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 by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.
Self-awareness is a key ingredient to recovering from the Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome. There are 16 feelings that Emotion Eaters most often confuse with physical hunger. These listings merely describe the fattening feelings and explain why they lead to overeating.
Emotional Eating
vs. Physical Hunger
by
Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.
Listed below are the 16 feelings that
Emotion Eaters most often confuse
with physical hunger. Be as honest as you can with yourself when reading this
list, because self-awareness is a key ingredient to recovering from the Yo-Yo
Diet Syndrome.
These listings merely describe the fattening feelings and explain
why they lead to overeating.
1. Anger.
Anger is cited in more cases of overeating than any other emotion. Anger,
especially when it's repressed, feels very uncomfortable, and this discomfort is
often confused with hunger. But what feels like hunger is actually a desire to
use food to
cover up or mask the painful emotion -- anger. Women, in particular,
have difficulty admitting that they are angry, due to societal pressures ranging
from parental admonitions ("Young ladies shouldn't get angry!") to corporate
gameplaying rules ("You'll get ahead in this company if you just smile and agree
with management instead of arguing about their policies"). With all this
pressure, people sometimes wish they never felt angry -- a futile wish, of
course, since everyone gets angry at times. People run into trouble with their
anger when they ignore their angry feelings or pretend they don't exist, hoping
the emotions will subside if they're ignored long enough. Emotion Eaters turn to
food in order to stuff their anger.
2. Fatigue.
If anger is the number one psychological reason why people overeat,
fatigue is definitely number two. That's why I call it "fat-igue." Some
late-night overeaters use food in a vain attempt to energize themselves when
they're tired. Shift workers, those who stay up late at night, and "workaholics"
are especially prone to overeating when fatigued.
Other people use food to calm the nervous tension associated with fatigue.
Perhaps you've had a nerve-wracking day at the office, combined with over
consumption of caffeine or chocolate. At night, you try to sleep but find you're
too wired. That's when cravings for carbohydrate snacks occur, because these
foods trigger calming brain chemicals that help you sleep.
When we're tired, our resolve to eat lighter and healthier foods often
goes out the window. Feeling fatigued, we say, "To heck with calorie counting!"
and down a quart of ice cream or a massive plate of spaghetti.
It's important to recognize fatigue in yourself when it occurs. Learn to
recognize how it feels when you're emotionally drained or intellectually
overstimulated. Once you can label these feelings as fatigue, you won't be as
likely to confuse them with hunger.
Second, remember that when you're tired, rest will make you feel better.
Overeating will not. Food may give you a temporary surge in blood sugar that is
reminiscent of feeling rested, but the key word is that the respite is
temporary. What's more, an eating binge can lead to sluggish, tired feelings the
next day as your body tries to break down the high levels of sugar, fat, and
carbohydrates from the binge foods. Rest, regular exercise, and the mind/body
methods described in later chapters (The
Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome) are the best ways to combat
feelings of fatigue. Food only makes things worse!
3. Depression.
When life looks gray and gloomy, most Emotion Eaters start to think of
ways to feel better, and their solution to depression usually involves food.
People who eat when they're depressed often turn to dairy products such as ice
cream (particularly chocolate) and cheese. As precisely as a well-trained
pharmacist, but intuitively, the overeater picks food that alleviates
depression. After all, the chemical makeup of dairy products has a neurological
effect similar to antidepressant medications.
Depression occurs for a number of reasons. It can be traced to:
- Holding in anger
- A loss, such as losing a job, getting a divorce, selling a house,
becoming ill, or losing loved ones (including pets).
- Physical exhaustion or poor nutrition. This type of depression readily
responds to rest and a healthful diet.
- "Kicking yourself" and focusing on real or imagined negative
characteristics in yourself. Try to keep your attention focused on your
positive qualities, and remember that everyone makes mistakes. Forgive
yourself!
- Feeling like a helpless victim and seeing the future as hopeless.
You're not a victim, and the future will be as pleasant or as painful as you
set out to make it! You really do create your own life.
4. Loneliness.
Those who eat out of loneliness usually must push themselves to meet new
people, even when the prospect seems frightening. Some of the easiest ways to
get out and become active with others involve engaging in some sort of organized
group activity, such as joining a volleyball team or a mastermind group,
enrolling in any sort of class, or becoming a member of a charitable
organization.
