How To Create A Less Resistant Relationship With Life

How To Create A Less Resistant Relationship With Life
Image by James Wheeler

What’s important to appreciate about resistance is that it is often not intentional but the result of what’s going on in the more subtle, hidden parts of your unconscious mind. Most people I meet are usually aware of the surface-level results of resistance, i.e. that they feel sad about the past, worried about the future or stressed about what’s happening today; but they live unaware of the underlying reasons as to why they resist and end up feeling the way they do.

Be easy on yourself as you move towards a less resistant relationship with life.The reason you resist usually exists in the hidden parts of your mind.This can make it hard to stop reacting with resistance – unless you know how and have access to a “peace-promoting” tool like MindDetox.

Tune in to your mind by noticing your thoughts. The ones you can “hear” exist in what’s called your conscious mind. However,there is also a level to your mind that operates below the surface of consciousness, which you are “unconscious” of.

Working tirelessly behind the scenes, your unconscious mind performs many tasks without you having to be aware of any of them. It manages your memories, creates your emotions, drives your behaviours and is instrumental in healing your body. Understanding how the unconscious mind works and, more specifically, how it determines the degree to which you resist life, is vital.

Uncovering the Reasons for Resistance

Have you ever noticed how the exact same event can happen to two different people, whether that’s giving a presentation or a flight being delayed, but one person will get very upset and stressed while the other takes it in their stride?

Different responses to the exact same events are possible because we all have a unique version of reality. It works like this: You gather information about your environment via your five senses. At the point it reaches your brain and body it is raw data, without meaning – just light reflecting off the back of your eye to create images and vibration making your eardrum move to produce the appearance of sound.

Your unconscious mind then takes that raw data and makes meaning from the information by drawing on your internal filters, including your language, beliefs, values, past decisions, memories, significant emotional events and a few more. This unconscious process deletes, distorts and generalizes the data to create your unique version of reality – unique because you have a unique collection of internal filters.

 Get The Latest From InnerSelf

Helping your body heal and life improve by reducing resistance therefore requires you to change any filters that are causing you to reactively resist certain life events.

Discovering the Root-Cause Reason

By far the most impactful filter, which has the biggest impact on health, wealth and happiness, is that of your beliefs; they work silently behind the scenes, deciding whether you resist anything happening or experience peace as you encounter different life events.

Beliefs exist in the more unconscious realms of your mind, which can make them difficult to find and fix – unless you know how! To do exactly this, the method you are about to learn in Part Two first helps you to find what I refer to as the Root-Cause Event (RCE).

This is the significant emotional event in your life when you most likely first created the toxic belief. Events that are significant enough to create a belief usually have similar attributes: they are unexpected, emotional, are often isolative i.e. you felt alone or without the assistance you believed you needed and, at that point in your life, you had no pre-learned strategy to deal with whatever was happening. This combination makes them significant enough to create a lasting impression and, in turn, some kind of belief.

Can you relate to the above factors? Any past memories come to mind? Take a note for later, in case you need to Mind Detox any of them.

A toxic belief is any one that justifies resistance. So to discover what the toxic belief is, my method then goes on to find the Root-Cause Reason (RCR), which is a short sentence that summarizes perfectly why what happened was a problem for you. Therefore, RCR consists of the emotion(s) you felt at the time and the reasons why the Root-Cause Event made you feel that way. Make sense so far? Okay, let’s continue.

Clarifying the Root-Cause Reason requires you to recognize that it is not what happened, but instead, why what happened was a problem for you: that is, the real problem. In other words, it is the meaning you attached to what happened, the emotions you felt as a result of your reactive resistance and the subsequent belief(s) that you formed (or already had) that determine whether or not something is a problem for you.

This is why the Root-Cause Reason, in most cases, is a short sentence that summarizes in a few words why what happened was a problem for you, usually consisting of one or more negative emotions and the main reason you felt or feel that way. Examples include: Sad, scared and vulnerable when Dad left; angry made to look stupid; rejected when Mum preferred my brother or scared to see my mum so weak.

The Emotional Domino Effect

You cannot change what happened in your past, but you can change how you relate to what happened. Therefore, to heal your past, you do NOT heal what happened, but instead, why what happened was a problem for you: in other words, the Root-Cause Reason. Even better news is that if you focus on healing the Root-Cause Reason(s) justifying your toxic beliefs, you can sometimes heal multiple memories simultaneously.

By finding the theme that ties your problematic memories together you heal a lifetime of emotional baggage in minutes!

Such a claim is possible due to the way the mind operates.Your unconscious mind helps you to recognize the people, places, events and things you encounter during your daily life. By asking, Where have I seen/heard/smelt/felt/tasted this before? and then searching your memories for similar experiences, you can make sense of whatever is happening in each moment.

This happens so quickly we can easily take this unconscious mechanism for granted, but you can be sure it’s happening if you recognize what’s going on. For example, if you know you are seeing a car on the road, then your unconscious mind has made sense of the raw data it’s received via your five senses and worked out it is a “car”on a “road”.

To make its job easier, your mind links similar memories together. For instance, it connects memories about the same place or person. This is why when you hear a particular song it might remind you of a particular person, place or event, and before you know it you’re taking a jaunt down memory lane. Or why things can be so emotionally difficult after a relationship break-up; everywhere you go and everything you do can end up reminding you of the very person you’re trying to forget!

The great news is that, because your memories are linked together, you can now benefit from what I call the emotional domino effect. By clearing the emotion associated with one key memory (the Root-Cause Event), you can clear the emotions from all associated memories too – simultaneously! This makes it possible to clear a huge amount of emotional baggage in a very short amount of time.

