How
to Heal a Broken Heart
by
Elisha Gabriell
I
recovered from a broken heart. Not a
"hurt" heart. Not a wounded heart. A
truly broken heart. The man I had been
deeply in love with, and believed was my
life-partner, was not in love with me.
Because
I believe that we do create a large part of
our personal realities, I decided to take an
active part in my healing process. I hurt too
deeply to simply leave it to "time".
Here is my seven step heartbreak recovery program.
1.
Make a conscious decision to heal.
The
first very important step is to make a
conscious vow that you will heal your heart as
quickly as possible. You must want to be on
the "other side of lonely".
Sometimes
our conscious intention is overshadowed by our
unconscious desires. As an example: if you're
trying to lose weight, and restricting carbs,
fats, or calories, a part of you is inspired,
committed, and excited to see yourself 10 - 20
lbs. lighter. At the end of the second week,
another voice within begins to take more
prominence within your consciousness. "I
don't want to go my whole life without eating
pizza", it says. Or, "This is way
too much of a struggle!! I really should learn
to accept myself as I am."
Another
example would be if you are trying to create
financial abundance but a part of you believes
that you might be enticed to lose your values
if you were really rich, then it is unlikely
that you'll ever be able to create any kind of
lasting financial success!
If
part of you wants to heal yourself, but other
parts want to hold on to the pain, recovery
may then be slow. The best way to find out
what's deep inside is to close your eyes and
ask yourself.
The
answers that come from the various aspects of
self may seem very illogical, or just really
silly! It's important to let all of your
emotional thoughts and beliefs be expressed.
You'll see shortly how nutty some of my inner
voices have been! The whole point is that if
you don't know what's inside of you, how can
you work with yourself to create your dreams?
If part of you is holding you back,
communicate with it and offer alternatives and
solutions that appeal to all of those little,
but important aspects of your Self.
Before
I began my program for healing, I sat in bed
one night, propped up by my pillows, my
notebook on my lap. To be sure that all parts
of me wanted to proceed with ending my
suffering, I closed my eyes, took a few long,
slow deep breaths, and asked my own
subconscious,
"What
might be the benefits of hanging on to this
pain?"
I
was truly surprised to receive two immediate
responses.
"If
I move past this too quickly, he may call
and want me in his life, but I'll already be
over him. Then I really will lose him for
good." (This part of me doesn't want to
believe that it's really over, and wants me
to remember him, just in case!) and
"The
pain will remind you that this was an
important lesson that is not to be taken
lightly. You were aware of the repeating
behavior from his side, but kept hanging on
and hanging on, anyway. You did not listen
to your own inner wisdom!: (This part of me
wants me to feel the pain so that I don't
repeat this pattern with any future loves.)
Those
were my subconscious beliefs about the
benefits of suffering. Yours could be
completely different, but just as
"creative". You may believe that if
he (or she) hears through the grapevine how
dramatically you are suffering, he will come
to his senses and realize that he could never
love anyone as much as he loves you! (Yeah,
right!)
All
parts of you must be willing to move on if you
want a speedy recovery. Do this simple
exercise. Honor the thoughts that are
expressed, learn a little more about yourself,
and be willing to move into alignment with
your new goal of healing.
2.
Nurture yourself on every level.
Treat
yourself kindly! Go to a restaurant that
you've been wanting to try. Ask your best
friend to join you. Try one of those chocolate
truffles that you've been resisting. Go to bed
early with a great book. Treat yourself to a
massage. Give yourself lots of messages that
you are a wonderful person who deserves to be
treated well.
Exercise!
When you're depressed and gloomy, nothing gets
the energy moving (and your mood with it) as
quickly as a good work-out. Exercise nurtures
your body by giving it the strength and
vitality it needs to be healthy and strong. It
nurtures your emotional self by leaving you
with the radiant glow of increased energy and
self-esteem. A good workout, walk, or session
on your exercise bike leaves you with the
feeling that you can do anything! Try it - it
works!
Be
in Nature as often as you can. Walk in the
park or hiking trails. Immerse yourself in the
emerald light of the sun, as it illuminates
the trees along your path. Listen to the songs
of the birds as they call and answer, and
stake territories. Life is all around you! Let
its beauty fill the empty places inside. Open
to the pulses and rhythms of the healing
energies of the Earth Mother.
