Image by Arek Socha
A man may fail many times,
but he isn't a failure until
he begins to blame somebody else.
Some of us may believe that the only thing giving us problems in our life is on the outside -- an outside enemy. Outside enemy? Is that how we refer to someone or something upon which we can blame things? If this is our perception, perhaps we don't realize that placing the blame on someone else seldom, if ever, solves a problem. Nor does blaming contribute to our achievement of the wisdom we came here to gain.
In essence, blaming or pointing our finger at someone else is saying that we are totally absolving our Self of having any responsibility in the matter -- whatever it is. At the same time, we are automatically and unwittingly assigning ourselves to the miserable role of "victim."
By feeling we are a victim, our unconscious attitude is: "We are not responsible for our own plight." Thus, we view someone else as being responsible. Someone "out there" must be our enemy! At this point we render ourselves powerless and helpless, because we are allowing that someone to be in command -- to be in control. By delegating control of our responsibilities to someone else, we are relinquishing our God-given power -- and our Will, as well.
A perfect example of this is reflected in the circumstances surrounding the death of Princess Diana. Initially, no one knew the details or true cause of that tragic accident. Of course, everyone would have liked to have known the real cause immediately. We would have liked to have had every detail spelled out for us so there would have been no need to speculate whatsoever -- so we could have put the blame where it belonged. Then we could have been justified in pointing a finger and saying, "Shame, shame on you."
Nevertheless, most of us knew in our hearts that had this woman been spared the unrelenting pursuit of photographers -- who were hoping to obtain her picture to sell to the tabloids, to create the stories that would entice the public to buy their publications -- this woman could have enjoyed, like most of us, a normal evening out. This woman could possibly still be alive today. Two other people might still be alive, as well.
As I watched the countless reports about Princess Diana, I saw an unfortunate side of our human nature coming through. How many of us would like to have blamed the driver of the car or blamed the paparazzi? If we could blame someone, then it would "take us off the hook" as to our own accountability. If we could blame someone else for this tragedy, then it would be all right for us to have read, and continue to read the tabloids. If they -- the driver or the paparazzi -- could be blamed, then our conscience would be cleared. How sad. But, the most grievous part of the whole scenario is that it was all done in the name of what? In other words, was her pursuit that night justified -- and for what?
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The Need to Blame
Unfortunately, most of us are not aware (unless we stop to think about it) that we often have a need to blame. If the conditions in our lives are not to our liking, then let's blame someone "out there." Yes, let's blame our outer enemy, when really it's our inner enemy (whom we don't see) generating this need to blame. But, we're not even aware that we have an inner enemy, nor that we hide behind that enemy.
We're not aware that we blame the enemy (which we think is outside of us) instead of taking responsibility ourselves. We haven't understood who our real enemy is! (There are those who have been conditioned to obediently and automatically take the blame, regardless of the circumstances. When a person recognizes this, usually in their adulthood, they can change this behavior, and the belief that drives it. This is important to understand, as the belief is perpetuated by the inner enemy.)
What some of us haven't understood is that placing blame never solved a problem. (When you think about it, isn't placing the blame on others taking the easy way out?) Blaming only heightens the problem. Blaming keeps us from taking responsibility and being accountable.
By not taking responsibility or being accountable, our True Self is slowly losing its identity and eroding away. By not accepting and facing the strong possibility that there is an inner enemy, IT is running the show. And as long as IT is running the show, we are stuck!
Unfortunately, by continually blaming others for our discomfort, thinking they are the enemy, our negative energy keeps compounding because it isn't being resolved. And while doing this, we perpetuate and amplify the characteristics of that very enemy we are striving to eliminate. Consequently, what started out as an innocent dent becomes a huge gash! Perhaps we even allow it our whole focus, becoming blinded by it entirely.
The Inner Enemy
We may try running away from our inner enemy, but it goes with us wherever we go. Hence, we keep feeling the same negative feelings, experiencing the same frustrations and the same challenges. We continue repeating the same unproductive patterns, and have difficulty resolving our problems and moving forward. Something else that the inner enemy accomplishes: it keeps us in a state of separateness from others. This is plain to see when we observe some of the "hate" groups in society today.
Now that we are aware of the inner enemy (i.e. blindness and corruption) we have the opportunity to experience an exceptionally meaningful metamorphosis by accepting these parts of our selves without hesitation. Whatever we feared or felt disdain for in ourselves, we can now embrace as a teacher or friend who is absolutely essential for our wholeness.
