Holy Shift!

Swami Beyondananda on the New Millennium

Well, here it is, another millennium is upon us.  Boy, time sure does fly.  It seems like only yesterday it was the Dark Ages, and we were burning heretics to stay warm.  Marauding crusaders (or was it crusading marauders?) were traipsing back and forth across the civilized world fighting over whose Almighty was almightier.  Legions had enlisted to kill in the name of the Prince of Peace -- and we still had the Black Plague to look forward to.  I tell you, those were the days! And so are these.  Yes, as we stand on the threshold of the new millennium, there are those who insist that the human race is about to end and we will soon cross the finish line.  Others say that we will achieve the uncritical mass necessary to bring about Nonjudgment Day -- and will finally figure out how to shift our karma into higher gear.

Mystics of every stripe -- from the gloomiest pessimystic to the brightest optimystic -- are making their predictions.  Amidst all the prophet’s conferences, the Y2K preparations, not to mention the usual comments by the usual commentators, we decided to consult an uncommontater -- Swami Beyondananda. We caught the Swami -- one of the uncommonest taters around -- at the tail end of his latest Goodwill Tour.

Swami, tell us about this Goodwill Tour you’re on.

Well, I just moved from my ranch in Texas and as part of the de-Tex program, I am bringing everything that no longer fits to Goodwill. Whatever I have left after my Goodwill tour will go to the Salivation Army.

Don’t you mean the Salvation Army?

No, actually it’s the Salivation Army.  That’s an organization that rescues down-and-out dogs and brings them to hospitals and nursing homes as healers.  Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?  The Salivation Army can teach any dog to heal.

Swami, I understand that you are boycotting the Prophet’s Conference that is taking place right now.  Can you explain?

Certainly.  I am refusing to go because I have not been invited.  But even more important, I am not going because I am strictly non-prophet. I would never want to make predictions for money and be accused of propheteering.

But Swami, what about all of the upheaval that has been predicted for this passage into the new millennium -- not to mention those earth changes?

Upheaval isn’t such a bad thing.  At least it’s moving things up.  Now downheaval, that is a different story.  I tell you, compared to downheaval, upheaval is definitely the lesser of two heavals. As for those earth changes, what could be more natural?  The earth has been changing since the beginning, and will definitely continue doing so indefinitely. 

Sure, the earth has her faults but it seems to me it’s human faults that are causing most of our problems these days.  For example, there’s a huge human fault line in Ireland, a country which certainly lives up to it’s name.  I mean, wouldn’t you expect anger to be all the rage over there?  You don’t have marching season in Loveland, Colorado, I can tell you that.  And folks in Iceland are pretty cool that way too.

Are there any tools or practices you would recommend to help people make it through all that shift that is predicted?

Well first, I would say recognize that change is a natural condition in life, so if you take the initiative to bring about change in small increments, you’re less likely to have it come in large excrements.

The second tool is tell-a-vision.  That is where you attune yourself to the clearest channel you can receive, and tell your vision to others.  That way you have a positive vision to step into -- and that sure beats what we’ve been stepping into for the past millennium.

Swami, do you have a vision for the coming millennium?

I thought you would never ask.  As a FUNdamentalist, I see the pro-laugh movement taking hold.  Each time we choose laughter over condemnation, we are putting our karma into overdrive -- which helps us override any heavy shift that does come down.  So next time you cast a look to the heavens and complain, “Why is this shift happening to me?” remember also to laugh.  By laughing together at our foolishness in small matters, we may very well achieve fool-realization and see ourselves on the same large-screen TV that God is watching.  As we bumble around the set looking for something we’ve forgotten we already have, the announcer is whispering, “These people have been tricked into thinking there is a key to the Universe.  What they don’t realize is, it has been left unlocked.”  And God -- that devilish trickster -- is laughing with glee.

My vision for the new millennium is billions of people waking up to find out it’s just a joke and we’ve been on Candid Karma.  And in the light of this awesome revelation, what can anyone say but, “Holy shift! Ho-ho-holy shift.”

Read also: "Who Is Swami Beyondananda"
more articles from the Swami

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Hear the Swami’s wisdom with your own ears -- just click onto www.beyondananda.com. To find out more about Swami’s products and appearances on the "outernet", call 1-800-SWAMI-BE.

Swami’s Love and Laughter Special.

Says the Swami: "Many people have found themselves challenged by the recent economic downturn, and some have even had 'near-debt experiences.’" Well, to paraphrase those 60s icons, the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers, "Laughter will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no laughter." To help you wake up laughing ... and leave laughter in your wake, the Swami has put together a special package including his hilarious book on healing laughter, Duck Soup for the Soul, his latest audio cassette, Beyondananda and Beyond: Two Takes on Healing Laughter, and his latest music and comedy CD, Drive Your Karma, Curb Your Dogma, a $38 value for just $29.77 + 4.23 shipping. Not only that, but act right now and receive online Swami's Joke-A-Week (Zen Cohens from Harry Cohen Baba) for ten weeks. To order, call Swami's hot line 1-800-SWAMI-BE or visit www.wakeuplaughing.com

If you enjoyed this column, you'll love 
"Duck Soup for the Soul: The Way Of Living Louder And Laughing Longer".
To order this book.

Another Swami book: "Driving Your Own Karma; Swami Beyondananda's Tour Guide to Enlightenment".
To order this book.


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