5. Insecurity / Inadequacy.
When I started working in the counseling field, I felt inadequate a great
deal of the time. I worked in a large inpatient alcoholism hospital, and we were
terribly understaffed. There was always a crisis of some sort with a patient or
staff member, and there wasn't much that any of us
counselors could do to keep the atmosphere positive. There was a pervasive air
of gloom and despair hanging over us. And always, at the end of the day, I was
left with the feeling that I just hadn't done enough to help the alcoholics and
drug addicts in our facility. I'd feel empty and at a loss, and I'd want to eat
as a result. Long-term experience as a counselor and my spiritual background
eventually helped me to change my perspective.
As you may know, feeling "not good enough" is an empty sensation. The
insecurity and inadequacy that come with self-doubt can feel like a big, black
empty hole right in the middle of your gut. It feels uneasy. It doesn't feel
good. I think that these feelings are among the toughest to contend with because
most of us don't even want to admit we're experiencing them. I know that, at
times, I used to believe that I was the only person in the world who felt
inadequate. And I used to be afraid that merely admitting these feelings -- even
to myself -- might make it true that I was inadequate. So I hid the feelings
from myself and others and tried to fill the empty hole with food.
Inadequacy is a very normal feeling! Everyone, including Ph.D.'s, M.D.'s,
rich folks, and other successful and famous people, wrestles with self-doubt and
feels like a failure at times. Problems arise when Emotion Eaters try to ignore
or cover up the sense of inadequacy with food, instead of taking steps (such as
returning to college, asking for a raise, praying, etc.) to minimize the basis
for the feeling.
6. Guilt.
Eating, of course, doesn't resolve a guilt-producing situation. Besides
taking steps to solve the problem, the realization that you are not completely
responsible for others and that you truly can't control anyone else's actions or
feelings can also free you of unnecessary guilt. This doesn't mean that you have
to be thoughtless, just that you can let go of the erroneous notion that you're
responsible for the happiness of those around you. No one person is that
powerful! Give others credit for the direction they choose to take in their
lives.
7. Jealousy.
Many "jealousy eaters" I've treated tend to compare themselves unfavorably
to others in a process I call "comparing your insides with other people's
outsides." This happens whenever you look at other people who appear to be so
together, happy, and confident, and compare this with how you feel on the
inside. You may become jealous if you assume someone else's life is much better
than your own because on the outside he or she appears happier than you do.
Remember that outside appearances can be deceiving, and that to other people,
you, too, probably appear to have it all together.
8. Happiness.
"Happy" overeaters seem to turn to food for two reasons. The first is that
when things are going well, they feel very, very good and they want to binge on
good feelings.
Because the "happy overeater" enjoys food, she wants to eat as much as
possible in order to fill up on these positive emotions. She sees happiness as a
limited resource that will run out quickly and needs to be gobbled up before it
disappears. It helps if she frequently affirms the unlimited abundance of
happiness, since joy is our true and natural state of being:
"Happiness gushes forth from the center of my being, bringing waves of
joy throughout my mind, body, and soul, and bringing happiness to everyone who
sees, talks with, or thinks of me."
Second, people with low self-esteem often feel that they don't deserve
happiness or success. So, as soon as aspects of their lives -- such as weight
loss -- start to turn out right, they unconsciously start to sabotage their own
success.
Happiness, if you've never had much of it, can seem scary because of its
novelty. Even though it seems illogical to wish unhappiness on yourself, some
people are uncomfortable with anything but morose, depressing days. They almost
need a problem or crisis in their life to give them a sense of purpose.
If you're a "happy" overeater, it's important to remember that it really
is okay to be happy and experience success! Affirm often:
"My happiness is God's will for me. Happiness is my birthright, and my
joy heals many lives."
In addition, the joy won't disappear or be yanked out of your hands, so
relax and let go of any "lack mentality" that tells you that happiness is a
finite resource. And most importantly, don't overeat because of your happiness.
9. Anxiety / Nervousness.
Anxiety and nervousness lead to a particular type of overeating -- the
"picking" variety. This style of eating disguises the amount of food one is
eating because only a tiny amount is being consumed, bit by bit. But since the
eating is continual, large amounts of food are eaten before the Yo-Yo Syndrome
dieter even realizes what has happened. As if in a blackout or trance, the
overeater seeks pacification from anxiety through food.
Those who overeat due to anxiety and nervousness use food to relax, so
they need to find alternative methods to unwind.
