Imagine if we could completely trust that we are guided, protected and completely loved by an unseen higher power, that all that happens is a gift bringing us closer to God and our angels. I imagine that life would be peaceful and joyful.
This complete trust is not easy for anyone. I started a practice to help me with this. Each day, I thank God for each opportunity to trust. Lately, a lot of these opportunities have been coming up, and it is a challenge for me to remember to trust.
I Wanted It My Way
One year ago, I was driving Barry to his appointment for a partial knee replacement. This is no small surgery and we both were nervous. Being medically trained, we are always aware of the things that can go wrong. While driving, I mentioned to Barry that I wanted to give thanks for this opportunity to trust whatever happened on that day. I hoped I could see each event in the day as part of the gift of trusting. He agreed.
We were a few minutes late for the 6am appointment, so while I parked the car, Barry left to go inside. As he was walking away, I called after him, “Remember, I want to say a prayer for you right before surgery.” Barry thanked me and went through the door. I quickly parked the car and rushed inside. Barry was gone. As soon as he had walked into the door they rushed him into the pre-op room. The woman behind the desk handed me a bunch of papers and had me fill them out. As soon as I brought them back, I urgently said, “I really need to be with my husband. It’s important that I say a prayer for him right before he goes into surgery.”
“Yes, of course,” she said, “Just wait over there.” My desire was so strong for Barry to hear my prayer right before his surgery, that after ten minutes I again went up and asked the woman behind the desk. “Yes, yes,” just have a seat we’ll call you.
Forty-five minutes went by and finally I was called. I practically ran into the room to Barry. He looked up at me with blurry drug-induced eyes and could barely mumble. I questioned the anesthesiologist standing by him, who said, “Oh, we already started the anesthesia.” She then handed me a form to sign and, while I was signing it for Barry, they whisked him away. “What about my prayer for him,” I said as I went running after his stretcher. By the time I caught up, Barry was unconscious and they slid him into the operating room and closed the door.
I returned to the car deeply disappointed. I had wanted to say a heartfelt prayer for Barry, and it was vitally important to me that he hear the prayer before the surgery. On the verge of tears, I remembered that I had told him that no matter what happened that day we were going to trust. This was the place to start. I said my prayer for Barry out loud in the car and I felt thankful for this opportunity to trust, even though it had not gone the way I wanted.
Practicing Trust, Trust, and More Trust
The following months held other opportunities for trusting. He had an allergic reaction to every anti-inflammatory drug he took, and could hardly eat for weeks, losing much weight and strength. He also could not tolerate pain medications. But throughout all of this we practiced trusting.
Now, one year later, Barry can walk without any pain. All the hardship of the surgery and recovery made him even more compassionate than he already was, and brought the two of us closer than we ever have been. We have greater appreciation of our remaining time and health.
Thanking God for every opportunity to trust is a powerful practice. This year has brought a loss of an important relationship in our lives. This is not something that we ever wanted or could have foreseen, and it has been very painful. Yet even in the midst of the pain I am reminded of this practice. Maybe we don’t understand something, but that does not mean that we cannot give thanks for the opportunity to trust. It is gratitude that opens the door to a deeper trust.
Thanks for the Opportunity to Trust
I read about a woman who had to be evacuated from her home quickly since there was a massive fire racing toward her neighborhood. As she was fleeing from her home, she looked back and saw the fire bearing down upon each home in her neighborhood. This woman was also practicing giving thanks for opportunities to trust.
Out loud in her car, she gave thanks to God for giving her this opportunity to practice full trust. She then drove away and assumed her home of twenty five years would be gone for good. Two days later she received a call from the fire department. By a complete miracle her home was the only one still standing. Nothing was disturbed by the fire. Was this just a random coincidence or was this due to her act of complete thankfulness and trust? No one will ever know of course. But for that woman, her trust was greatly deepened.
Things are never going to go just the way we want them. Friends could betray us, illnesses could come, accidents could happen and any number of other painful things. But the act of giving thanks for each opportunity to trust can see us through the most difficult of times, help to bring peace, and remind us that we are all here on the earth to learn, love, help others and remember to trust.
* Subtitles by InnerSelf
Book by Joyce & Barry Vissell:
A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family
by Joyce and Barry Vissell.
This book touches the heart in a very powerful, poignant, and joyful way. Louise looked at death as her greatest adventure. The title of this book is indeed A Mother s Final Gift but, in truth, this story is an exceptional gift to every person who will read it.
About the Author(s)
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA. They are widely regarded as among the world's top experts on conscious relationship and personal growth. They are the authors of The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Risk To Be Healed, The Heart’s Wisdom, Meant To Be, and A Mother’s Final Gift.
Here are a few opportunities to bring more love and growth into your life, at the following events led by Barry and Joyce Vissell: Jul 21-26, 2019 — Shared Heart Summer Retreat at Breitenbush Hot Springs, OR; Sep 24-30, 2019 — Assisi Retreat, Italy; and Jun 7-14, 2020 — Shared Heart Alaska Cruise For further information on counseling sessions by phone or in person, their books, recordings or their schedule of talks and workshops. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org.
Two Recent Books (2018) by the Vissells:
To Really Love a Woman
by Barry and Joyce Vissell.
How does a woman really need to be loved? How can her partner help to bring out her deepest passion, her sensuality, her creativity, her dreams, her joy, and at the same time allow her to feel safe, accepted and appreciated? This book gives tools to the readers to more deeply honor their partners. Although these writings refer mostly to heterosexual women and men, there is a wealth of information for LGBTQ. Our focus, after all, is how to deeply love another person, whether it be a man or a woman.
To Really Love a Man
by Joyce and Barry Vissell.
How does a man really need to be loved? How can his partner help to bring out his sensitivity, his emotions, his strength, his fire, and at the same time allow him to feel respected, secure, and acknowledged? This book gives tools to the readers to more deeply honor their partners. Although these writings refer mostly to heterosexual women and men, there is a wealth of information for LGBTQ. Our focus, after all, is how to deeply love another person, whether it be a man or a woman.
Listen to a radio interview with Joyce and Barry Vissell on "Relationship as Conscious Path".