Can Love Make You Whole?
by Julie Tallard Johnson
Unfortunately, many of us get lost on our way to find wholeness and
happiness — we get lost in search of the perfect Other instead of
seeking our whole and true self. Searching for someone else, rather
than seeking your own wholeness, can create great difficulty for you
and sometimes even endanger you.
When you depend on a romantic relationship to make you feel okay or
whole, you can get into trouble — sometimes big trouble. Rushing into
what turns out to be a bad relationship can have painful consequences,
and sometimes change the entire course of your life.
Although your teen
years are a great time to explore relationships, they are also an
important time to explore yourself. To find your missing pieces, to
focus on becoming whole. Yet often in our most difficult times, instead
of seeking truth and strength within ourselves, we look for a romance
to rescue us.
Happily ever after
can include romantic love but it always includes spirit. As Sobonfu
Some reminds us,
"This world of spirit applies to absolutely everyone
in the world. Because without spirit, we wouldn't even make it here. It
would be really hard to know whether we were going to wake up tomorrow
and be alive without spirit. It would be really hard to know we have
life."
"Separation from spirit, as we see here in the West, causes a
greater emphasis on romantic love. It creates a vortex of longing for
another person, for another way of connecting. Yet, romantic love is
only one way of finding that other connection, which is to spirit, that
we are actually looking for."
— SOBONFU SOME, AFRICAN SHAMAN,
AUTHOR OF THE SPIRIT OF INTIMACY
It's not that romantic love isn't wonderful — it can be. But it is
really the desire to feel your place in this world, to have a sense of
who you are, to be connected to spirit, that often drives you to
connect with others romantically. In many traditions such as Sufism,
sacred psychology, Buddhism, and mystical Christianity, the search for
romantic love (for the Beloved) is recognized as our search for the
sacred.
We all want to feel this sacred connection to something beautiful.
Romantic love can make you feel like you have everything you could ever
want. But soon you find out that even when you have found your "soul
mate," after a while that yearning for the connection with more, with
your purpose, with spirit, comes back. So, romantic love is just part of finding wholeness and happiness.
Shamans know this to be true, and that is why they teach their youth
about energy and spiritual power. Only from a place of spiritual
empowerment can you call to you a romantic partner with whom you can
truly be happy.
Once you devote yourself to being whole, you can more easily and
successfully create healthy, safe relationships with others. Most of
your life happens in relationships — with family, friends, teachers,
neighbors, employers, acquaintances. Many of these relationships will
be a source of great pleasure and even joy. But sometimes they will be
difficult, causing stress and threatening your self-esteem. When this
happens, you have the tools within yourself to be safe. You have the
ability to protect yourself in all your relationships and situations.
This
article was excerpted from:
 Teen Psychic
by Julie Tallard
Johnson.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Bindu Books, a division of Inner
Traditions Intl. ©2003.
http://www.innertraditions.com
Info/Order this book.
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About the Author
JULIE
TALLARD JOHNSON is the author of The Thundering Years and I Ching for Teens. She
is a psychotherapist and mentor of teens and young adults. She lives in Spring
Green, Wisconsin. Visit her website at www.julietallardjohnson.com.
Other articles by this author.
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