10. Disappointment / Hurt.
Similarly, people often overeat in the face of disappointment. Perhaps a
friend lets you down or betrays you. Maybe you didn't get that raise or
promotion at work. Or perhaps you feel let down every time you don't win the
state lottery. Regardless of its source, disappointment can make you feel alone
and hopeless about the future. It can make you lose interest in yourself, and
make you not care what you weigh or what your body looks like. When you don't
care, it's hard to stay away from food.
11. Emptiness/Hollowness.
I believe that we all have a drive or ambition to do certain things with
our lives, and that we owe it to ourselves to try to fulfill those desires. We
may not always succeed, but it's very important to at least try. Until we take
steps toward our dreams and goals, an upsetting sense of uneasiness lives inside
of us. The goal could be anything from getting a high school diploma to
graduating from medical school, writing that novel or volunteering at that
convalescent hospital. Whatever your personal dream, go seize it! Break the big
goal into smaller, more accessible goals, and then take one small step today to
bring yourself closer to the life you want to lead. You'll be glad you did.
12. Grief.
To discern whether unfinished grief could be at the heart of your Yo-Yo
Diet Syndrome, ask yourself if thoughts about your losses bring about any of the
following feelings:
-
A heavy or pressured feeling in your chest
-
Tears in your eyes
-
The desire to think about something else right
away
-
Anger, resentment, or depression
If any of these feelings relate to you, you probably have some unfinished
grief work to complete. Though not a pleasant task, spending some time focusing
your thoughts on the pain of your loss (with a therapist, through prayerful
meditation, or by journal writing) could be the key to releasing you from your
desire to overeat.
13. Procrastination.
Eating is, if nothing else, a very good timewaster. It makes a wonderful
excuse for putting off performing an unpleasant task.
Do you ever use food as an excuse to avoid doing some dreaded task? Do you
use food to avoid making that phone call or writing that letter? To avoid doing
a boring and mundane chore? To avoid completing a complicated or difficult task?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you've probably already
recognized the futility of eating in order to procrastinate. No matter how much
food you eat, the task will still remain on your "to do" list. By eating before
you tackle the chore, you only make things worse. It makes you feel out of
control, fat, sloppy, and angry at yourself for eating. And you still have to
face the dreaded situation.
Doesn't it make more sense, instead, to get the task over with (maybe even
figuring out a way to enjoy it, too), delegate the task to someone else, or
decide that you don't really need to do the chore after all?
14. Fear.
Fear often triggers nervous behavior, especially continual snacking.
Fear is the root of guilt, insecurity, and other fattening feelings.
Although fear can feel like a giant foe, it actually has more bark than bite.
15. Boredom.
Like people who eat out of procrastination, "boredom bingers" can fill up
days, hours, months, and years a bite at a time. They're often anxious about
having unstructured time and are constantly searching for something to do. They
feel guilty if they're not engaged in some activity, and eating fits their
definition of "activity."
If this description reminds you of yourself, it's important to come to
terms with your underlying issues. Why isn't it okay to just do nothing once in
a while? Do you always have to be productive to feel good about yourself? Are
you trying to please someone or get their approval by staying busy? What other
activity would you rather be engaged in besides eating?
Why aren't you doing that other activity now? What steps can you take
right now that will fill your life with meaning, purpose, and fun?
16. Embarrassment.
Overeating due to embarrassment or self-consciousness occurs because of
unrealistic expectations that you should never be noticed or be the topic of
conversation. There is a tendency to take any remark as criticism, as well as a
belief that other people's negative opinions about your behavior is true. Then,
if you do make a mistake -- a social blunder or a business error, for instance
-- you feel as if the world's going to fall apart.
Another article on Emotional Eating.
 This
article was excerpted from The Yo-Yo Diet
Syndrome, ?1997, by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher,
Hay House Inc.,
www.hayhouse.com
Info/Order
this book.
About The
Author
Dr.
Doreen Virtue has written several books, among them:
I'd Change My Life if I Had More Time;
Constant Craving;
Losing Your Pounds of Pain; and
The Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome. Dr. Virtue is a frequent guest on such
talk shows such as Oprah, Geraldo, and Sally Jessy Raph'l. Her articles
have appeared in dozens of popular magazines and she is a contributing
editor for Complete Woman. Her website is
www.angeltherapy.com.
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