How to Ruin a Relationship, or...
by Helene Parker, Ph.D.
with Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.
 Twenty
Behaviors That Ruin Relationships
1. Tell your partner what to do.
2. Act like your partner's child.
3. Act as if you were your partner's parent.
4. Attack the partner rather than the issue.
5. Blame your partner.
6. Reply before you understand what was said.
7. Be hysterical.
8. Be hostile.
9. Use demeaning words and abusive behavior.
10. Treat your partner as a possession.
11. Avoid eye contact while your partner is talking.
12. Interrupt frequently while your partner is talking.
13. Criticize your partner, especially in public.
14. Ignore your own personal hygiene.
15. Take your stress out on your partner.
16. Don't tell your partner about your boundaries.
17. Expect your partner to read your mind.
18. Lie, deceive, and break promises to your partner.
19. Have an affair.
20. Discourage your partner from having any hobbies, outside interests, or
friends.
Twenty Behaviors That Nurture Relationships
1. Tell your partner what you want.
2. Take responsibility for meeting your own needs and wants.
3. Allow your partner to be responsible for meeting his or her own needs and
wants.
4. Attack the issue, not the person.
5. Take responsibility for making or negotiating necessary changes.
6. Ask questions to be certain you understood what your partner has said.
7. Stay calm.
8. Express anger respectfully.
9. Avoid abuse; consider counseling if abuse is pervasive within the
relationship.
10. Respect your partner's individuality.
11. Use active listening skills.
12. Allow your partner to complete his or her thought before replying.
13. Choose a private time to communicate and negotiate.
14. Show your respect for yourself and your partner by taking care of your
hygiene.
15. Confront and resolve your problems at the source.
16. Teach your partner, from the beginning of the relationship, about your
limits and expectations.
17. Tell your partner what you want, and negotiate solutions.
18. Be honest and keep your promises.
19. Discuss your wants with your partner.
20. Support and encourage your partner to state and negotiate his or her own
needs and wants.
 This
article is excerpted from If This Is Love, Why Am I So Lonely?, ?1996,
by Helene C. Parker with Doreen L. Virtue. Reprinted with permission of the
publisher, Fairview Press. www.FairviewPress.org
Info/Order
this book.
About the Author
Helene
C Parker, Ph.D.,is a well-known psychotherapist who specializes in relationship
therapy. She has treated many individuals and couples in premarital,
pre-divorce, and post-divorce therapy. She has received many awards for her
work, including a tribute from the state of California for her counseling work
with female prisoners who have committed crimes of passion. A warm, dynamic,
professional speaker, Dr. Parker often receives standing ovations from her
audiences.
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