Abuse
& Incest:
A
Healing Journey
by
Mary Bridget Furlan
I was sexually abused
- for 8 years. By my brother.
There it is, out in
in the open for everyone to know. No lies, no stories,
just the truth and me. I am tired of secrets and hush
hushes behind the door. It happens and no one wants to
talk to about it. You only find out that it happens when
someone gets drunk one night and spills out the angry
truth. You only find out when your girlfriend won?t
give you a blow and you want to know why. You only find
out when your sister or aunt turns out to be a lesbian
because what one man or one boy did to her. And you only
find out... after it happened.
Can you imagine the
furor that would have been caused if I had come forward
and said, as the daughter of a protestant minister, that
I was being sexually abused by my own brother. If it was
a stranger or if I had been raped, it would have been
different. It would be different because then people don?t
think that it is your fault but just some sick bastard
having his way with a little girl. But when you say that
its a family member -- people start to conjure up images
in their minds about family life in the back woods of
Appalachia. Then they seriously start to doubt your
credibility not only as a person, but also as a member
of a family that would permit this sort of heinousness
within the confines of the home. But what if they didn?t
know, no one ever knew - because you never said a word?
The Letter
"Dear Mary,
As I was thinking
about what I was going to write in this letter, I
realized that at the same time as it was an apology, it
was as well, in a rather strange way, a thank you.
I would like to start
off by saying that I am truly sorry for what happened
when we were kids. I was confused, screwed up, insecure,
and lonely at that time, as if that could be an excuse
for what happened. It was inexcusable, and I can only
hope that you can eventually come to forgive me. I have
been dealing with this for the last couple of years
trying to sort myself out, and now, with the help of my
therapist, I am starting to figure out and unravel all
of the feelings and emotions around those events. That
is where I think that the thank you starts. Without this
process, and its associated pain, agony, and
questioning, I would never have had to deal with those
events. Although I think I would have preferred that
they stay buried in the past, in a way, I?m thankful
to you for dredging them up and making me deal with
them. It is helping me become a more mature, thoughtful
person who deals with his insecurities in productive
ways, who deals with people in a more honest way and who
is finally free to get on with living his life. I hope
that with my admissions, with my punishment, and with
this letter, you can finally find the freedom from the
past you are looking for as well.
I hope that one day
for our parents sake, you can at least come to tolerate
me, although I realize that this is difficult for you
and will be a long time in the future. Until the time
that will talk to me again, I wish you nothing but the
best in work and in life.
Your brother."
Continued in Part II:
"Coming Out"
 Recommended
book:
"Relax, You're Already Perfect: 10 Spiritual Lessons to
Remember" by Bruce D Schneider, Ph.D.
Info/Order this book
About The
Author
Mary Bridget Furlan is
one of many "survivors" of incest who shares her passage
through the stages of healing and on the road towards forgiveness. She
can be contacted at
This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it
| Comments () >> |
 |
 |
