still, kill them. How on earth did we allow such a thing to happen? Heads will roll at the CIA, that's for sure. Osama bin Laden must be found and killed. He is nothing but an animal. Oooooooooh! Look at those judgments! Well, I'm not going to judge myself for making them, even if I do know better. Quite the reverse in fact. I love myself for feeling a strong desire for revenge. It's what I feel and I am not going to pretend otherwise. Let me tell you, after what they did, revenge would be very sweet. Yes, 'eye for an eye' justice! Let's go get em! Alright, alright, I know that I am just buying into the surface drama and letting my addiction to the victim archetype get the better of me. But I am human too, remember? I love myself too, for being fearful of what might come next. Anthrax, smallpox, or a nuclear weapons. I shudder to think and I admit that I am scared. And I love myself for feeling guilty that I created this. I know that taking responsibility means that what we have created is always for the highest good, but I can't help feeling that if my consciousness was more spiritual and pure, I would not have created this kind of reality. I could be creating love and light, peace and harmony, not death and destruction."

STEP # 3: "I am willing to see the perfection in this."

Four Steps to Radical ForgivenessThis is where we allow ourselves to concede that even in this seemingly terrible event there might be some kind of divine perfection and that we might be able to see it if only we could see the entire picture. What we see and know is but a tiny fraction of all that there is to be known about it. Our spiritual sight is not yet sufficiently developed for us to be able to see the big picture (though I feel we might be close and that through this event it might occur). All we can do therefore, is to express a tiny amount of willingness to be open to the possibility that there might be a perfection in it. This really is the essence of Radical Forgiveness and constitutes the Radical Forgiveness Reframe.

However, I do wish to stress that this does NOT mean that we shouldn't be taking action to prevent such events from happening again, or from bringing those responsible to justice. We are here in the World of Humanity and we must act according to the rules of being human -- even if it means going to war. What is required of us however, is that we do it with awareness of what is truly real.

"Alright, alright! I am willing to suspend my hatred and judgment of Osama bin Laden and all his terrorist friends -- at least for the moment -- and be to open to the possibility that this happened for a reason -- and to concede that if I were to be able to see the bigger picture I would actually be able to see that there was a perfection in it -- notwithstanding the fact that the politicians had to take the action they did to prevent it from happening again. Even as it stands right now, I am noticing that there are many clues that indicate that what happened on 9/11 was full of meaning for humanity -- so maybe Spirit did orchestrate this whole thing . Just as it was Judas's soul destiny to betray Jesus so that his mission could be fulfilled, so might it have been Osama bin Laden's destiny to shake humanity out of its denial of the truth of who we really are. Maybe it was the soul destiny of the people who died in this event to transition in this way so that humanity could be woken up from its dream of separation. After all, there could not have been a more dramatic demonstration of the myth of separation than this. If this is so, and even though I know that death is not real, I still want to honor those who died on that day and help those who lost loved ones find meaning in it. I recall that Winston Churchill, in a speech to the House of Commons after the Battle of Britain said of the British airmen who successfully defended Britain against the German Luftwaffe in the skies over southern England in 1941, "Never before in the field of human conflict has so much been owed by so many to so few." In honor of those souls who died on 9/11, I would echo his words in a slightly different way. "Never before in the entire evolutionary process of human development will so many come to owe so much to so few." And I will add, " long as we truly understand the lesson and do what we need to do to ensure that their sacrifice was not in vain. " As I feel my willingness to see the perfection in it increasing, I feel a strong sense that those people died that we might live in peace; that we might wake up and remember who we are. Or that they died that we might look again at how life really works rather than how we think it works now. Perhaps they died that we might learn humility, tolerance and forgiveness, or that we might turn back from our own certain destruction and that of our planet. Perhaps they died that we might see that we are all One. OK, so I notice myself feeling different now from a few moments ago when I was ready to go kill Osama bin Laden myself I notice a softening in the belly and an opening of the heart as I reach into my soul hoping to feel a degree of certainty that something wonderful is happening beneath this situation and that Spirit has it all handled. I am ready to make a new choice now."

