The Pain That Won't Go
Away
by Francesca Cappucci
Fordyce
 Self-mutilation is a big problem
facing teens today. This affliction is the result of fear instilled by trauma.
It is as though the brain contains a computer chip, which has been programmed,
because of trauma, to self-mutilate. It is a mental trap that has taken
innumerable young people hostage. Often times, the manifestation of this
syndrome is concealed, and appears as hypochondria or some other phobia. Covert
or exposed, the mental trap is relentless.
It is estimated that one percent,
or a thousand out of a hundred thousand individuals, exhibit self-injurious
behavior, and even more suffer from eating disorders. The majority of the
afflicted are well-educated females that come from middle to upper middle class
neighborhoods. They begin hurting or starving themselves in their teens, and
then continue into their thirties. Many are the product of physical, emotional
and/or sexual abuse, with a parent suffering from substance abuse (frequently
alcohol).
Consider the not-so-fairy-tale
life of the late Princess Diana. Diana openly confessed her many hardships, so
that others would feel confident in revealing and healing similar troubles.
Diana was anorexic, bulimic, she self-mutilated by slashing her wrists, and she
even threw herself down the stairs while she was pregnant. Diana repeatedly hurt
herself to distract from the pain she felt for not being validated by those she
loved. Throughout her life, her parents were not there for her. And then when
she married her husband, Prince Charles, he also neglected her.
If you are a parent and have been
noticing odd behavior, be advised that these are types of self-injurious
behaviors -- from the seemingly no big deal occurrence of picking at a
scab, or other forms of interfering with wound healing, to the more barbarous
actions of starvation, cutting or slashing their own skin with razor blades, or
burning through their own flesh, self-hitting, alcohol and drug-taking, and even
bone breaking.
Why are so many women afflicted
with self-mutilation? Young girls are trained to internalize anger and men to
externalize it. Because boys are raised to repress feelings and emotion, they
keep things inside until all the repressed emotion becomes overwhelming, and
they explode in seemingly unrelated violence. Angry girls exhibit rage by
harming themselves. They also hurt themselves by turning anorexic, bulimic, or
become involved in abusive relationships.
Current statistics show that one
out of four girls in high school is in an abusive relationship. It is not
uncommon for teenage girls to wear beepers, and be at the beck and call of her
boyfriend. Initially, the girl feels very special. She loves the attention and
possessiveness. She is flattered that her boyfriend would be so jealous. In
time, the control issues of the boyfriend wear on her.
If the teenage girl does not have
strong self-esteem and conscientious parents who will guide and counsel her, she
will remain in this completely manipulative relationship for a long while. Her
feelings of low self-worth will keep her tied to the abuse. And she stays with
the boy because she feels she is lucky to have a boyfriend at all. So she
remains in the relationship in spite of the fact that she is frightened,
although flattered.
In the instance where the girl has
strong parents urging, and even demanding, her to get out of the relationship,
the girl may fight with her parents, and even become abusive to her parents in
order to preserve the relationship with her boyfriend.
These teenage girls feel so bad
about themselves, they will endure massive amounts of abuse and humiliation just
to have the connection with someone. If this pattern is not amended, these
teenagers will progress into adult relationships that are even more abusive and
endanger their future children.
This article is excerpted from the book "Broken Wings Can Learn to Fly:
Why Children are Broken and How They Can Be Healed" by Francesca
Cappucci Fordyce. To order the book, contact Francesca at:
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 Recommended book:
Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families
by Diane Chambers.
Info/Order this book
About The Author
Francesca
Cappucci Fordyce is a journalist who has worked in television, radio,
and print mediums. She worked as an on-air reporter for 10 years with
ABC News in Los Angeles. She is now a stay-at-home mom. Being a "broken
child" who grew into a "broken person", she made it a priority to heal
her pain because she did not want her child to inherit her negative
traits.
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