3.
Use Visualization
Visualization
can be a powerful way of moving stagnant
energy and allowing healing to begin. The
following is an example of many visualizations
that I've created on the spur of the moment.
Be creative and allow every hour of your day
to become an opportunity for healing.
As
the sun comes up in the Eastern horizon, stand
at your window. Let the rays of light gently
illuminate your heart center. Feel the liquid
golden fire of the sun slowly driving out all
of the darkness in your heart. Let this light
expand throughout your being until you feel
strong, radiant, and whole. Breathe... and
begin your day.
As
I was driving down the freeway, my favorite
song of the moment came on the radio. I sang
"Safe in the Arms of Love" by Martin
McBride, and felt the arms of God/Great Spirit
enfold me and hold me. I felt safe... loved!
At
the place where she sings, "Gonna hang my
heartaches out to dry," I visualized
taking a blanket of dark energy from my heart
center and hanging it on the line in the
bright sunshine, under a brilliant blue sky.
I
watched it flap in the breeze and slowly turn
a soft pink color. Love-energy began to
radiate from it, my spirit felt light and
happy, and my imaging was complete.
Use
symbols that suggest your personal feelings of
love, safety, and happiness. You can turn
darkness into light if you choose to!
4.
Do something new!
This
is the beginning of a new cycle in your life.
Greet it with excitement! Now is your time to
focus completely on yourself. What are the
things that make you happy?
Get
a catalog from your local "free
university" or Adult Ed. Classes. Request
a list of events from you local convention
center. Sign up for something that you've
always wanted to do. You'll meet new people,
and be proud of yourself for exploring another
aspect of the multi-faceted person that is
you!
What
did I do? I attended the Sportman's Show at
our local convention center, and signed up for
a women's Fly-fishing class. We had a glorious
day on the Arkansas River in Salida, CO. I
made many hilarious mistakes (as did
everyone!) enjoyed being immersed in Nature,
and had a blast! Caught 3 rocks and a bush! I
learned a little bit more about myself - it's
not the actual fishing that I enjoy, it's
being surrounded by Nature. I'm just as happy
to sit on the bank and read or watch the sky
and water.
The
point to doing something different and new is
that you get a large clue that there is life
outside of your past relationship. It lifts
you out of your current situation and gives
you something different to think about. This
is a good thing!
5.
Use plant-based vibrational remedies
Based
upon the work of Dr. Edward Bach, flower
essences are now commonly found in most
natural food stores. Several companies have
branched out from the original Bach formulas.
The remedies help to relieve emotional and
spiritual blocks of all kinds. "Rescue
Remedy" is a Bach formula that contains
the essences of 5 different plants that can be
used in any kind of emotional trauma.
To
relieve a broken heart, the flower essence Bleeding
heart is advised. "Through this
essence, the soul learns to fill itself from
within, with strong spiritual forces, so that
the capacity to love another is based on the
ability to honor and nourish the Self."*
Borage
essence is said to be an excellent heart
remedy. "It is uplifting and lightening
to a heart that is heavy with grief and
discouragement."*
Homeopathics
is a vibrational medicine that is the primary
form of medicine in Great Britain and many
European countries. Ignatia is the
remedy for grief and despondence. Do not
mistake this for the herbal, Echinacea!
At
the deepest point in my emotional suffering, I
manifested a flu virus that was making its
winter rounds. I had not even had a cold in 2
and a half years! It settled in some people in
the sinuses, others in the throat. This flu
hit me right in the chest! My lungs became
very congested and infected. For the first
time since I was a kid, I was knocked flat on
my back. I was very sick!
Knowing
that I have an immediate hand in creating my
personal reality, I asked myself why this was
happening. The answer was immediate and
obvious. Trouble in the lungs, many times
reflects a state of grief, and I had plenty of
it! My heart had been broken. When the flu
virus had come into my personal universe, I
had said on an unconscious level, "Hey!
Over here! I'll take some of that!"
It
was at that point that I realized I was
literally making myself sick over someone who
really didn't care about me. I determined to
get past the fever and the illness as fast as
possible. I began to ask myself other
questions. What can I do to facilitate my
recovery on every level? What remedies are
available that might help me?
