I Choose...
by Marie T. Russell
 The
other day I was giving myself a "good talking to" -- telling myself I
really need to exercise regularly, eat better, take better care of myself. etc. You
get the picture. It was one of those days when I was determined to do better and
was giving myself what I considered a "pep talk" to get myself to
follow a path of health and vibrancy. But of course I realized that all this
"telling myself what to do" and this "sermonizing" was not getting me anywhere... As with many of us, I still bristle at being
"told what to do" -- whether by others or by myself.
What I realized is that when I made those same decisions (exercising, eating
better, etc.) from a position of choice rather than a position of "have
to" or "should", then I had a much better feeling about it. So I
decided to experiment. Rather than saying to myself that I "should"
or really "have to" exercise regularly, I said to myself "I
choose to exercise regularly".
It was interesting to note the different feeling or energy that accompanied
that statement: "I choose...". Rather than a feeling of guilt, of not
being "good enough", of not living up to what I know is
"best", I found myself feeling empowered. Saying "I choose to..."
put me in a position of making choices for myself rather than following the
dictates of somebody else or of my own "shoulds" and "have tos".
So throughout that day, whenever a situation came up when a
"should" or "have to" came up, I would replace it with
"I choose". For example, looking at the dirty dishes left over from
the night before, instead of saying to myself "I should do the
dishes", I said "I choose to do the dishes". All of the sudden,
the energy around washing those dishes changed... It was no longer a chore,
something that I knew I had to do, but something that I was doing because I
chose to, because I no longer wanted to look at those dirty dishes. Then
later, as it came time for lunch, rather than saying "I really should eat
something healthy", I said "I choose to eat something healthy".
The feelings I had from those two statements were like night and day -- the
"really should" statements are usually accompanied by judgment (for
failures in the past), by preaching (you know better than to eat fast food), by
guilt (you're not taking good enough care of yourself)... Definitely not
energies that are supportive of good feelings, not to mention good digestion.
On the contrary, when I replaced the "should" statement, with an
"I choose" statement, I felt empowered to take care of myself. Saying
"I choose" laid no guilt trip, imposed no rules that I
"should" be following, did not make me feel like I was not doing it
"right". Saying "I choose to eat healthy food" was very
empowering and freeing. It took me out of the realm of the "rebellious
child" and into the world of the empowered adult making choices of her own
for her own wellbeing -- rather than doing what "others think is best"
for me. What I found is that applying the "I choose" method to
anything that I was balking at doing changed the whole energy about it.
Everything we do is a choice. Even if someone if holding a gun at you and
asking you to hand over all your money, that is your choice. You can choose not
to. Mind you the consequence of that choice may ensure your being shot, but it
is a choice nevertheless. A little less drastic example? OK. There are times
when your body sends you signals -- it's hungry, it needs to go to the bathroom,
it's thirsty.
Even if your body is sending those messages, you choose whether to respond
immediately or whether to delay. All of those things are choices. While yes you
will have to eat eventually, you don't necessarily stop in the middle of a
sentence and say, oops, I have to go right now, my body is hungry. It is a
choice. Everything we do (except breathing possibly) is a choice -- and even
with breathing, we can control the speed and frequency of our breath and we can
hold our breath (to a point).
How can this work for you? Maybe it's Monday morning and you're resisting
going to work. You have those Monday blues. Rather than muttering to yourself
"I hate my job" or "I wish I didn't have to go to work", I
suggest you might first look at the reasons you're going to work. Probably to
earn some money for food, lodging, clothing, fun things, etc. So rather than
going to work begrudgingly, you might try saying "I choose to go to work
today". This puts a whole new spin on it, rather than "I have to
go to work today".
Remember, you always have the choice. There are many
people who have chosen to no longer go to work every day -- some are homeless,
others are earning a living in some other creative ways. Every morning when we
get up -- that's a choice. We could choose to stay in bed all day, but we choose
to get up (even if we say we're getting up because we "have to").
You could choose to stay in bed. You could choose to stay home all week. You
might get fired... You might end up without a job... You might end up homeless...
While all those scenarios are a little drastic, all of them are the result of
choices made. So in the same way, going to work in the morning is a choice --
one we make each day.
I find myself feeling better about my actions when I remind myself that they
are choices -- not "have tos". I choose to get up in the morning, I
choose to work everyday, I choose to eat healthy foods, I choose to take good
care of my health, I choose to wash the dishes, I choose to take out the
garbage, I choose to be loving and patient with myself and others...
In the same way when I find myself feeling impatient, angry, etc., if I tell
myself "I'm choosing to be impatient", "I'm choosing to be
angry", it puts the whole thing in new perspective. All of a sudden, I see
that I have a choice. I could also choose to be patient, to be understanding.
Now why would I choose to be impatient, when it is only getting me upset? When I
see that the impatience is indeed a choice I'm making, I can choose differently.
This whole process has been quite a revelation to me and very freeing. All of
a sudden I'm not doing anything because I "have to" anymore. I see
that everything I'm doing I do because I choose to do it -- but the difference
is that when I'm aware that it is a choice, I no longer have to grumble and
complain about it -- because I'm choosing, not "having to" do it. I
choose to wash the dirty dishes because if I don't they will accumulate and I'll
no longer have any clean dishes to eat on. I could choose to not wash them and
eat on dirty dishes (yuk), or I could choose to go hungry (not), or I could
go out to eat all the time (I don't think so), I could choose to throw out the dishes
and eat on paper plates (not very environmentally friendly), etc.
So based on
these alternatives, I see that I wash the dishes because I choose to... or I go
to work because I choose to... or whatever I've felt was a "have to" in
my life I really do because I choose to.
Everything is a choice. When we recognize that everything we do is because
of a choice we're making, we then become empowered to choose things that bring
us wellbeing and happiness -- because, after all, it is our choice.
RECOMMENDED
BOOK:
 The Buddha in Your Mirror
by Woody
Hochswender, Greg Martin & Ted Morino.
Buddhism teaches that every person has the
potential for true and lasting happiness. Through real-life examples, the
authors explain how adopting this outlook has positive effects on one's health,
relationships, and career, and gives new insights into world environmental
concerns, peace issues, and other major social problems.
Info/Order
this book.
 About The Author
Marie
T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also
produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from
1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and
well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own
inner source of joy and creativity.
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