Honesty &
the Truth Bias
by
Sally Caldwell
 The
idea that people are who and what they say they are is
merely an assumption. It's not only a common assumption,
it's a necessary assumption. It's what some have
referred to as the truth bias that operates in society
-- an implicit assumption that unless we're shown some
reason to believe otherwise, we generally believe we're
being told the truth. You can think of the truth bias as
a societal default position -- the way we'll normally
operate unless we get a signal to act differently.
All of
us probably know some people who are highly skeptical
and cynical about life in general, but I suspect even
those folks manage to muster some level of truth bias in
their day-to-day activities. If they didn't, they
wouldn't get much done. Just imagine what life would be
like if we didn't operate with a truth bias, and how
society would function without it. The sight of everyone
running around fact-checking and verifying everything
they were told is a bit incomprehensible. To say that it
would be a society of paranoids with all of us at the
brink of insanity would be an understatement.
In other
words, some measure of truth bias is necessary if our
society is to function smoothly and efficiently. It
shouldn't surprise us, then, to learn that Romantic
Deception is partly fueled by the truth bias of the
larger social order. It was apparent in any number of
the interviews:
You
know it never occurred to me that anybody would lie
like that. I can look back on it now and realize there
wasn't much he told me that was the truth. But that
didn't even occur to me at the time. I'm just not like
that. I don't expect people to lie to me. I expect
them to tell the truth.
--
Katie, age 19
I felt
really stupid. I had no reason to doubt anything he
said or did. We'd probably been together for four or
five months before I had any hint anything was wrong.
Up to that point, I trusted him completely. I didn't
have any reason to doubt him, so I didn't.
--
Jerri, age 41
The
thing about him was that he told me that honesty was
something that was real important to him. He told me
he'd been hurt real bad by this woman that lied to
him. I believed him. It's as simple as that. He told
me he thought it was important to be honest and I
figured he was telling the truth. Boy was I fooled.
--
Ellie, age 33
How
the hell are you supposed to know? Are you supposed to
have this attitude that every guy you will meet is
lying? You'd go nuts if you did that.
--
Lydia, age 40
Socialization
As much
as the truth bias is imbedded in society, socialization
is imbedded in us as individuals. It's the process of
socialization that gives us the cultural knowledge we
need if we're to function as a member of society. At
times we rail against it, but it's with us, in us, and
around us from cradle to grave.
As
children, we were taught about the importance of honesty
and why it's important to tell the truth. If the process
works the way it's supposed to, we'll tell the truth
because it's the right thing to do. In a word, we will
have internalized the value. The value of honesty and
truth-telling will become such a part of us that we
don't give it a moment's thought.
When
values are internalized, they become part of our core
belief structure, defining who we are in the most
fundamental and important sense. And our internalized
values also function as our internal compass -- letting
us know when behavior (ours or someone else's) is out of
bounds. Unfortunately, our core beliefs have a way of
becoming so important to us that it's often very
difficult to imagine that we could even find ourselves
in the company of someone who didn't hold the same
values.
Much
like the horror that the neighbors usually express when
they learn that the man next door has just been nabbed
for being a serial murderer, it's very difficult for
well-socialized truth tellers to even contemplate that
they could be mixed up with a big-time liar. And that's
the whole point about socialization and how it gives
rise to deceptive relationships. Ask me who's vulnerable
to Romantic Deception, and high on my list will be the
woman who was raised right. Show me a woman who believes
in honesty and I'll show you a woman who finds it hard
to even imagine that she could get mixed up with a
big-time liar. Show me a woman who places a premium on
honesty in a relationship, and I'll show you a
vulnerable target.
 This article is excerpted
from:
Romantic Deception - The six signs he's lying
by Sally Caldwell.
Reprinted with permission from the publisher, Adams Media Corp., Holbrook,
Mass., USA. ©2000. http://www.adamsonline.com
Info/Order
this book.
About The
Author
SALLY
CALDWELL has a Ph.D. in sociology and currently teaches at Southwest
Texas State University. The
author can be reached by email at
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