The
homeopathic Ignatia was one of the
first things I reached for. The potencies are
often confusing, so let me clarify a little.
The lower the potency, the more the remedy
works on dense physical ailments. Higher
potencies are a finer vibration and work on
the emotional and subtle bodies.
*
from Flower
Essence Repertory by Kaminski and Katz
I
took Ignatia-6x to help clear the
vibration of grief from my physical body. I
took 3 - 4 tiny tablets under my tongue as
often as I thought about it (4 - 6 times per
day). When my lungs were finally clear, I
switched to the 30x potency to clear it out of
my energy field once and for all.
I
know that Rescue Remedy and Ignatia
were effective parts of my holistic approach
to healing myself!
These
essences are made to be taken internally, but
you can add a few drops to your drinking
water, rub a bit directly on your heart
center, or add a dropper to your bath water.
6.
Keep track of your progress
Keep
a daily journal of your feelings. Be real. At
first, write about how the pain feels. A good
cry or two can help to release the pain and
allow the healing process to begin. On the
other hand, too much crying can keep you stuck
in a wounded emotional body and delay healing.
So...
honor your feelings and express them
appropriately. Focus on your determination to
move past the pain. Write about your program
for recovery. Write about the love and the
beauty that are also a part of your life!
When
you have had a good day, be proud of yourself!
When it takes you a half hour after waking up
to even think of him (when he used to be the
first or second thought of the day) realize
that you are making progress. Write it down!
Soon,
you will think of him, but the pain will be
gone. You'll be too busy thinking of the new
things in your life to waste time dwelling on
someone who didn't have the capacity to
appreciate the unique and vital person that
you are. Let your light shine!
7.
Expect an ebb and flow
Your
recovery may happen like the flow of the
tides. Mine did. I would be doing so well,
thinking, "Why on earth did I let myself
get so emotionally attached to that man? Thank
God, it's finally over!"
The
next morning, I'd wake up and feel his
presence so strong I could almost reach out
and touch him. I'd be super emotional all day,
and have to blink back tears for the first
time in weeks.
Total
healing usually doesn't happen all at once. It
happens one layer at a time. All of life has a
dark, and then a light; an ebb and flow. One
layer at a time.
When
a teary day or moment appears, know that it is
normal and natural. It will pass! Acknowledge
the emotions. Then find something to lift your
spirits and shift the energy. You are
responsible for your own internal environment.
Endless
crying does not promote healing. Letting love
into your heart in every way possible does!
Choose your thoughts wisely!
How
Long Will It Take?
How
long will this program take? That's a very
individual matter. It may take weeks, or it
may take months. But, as with any goal, a plan
of action faithfully followed, will help you
get there much quicker.
So,
love yourself... laugh at yourself... enjoy
the dazzling beauty of each new sunrise. Take
responsibility for your life and your dreams
and never, never, never give up!
Recap
This
is my seven part heartbreak recovery program
in a nutshell:
1.
Make a conscious decision to heal
A.
Bring all aspects of yourself into
alignment with your conscious intent
2.
Nurture yourself on every level!
A.
Exercise - move that depressed energy!
B.
Connect with the healing energies of
Nature
C.
Treat yourself kindly
3.
Use visualization
A.
Be creative... use whatever the moment
brings in a creative way
4.
Do something new!
A.
Explore something you've always wanted to
do!
B.
Meet new people
C.
Celebrate this new cycle in your life
5.
Use plant-based vibrational remedies
A.
Flower essences to maintain balance
B.
"Ignatia" - homeopathic remedy
6.
Keep track of your progress - journaling for
self-awareness
A.
Be real! Write about how the pain feels.
Don't repress anything!
B.
Write about the steps you are taking for
recovery
C.
Expect to feel better!
7.
Expect an ebb and flow. Honor the natural
rhythms of the healing process.
Book by this author:
White Buffalo and the Rainbow Warrior
by Elisha Gabriell.
Info/Order book
About The
Author
At
the age of 38, Elisha Gabriell went through a shamanic initiation in
which spirit-teachers spoke about her life path -- the path of beauty
and the path of joy. Her book, "White
Buffalo and the Rainbow Warrior" details her experience of
opening to the sacred Oneness of all life. Through
Elisha's visionary experience, we come to understand that all of life is
sacred. Visit her website at www.AwakenInt.com.
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