Common Excuses for
Not Setting Goals
by Dawn Groves
When people don't set goals, they usually have good excuses. I'll
discuss some of the most common excuses and offer a spiritual
perspective on each.
I Can't Pick a Goal
Some lucky folks have only one aspiration weighing on their
minds, making it easy to choose a goal. Others can't seem to focus on
anything specific. They're either overwhelmed with possibilities or
they're indecisive and nothing stands out. In either case, there are
many ways to get around it. Try any of the following suggestions:
• Choose a goal that's easy to meet. Build your confidence by starting small.
• Work on organization first. That is, pick a goal that provides a
foundation for your efforts: clearing your desk, organizing your files,
updating your software, cleaning out your closet. It's much easier to
start an important project when your world is more orderly.
• Pick something that involves another person. Working as a team is a great way to keep up your motivation and energy.
• Divide goals into two groups: complicated and simple. Pick one from the "simple" side.
• Which goal do you instinctively turn away from? Perhaps tackling
the most challenging goal first is the best way to wake up your energy.
• Write some goals on little pieces of paper and stick them to a
dartboard, then throw a dart at them. Voila! Your goal is selected!
• Try something off the wall. Take up aikido or decide to grow
vegetables in your yard. A new project can be revitalizing and will
generate energy for the other goals on your list. This is because
energy and momentum empower you. Their positive effects are felt
throughout your world, not just in one area.
• Have your best friend choose a goal for you. Often, friends can see things you can't.
Enlist your friend as a goal buddy to help define your direction and support you when you feel like giving up.
THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE: Relax. It doesn't matter which goal you
choose. All actions foster awakening — the real purpose of your
existence. If you're feeling particularly burdened by the decision
process, ask for comfort and direction during prayer time. Then get
started on something — anything — and listen for your guidance to come
through action, not idleness.
I'm Not Motivated
Most people expect to ride motivation like they might surf a
wave. They hang back, biding their time, assuming that the perfect curl
will suddenly appear and carry them easily. They say things like: "I'll
start that project when I feel motivated," "I'm just not ready, I
guess," or "It's not the right time yet."
The problem is that motivation is unpredictable; it waxes and wanes
with your circumstances and emotions. For example, if you sprain your
back, fear can motivate you to take up yoga. If your check bounces,
embarrassment can motivate you to balance your checkbook. Events are as
unpredictable as the incentive they generate. Don't wait. Enthusiasm
and motivation build up faster and more reliably when you take action
first.
THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE: Emotional states are interesting,
powerful, and compelling, but they should not be the only fuel you use
to generate action. When you center yourself in Being, you become open
to the infinite source of energy that never runs dry. That source
doesn't rely on emotion or circumstances, and its foundation is
generosity of spirit. From this vantage point, you take action because
it is your divine nature to do so.
I Don't Follow Through
Think about how upset you would feel if your best friend told you
that you were no longer trustworthy. You'd need to have a long honest
talk, then make it a priority to follow through with your promises.
Well, you also have a trust relationship with yourself. When self-trust
is weak, you don't believe in your own ability to follow through with
commitments. You resist meaningful projects. If you do try something
big, your stress load will shoot way up and you won't be able to
tolerate the burden. You'll give up.
Fortunately, trust in yourself is something you can rebuild. First,
you must release the vision of yourself as untrustworthy. This is more
difficult than it first appears because unreliability has a payoff --
someone else does the hard stuff, and you get to take it easy. But
doing hard stuff builds self-confidence and self-respect; it crafts
your character. Hard projects are typically more interesting and
satisfying to complete. If you don't take on hard stuff like
maintaining relationships, staying healthy, or meeting career goals,
you become boring and colorless. You never dance on your growing edge.
You stagnate.
Second, you must forgive yourself for your past bad behavior.
Continued blame and self-hatred will undermine your efforts. Guilt and
blame don't change the past. The best way to make up for past wrongs is
by making better choices. Remember, energy follows thought. If your
dominant thinking remains self-destructive, it will be hard to change
your behavior — and this is the kind of "hard" you'd be smart to avoid.
