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Relationship
Breakdown
by Robert E.
Najemy
A
divorce, separation or, in general, any loss
of an important relationship is a painful
experience. Such pain can seriously diminish
our peace and happiness. We can, however, use
this inner discomfort for our spiritual
benefit.
Although we need to make
every possible step to heal our relationships,
if and when a relationship breaks down, there
is still much we can learn.
If we are thinking of
separating, there are many lessons we need to
examine before we can come to the conclusion
that we must separate from someone. But if the
other leaves us or this separation has already
happened, we might be able to benefit from the
following:
1. Our first lesson is to
examine our behavior to see how we might have
contributed to the problem. Only in this way
can we create a new healthy relationship if we
chose to.
In relation to this we
might want to examine the following:
We may have been criticizing,
complaining, rejecting or otherwise
causing the other to feel unaccepted.
We may have been seeking continual
affirmation in ways that may have been
tiring for the other.
Our fears may have been causing us to
be over sensitive and annoying.
Perhaps we were playing games of power,
who is right or who is more successful.
We might have been playing roles such
as the child, the parent, the savior, the
holy one, the rebel, the teacher, or some
other role which may have affected the
other's behavior.
We may have guilt feelings that were
making us vulnerable to the other's words
or behaviors.
Perhaps we were not communicating our
needs clearly and effectively as an adult
and were suppressing ourselves or
complaining, criticizing, or threatening.
We might have been projecting onto the
other our childhood or other experiences.
The other might have been reflecting
back to us our lack of self-esteem or
self-respect.
We may have attachments that were
coming between us.
We may have inner conflicts, which were
reflecting back to us from the other.
2. We may need to learn to
love the other in spite of his or her
behavior, regardless of whether we stay with
that person or not.
3. We can discover that we
can live without this person and that
happiness, security, and love are internal
states that are always within us, if only we
allow ourselves to experience them.
4. We can use this
opportunity to develop greater inner strength
so as to feel confident and able to face
whatever may come to us in the game of life.
5. Most of us will need to
change our self-image. We need now to learn to
accept, love, and respect ourselves more, so
that we do not create the same problem in our
next relationship or in life in general.
6. By directing our
energies in a spiritual direction and
developing a relationship with God -- the
Universal Being -- we are no longer so
vulnerable or so dependent on others for our
feelings of security and self-worth.
Our lessons might be
separated into five categories:
1. We might need to learn
to communicate more effectively,
assertively, and lovingly.
2. Perhaps we need to let
go of some attachments, which are increasing
our conflicts with others and diminishing
our happiness.
3. Examine our behaviors
that might be annoying the other.
4. Free ourselves from
subconscious programmings which limit our
self-esteem and ability to attract the
behaviors that we deserve.
5. Develop inner feelings
of security, self worth, and freedom.
Once our happiness,
security, and love have become internalized,
we can experience unconditional love.
 This
article was condensed from:
The Psychology of Happiness
by Robert
Najemy.
Reprinted with permission of the
author. ©. Robert's writings can be viewed at
www.HolisticHarmony.com.
Info./Order
this book
About The
Author
Robert
Elias Najemy is the author of 18 books published in Greek which have
sold over 95,000 copies. He is the founder and director of the Center
for Harmonious Living in Athens, Greece. You can access over 600
articles and a Life Clarification Process on the author's site
www.HolisticHarmony.com
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