InnerSelf.com - Being Perfect?

Being Perfect

by John Holland

John Holland Another way of preventing worry is to stop being such a perfectionist. You don't have to do everything flawlessly. It's mainly in the mind that you worry about doing everything just right. I've learned to replace perfectionism with permission to be human. I've always had artistic talent, and when I take drawing classes, I don't set out to create a masterpiece — I just draw to the best of my ability. I'm content being in the present so that I enjoy quality time with myself.

When you adopt this attitude, you'll worry less and be happier in the process. I know someone who's meticulous about everything he does. We tease him endlessly and call him "Mr. Bullet Point" because every time he sends an e-mail or creates a document, it's guaranteed to have some bullet points in it! He can't finish it unless it's beautifully formatted and everything is consistent, but here's the serious part — he applies this to every aspect of his life. He worries if he hasn't analyzed every outcome, considered all angles, checked, and double-checked. He's unable to conquer his compulsion to be perfect. It's his mental approach that forces him to work this way. Since worrying is an extension of fear, and his biggest fear is not being in control, perfectionism is just another way of staying in control.

It can be a dangerous situation to get into: You worry so much about your reputation that, in the end, it suffers to such an extent that you have no reputation left to speak of. There's a middle ground here, one that encompasses "peace of mind." Also, if you're someone who constantly postpones everything, it can be symptomatic of this form of "perfectionistic" worry. You may have found yourself saying that you can't invite people over for dinner until the dining room is redecorated, or that you shouldn't apply for that new job until you've gained more experience — or the myriad other excuses to put something off until tomorrow.

Postponing is just another form of worry. It's about wanting to make sure that things are perfect before moving ahead. Sometimes you just have to get on and do it rather than dither. So don't always wait for conditions to be ideal — they may never be. Give yourself a break! Yes, relax, ease up, and don't attempt to be perfect all the time. Try being happy instead!

Exercise: Rearranging Your Mental Landscape

It's impossible to come up with blanket advice that suits everyone, but it's healthy to take a look at your life from time to time and try some basic cognitive restructuring. There are a few simple steps that you can take. The following exercise is a good way of helping manage your habits of worry.

1. Make a list of what you dwell on the most. Identify what you think about when you worry. Try to listen to your internal dialogue. Keep a note of these thoughts. Allow yourself only so much time to worry, then move on.

2. Once you've gotten into the routine of journaling your worry thoughts, take your notes and spend some time analyzing each thought. What's the evidence for it? Is it likely to happen? Has it ever happened before? Finally, is there any logical reason to believe that it ever will happen? If not, cross it off the list with a big red pen!

3. What's the worst thing that could occur? Plan out how you'd handle it. What actions could you take to minimize the effect? Write down what you need to do.

4. As you keep your journal of these worries and the possible actions you might take, try to write them down in two columns so that the new thoughts form a positive outcome.

5. When you worry, you tend to imagine the worst thing that could happen, but you can also imagine the best thing that could happen. Try turning it around!

6. Meditate and begin to talk to your higher self and ask if there's another way you can let go of a particular worry or concern. Be open and ask if there's some other advice that you need to hear at this time.

As you start making subtle changes in the way you think, how much you worry, or what you worry about, remember this: Any adjustments that you attempt to make will only be temporary unless you own them yourself. No one else can make them happen for you . . . only you! You have to be responsible for your own transformation. Believing that you should change isn't enough; you have to tell yourself that you must change — that you can change.

This article was excerpted from:

Power of The Soul by John Holland. Power of The Soul: Inside Wisdom for an Outside World
by John Holland.

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About the Author

John Holland is an internationally renowned psychic medium who has spent more than 20 years investigating and developing his abilities as a psychic medium. John regularly lectures on both the East and West Coasts, and his public demonstrations provide his audience with a unique glimpse into the fascinating subject of mediumship. John's work has been featured on TV in Unsolved Mysteries. He’s the author of the bestsellers Power of the Soul, Born Knowing and Psychic Navigator. Website: www.johnholland.com.