Saying No to Guilt: You Are Not Responsible for Others

No More Guilt

Ego does what is necessary to maintain its power. It does this by subdividing itself. In other words, the consciousness of your sub-personality creates other sub-personalities. In order to bring ego into balance, the following sub-personalities must also be brought into balance.

Guilt is one of the more blatant sub -personalities of ego. It performs two primary functions for ego: importance and responsibility. Both make you feel needed as described below.

Guilt gives you importance in a variety of ways. Say you have a friend who has a life full of challenges. You know she feels better after talking to you, even though you feel drained. Yet you feel you must continue these conversations. After all, who else does she have? You feel guilty when thoughts of abandoning her enter your mind.

Even though she is a drain on your mental health, her need for you makes you feel important. Guilt controls your actions. Instead of letting guilt control you, stop and evaluate: Did you create her life? Are you responsible for her? Do you feel like a dumping ground? Is she interested in helping herself? Is it you she needs or would anyone willing to listen do? Does she want to put her life in order or on some level does she enjoy the confusion and turmoil?

Answer these questions by sending them up to your Oversoul (Oversoul - Neutral energy that comes out of God. Your Oversoul is to you what your Earth parents are to your body.) Ask for direction. You may find that instead of helping, you are interfering. Her challenges may be her motivation for change. Lessening her burdens may take away her opportunity for growth.

Releasing her may mean releasing your opportunity to feel important and needed. Guilt tries to make you hang on. But you have to take control. Allowing her to have her own life in turn allows you to have yours.

Think about this. You have two children and a spouse that constantly make demands upon your time and energy. The occasional times that you tell them "no" you feel guilty. Is it necessary to feel guilty because you are unable to give beyond your capabilities?

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Being responsible for everyone in the household acknowledges your importance. It makes you feel needed. In this case, guilt holds ego close to you.

Letting go of some ego means letting others be responsible for themselves. Creating balance within allows others to do the same. Everyone around you is a reflection of self. Whenever you want change in the outer world, the inner world must change first. Instead of asking others to change, change self first.

I "Should", I Didn't, Thus I Feel Guilty

Guilt makes you feel responsible even when you are not. It does this by telling you that you "should" have done this or that. The real you knows that if you could have done "that" you would have. You may say, "I shouldn't have yelled at him, but I did. Now I feel guilty."

While it may be true that you are in the process of bringing anger into balance, it is not in balance yet. Do the best that you can with your current capabilities. Then evaluate the situation so you can do better the next time. That is all. Release these thoughts and feelings to your Oversoul, along with your need for guilt.

Guilt makes you feel responsible for people/situations for which you are not responsible. Look at the way charities use guilt when they solicit money. They show pictures of starving and/or diseased children and animals brutally treated. Without even bothering to investigate the legitimacy of these organizations, many people simply send money. Guilt says send money, so you do. Before sending money, it is important to first ask your Oversoul if this is a place that needs your money.

Guilt "Makes You" Do Something Others Want You To Do

Guilt allows you to feel pressured by others to be someone that you are not; to give more of yourself than you are capable of giving. When you choose your own path, you may feel guilty for denying what other people want you to do.

For example, career choices create guilt for some people. Mom and Dad think you would make a great engineer. Without ever asking you, this is a career they assume you will follow. They may not ever take the time to know what is in your heart. Telling them otherwise can be very difficult. The guilt you feel for not pleasing your parents can be very heavy.

If you live close to your family, they may automatically assume that you will be available at any time to help family members, regardless of your plans. Being true to yourself means denying the needs of others. Breaking out of this pattern creates tremendous guilt. When others control you through guilt, who you are often gets lost in the process.

As much as you may want to do something else, it sometimes becomes easier to let others control you rather than stand up for self. When pleasing others means denying the needs of self, weigh what you can and cannot live with. You may decide that it is easier to deny your own needs rather than live with the guilt of displeasing others. The additional weight of guilt that others place on you (and you allow) would be too much. Although this may cause resentment, you may choose to carry resentment rather than guilt. Guilt grabs the opportunity to take control of the situation.

