Befriending Our Emotions
by Brandon Bays
My emotions have become a never-ending source of
self-discovery.
I have now learned
to open into them more easily; effortlessly breathing into any resistance;
consciously opening, relaxing into the core of any emotion - and I have
developed dozens of practical techniques for coaxing myself and others out of
resistance.
The truth is that the
moment you choose to relax into the core of any emotion, you drop through
easily into the next, and open into the infinite.
Once you get the
hang of it, consciously opening into your emotions, embracing them,
effortlessly breathing into any resistance and relaxing into them, can become
an easy process. At first it may take a little longer, since resistance to
emotions is often such an ingrained habit, but once you get the hang of it, the
whole process can happen in just a few minutes, and you'll find that opening into
your emotions, embracing them, relaxing into them, becomes an easy process.
We
adults worship struggle. If something is easy or simple, we often consider
it insignificant or insubstantial. We've created a whole paradigm called,
"Create resistance so I have something to struggle with."
Is this true for you?
Do you evaluate your success by the effort it took? Are you a ranking officer
in the emotional army, struggling to win every battle over your emotions?
The time has come
to stop the war, call off the resistance, and open your being into the
infinite, the boundless love that is always here. Even after we commit to this
opening, however, we can find the process is not always as cut-and-dried as it
seems. In fact, we usually have a love-hate relationship with the same emotions
we fight against. We fear certain emotions and are totally transfixed by them
at the same time.
When we aren't
subduing our difficult emotions, we love to feel them and explore their
meaning. We hold onto them, recall them, even obsess about who's to blame for
them, dramatize about how we've been victimized by them, gossip to our friends
about how bad they are. We go to counselors to find out their origin, to
workshops to bring them up and cathart them, and we entertain ourselves with endless
mind talk about their significance in our lives. After all, who would we be
without the drama of our emotions? They help make up our character, give us our
color and our identity, don't they?
One of the things
I've found to be absolutely true about emotions is that they are essentially
fleeting. Emotions come and go at the drop of a hat. They can't last for more
than a few moments, unless we give them meaning, create a story around them,
and add our energy to them.
Without a story
attached, emotions are just sensations that come and go. They have no more
meaning than a bunch of chemicals flooding through the body. However, if we
decide that they are significant, important, that they must be explored,
analyzed, and understood - if we keep replaying the drama surrounding them,
using our thoughts to enhance them - then we can keep emotions in play for as
long as we want.
Emotions are just
momentary sparks flickering in consciousness. However, if you pile on fuel,
adding the lighter fluid of a little drama, feeding the flame with your
thoughts, adding the newspaper of someone else's opinion, and if you then fan
this now roaring fire with gossip or your therapist's opinion, you can really
create a huge blazing bonfire out of them. Of course, the fire will eventually
burn out, naturally, of its own accord, unless you keep adding more fuel to it.
The irony is that
you are actually battling, fighting, subduing, and trying to oust emotions that
you alone keep alive with your thoughts, dramas, and energy. Emotions require
your concentration and belief in your drama, your story, in order to be kept
alive.
What if you were
to decide to stop the story... just drop it?
It's such a
relief. Whenever a pure emotion arises, you can recognize it as your friend,
welcome it with open arms, love it, relax in it, and ultimately, find freedom
in the heart of it.
This isn't about
"catharsis," which is a popular paradigm these days for ousting a "bad"
emotion. I can understand why catharsis is enticing. After a good cry, or a
temper tantrum, we actually feel some momentary relief - and that is
intoxicating. But it still doesn't solve the problem because catharsis involves
only "acting out" or dispelling the emotions, and inevitably those emotions
come flooding again at another time. Only full acceptance of and complete
surrender into your emotions will lead you into real peace.
So, what I
recommend is no dispelling of emotion, no acting it out, no analysis, and no
collapsing into emotion either. Don't fight, struggle, or run from emotion -
for eventually it will surely hunt you down and find you if you do. Rather,
just turn and face the tiger directly, surrender fully, and discover the love
that's in its core. All other avoidances will only prolong your pain. You
cannot run from your emotions. If it's peace you seek, your only effective
option is to dive into them.
Relaxing,
embracing, surrendering, trusting - these are the only tools of a lover of
truth. Turn from a warrior into a lover.
Emotions - they
truly are your gateway to the infinite.
Guided Introspection: Emotions
Emotions are the
entryway into the infinite. They are your route back to your self, and they
provide an easy access to the peace that is already there, calling you into
your very essence.
You might like to
start by finding a quiet space where you can sit without interruption for as
long as is necessary. This is not an introspection that can be experienced
while reading: use the companion CD or record your own voice. Or consider
having a friend read this to you so you can give yourself fully into your own
internal process.
This introspection
is designed to lead you into an emotion to find the peace already residing
within it. The key is to relax totally, be open and welcome fully whatever
shows up. If any stories or dramas or memories come up regarding the emotion,
please do not entertain them or let them distract you - for all images are
merely a way for the mind to pull your focus away from the pure experience of
the emotion. They are simply distracters trying to draw your awareness into
some mind game. Instead, let the memories or pictures go, as you notice the way
they make you feel emotionally, and just stay open in the emotion...really
welcome the feeling fully.