STEP # 4: "I choose the power of Peace."

This happens as a consequence of going through the other three steps. It is the kind of peace that we feel once we become willing to surrender to the perfection in the situation. It gives us the kind of power to act in the world fully and with awareness, no matter what it is we are called to do. Even a soldier who carries the power of peace within will be infinitely more effective in carrying out his duties than one who does not. No matter what we are doing, so long as we bring the power of peace to it, we will be in a state of grace. From that place we can literally change the world.

"OK, I choose the power of peace. I choose to allow that feeling of authentic power to well up in me that comes from knowing that, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, everything is in Divine order. I let go of all my need to blame and make wrong and I especially let go of my earlier need to blame Osama bin Laden for all our discomfort and pain. Peace comes from knowing that there is no right or wrong in the grand scheme of things. Even where I have to discern right or wrong in the World of Humanity, I am less liable to judge harshly or without compassion because I now know the truth. We are all spiritual beings choosing to have a human experience and we are all doing the best we can to fulfill our spiritual purpose. I feel the Love that is flowing in this situation and feel peace in my heart now."

That is the end of the process. It might only take a moment or two or, if you are feeling in a more contemplative mood, an hour or so. No matter how long it takes, the effect will be powerful and it will have an effect in the world. It is after all another form of prayer and prayers are always heard.

For that reason, I would suggest that you keep the prayers going by regularly doing worksheets on Osama bin Laden and on anyone else who brings up strong feelings in you. The power of prayer has been known for eons, but just recently scientific research has shown where the power really lies. It lies not in the words spoken or the thoughts projected. Rather, the power of a prayer lies in the extent to which we experience, in the actual moment of making the prayer, the same feelings we would feel if our prayers were answered. That's when the miracles happen!

Peace is what we want, of course, and many teachers and writers are quite rightly exhorting us to feel peace in our hearts as a way to heal the world. But how? It is not easy just to simply go to peace when in truth you are angry and fearful -- or even worse -- in denial. We need tools to help us do that and I trust you have experienced how this 4-Steps to Radical Forgiveness process works to bring us to that place of peace. It recognizes that getting to peace is a journey. We begin by acknowledging and accepting our less-than-peaceful feelings, thoughts and judgments and then come to a place of willingness to see a greater truth in what is occurring. Only then are we able to genuinely feel peace.

And let's be clear about this. Peace does not mean absence of war. It depends on no particular outcome. If we are attached to an outcome, we won't feel peace. Peace comes only when we are able to surrender to Spirit and to know that everything is in Divine order. I would therefore like to close with the Radical Forgiveness Invocation and ask you to hold it in your hearts.


May we all stand firm in the knowledge and comfort that all things are now, have always been and forever will be, in Divine order, unfolding according to a Divine plan.

And may we truly surrender to this truth, whether we understand it or not.

May we also ask for support in consciousness in feeling our connection with the Divine part of us, with everyone and with everything -- so that we can truly say and feel -- we are One.

 Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Global 13 Publications. ©2002.

Article Source

Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle
by Colin C. Tipping.

Radical Forgiveness by Colin C. Tipping. This is NOT just another book on forgiveness; this one provides the necessary tools to help you forgive profoundly, more or less instantaneously and with ease. The book will more than likely change your life. It will transform how you view your past and what is occurring for you in the present, especially where relationships are concerned. Unlike other forms of forgiveness, radical forgiveness is easily achieved and virtually immediate, enabling you to let go of being a victim, open your heart and raise your vibration.

Info/Order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About the Author

Colin C. Tipping

Colin Tipping is an award winning author, international speaker and workshop leader. Educated at London University, he is the Founder/Director of the Institute for RADICAL Forgiveness Therapy and Coaching, Inc., and founder of the International Center for Reconciliation and Mediation Through Radical Forgiveness, Inc, a non-profit corporation. His most recent other book is Reconciliation Through RADICAL Forgiveness. Visit his website at

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