Are
Relationships
Our Mirrors?
by
Shakti Gawain
 If
we learn to see our relationships as the
wonderfully accurate mirrors they are,
revealing to us where we need to go with our
own inner process, we can see much about
ourselves that we would otherwise have a great
deal of difficulty learning.
One
of the biggest differences between the path of
the material world, the path of transcendence,
and the path of transformation is in how we
view our relationships.
On
the material path we see relationships as an
end in themselves. We form relationships of
various kinds in order to satisfy our needs
for love, companionship, security,
stimulation, sexual fulfillment, financial
stability, and so on. Our focus tends to be on
the external form of the relationship and on
what is being exchanged, be it friendship,
work, affection, respect, money, or security.
Because we view relationships primarily in the
light of getting needs met, we tend to try to
control them, to try to make them the way we
want them. Consciously or unconsciously, we
try to manipulate other people in order to get
what we want from them. The control we assert
limits how we experience our relationships.
On
the path of transcendence, relationships are
often viewed as impediments that keep us from
evolving beyond the physical form. Because our
relationships bring out all of our human
feelings, needs, and emotional attachments,
they are seen as distractions and thus
detrimental to our spiritual journey. People
who are seriously committed to the
transcendent path try to stay as unattached as
possible. Since sexuality is such a strong
force physically and emotionally, involving
our animal instincts and human feelings, it is
often looked upon as the opposite of
spirituality. Therefore, many devotees of the
transcendent path either take a vow of
celibacy and try to avoid sex altogether, or
they try to transmute it into a
"higher" energy, following sacred
disciplines that keep the experience focused
on its spiritual aspects.
Embracing
Our Humanness
On
the path of transformation we embrace both our
humanness and our spirituality. Instead of
attempting to escape or ignore them, we honor
our human needs for relationship, and we learn
to be more conscious of how to communicate
those needs and how to take good care of
ourselves and each other in the process. We
also recognize that we are spiritual beings,
not limited to our human form and emotions,
but connected to the unlimited oneness of the
universe. Rather than denying our sexuality,
we embrace it as one of the most important
expressions of our life force.
On
the path of transformation there is a further
vital step we must take, one that allows us to
have a different perspective on relationships
than we would if we followed a material or
spiritual path. On the transformational path
we need to recognize that our relationships
can be powerful mirrors, reflecting back to us
what we need to learn. When we learn how to
use these reflections, our relationships can
become one of the most powerful avenues we
have for becoming conscious.
Our
primary relationship is really with ourselves.
Each of us is involved in developing all
aspects of our being and bringing them into
relationship with one another -- becoming
whole. Our relationships with other people
continually reflect exactly where we are in
that process. For example, for many years I
yearned to find the right man to be my life
partner. I created many relationships with men
who were unavailable or inappropriate in
certain ways. Eventually, I realized they were
reflecting my own inner ambivalence about
committed relationship and the ways that I
didn't truly love myself. It was only after I
did some deep emotional healing work, learning
to truly love and be committed to myself, that
I met a wonderful man who is now my husband.
If
we learn to see our relationships as the
wonderfully accurate mirrors they are,
revealing to us where we need to go with our
own inner process, we can see much about
ourselves that we would otherwise have a great
deal of difficulty learning. Any and every
relationship in our lives -- with our friends,
co-workers, neighbors, our children and other
family members as well as our primary partners
-- can be a reflection to us in this way. Even
an encounter with a stranger can sometimes be
an important learning experience.
It's
very difficult to look inside ourselves and
see what's going on in there -- particularly
to see what we're unaware of. That's why it's
important to look at our relationships as
mirrors of our inner processes. Used in this
way, relationships become one of the most
valuable sources of healing and teaching in
our lives. To understand how this works, we
need to remind ourselves that we each, through
our individual consciousness, create and shape
how we experience external reality. This is as
true in our relationships as in every other
area of our lives -- the relationships we
create and shape reflect back to us what we
are holding within our consciousness. We draw
to us and are drawn to people who match and
reflect some aspect of ourselves.
Generally,
we find that the easiest people to get along
with are those who reflect aspects of
ourselves that we feel comfortable with and
accept -- reflections of our primary selves,
or complementary energies that we appreciate.
These are usually people who we consciously
seek out or are drawn to in everyday
friendship. If you are primarily a physically
active person who loves sports, you may feel
most comfortable with people who are similarly
athletic. On the other hand, you may also
enjoy a relationship with a friend who is
somewhat more intellectual and less physical
than you because it stretches your mind in a
way that you accept and enjoy -- it stimulates
a less-developed aspect of you in a way that
is comfortable and non-confrontational. Your
friend is reflecting your intellectual self,
and you may be reflecting his or her physical
or athletic self. In this case, you are both
comfortable with the reflections you are
receiving, so the relationship is a harmonious
one.
 This
article is excerpted from the book:
The
Path of Transformation
by Shakti
Gawain.
©2000. Reprinted with permission from
New World Library, Novato, CA, USA, 94949. www.newworldlibrary.com
Info/Order
this book. This
book on cassette.
About The
Author
SHAKTI
GAWAIN is an internationally renowned leader in the human potential
movement. Her many bestselling books, including Creative
Visualization, Living
in the Light, and Creating
True Prosperity, have sold more than six million copies in
thirty languages world. She leads workshops internationally and has
facilitated thousands of individuals in developing greater balance and
wholeness in their lives. For more info, visit her website at http://www.shaktigawain.com.
Other
articles by Shakti Gawain.
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