One morning Rose began our session by saying it was time for me to take a very important journey.
“It’s a journey we all must take within this lifetime. It’s the journey that takes us from being a child to becoming an adult. And what you need to make this journey are the powers of love and forgiveness.”
Forgive and Forget?
When she mentioned forgiveness, I knew she was talking about my father. Although I had become increasingly grateful for all aspects of my life, I was still not able to feel gratitude about his abusive treatment. There was certainly no gift in my relationship with him.
“So I should just forgive and forget?” I asked. The thought was bitter. It seemed like letting my father get away with all that he had done.
“No,” replied Rose. “Human beings actually are constructed so that they cannot forgive and forget. They can’t forget, but they can forgive. The body never forgets anything, but we can learn to forgive how it has affected us. We can’t erase a memory. But we can change its effect from negative to positive.”
“How can I forgive my father after all that he did to me?” I questioned. “And why should I?”
“Because blaming your father is a barrier to being able to give and receive love from others,” she explained. “The bottom line is that the world is what it is. When you realize that your mother was the perfect mother for what you needed to learn during this lifetime; that your father was the perfect father to help you to find your strength; and that your brothers, ex-wives, children, business experiences, schooling, and even your MS, were all exactly as they needed to be, then you will be free. You will be free to really be alive. You’ll be free to love and accept people instead of judging them.
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Forgiving Anyone Who Has Ever Harmed You is Vital to Healing
“Gary, if you’re going to heal, it’s vital that you forgive anyone who has ever harmed you. You can’t forget it. But you can find the gift in it. And you can forgive it. It’s important for you to understand this. This is the logic of the heart, the starting point of truly living, of becoming fully involved in this life.”
I sat quietly as I tried to grasp what she was telling me. For someone who had spent a lifetime devoted to the hard logic of numbers and facts, the logic of the heart was a difficult concept. I did not see how I could forgive my father. I certainly could not feel gratitude or see the gift in our relationship.
Finally, I let go of trying to analyze her words and just let them be. Seeing that I could not go any further at the time, Rose quietly changed the subject and we continued with the reprogramming process.
For He’s a Jolly Old Fella...
It was Ray who brought up my father again, that evening after dinner. Out of the blue, he turned to me and said, “Your father was a pretty good old fella, wasn’t he?” I instantly thought of a time when my brother Tom was about eight years old and I was ten.
We were sitting on the floor playing in the living room, when suddenly my father came thundering into the room, knocked my brother flat on his back, and began hitting him while Tom tried to shield himself. I couldn’t remember what Tom had done, or even if my father had a reason. Being drunk and full of rage was all the reason he ever needed.
My first response was relief—relief that it was my brother and not me who was getting the beating. Then, all of a sudden, I heard myself yelling at my father to leave my brother alone. I don’t know where that courage came from, but it didn’t last long. My father turned on me and I ran from the room in terror.
“No,” I said adamantly to Ray. “He was not a ‘pretty good fella.’ He was a drunk who beat the shit out of me, my mother, and my brothers every chance he got.”
“Well, he got you into the world, didn’t he?” countered Ray.
“So what if he did?” I returned, raising my voice. “He never loved me, and he made my life a living hell.”
Ray sighed and shook his head. “Look, Mate, you blame your dad for everything that ever happened to you. It wasn’t his fault that he was a drunk. He wasn’t a good father to you, but that was also his gift to you. That’s how you got so strong so fast, not only emotionally, but in school, in reaction to your dad who never gave you his approval.”
I felt sadness welling up inside of me then. And I felt regret. Regret that my father and I had never been friends, had never been able to talk even once before he died.
“But why did he have to drink himself to death?” I asked. “Why did he have to destroy his life and that of those around him?”
Facing the Wall: The Forgiveness Challenge
Ray looked at me with compassion. “I know your father was weak, Gary. He was faced with a wall in his life—his alcoholism—and that wall stopped him. Your wall was your MS diagnosis, your death sentence, but you are trying to get over your wall...
“You’ve been carrying your feelings about your father in your body for a long time now, and your body is crumbling under the load. So it’s time to look at forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it may be impossible to get well. Just think about that tonight before you go to sleep.”
That night as I lay on my sleeping board, listening to the now familiar sounds of the Outback, I continued to think about my father—about the alcohol, about the beatings, about the abuse.
I thought about forgiveness. And something shifted. There was no magical transformation—I didn’t instantly let go of all my anger and feel a great love for my father—but after a while, I felt a little lighter, a little more peaceful. And with that, I went to sleep and slept soundly.
Removing the Fears and Negative Programming
The next morning, Rose told me she had prepared a special program that would help remove all of those fears buried within me so that I would be ready to trust all the statements we had worked on for the past few days.
