Acceptance Can Be Tension-Filled and Problematic

Pondering Acceptance with Resistance or with Awe and WonderAcceptance is a major theme of world religions. In modern life, however, acceptance is tension-filled and problematic. The urge to fix, change, and improve pops up at every turn. Reinhold Neibuhr summed up this tension in his Serenity Prayer, written in 1934: 'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...'

Fear and Phobias: How to Face Them and Diffuse Them

Fear and Phobias: How to Face Them and Diffuse ThemDon’t drive into the tunnel ... The dog’s going to bite ... Patients have described their phobias to me as walking around with the devil on their shoulder or a voice inside their head that just won’t stop. Wheth­er temporarily self-defeating or utterly crippling, phobias can get hold of us and seem to take over.

Reframing: Seeking Out New Ways Of Perceiving Reality

Reframing: Seeking Out New Ways Of Perceiving RealityWe make meaning in the world around us by taking a limited number of external facts and interpreting them. Our interpretations are based on the frames of personal experience, the roles we play, and family dynamics.

Passive Violence Fuels The Fire Of Physical Violence

Our Passive Violence Fuels The Fire Of Physical ViolenceThe best way to understand Gandhi's philosophy of nonviolence is to first understand the extent of the violence we practice, consciously or unconsciously, every day of our lives -- name-calling, teasing, insulting, disrespectful behavior. These are passive forms of violence.

How To Soothe and Cure The Busy, Busy Mind

How To Cure The All Too Busy, Busy MindWe might say there are two types of mind within us -- the mind that is generative and the mind that is receptive. Generative mind keeps us awake at night, playing nonexistent chess games with the circumstances of our lives.

Childhood Trauma And Its Lasting Effects

Childhood Trauma And Its Lasting Effects

With the awakening in society of the importance of mental health, combined with advances in neuroscience and psychiatry, much needed attention to trauma and childhood trauma is slowly forming.

A Gift Behind Every Disappointment

A Gift Behind Every Disappointment"There is a gift behind each disappointment and sadness." These are words my mother spoke to me countless times growing up. But we need to trust that a gift will come. This trusting can be difficult though, especially when it appears over time that no gift is coming.

The Power of Forgiveness: Turning Negative Energy into Positive Energy

The Power of ForgivenessEach moment you cling to trauma or anger after it occurs, you cause the past to generate an entirely new sequence of thoughts, emotions, and actions. Until you can give up your attachment to the past incident, you are cursed to maintain and magnify the pain.

Why Bad Economic News Increases Suicide Rates

Why Bad Economic News Increases Suicide Rates

A slowdown in the economy, job losses, business closures, increasing energy bills: it’s not surprising that relentless negative reporting of economic downturns is impacting people’s emotional health.

The Scared One: The Part of Me That Has Feelings of Inadequacy

The Scared One: The Part of Me That Has Feelings of InadequacyI call the part of me that has feelings of inadequacy "the Scared One". We all have a Scared One inside of us. It's a secret we all share but don't talk about, so we walk around acting as though we know what we're doing. This secret is connected to how we show support, and to how we form relationships.

Becoming Authentically Yourself by Seeing and Transforming Your Patterns

Becoming Authentically Yourself by Seeing and Transforming Your PatternsBy the time we are adults, we have so much writing on our walls and we have so many old wounds from unresolved experiences that many of our responses are automatically negative. They perpetuate events that are not the best outcome and instead, they serve only to reinforce our initial learning from a time long ago.

Why Hope is Trustworthy

Why Hope is TrustworthyYou don’t have to create adverse circumstances to find a reason to do what you wish to do or avoid what you do not wish to do. Just be honest. If you have a difficult decision before you, ask yourself, “What am I hoping will happen?” In the answer is your guide to your likely best path.

How To Use "New Thinking" To Escape The Drama Triangle

How To Use

Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve our problems with the same thinking that we used to create them.” I wonder what he would say today? My guess is that he would be shouting aloud while pointing to the life-threatening problems our old thinking has produced.

Just Say NO to Negativity!

Just Say NO to NegativityWhen we don't express our anger constructively, we go negative with our judgments and feel mad because the world isn't living up to our expectations. Over the years, this becomes the lens through which we view the world. Instead of dealing with our emotions...

The Perils and "Benefits" of Manipulation: Why and How to Avoid It

The Perils and "Benefits" of Manipulation: Why and How to Avoid ItWe can define manipulation as "getting people to do what you want without giving them something they value in return". How does manipulation work? When someone says to you, "If you don't help me clean my house I'm going to be mad at you," that person is attempting to manipulate you. He is not offering you anything...