Consider attempting a project that you feel reasonably sure you can
complete successfully. Lost trust is like muscle tone; it can be
regained, but you have to start small and build it up over time.
THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE: Belief in yourself can always be
rekindled. Every moment is an opportunity to live up to new standards
of accountability. Every decision is a fresh chance to take the high
road. When you meditate or pray, fill yourself with an image of
self-forgiveness. This could be a feminine energy such as Kuan-yin or
Mother Mary, a teacher such as Jesus or Buddha, or even a simple warm
light. Dotti Coon, proprietor of the busy website "Dotti's Weight Loss
Zone" (www.dottisweightlosszone.com) knows all about the importance of
beginning again. Her motto: "One day at a time, no guilt, and move on."
I'm Afraid of Failing
Everyone is afraid of failing. Some of us are afraid from the
get-go, others are afraid of failing after we succeed (that's called
fear of success). Even though we understand that successful ventures
almost always follow several past failures, emotionally we still sec
failure as final — no second chance. It's almost a primitive fear.
We'll do anything to avoid failing, even if it means never getting
started.
Failure is nothing more than feedback; it's information. When you
fail, you learn something. Next time, you'll have more data and a
better chance at success. Of course, this is only so much intellectual
mumbo jumbo until you put it into practice. Here are a few suggestions:
• Reframe failure as a positive experience. Failure means
that you did something, you took a chance, you had courage, you didn't
play it safe. As the saying goes, when you hit a speed bump, at least
you know you're moving.
• Remember that failure is relative. I may feel bad because I
failed to catch a fish, but the fish feels pretty successful. Even my
most spectacular failures (oh, there were some good ones!) produced
positive results somewhere down the road. Every failure contains the
seeds of victory.
• Rehearse success. Determine which problems you're most
likely to encounter and practice handling them successfully. Rehearsal
is a standard stress-reduction technique used by speakers, athletes,
and actors. Try practicing some of my favorite responses, such as, "So
what?" "Who cares?" "Big deal." "Oh, well." "Go figure."
THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE: Everything fits inside God — even
experiences like failure. All experiences have value. This perspective
doesn't excuse bad behavior or discount negative events, but it does
provide a context for handling them. When you make the decision to
find a positive outcome, something wonderful can happen in the unseen.
I'm Too Old, Young, Disabled, Tired .. .
Some excuses masquerade as good reasons. For example, fifty years
ago being physically disabled would have been a good excuse to avoid
competitive sports. But today people with disabilities are encouraged
to participate in many forms of physical activity. We even have the
Paralympics, in which elite disabled athletes are judged by their
achievements, not their limitations.
People allow all kinds of limitations to keep them from living
large. They become what writer Spalding Gray calls "vicarians," living
through others because they believe they can't do it themselves. Don't
settle for being a vicarian. Life is too wonderful to limit. Tailor
your goal to fit your capabilities. Start with small tasks, then
gently, slowly, reach beyond your comfort zone. Find your edge and inch
past it. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish — and at the fun
you'll have.
THE SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE: See yourself as a whole spiritual being,
regardless of how limited you may feel. When you center yourself in a
quiet frame of mind and consciously align yourself with infinite
possibility, you'll find the courage to touch the edges of what can be.
Because energy follows thought, your first small step toward a goal
helps you take more and more steps in the same direction. You can go
much farther than you think.
This article was excerpted from:
 Stress Reduction for Busy People: Finding Peace in an Anxious World
by Dawn Groves.
Reprinted with permission of the publisher, New World Library. ©2004. www.newworldlibrary.com
Info/Order this book
About the Author
Dawn Groves is a minister, author, and educator who clearly addresses
the challenges of people attempting to combine professional
achievement, spiritual growth, and a balanced lifestyle. She teaches
workshops and classes for the government, private industry, community
colleges, and spiritual centers throughout the United States and
Canada. She is the author of Meditation for Busy People, Massage for Busy People, and Yoga for Busy People . For information about Dawn's lectures, workshops, classes, and tapes, please visit her website: www.dawngroves.com
| Comments () >> |
 |
 |