When you choose to deny your own needs, thus damaging self, do so in awareness. Becoming aware of what you do and the consequences of your decisions are the first steps to self-healing. Only by becoming aware can you move on to self-healing.

Be True To Self

Continue to strengthen self-esteem, explaining your changes to the people around you via the involved Oversouls. Remember, you cannot change other people. You can only change self. Nor is it your responsibility to change them. However, it is your responsibility to respect their choices. Release them to their Oversouls, letting them go on their way. Have compassion for them. Realize that they try to control with guilt because they are afraid.

Sometimes when you are true to self, guilt gets fed anyway. Not being able to save a drowning person might allow guilt to live on forever. Yet, perhaps this was the time and way that person chose to go. If you had been able to save him/her, you might have been interfering in his/her life pattern.

These are difficult calls to make. Each one is uniquely personal. That is why it is so important to open your inner channels of communication. Let your Oversoul instruct your reality. Release the need for illusion to guide you.

Guilt helps you hold on to other people. In the same way that other people try to control you with guilt, you do the same. Listen to your words. Watch your actions. Look for the many subtle ways that you try to control with guilt: "Do this for me or I'll be hurt." "If you go, I'll worry." "You haven't written in ages; are you okay?"

Other Forms Of Ego

Ego comes in a variety of forms. Continue to develop self-awareness so that you can identify and label them. Once labeled, "you" can take control. Merely send all the excess orange energy up to your Oversoul.

There are other forms of ego which include:

POWER. You are not here to have power over anything. You are here to work with and to appreciate the natural abilities of All That Is.

SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT. You are not more important than anyone else. You cannot be the boss if you do not have any workers. Workers merely establish who is the boss and who is not.

SUPERIORITY. You are not better than anyone else. You may have skills that someone else does not have, but they may have skills that you do not have. Being different from others does not make you better; it simply makes you different.

EMBARRASSMENT. Embarrassment allows the outer world to totally define you for the moment. Praise may embarrass you as quickly as criticism. Accept the compliments. Evaluate the criticism. Do the best that you can with the tools, experiences, and knowledge that you have. Accept self as is in any given moment.

DEFENSIVENESS. Ego blocks out the words of other people. Learn to listen. Others may be aware of parts of self that you cannot yet see. Evaluate all words spoken to you to determine their validity. Allow others to teach you.

STUBBORNNESS. Stubbornness is a wall of ego that will not let the real you through. It is a defense mechanism that prevents you from admitting, "I'm wrong; you're right." Acknowledging that someone else is right acknowledges that you need to grow. That can sometimes be a very painful admission.

CONTROL AND MANIPULATION. Gain control of your life only long enough to give that control to your Oversoul and God. With increased self-awareness, become a conscious co-creator of your life.

MEDDLING. Release the need to play God. You did not create the challenges of others. Thus, it is not your place to solve them. On some level of awareness others want the satisfaction of solving their own challenges. Ask permission through the involved Oversouls before offering help to anyone. Find out if they truly need and want help.

The ego has been the downfall of many. It is strong, powerful, and sneaky. Just when you think it is in balance, it gains control of you once again. Respect its power and all that it has taught you. But now it is time for you to take back the power that is rightfully yours. Your personal recipe is in the process of conscious change.

Article Source

In Search of Yourself — Finding A Balance (Self-Healing Through Self-Awareness, Book 3)
by Janet Dian.

In Search of Yourself — Finding A Balance by Janet Dian.Another fascinating journey of inner exploration by Janet Dian Swerdlow. Under her gentle guidance venture into some of the most challenging aspects of your inner world, including anger, fear, jealousy, and ego; self-esteem, courage, love, and trust. Discover for yourself the importance and necessity of maintaining the inner balance of both positive and negative aspects of self.

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About The Author

Janet Dian Swerdlow

Janet Dian Swerdlow is an internationally known author, seminar leader, lecturer, and mystic. The above was excerpted from her book series, "In Search of Yourself ? Finding The Balance", ©1993. Janet helps others focus and build on inner communication skills, strengthening the connection between Self, Oversoul and God. She can be reached at: Expansions Publishing, P.O. Box 1473, Lake Grove NY 11755-1473 USA. 

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