If a memory needs
further attention and healing, you can always get a copy of The Journey and do a full Emotional Journey
process to release the stored pain and come into full forgiveness and complete
understanding. But, for now, with this simple process, just let any images come
and go, and let your full awareness be in the emotion you are feeling.
If, at some point
you feel like opening your eyes, there is no problem with stopping the guided
introspection. All feelings can only last a few moments - they come and go as
the natural ebb and flow of life. The vast, boundless presence that you are
resting in remains untouched by the activity of emotions coming and going
through it. No problem.
Just know that we
are all in the baby step stage of learning to befriend, welcome, and feel our
emotions, and each time you do this simple process, you will feel more and more
relaxed, open, and easy.
It really is a
process of learning to trust yourself. Over time, resistances will naturally
melt away, as your being learns to trust you more and more.
You are a
beautiful flower. It's time to open and let your exquisite magnificence shine.
Emotions are your truest of friends. They are the gateway to your soul. They
are part of the dance of enlightenment.
Begin with a
prayer or intention that you long to learn to embrace your emotions - to
welcome them, to say "yes" to them - and let your being know that everything is
welcome to come up in this embrace. Even the hidden emotions, the tucked away
and secret feelings, and the unaddressed and unfamiliar emotions are welcome.
Even feelings you've never acknowledged - all are welcome to come up.
Then, sit quietly.
Let your being settle, and let your awareness become vast and spacious...Let it
expand boundlessly in front...spaciously behind...and openly and freely to all
sides
...It is vast
below...and skylike above...
Just rest in an
open sky of presence.
Make your heart as
wide as the world...wide enough to include not just your emotions, but all
emotions that exist... even wide enough to include your ancestors'
emotions...Really make the embrace of your love so wide that it can include all
the suffering of humanity...Your love is that vast, and it is all-accepting,
all-embracing, all-compassionate.
Now, specifically
invite a personal emotion to give rise to itself within this embrace: really
allow it to come up fully, innocently...with no need to change it, fix it, or
analyze it...Just welcome it.
Let your awareness
go to the place in your body where it seems to grab you most strongly...Notice
the sensation of it as it arises in your body...
Now surround that
area of tension with your acceptance, your own love...With your whole being,
let the emotion know that you are open to really feeling the sensation of
it...the full power of it...
If you feel any
resistance showing up anywhere, welcome that, too - it's natural. It's what
we've been conditioned to do. It's okay to feel even this, so bring your
awareness to any resistance, and let it soften. You can let it know that it's
safe to feel...The resistance does not need to protect you anymore...You are
allowed to fully feel whatever is here...
Be kind to
yourself...Opening into an emotion feels like the opening of a flower...You
can't force it. You can only allow it - coax, welcome, and provide space for it
to bloom into fullness.
Let your feeling
be allowed to bloom...Let it become fuller still...
If an impulse to
run away from the emotion arises, recognize it, acknowledge it...Know that this
is natural...Bless it and surround it with your loving awareness...then once
again bring your awareness back to the original feeling ... and allow it to be
fully felt...
Our emotions can
be quite timid at first...They are used to being shut down, stamped out,
ignored, run from...Like rejected children, your feelings may not trust you at
first...They may be shy with you...because in the past you've so often turned
away from them...
Now is your chance
to turn toward your feeling...whatever it is...Welcome it with all your
heart...You might apologize to it for having been so judgmental in the
past...Really welcome it with every fiber of your being...Fully accept and
embrace it... Good...
As the feeling
grows stronger, just be curious to know what is there in the very heart of
it...Feel yourself opening, relaxing, and surrendering right into the very core
of the emotion...
You don't have to
fix it, change it, or do anything...Just relax in the core of that
emotion...Seek out any places that you may be resisting...soften them...and
deeply relax...
What is
there?...Good...
Now, with the
innocence of a child, feel yourself surrounding, opening, welcoming this
emotion...allowing it fully...like a flower coming into full bloom...And then,
with tender curiosity, feel what is in the core, the very center of this new
emotion... Feel yourself growing vaster...opening totally...and falling into,
dissolving in, opening further into the core of it...
Just relax
there...What is here?...
(From time to
time, with an emotion, you can ask what's behind it or beneath it.)
Continue opening
in just this way: as if you were gently lifting back the petals of a flower and
falling in naturally, effortlessly deeper.
At some point, a
vast nothingness, or a black open field or void of emptiness may appear. This
too is just another petal. Just ask what is in the core of it. Relax and open,
and you will feel yourself dissolving through it as well.
Eventually, if
your heart is open and your being relaxed and welcoming, you will find yourself
basking, bathing, soaking in an ocean of peace, love, light, freedom: a
boundless presence of grace will surround you and suffuse you.
Just rest in this
as long as you like...And you may open your eyes when you are ready.
This article was excerpted from:
 Freedom Is: Liberating Your Boundless Potential
by Brandon Bays.
Reprinted with permission from
the publisher, New World Library. www.newworldlibrary.com.
Copyright © 2006 by Manifest Abundance Unlimited.
Info/Order this book.
About The Author
Brandon Bays is the author of the international bestseller The Journey. She travels all over the world bringing her teachings of healing and awakening to thousands of people
each year. She pioneered her transformative work through her own
experience of healing naturally from a large tumor without drugs or surgery. Her website is
www.thejourney.com.
More articles by this author.
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