By being accountable for our undesirable feelings, and by looking in the mirror (if you choose) and Scripting them -- replacing the negative with positive feelings -- we are redeeming the enemy within. We are liberating it. We are stripping away the blindness and corruption. What a process for discovering, healing, and bringing together our whole and True-Self, for bringing back the Love that we are!
The good news is: the inner enemy is transforming into a useful part of our personality by our conscious recognition and acceptance of him as a legitimate and inevitable part of our Self. Just know, it's not the enemy who is evil; it's our unawareness of the enemy within that creates evil. Keep in mind that the enemy within will continue contradicting us as long as we are not acknowledging him. But, by recognizing, acknowledging, and then accepting him, he compliments us rather than contradicts us. So, what before seemed only negative now reveals a beautiful, positive side.
Admitting our inner division and seeing our inner enemy takes great spiritual courage. By accessing this courage, however, we overcome the internal conflicts we may be experiencing and get back on the road of choice -- the main road, not the detour. (How long have we been taking our detours?) By steering our agency back to the main road, we have greater opportunity for, and a higher probability of finally discovering our Self, because our True Self can only be found on the main road -- not the side-road.
Accomplishing the changes we have been discussing requires several major paradigm shifts, and some may wonder whether they care to make the effort or be inconvenienced in order to do it. Be assured, the results are very much worth the effort required. And creating the changes becomes effortless when a person gets used to it.
By giving ourselves permission to explore and allow these new possibilities in our lives, we eventually find it much easier to fully love, appreciate and embrace the Truth of our Be-ing. It is only by loving and accepting our Self that we can genuinely love and accept others. This is not a matter of achieving some impossible and inhuman, "saint-like" condition, but of being fulfilled as the person we are inherently created to BE.
When the inner opposition is eliminated, you become the whole person you were meant to be, and a more congruent human Be-ing. Wholeness comes by:
1) Giving yourself permission to have flaws -- letting it be all right that you do have them.
2) Developing the courage for making changes as change is needed.
3) Having the fortitude to admit you've been "wrong" about something.
4) Examining your incorrect perceptions and correcting them to the best of your ability.
5) Facing your inner enemy head on.
6) Resolving undesirable feelings, thoughts, attitudes or behaviors.
OWN IT ALL!! It is SO Freeing!
Whatever you learn about your Self, let it be all right. Often, what you consider as faults and failures have contributed to the development of your highest potential and greatest capacity for love. When we can admit and allow our own faults and failures, we are not so quick in judging or condemning another. (Many of us try to bring other people down by pointing out their failings -- this is just another unconscious attempt to project our inner enemy outward.) As we allow our Self our own flaws, we automatically feel a stronger sense of compassion -- a most desirable attribute, for it strengthens and lifts humankind. Each one of us can make a difference.
Are we now primed for re-solving the feelings and thoughts that don't contribute to the qualities we desire embodying? It's very important to realize, while in the process of doing this, that these conditions did not materialize overnight; therefore, they are not going to leave overnight! It's not a pill. It's a process. It's a journey. It may take a while to reach that blissful shore.
You may get stuck for periods of time, as I did. If you find your feelings or attitudes are not changing the way you would like, just keep on "keepin' on." For while you are doing this, your negative qualities are becoming positive qualities.
We can quit blaming. We can rid our Self of the inner enemy. We can be totally congruent in everything we feel, think, say and do. So… let us relinquish the self-imposed bondage we've experienced due to our own unconsciousness. Let us TURN ON THE LIGHTS as we travel our road of life, so we can see where we are going.
Published by Olympus Distributing.
©2000. Reprinted with permission.
Healing Feelings from Your Heart
by Karol Kuhn Truman.
Did you know you have a "heart of gold"? What happened to it? How can you find it again? Walk with Karol Truman through the feelings that have taken you from your true pathway. Take the journey that will lead you back to the beauty of your soul, your "heart of gold," your true self.
Info/Order this book. Also available as a Kindle edition and an Audio CD.
About The Author
KAROL KUHN TRUMAN is a practicing therapist, instructor, and counselor who specializes in reaching "core" issues and resolving them painlessly. She is also the author of Healing Feelings From Your Heart. For more info on her work, visit her website http://healingfeelings.com.