“We’re going to program in more positive statements and remove more of the negative programming embedded in the cells of your body,” she said. “And we’re going to do this in a very interesting way.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Did you know that your body can read?” Rose asked. “That’s how we’re going to do it. We’re going to let your body read.”
I was mystified.
“Let me show you how this works,” Rose explained. “I have two pieces of paper here. I’ll put your name ‘Gary’ on one piece and the name ‘Bill’ on another, just as we did in the muscle testing. Then I’ll put each paper, one at a time, on your chest. Your body knows the difference between what is written on each piece of paper by the energy they carry, the negative and positive energy associated with true and untrue statements. Once more, I need you to lift your arm. It will tell us, by holding strong, which paper contains your name.”
Rose slipped one of the pieces of paper on my bare chest under my shirt. “Your arm is weak with this paper.” She switched papers and continued, “And strong with this one. Look at this paper. It reads ‘Gary.’”
“That’s pretty amazing.” I was impressed.
Letting Your Body Do the Reading
“Now that you get the idea, I am going to place these pages on your body, so you will be able to absorb all of this information. The statements written on these pages will help you to eliminate antagonism, anger, resentment, hostility, and similar negative energies. Instead, you’ll be programmed for positive beliefs and emotions.”
“Can I read what’s on the papers?”
“Absolutely not,” Rose objected. “In fact, if you do, you will sabotage the entire program. The key to reprogramming is circumventing your conscious mind and speaking directly to your subconscious mind. If you read what is on the papers, your conscious mind will find a way to get around the statements, and you will be right back where you started.”
“Okay, I won’t look,” I promised.
Rose instructed me to lift myself out of my chair and lie down on a plank bed like the one in my hut.
“Now, I’m just going to place a towel on your stomach so the pages don’t fall off. I want you to relax, focus, and absorb the reprogramming. It’ll help if you can go into a meditative state.”
Rose slipped a thick stack of papers under my shirt and arranged them in the center of my chest, over my heart. Then she and Ray quietly left the room. I lay there listening to the sounds of the villagers, trying to still my mind. What Rose had said about my body knowing how to read seemed strange to me. I felt the part of myself that was the physicist trying to slip back in and sabotage me. But I couldn’t let him. I had come too far.
After what seemed to me like a very long time, Rose returned, took the papers off my chest, and asked me to sit up. “How do you feel?” she inquired.
“Fine, but strange,” I muttered, at a loss for words to describe my experience.
I thought about my father, and noticed that I didn’t have the immediate flash of resentment that I usually did. I didn’t feel love, but on the other hand, I didn’t feel hatred either. It was strange.
Forgiveness: The Antidote to Blame
“Gary, do you understand how forgiveness comes in?” Rose continued. “It is the antidote to blame. By forgiving others, the forgiver is the one who is freed. Often, once we have forgiven someone, it’s as if a load of bricks has fallen off our back. This is because anger and blame carry such negative energy.
“And just as you must learn how to forgive others, you must also learn how to forgive yourself. Learn to accept that everything, including the pain you feel in your life, is for a greater purpose—to help you discover who you really are and what you are here on this earth to do.”
As I listened, I began to realize what it was costing me to carry around my anger at my father. I truly wanted that “load of bricks” off my back. I wanted to free myself.
“I hear what you’re saying, Rose. And I don’t know if I can do it—forgive others, even forgive myself. I don’t know if I can. But I’m willing.”
“That’s all anyone can ask, Gary.”
©2013 by Gary Holz D.Sc. and Robbie Holz. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher.
Bear and Company www.InnerTraditions.com
Secrets of Aboriginal Healing: A Physicist's Journey with a Remote Australian Tribe
by Gary Holz D.Sc. and Robbie Holz.
About the Authors
Gary Holz, D.Sc. (1950-2007), was an award-winning physicist, multiple patent holder, founder of a high-tech aerospace company and successful businessman. In 1994, confined to a wheelchair with multiple sclerosis, he went to Australia to stay with an Aboriginal tribe and experienced miraculous healing. After his healing experience with the remote Aboriginal tribe, he returned from Australia and became a Psycho-Neuro-Immunologist, nutritionist, lecturer and holistic healer. He resided in the Pacific Northwest with his wife until his passing in 2007.
Robbie Holz is a holistic health consultant dedicated to continuing the healing work of her late husband. She healed herself of hepatitis C and has also worked with Aboriginal healers in Australia. Robbie teaches this ancient healing wisdom through her speaking engagements, one-on-one consultations, online course "Use Aboriginal Secrets for Self-Healing" and Holz Wellness website blog. See www.holzwellness.com.