Learning to Live without Internal Contradictions

Overcoming Abuse, Guilt, and Self-AbuseMany adults have a history of childhood abuse. As harmful as these early experiences can be to our psyche, an accompanying form of abuse frequently compounds them. This is the abuse we give ourselves. This form is even more widespread and affects most of us in one way or another.

Developing Good Attitude About Math Gets Kid Brains In High Gear

Developing Good Attitude About Math Gets Kid Brains In High GearHaving a positive attitude about math is connected to better function of the hippocampus, an important memory center in the brain, during performance of arithmetic problems, a new study of elementary school students suggests.

How To Control Anxiety and Develop Inner Resources

How To Control Anxiety and Develop Inner ResourcesWhat are some of the differences between panic and anxiety? In panic, a person believes their life is threatened and that escape from the threat is impossible. With anxiety, the threat is not life-threatening. Escape is possible, but it has drawbacks: it may involve compromise or some kind of cost or loss.

Learning to Manage Triggering Emotions: Finding Space Between Trigger and Reaction

Learning to Manage Triggering EmotionsWe are bombarded with potential triggers all the time. It can be as simple as someone not holding a door for us or the perceived negative tone of an email. It can happen when a loved one speaks insensitively or curtly. A few careless words can easily spark a flash of anger and a desire to verbally retaliate.

How Can I Be Free of Negative and Fearful Thoughts?

Can I Be Free of Negative and Fearful Thoughts?Don't let yourself become a victim of your emotions. When you are scared, it isn't the real you that is scared, it is your personality interpreting circumstances that may be adverse. You are not these emotions; they don't own you...

Seeking Freedom From or Freedom To?

Seeking Freedom From or Freedom To?Freedom is such a powerful word, yet do we really know what it means? For years freedom was tied to the experience of slavery... having the right to not be 'owned' by someone. Then as the women's movement got into swing, freedom also included the right of women to make their own choices. Then we had gay rights, which further promoted the freedom to be yourself.

How and Why You Must Forgive Yourself, Completely

How and Why You Must Forgive Yourself, CompletelyMost of us have some corner where we cannot forgive ourselves. Our hearts ache for the choices made or denied, and we bury that ache beneath a blanket of guilt or high-minded justifications.

Resistance: The Secret Source of Stress

Resistance: The Secret Source of StressResistance not only creates physical stress but is also the determining factor in whether a person feels negative emotions. Experiencing anger, sadness, fear, guilt or grief is only possible if you resist something in your past, present or future.

Give Your Gifts, Even Imperfectly

Give Your Gifts, Even ImperfectlyI'm officially coming out of the closet! Here goes: I, Barry Vissell, besides being a counselor, author, doctor, and workshop leader, am also a musician!  There, that wasn't so hard. So what makes me hesitate to announce this beautiful, musical part of me?

How High-Conflict Personalities Capture High Office

High-conflict personalities possesses 4 qualities that may encourage them to become politicians. - Overly emotional communication suits high-conflict personalities and drives the media to cover them.

Fear Of The Dentist: What Is Dental Phobia And Dental Anxiety?

Fear Of The Dentist: What Is Dental Phobia And Dental Anxiety?

It’s fair to say going to the dentists is few people’s favourite thing to do. In fact, over 45% of British people say they get anxious about a visit to the dentist and almost 12% have such high levels of anxiety that they would avoid a visit for a long time unless it was an emergency. 

Don’t Mistake A Bad Outcome For A Bad Decision

Bad outcomes get criticized as evidence of bad decisions, but that's not necessarily so. - Here, poker pro Annie Duke desribes a simple thought experiment that separates decisions from outcomes.

Pema Chödrön - Fear and Fearlessness

Pema Chödrön describes a liberating way to become intimate with our fears, instead of trying to get rid of or cast them out.

For Some People, Anxiety And Phobias Are Taken To Extremes

For Some People, Anxiety And Phobias Are Taken To Extremes

Anxiety is a common experience. It is entirely normal to feel anxious in certain circumstances or when imagining possible misfortunes. However, for some people it gets out of hand and severely affects their lives; and a useful, normal emotion becomes pathological.

Choosing Wisely During Your Day...

Choosing Wisely During Your Day...Choice is perhaps our most vital freedom. We sometimes start sentences with “Given a choice . . .” In reality, almost every waking moment offers myriad choices. Many are small and inconsequential, whereas others are life changing.

Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Getting Comfortable with Being UncomfortableIt’s time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. “What?” you might exclaim. “I don’t want to be uncomfortable. Isn’t the whole point of this journey to find a way to be peaceful and stress-free all the time? Isn’t being comfortable the whole point?” Yes and no.

