Feeling Good, or Feeling Yucky?

by Lynn Grabhorn

But there's one way I reserve for "when all else fails," because I seem to always resent having to get into it. That last resort for me is finding something positive about whatever irksome thing it was that closed my valve in the first place.

Having an open valve (feeling good) means positive energy is flowing to us, through us and from us, and we're creating on purpose. Having a closed valve (anything that feeling good isn't) means we're flowing negative energy, resisting our natural flow, and creating by default.

Your job is to get that valve open any way you can. But let's say you've "tried" (a word to take out of your vocabulary) and nothing has worked -- not music, not talking to yourself. Well, when all else fails, there's only one alternative left. Look for anything within the situation, or in your immediate surroundings, to appreciate or feel good about.

Maybe just the fact that your car is operational, or you don't have to go to the john, or the empathy you're feeling for the other poor slobs on the road who are just as teed off as you are, or your appreciation for the medical response team. Find something... anything! Start talking to yourself about it, fake it, con yourself, and pretty soon you'll feel that subtle little click into Feel Good energy (or at least into a Feel Better), and your valve will slowly open. (Because a hundred other drivers are flowing irate energy all around you, the traffic jam might not change for a while, but at least you won't be screwing up other areas of your life by flowing such garbage out.)

Now frankly, when I'm in a crappy mood, there's nothing I enjoy more than staying there. I still love to bitch and stew because it feels so good. The sad part is though, I also know every time I do that, my whole world is being negatively affected, not to mention I'm attracting more of whatever it is I'm bitching about. I'm just not willing to let that happen -- much -- anymore.

So begrudgingly, I'll find some stupid, dumb, meaningless, insignificant thing about whatever it is I'm mad at that I might -- possibly -- begin to consider as a positive aspect of this situation or individual; something I might -- just possibly -- be able to appreciate. Then, looking very much like a defiant brat who has just been scolded, I'll think of some way to begin talking to myself (almost always with a pout) to pump up whatever positive aspect I was able to muster.

The thing that fries me so when I'm in that kind of mood is that it always works. I find something to compliment, or appreciate, or admire about the jerk or situation, and before I know what's hit me I've got a head of steam going. I can actually feel the moment the pivot happens. Valve opened; mission accomplished. Now I can let go, and allow the universe to do its thing.

Porch Light Fury

For a number of years, I rented out a little cottage out back on my property. The deal was that the renters paid for their propane heating, and I paid for electricity.

Well, I had this young couple who insisted on keeping the front porch light on day and night. I talked to them and talked to them about it. No matter, they'd leave that thing on until I was seeing stars.

It finally hit me that I was dealing with an utterly pointless valve closer. Every time I looked at that cursed light, my valve would slam shut, my dinner would burn, my dogs would start fighting, I'd cut my finger, a loan appointment would cancel, fireplace sparks would singe my rug, and on and on. All while writing this book, no less! Talk about practice what you preach.

So one day -- reluctantly -- I said, "Okay, I'll find some blasted thing that pleases me about those two and get this valve of mine open." I couldn't. Or more properly, I wouldn't. And the light stayed on night after night while I fumed. By now I knew this was serious and had to be spreading like a nasty virus, so with a sulk I decided to look for any blessed thing I could think of that was good about having them there.

"Well ... uh ... oh, all right, they help me with the yard, and that's a first. They're nice people to have around, so quiet ... blah blah, blah." It seemed like searching for a black needle in a wet haystack at midnight, but pretty soon I could feel the resistance softening, and I jumped on it. Bit by grouchy bit I expanded the feeling, and before long I could feel the movement of Feel Better (no, not Feel Good) energy flowing through me. THEIR LIGHT WENT OUT THAT NIGHT, and forever after came on only briefly for visitors or groceries! I was flabbergasted. Writing a book about it, sure, yet still amazed and thrilled at the continuing evidence that this stuff really works, even on porch lights.

Was I justified in my annoyed reaction? Of course, but so what?! It was hardly worth screwing up the rest of my world any more than I already had.

Just remember, when you've got negative feelings of any kind flowing out (even about porch lights), they're doing a lot more than amplifying that situation. They're acting like the front-line defense of the Dallas Cowboys, blocking all of your Wants from breaking through your massive line of negativity. At the same time, those negative feelings are attracting all sorts of other unpleasant events in the process. Worst of all, if it's a negative person you're getting all riled up about, you're being sucked right into their disconnectedness. How can it possibly be worth it?

Any way you stretch it, no matter what the reason for the negative thought may be, the important thing is that your valve is closed. So get it open!

Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting
by Lynn Grabhorn.

©2000. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, Hampton Roads. www.hamptonroadspub.com

Info/Order this book.

More books by this author.

About the Author

Lynn Grabhorn is a long-time student of the way in which thought and feelings format our lives. Lynn's first book, Beyond the Twelve Steps, along with her sweeping multimedia program, Life Course 101, have received high acclaim from all corners of the world. Visit her website at www.lynngrabhorn.com.