The trick to the emotional domino effect is to find the common thread that ties your problematic past memories together.

Exploring the Common Themes

Explore what theme(s) link the majority of your “bad” memories together. You can do the same with your life problems, too. In many cases, if you find the theme you will be well on your way to finding your hidden toxic beliefs. For example, you may discover that you always tend to feel “lost” or “lonely”, or “abandoned” “not wanted”, “alone” or “not loved” or “a failure”, “let down” “unprotected” etc.

The theme often becomes an unhealthy belief – such as “I’m an unconfident person”, or “I’m not loved” or “Nobody cares”. Therefore, you want to focus on healing the theme of being “unconfident”, for example. I’ve found that by resolving the reasons why a problem has existed, it has no alternative but to disappear.

BENEFIT: Bad Behaviours, Be Gone

Destructive behaviours such as phobias, addictions and compulsive disorders can be a thing of the past. This is because your beliefs determine your emotions and your emotions drive your actions and behaviours. By changing your emotionally fuelled beliefs, you more easily act how you want.

Meet Juliet, who was a compulsive cleaner:

“Everything had to be immaculate. I was missing out on going for walks and playing outside with my child because I couldn’t stand dirt. Working with Sandy I discovered that I had made an unconscious connection between dirt and feelings of vulnerability. This meant any time I saw anything unclean I would immediately feel vulnerable and need to either clean it or run away from it.

When I resolved the cause for this unconscious connection I immediately became able to enjoy being around mud and all things messy! This has freed me up to enjoy family life more, which even includes the occasional pottery lesson!”

Meet Liz, who couldn’t travel abroad:

“I had not been abroad on holiday for 20 years because I got really ill on the return flight from my last holiday and was convinced the same thing was going to happen again.

A few weeks before my holiday I spent a couple of hours with Sandy, and he helped me discover the real reasons why I was so frightened about getting ill when travelling. This not only helped me to enjoy the weeks leading up to my holidays without worry but also let me enjoy the flight without being ill and without having to take medication.

I now fly abroad and within the UK quite frequently and without incident and thoroughly enjoy it. My whole life has changed, as I use the techniques Sandy gave me whenever I feel stressed, and they work.”

Resist Life Less for Remarkable Results

Enjoying a healthy, wealthy and happy life is not some far-off fantasy. Instead, these ways of living are your birthright as a human being. Being well, accessing abundance and being peaceful and happy are your most natural ways to be because it actually takes the effort of resisting life to live in any other way.

Due to the indisputable fact that your beliefs impact on your body (because of the mind–body connection), your emotions (because they justify how you feel) and your life (because they determine your habits and behaviours), healing toxic beliefs can lead to big benefits. A resistance-free life is a free life indeed.

And finally, remember: toxic beliefs are any that make you resist certain life events and by cleansing these beliefs you can discover that harmony heals and success is easier. Changing your beliefs is easier than you may think.

©2013, 2019 by Sandy C. Newbigging.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Findhorn Press, an imprint of Inner Traditions Intl.
All Rights Reserved.

Article Source

Mind Detox: Discover and Resolve the Root Causes of Chronic Conditions and Persistent Problems
(2nd Edition, Revised Edition of Heal the Hidden Cause)
by Sandy C. Newbigging.

Mind Detox by Sandy C. Newbigging.Providing a powerful way to let go of emotional baggage, release toxic beliefs, and clear the mental blocks to your goals, this 5-step guide empowers you to rewrite your past, find resolution for negative experiences, and use your newly cleansed mind to achieve brilliant success in all areas of life, along with happiness, wealth, and well-being.

Click here for more Info and/or to Order this book. Also available in eTextbook format.

More books by this Author

About the Author

Sandy C. Newbigging is the creator of the Mind Detox and Mind Calm methodsSandy C. Newbigging is the creator of the Mind Detox and Mind Calm methods, a meditation teacher and author of several books, including Life-Changing Weight Loss, Life Detox, New Beginnings, Peace for Life, and Thunk!  Recently commended by the Federation of Holistic Therapists as ‘Tutor of the Year’, he runs residential retreats internationally and trains Practitioners via his Academy. His work has been seen on television worldwide. Visit his website at

Watch a video with Sandy:  The Silent Solution to Any Problem

Another video with Sandy: Hidden Causes of a Busy Mind


follow InnerSelf on


 Get The Latest By Email



InnerSelf Newsletter: October 25, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
The "slogan" or sub-title for the InnerSelf website is "New Attitudes---New Possibilities", and that is exactly the theme of this week's newsletter. The purpose of our articles and authors is to…
InnerSelf Newsletter: October 18, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
These days we are living in mini-bubbles... in our own homes, at work, and in public, and possibly in our own mind and with our own emotions. However, living in a bubble, or feeling like we are…
InnerSelf Newsletter: October 11, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
Life is a journey and, as most journeys, comes with its ups and downs. And just like day always follows night, so do our personal daily experiences go from dark to light, and back and forth. However,…
InnerSelf Newsletter: October 4, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
Whatever we are going through, both individually and collectively, we must remember that we are not helpless victims. We can reclaim our power to heal our lives, spiritually and emotionally, as well…
InnerSelf Newsletter: September 27, 2020
by InnerSelf Staff
One of the great strength of the human race is our ability to be flexible, to be creative, and to think outside the box. To be someone other than we were yesterday or the day before. We can change...…