An Infinitely Friendly Universe: The Invisible Divine Order Behind Everything

An Infinitely Friendly Universe: The Invisible Divine Order Behind EverythingI bless the amazing divine order in nature, from the tiniest molecule to the rolling of the galaxies in our stupendous universe. I bless the divine order in my life and that of my neighbor, even when to  the  human  sense of  things  this  order is  all  but apparent …

What Is A Visionary Activist? Can You Be One?

What Is A Visionary Activist? How Can You Be One?A visionary activist understands that their every thought, feeling, word, and action generates a ripple effect throughout the field of consciousness, unlimited by space and time. He/she is committed to focusing their energy towards positive change in world. They are obsessed with achieving one impossible goal, from the inside out.

How Challenging Masculine Stereotypes Is Good For Men

How Challenging Masculine Stereotypes Is Good For Men

A man sits in a doctor’s office after months of his wife’s increasingly desperate pleas for him to seek professional help for his constant coughing. In the end, she was the one who booked his appointment and even drove him there.

The Past and the Future Are The Roadblocks To Our Inner Freedom

Taming The Roadblocks To Our Inner FreedomThe great paradox of our human existence is that while we yearn for and strive after freedom, in whatever way each of us may seek to define that word, we find that we are no closer to that elusive element than were our ancestors.

Is Suicide Contagious?

Is Suicide Contagious?Over the past two weeks, two students who survived the school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida have died by suicide, amplifying the tragedy that community has experienced.

The Faith Factor: Practice Trust and Somehow It Will Work Out

The Faith Factor: Somehow It Will Work Out by Alan CohenHave you ever noticed that when you are impatient, frazzled, and upset, things go worse, and when you are relaxed, patient, and trusting, things go better. Thinking and acting with faith changes the results you get. When you find yourself in a situation in which you seem to have no control, point your thoughts toward peace, and the universe responds.

How Compassion Can Triumph Over Toxic Childhood Trauma

How Compassion Can Triumph Over Toxic Childhood Trauma

In a piece on the television show 60 Minutes, Oprah Winfrey discussed childhood trauma — shining a public spotlight on the lasting effects of abuse and adversity in childhood. Oprah herself is a survivor of childhood abuse.

What Works For Me: Love Is All There Is

What Works For Me: Love Is All There IsYears ago, I knew someone who used to say "Love is all there is". This was his "mantra" and he repeated it often to whoever was willing to listen. At the time, I was in my twenties and his statement would aggravate me to no end. After all, how could he say that "love s all there is" when there were wars, famine, murders, crimes of all kinds, etc. etc.

You Have The Key to the Happiness You So Deeply Desire

Nobody Owes Me A ThingHow many of you have felt stress, anger, resentment, and a range of other emotions when you felt that somebody had not given you what you thought they should have given you. Some of us have a deep-seated belief that...

What Are Panic Attacks And What's Happening When We Have Them?

What Are Panic Attacks And What's Happening When We Have Them?
What would you think was happening to you if out of nowhere your heart started to race, you were drenched in sweat, you found yourself trembling uncontrollably, short of breath, with chest pain and feeling nauseated, dizzy and lightheaded as though you might faint?

Make Gratitude Great: The Daily Journal

Make Gratitude Great: The Daily Journal
No matter how stressful the day might be with six children running around, my mother's always exhibited an optimistic outlook on life. Her spirit lives in me. Her attitude of gratitude is also ingrained within her namesake, my oldest daughter, Sara Malka, who taught me a valuable tool for living an inspired life.

Gratitude Is A Powerful Way to Pray

Gratitude Is A Powerful Way to Pray
One of the most powerful ways to pray is to practice gratitude. Practicing gratitude as a form of prayer is very easy and is immediately rewarding. All you need to do is acknowledge and thank the Universe for all your blessings, whether they are...

How Sleep Loss Leads To Contagious Loneliness

How Sleep Loss Leads To Contagious Loneliness

Sleep-deprived people feel lonelier and less inclined to engage with others, avoiding close contact in much the same way as people with social anxiety, according to a new study.

Freedom from the Wounds of the Inner Child

A Wake For Your Inner Child
Our spiritual evolution depends heavily upon our recovery from our worst addiction -- our addiction to the victim archetype, which traps us in the past and saps our life energy.

Choosing to Feel Safe and Choosing to Love

Choosing to Feel Safe and Choosing to Love
We have found the primary reason most of us do not make the choice to love more freely and fully is that we feel unsafe and insecure in some way about people, relationships, love or even life itself. We fear whatever might happen if we open ourself to giving and receiving love more readily.

enafarzh-CNzh-TWnltlfifrdehiiditjakomsnofaptruessvtrvi

follow InnerSelf on

facebook-icontwitter-iconrss-icon

 Get The Latest By Email

{emailcloak=off}